As Sarah's condition maintains the status quo (at least as of yesterday - she is still sleeping, so I don't know what today looks like) I find myself wondering what kind of deals with the devil I will have to make over the course of her childhood and lifetime to keep her healthy and happy. A woman sought me out on Facebook, and invited me to join a closed group she created that is solely for those of us living the pediatric MS nightmare. Her message couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I was able to see pictures of those around the world who have children/teenagers living with MS.It was a blessing for Sarah to see happy smiling faces of others like her. She was particularly drawn to two beautiful girls - one her age, and one a teenager, and I knew she felt better seeing others who are struggling with this disease as well. After posting our story, and putting a little piece in there about how Sarah's neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic wanted to start her on Avonex and my desire to avoid drugs right now, I received a message from a woman whose child had a similar battle as Sarah's. She informed me that the only thing that stopped the relapses from happening over and over again was the inclusion of an Interferon drug into her daughter's life. I was grateful that the woman reached out to me, but so sad at the same time. I know that just because that worked for her daughter doesn't mean that this is what Sarah will need to do to stay (or even go) into remission because each case of MS is so unique, but I do know that if this is indeed the route we will need to eventually make then I will be making a deal with the devil. I will be doing so because in order to keep her eyesight I will be damaging another part of her body (most likely her liver). Drugs like Interferon's don't come without a price, and unfortunately liver issues are on the of costs of this one. I don't know if I can live with that, but I also know that I have no choice. I am not ready yet to begin her on these drugs, and she isn't either, but I don't know how long I have to put it off. Because of the nature of MS I will be making decisions like this one for the next 10 years of her life, and then she will be legally of age to begin making them on her own, and will continue to do so for the rest of her life (or until a cure is found).
Since Sarah's diagnosis I have tried to educate myself with as much information as I needed to know to help her get better, but I never really dove into the places that I did not need to go because I knew that I did not have the mental capacity to handle those destinations. Being on this Facebook group has forced me a bit to go there as I see stories of parents whose children have faced loss of bowels, muscle spasms, loss of speech, loss of memory, and the list goes on and on. This very well could be Sarah's story some day. I try so hard not to go there, but I think that I need to acquaint myself with those avenues of what this disease looks like because if Sarah's journey should take her down those roads and I am unprepared for them it will kill me.
So, I find myself making all sorts of deals telling the Universe that I will not try to expand my own family if it will allow her the ability to have her own children when the day comes and she is ready. That she is not wheelchair bound or have relapsed so much that making her have children becomes a near impossibility. Or asking the devil to please give me this disease too, so that she doesn't have to feel so alone in this world. That I will sell my soul in order for her to stop feeling like she doesn't want to have ever been born because this disease separates her from all of the other "normal" kids that she knows.
For a while, after her third stint in the hospital this summer, I was able to forget about MS for a while. I mean, it was always there still, but I was able to get it out of the forefront of my mind. I was able to pretend for a couple of weeks that all was well, and that everything was back to the way it was before her diagnosis. Soccer was beginning again and we were preparing for school - all regular things that we live year after year - normal things if you will. When her symptoms deteriorated a bit a few days ago, my world came crumbling down because I realized that those moments of being normal were not real. That what is real is that everyday is like waking up in a nightmare. A nightmare in which the rest of the world moves on and on with their lives, and in which ours, and more importantly Sarah's, is altered forever. I would give anything to have back all of those pre-diagnosis years.
I wonder now if my whole life being Sarah's mother is going to be filled with robbing Paul to pay Peter. It breaks my heart into a million little pieces to think that this is the way that it is. I know that in time, I will figure this out, and that I will regain the fight of a lioness, but for right now I am just so very sad, and am ready to make any deal with the devil that I have to in order to help Sarah.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Our First Week of School
Our first week of school was immensely successful. All of the kids really worked hard to get through their subjects. Elizabeth is whizzing through her stuff because our district implemented an all day kindergarten last year, and she was able to learn an awful lot more than she would have had she gone only half days. I have noticed several deficiencies in Andy's academic knowledge. He has no idea how to read or write in cursive and he also struggles with division. Josh also struggles with division which makes me wonder if the way that our district teaches division is really helping the kids learn it. Sarah is doing really well. Her handwriting is not as good as it usually is, but I know that this is because of her vision problems.
Friday's are going to be lighter than the rest of the week as we will use the time for testing, quizzing, and spending extra time reviewing those concepts that the kids struggled with during the week. The kids definitely needed some time to get used to doing school work, and I think that transitioning from summer mode to school mode was more difficult because they are at home now learning instead of down the road. All subjects are up and running with exception of the boys grammar which should arrive in the mail today. We began science this week, but I am not really into the style that we have chosen (neither is Josh). I am going to streamline science with the girls science, but have the boys go into more depth than the girls will. Since the girls will be spending the first portion of the school year learning about animals (classes, characteristics, etc...) I am going to have the boys do so as well. Then we will move into the human body, followed by plant life for the end of the school year. Since the weather should be cool enough for us to take Sarah out I am looking forward to spending Friday afternoons hiking and going on nature walks to research and observe some of what we will be learning about during the week.
I really love the method of home schooling that I chose. I know that some home schooling families get nervous when they think that someone is providing too much information or is too open with their home schooling technique, but I feel that I have nothing to hide. I also feel that if more people (who did not home school) could see what it is that we, who home school, actually do it would help to bridge any misconceptions and make people less leery of us. I also think that being so open will help keep me accountable. It is so easy to let a day slip by and not to do school work, and then a day becomes 10, and then you are behind. That is my take on it anyway. I know that there are many beliefs on this topic, and I can see other's point of view as well.
On a side note - Sarah's vision today is a 5 (on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the best and 10 being the worst). Sarah said that when her vision gets to be a 7 it will be time to go to the hospital. Let's keep our fingers crossed that we don't get to that point.
(I just realized that I packed away the cord that allows me to upload pictures, so there won't be any pictures from our home for a bit. Not until we sell our house, buy a new one, and then unpack all of our belongings into the new house. If the cord is not too expensive I am tempted to just go and buy a new one because it will take me forever to find the box with the electronics in it.)
Friday's are going to be lighter than the rest of the week as we will use the time for testing, quizzing, and spending extra time reviewing those concepts that the kids struggled with during the week. The kids definitely needed some time to get used to doing school work, and I think that transitioning from summer mode to school mode was more difficult because they are at home now learning instead of down the road. All subjects are up and running with exception of the boys grammar which should arrive in the mail today. We began science this week, but I am not really into the style that we have chosen (neither is Josh). I am going to streamline science with the girls science, but have the boys go into more depth than the girls will. Since the girls will be spending the first portion of the school year learning about animals (classes, characteristics, etc...) I am going to have the boys do so as well. Then we will move into the human body, followed by plant life for the end of the school year. Since the weather should be cool enough for us to take Sarah out I am looking forward to spending Friday afternoons hiking and going on nature walks to research and observe some of what we will be learning about during the week.
I really love the method of home schooling that I chose. I know that some home schooling families get nervous when they think that someone is providing too much information or is too open with their home schooling technique, but I feel that I have nothing to hide. I also feel that if more people (who did not home school) could see what it is that we, who home school, actually do it would help to bridge any misconceptions and make people less leery of us. I also think that being so open will help keep me accountable. It is so easy to let a day slip by and not to do school work, and then a day becomes 10, and then you are behind. That is my take on it anyway. I know that there are many beliefs on this topic, and I can see other's point of view as well.
On a side note - Sarah's vision today is a 5 (on a scale of 1-10. 1 being the best and 10 being the worst). Sarah said that when her vision gets to be a 7 it will be time to go to the hospital. Let's keep our fingers crossed that we don't get to that point.
(I just realized that I packed away the cord that allows me to upload pictures, so there won't be any pictures from our home for a bit. Not until we sell our house, buy a new one, and then unpack all of our belongings into the new house. If the cord is not too expensive I am tempted to just go and buy a new one because it will take me forever to find the box with the electronics in it.)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
An Update on Sarah
**Update: Sarah is still home today. Her eyes are still bad, but are manageable. We are going to take things on a day by day basis. Sarah feels certain that she will inevitably end up in the hospital one of these days because her symptoms are the same as they always have been prior to hospitalization - blurry vision & black dots in both eyes. We did her school work today (she wanted to make sure that I would bring her school work to the hospital because she does not want to get behind. I am so, so, so, glad that I chose to home school her this year. I could not imagine having to go through all of this while she was in mainstream school.), and she has been relaxing by playing with her sister and brothers. Family has been notified of the situation and as always they are on stand by should we need them in the next couple of days.
Thank you to everyone for reaching out to us. I appreciate your thoughts and love. I will keep you all posted.**
My heart hurts in a way that is indescribable. Sarah is not doing well again. I should have seen the signs when they were happening, but I dismissed them all with silly explanations to myself as to why this was something other than a relapse.
Three nights ago, Sarah was crying in bed. When I asked her what was wrong she talked about how she did not want to go back to the hospital. She said that she wished that she did not have MS. I didn't think too much about it other than her needing to vent, but in the back of my mind I did think that it was odd that she would bring up such topics since I thought she was doing so much better. The hospital was very far from my mind at this point in our lives.. So, I sat and listened to her talk and rubbed her back. Eventually she fell asleep. Monday morning I woke her up at 8 am to begin her school work, and she did not look right. Her eyes were a little bit glazed over, and she had that stare that she gets when she cannot see. But I knew that she was tired, and we have discovered that when she is tired her vision does get more blurry, but then corrects itself over the course of several hours or a day. When she sat down to do her lesson with me she put her head down on the table, and started sobbing because she couldn't see what she was doing. I had her lay her head down for a bit, and she told me that she felt better after a while. We completed her lessons, and the day continued on as normal. Two nights ago, she did the same thing. This time though, she told me that she wished that she had never been born because she hates having MS so much, and she is afraid all of the time that she is going to lose vision in her eyes. Again, I rubbed her back and listened to her talk. I should have picked up the fact that something was amiss because she was talking about MS so much again, but I didn't. Like a fool, I pushed aside the icky feeling in my belly that something was not right. I asked Sarah over the course of the day how she felt. She always told me that she felt better, not 100%, but better. (And by 100% - I mean her new 100%. We are fairly certain she will never have the vision she once did.) After soccer practice last night she came home and complained that her eyes were really bothering her. I attributed it to her having a coach that likes to make the girls run a lot, and the fact that it was hot out. I had her take a shower, and we hung out in her room which has air conditioning. As I was putting her to bed last night, she started to cry once again, but this time she confessed that she has been keeping her vision problems from Bob and I for the last few days because she did not want us to take her to the hospital. She said that her vision is starting to go bad like it did all of the other times when she was hospitalized. She said that it was getting bad enough that it was starting to scare her, but she felt torn. She did not want to lose her vision, but she also did not want to go back on the steroids because then she could not play soccer or do other normal kid things while on them. She was sad because she does not want to go to the hospital for 5 days again. She wants to be home with her family. She wants to be able to sleep in her bed every night. So, Bob came home from work early last night, so that we could formulate a game plan with Sarah. We decided to not take her to the hospital last night, but rather to wait and see how she feels today. I know that heat, stress, and being tired are all triggers of MS symptoms and usually those go away on their own over the course of several hours or a day. She has had issues like this in the past on and off, and her vision does indeed get better. Maybe, just maybe, she is having such trouble because the weather turned hot here in this part of Ohio, she just started soccer a couple of weeks ago, and she is getting back into the school routine. Honestly, though, I am not counting on it. This disease has not been kind to her - why would it start to be now? She took her last steroid treatment on July 27th. If this is a true relapse (and I am sorry to say that I think it is) then her symptoms came back on August 25th. The God forsaken disease could not give her a damn month of peace.
The rage inside me is simmering. The fury of this is incredible. The anger is bubbling up from my toes, past my stomach, and into my throat where it is just sitting waiting patiently to come out. I can feel it there biding its time. Waiting for the perfect moment to seep out of me.
I am worried now because we have been told repeatedly by doctors that the first two years from the time of the initial onset of MS are critical in determining which type of MS she has, and how severe it will be. We have been repeatedly told that because Sarah is a child she will fare much better than an adult with MS over the next 15 - 20 years - that she should be able to go years and years without a flare up.I repeatedly wanted to throw up in my mouth at these statements because that has not been our case, and I want to yell at the doctors that Sarah is not everyone! She is a unique human being unto herself, and I am tired of hearing generalities. I want someone to tell me about her story and her disease. But no one can because no one knows her story yet, and they know very little about her disease in the scope of things. I hope that there is as much research going on to find the CURE as there is in coming up with new treatments. I also hope that pharmaceutical companies aren't going to use their power to delay finding a cure, so that more and more people will need to rely on their medicine. I don't hear much about what scientists are doing to find a cure, but I do hear about the latest medicine coming down the pike to help deal with the symptoms. FIND A CURE!!!!!!
I believe that our family was given this life because we can handle it together. Because we are strong. Doesn't the Universe realize that even the strong have breaking points!!!??? That even the strong feel weak when pushed, and pushed, and pushed??? I do not know how much more of this that I can take. Life was getting back to normal. Sarah is playing soccer. Girl Scouts should be beginning soon. She really wants to dance at my sister's studio (I know that I am completely breaking my 1 thing a season rule.) She was going on play dates with friends, and having fun again. She was feeling better, and losing her steroid weight which bothered her so much.
I will keep you updated as I can. I think it is safe to assume that if you don't hear from me for a couple of days it is because we are at the hospital. (Akron Children's is Sarah's first pick).
Thank you to everyone for reaching out to us. I appreciate your thoughts and love. I will keep you all posted.**
My heart hurts in a way that is indescribable. Sarah is not doing well again. I should have seen the signs when they were happening, but I dismissed them all with silly explanations to myself as to why this was something other than a relapse.
Three nights ago, Sarah was crying in bed. When I asked her what was wrong she talked about how she did not want to go back to the hospital. She said that she wished that she did not have MS. I didn't think too much about it other than her needing to vent, but in the back of my mind I did think that it was odd that she would bring up such topics since I thought she was doing so much better. The hospital was very far from my mind at this point in our lives.. So, I sat and listened to her talk and rubbed her back. Eventually she fell asleep. Monday morning I woke her up at 8 am to begin her school work, and she did not look right. Her eyes were a little bit glazed over, and she had that stare that she gets when she cannot see. But I knew that she was tired, and we have discovered that when she is tired her vision does get more blurry, but then corrects itself over the course of several hours or a day. When she sat down to do her lesson with me she put her head down on the table, and started sobbing because she couldn't see what she was doing. I had her lay her head down for a bit, and she told me that she felt better after a while. We completed her lessons, and the day continued on as normal. Two nights ago, she did the same thing. This time though, she told me that she wished that she had never been born because she hates having MS so much, and she is afraid all of the time that she is going to lose vision in her eyes. Again, I rubbed her back and listened to her talk. I should have picked up the fact that something was amiss because she was talking about MS so much again, but I didn't. Like a fool, I pushed aside the icky feeling in my belly that something was not right. I asked Sarah over the course of the day how she felt. She always told me that she felt better, not 100%, but better. (And by 100% - I mean her new 100%. We are fairly certain she will never have the vision she once did.) After soccer practice last night she came home and complained that her eyes were really bothering her. I attributed it to her having a coach that likes to make the girls run a lot, and the fact that it was hot out. I had her take a shower, and we hung out in her room which has air conditioning. As I was putting her to bed last night, she started to cry once again, but this time she confessed that she has been keeping her vision problems from Bob and I for the last few days because she did not want us to take her to the hospital. She said that her vision is starting to go bad like it did all of the other times when she was hospitalized. She said that it was getting bad enough that it was starting to scare her, but she felt torn. She did not want to lose her vision, but she also did not want to go back on the steroids because then she could not play soccer or do other normal kid things while on them. She was sad because she does not want to go to the hospital for 5 days again. She wants to be home with her family. She wants to be able to sleep in her bed every night. So, Bob came home from work early last night, so that we could formulate a game plan with Sarah. We decided to not take her to the hospital last night, but rather to wait and see how she feels today. I know that heat, stress, and being tired are all triggers of MS symptoms and usually those go away on their own over the course of several hours or a day. She has had issues like this in the past on and off, and her vision does indeed get better. Maybe, just maybe, she is having such trouble because the weather turned hot here in this part of Ohio, she just started soccer a couple of weeks ago, and she is getting back into the school routine. Honestly, though, I am not counting on it. This disease has not been kind to her - why would it start to be now? She took her last steroid treatment on July 27th. If this is a true relapse (and I am sorry to say that I think it is) then her symptoms came back on August 25th. The God forsaken disease could not give her a damn month of peace.
The rage inside me is simmering. The fury of this is incredible. The anger is bubbling up from my toes, past my stomach, and into my throat where it is just sitting waiting patiently to come out. I can feel it there biding its time. Waiting for the perfect moment to seep out of me.
I am worried now because we have been told repeatedly by doctors that the first two years from the time of the initial onset of MS are critical in determining which type of MS she has, and how severe it will be. We have been repeatedly told that because Sarah is a child she will fare much better than an adult with MS over the next 15 - 20 years - that she should be able to go years and years without a flare up.I repeatedly wanted to throw up in my mouth at these statements because that has not been our case, and I want to yell at the doctors that Sarah is not everyone! She is a unique human being unto herself, and I am tired of hearing generalities. I want someone to tell me about her story and her disease. But no one can because no one knows her story yet, and they know very little about her disease in the scope of things. I hope that there is as much research going on to find the CURE as there is in coming up with new treatments. I also hope that pharmaceutical companies aren't going to use their power to delay finding a cure, so that more and more people will need to rely on their medicine. I don't hear much about what scientists are doing to find a cure, but I do hear about the latest medicine coming down the pike to help deal with the symptoms. FIND A CURE!!!!!!
I believe that our family was given this life because we can handle it together. Because we are strong. Doesn't the Universe realize that even the strong have breaking points!!!??? That even the strong feel weak when pushed, and pushed, and pushed??? I do not know how much more of this that I can take. Life was getting back to normal. Sarah is playing soccer. Girl Scouts should be beginning soon. She really wants to dance at my sister's studio (I know that I am completely breaking my 1 thing a season rule.) She was going on play dates with friends, and having fun again. She was feeling better, and losing her steroid weight which bothered her so much.
I will keep you updated as I can. I think it is safe to assume that if you don't hear from me for a couple of days it is because we are at the hospital. (Akron Children's is Sarah's first pick).
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Our 1st Day of School
School went fabulous yesterday. I got the kids up early (well, early for them lately) at 8 am. I fed them a breakfast of pancakes and orange juice. I had them do a couple of their most important chores (like feed the dog, etc...), get dressed, brush their teeth, and then we were off! They took just a couple of short breaks throughout the day, and completed all of their school work in the early afternoon. I think they were all surprised at the amount of work that they were responsible for completing, and I wonder if some of them didn't think that this whole home schooling thing was going to be an extension of summer break minus the friends. Ha! I told them that it would take them a bit of time to adjust to getting into the school routine, but that after a while it will become old habit. The kids really like Latin - I did too. It was fun to listen to the CD that came along with the curriculum that walked us through the pronunciation of our first 5 vocabulary words. The boys grammar has not arrived yet, so that was the only topic of theirs that we did not get to. I ended up switching last minute because the curriculum that I had originally selected was very, very Christian and I honestly did not want to bring something overtly religious into my home. The girls, especially Sarah, did a wonderful job with their assignments. She was a little disappointed that we did not have an official recess yesterday, so if the rain holds off today I think I will walk the kids over to the local park for 30 minutes after lunch so that they can get some time to recharge. Josh struggled a bit because his friends were talking about who was in who's class yesterday at soccer practice, but I know that this is just a passing phase. He was the most eager to home school, but I knew that he would struggle in the beginning because he would feel like he is missing out on something in "regular school". As time goes on, I know that he will not second guess his decision to stay home. Plus, I told everyone that we are only committed to this 1 year at a time. Now that everyone has tried home schooling we will review where everyone stands on a year by year basis (that doesn't change how I feel about anything, but in order for the kids to not resent home schooling it is important to me that they have a choice each year.)
The day was definitely a success - everyone (including me) was pooped by the end of the night. I am really looking forward to the days ahead.
The day was definitely a success - everyone (including me) was pooped by the end of the night. I am really looking forward to the days ahead.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Endings & Beginnings
Tomorrow is the first day of school for my kids and also for those who go to the local public school which means that summer (in kid terms) is officially over. Tonight is our first school night, and I am super excited.
Fall has always been my New Year. The back to school feel has always seemed like the fresh start that January 1st is supposed to bring to my heart, but never seems to. Fall is my favorite season. I love the changing of the leaves, the cool nights, the sunny breezy days, the new school supplies, the return of the NFL season. I love new beginnings, or should I say - I love the opportunity of new beginnings, and the back to school feeling definitely gives me the feeling of starting anew.
I am so happy that I have my kids home with me, and I am very much looking forward to their first day of school tomorrow. I cherish the certainty of being able to slow down the pace of our lives. My heart is full and optimistic of all things to come, and I hope that this year is even better than I can even imagine it to be.
As with all things, the beginning of something new (the school year) brings the end of something old (the summer). It was quite a summer to be sure. It started with Sarah in the hospital not once, but twice. It slowly got a bit better as the weeks passed, and we all began to breathe a bit easier as she began to show signs of going into remission. It was filled with trips here and there, and fun memories with good friends. It ended with us packing up our home to put on the market in the next couple of weeks.
On the house note - the roofers are coming on Tuesday to put in a new roof, and the carpet company should be installing our carpeting either the end of this week or sometime the following week. Bob hopes to have the house on the market by September 5th. Except for a few personal items each room in the house is packed up. We have left some of the living furniture in that room, but other than that most of the furniture has been packed up too. All of the bedrooms are packed up as is the office. The only real thing left out is our schooling things. I am amazed at how well we are functioning on so little. Makes me realize how almost all of the items in our home that I feel are essential - really aren't. It is kind of freeing, and makes me wonder how much of this stuff we actually need in our new home.
I look forward to new routines that Fall inevitably brings, and I hope that this upcoming year is everything that we all could wish for and more.
Fall has always been my New Year. The back to school feel has always seemed like the fresh start that January 1st is supposed to bring to my heart, but never seems to. Fall is my favorite season. I love the changing of the leaves, the cool nights, the sunny breezy days, the new school supplies, the return of the NFL season. I love new beginnings, or should I say - I love the opportunity of new beginnings, and the back to school feeling definitely gives me the feeling of starting anew.
I am so happy that I have my kids home with me, and I am very much looking forward to their first day of school tomorrow. I cherish the certainty of being able to slow down the pace of our lives. My heart is full and optimistic of all things to come, and I hope that this year is even better than I can even imagine it to be.
As with all things, the beginning of something new (the school year) brings the end of something old (the summer). It was quite a summer to be sure. It started with Sarah in the hospital not once, but twice. It slowly got a bit better as the weeks passed, and we all began to breathe a bit easier as she began to show signs of going into remission. It was filled with trips here and there, and fun memories with good friends. It ended with us packing up our home to put on the market in the next couple of weeks.
On the house note - the roofers are coming on Tuesday to put in a new roof, and the carpet company should be installing our carpeting either the end of this week or sometime the following week. Bob hopes to have the house on the market by September 5th. Except for a few personal items each room in the house is packed up. We have left some of the living furniture in that room, but other than that most of the furniture has been packed up too. All of the bedrooms are packed up as is the office. The only real thing left out is our schooling things. I am amazed at how well we are functioning on so little. Makes me realize how almost all of the items in our home that I feel are essential - really aren't. It is kind of freeing, and makes me wonder how much of this stuff we actually need in our new home.
I look forward to new routines that Fall inevitably brings, and I hope that this upcoming year is everything that we all could wish for and more.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Household Cleaners
Back in the day, before it was cool to do so, (and I am happy it is cool now) I decided to give up commercial cleaning products for more natural ones. It was so hard to give up some of them. (Liquid Mr. Clean in the lavender scent was my hands down favorite.) I had been trained for years and years by commercials and by watching what family and friends used in their homes what clean should smell like. I bought into all of the propaganda so easily and I faithfully bought the cleaning products that I loved. Comet, Soft Scrub, Mr. Clean, Windex were my go to peeps when I needed to feel that my home was spic and span. But one day, after really taking a look at the back of one of those bottles, I started to wonder how clean my home could really be if there were all of these warning labels telling me not to breath in, swallow, get in my eyes, or get in contact with my skin all of these products I so diligently used year after year? Even more startling was the fact that my kids would be coming into these products even more so as they picked items off of the floor and put them into their mouths and licked the counters (yes, that has happened in our home). To me being clean didn't mean trading in one potentially deadly situation (salmonella for example) for another (being poisoned).
After much research I decided that I could make my own cleaning products, and still get my house clean without having to worry about the chemicals I am spreading in my home. A while after I started making my own stuff I cam across a book that is now my absolute go to book when I am looking for a cleaning recipe. It is wonderfully written, easy to understand, and stocked with lots of recipes that can be used in a multitude of situations. It is called, "Little House in the Suburbs - Backyard Farming and Home Skills for Self-Sufficient Living", by Deanna Casewell and Daisy Siskin. I highly recommend this book - it is available at the Cuyahoga Falls Library which is how I first ran into it. I then purchased a copy for my own home because I loved the recipes so much.
One of my most favorite recipe is an all purpose cleaner that I use everywhere.
Tough Multi-Purpose Cleaner
2 Tablespoons vinegar
1 teaspoon borax
2 cups hot water
2 Tablespoons to 1/4 cup of castille soap (depending on how dirty your area is)
10-15 drops of essential oil
I bought some empty plastic spray bottles from BJ's and labeled them with the type of cleaner it is (all purpose, wood, window, etc...), and then mix the recipe in the bottle. Voila! Recipe made and ready to go, and you have a MUCH healthier cleaning product (and MUCH cheaper too!).
Obviously, if you are just making the switch away from commercial cleaners to home made one the task can be a bit daunting (it was for me anyway). I wasn't sure where to go for some of the products. Castille Soap comes in both a bar soap form and a liquid one. It can be bought online or in most health food stores. You can buy it scented or unscented the preference is yours. Borax can be bought in most grocery stores, Walmart, Target, etc...Essential oils I have found either online or again, in health food stores. A word of caution on essential oils - there are pure essential oils our there and knock off essential oils. Make sure you read the labels of what you are buying there are synthetic essential oils and real essential oils. You want to try and stick with the real oils. Do your research before buying.
Monday, August 19, 2013
The Busy Days Ahead
School is just around the corner. Our school books arrived today, and the nervous ball of ,"What am I doing home schooling my children?!!", subsided right then and there. Looking at all of the subjects my kids and I are going to tackle I realized that I made the best decision for us all in bringing them home. Are there going to be days down the road where I fantasize about 6 hours of alone time on a Wednesday when my kids should be in regular school? Absolutely. But in seeing the stacks and stacks of new (and gently used) books I knew with a certainty that can only be felt deep within that bringing them home was the right thing to do for us. It will take us a bit to juggle everything. We will have to try and try again when it comes to figuring out which subjects to do in which order, and what works best at what time of the day, but we will get it eventually. I am so grateful that I had the guts to do something that everyone but me was so uncertain about. That I had the wherewithal to know deep inside what was right for my family right now, and to fight for that. I am proud of the battles I faced, both externally and internally, and I am proud that I did not give up the fight even when I wanted to cower and send them back because it was what others wanted me to do. Growing is good. It is sometimes super, duper hard, but it is good.
With school comes sports and girl scouts, and now dance too. All 4 kids are playing soccer, and because of a recently signed budget bill in Ohio my kids are allowed to play sports for their local school even if they are home schooled. This means that Andy is officially on the middle school soccer team. It also means that Andy gets to have the same coach as Josh as the school hired a new middle school soccer coach. Yeah for us!!! I love Josh's soccer coach, and I know that Andy will thrive under him. Josh will be playing (sorry, Andy, Sarah, and Elizabeth) on my most favorite soccer team again this fall, and I feel that this will be one of the last seasons it will be this same group of boys. I will cherish every game. Elizabeth moved up to the U8 division this season, and is going to have her hands full. She is now playing with only girls which I like (sorry, A.L. - I know how you disagree), and is also playing on a bigger field. She is a pretty good player, so I am excited to see her develop as the season goes on. She will also begin ballet classes at the dance studio my sister owns. Not quite sure how that will go, but we'll see...
As for Sarah - Bob and I got to watch her play soccer this past Saturday. It was very special for us because just 6 weeks ago she was in the Cleveland Clinic, and I wasn't sure she was going to be able to play soccer again. I was happy to see her out on the field. You don't really realize how amazing simple things in life are until they are taken away from you. This is how I felt watching Sarah play soccer. Life is different now for us - it will always be different, but watching her play made me realize that it will still be amazing. Sarah has also decided to stick Girl Scouts out another year. She is not sure that it is right for her, but wanted to take another stab at it before giving it up. She is also going to start taking ballet lessons at my sisters studio. She took lessons there before several years ago, and was (from what my sister said) a very talented ballerina - she just never really took to it. She decided she wanted to try it again, so here we are.
Fall is my favorite time of year. The 'Katy-Did's' are out in their full glory at night. The weather cools. In Ohio (knock on wood) September and October bring beautiful days. Football begins. Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth - my long lost friends - come to visit once a week. If all goes well we will be in a new home too. Life is good right now. The busy fall days ahead will be filled with things we love, and for that I am grateful.
With school comes sports and girl scouts, and now dance too. All 4 kids are playing soccer, and because of a recently signed budget bill in Ohio my kids are allowed to play sports for their local school even if they are home schooled. This means that Andy is officially on the middle school soccer team. It also means that Andy gets to have the same coach as Josh as the school hired a new middle school soccer coach. Yeah for us!!! I love Josh's soccer coach, and I know that Andy will thrive under him. Josh will be playing (sorry, Andy, Sarah, and Elizabeth) on my most favorite soccer team again this fall, and I feel that this will be one of the last seasons it will be this same group of boys. I will cherish every game. Elizabeth moved up to the U8 division this season, and is going to have her hands full. She is now playing with only girls which I like (sorry, A.L. - I know how you disagree), and is also playing on a bigger field. She is a pretty good player, so I am excited to see her develop as the season goes on. She will also begin ballet classes at the dance studio my sister owns. Not quite sure how that will go, but we'll see...
As for Sarah - Bob and I got to watch her play soccer this past Saturday. It was very special for us because just 6 weeks ago she was in the Cleveland Clinic, and I wasn't sure she was going to be able to play soccer again. I was happy to see her out on the field. You don't really realize how amazing simple things in life are until they are taken away from you. This is how I felt watching Sarah play soccer. Life is different now for us - it will always be different, but watching her play made me realize that it will still be amazing. Sarah has also decided to stick Girl Scouts out another year. She is not sure that it is right for her, but wanted to take another stab at it before giving it up. She is also going to start taking ballet lessons at my sisters studio. She took lessons there before several years ago, and was (from what my sister said) a very talented ballerina - she just never really took to it. She decided she wanted to try it again, so here we are.
Fall is my favorite time of year. The 'Katy-Did's' are out in their full glory at night. The weather cools. In Ohio (knock on wood) September and October bring beautiful days. Football begins. Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth - my long lost friends - come to visit once a week. If all goes well we will be in a new home too. Life is good right now. The busy fall days ahead will be filled with things we love, and for that I am grateful.
Friday, August 16, 2013
On the Eve of Elizabeth's Birthday
Dear Elizabeth,
Tomorrow you will be 7 years old, and I cannot believe that my baby is 7. You were born at 8:21 am, and I remember lying awake the night before your birth wondering what your delivery would be like. You moved and squirmed around so much that night I should have known that was a warning that you would be my mover and shaker, but alas ignorance is bliss sometimes.
You definitely keep me on my toes. You have caused me to have more gray hair in my 7 years of mothering you than I care to admit, and have been the subject of more "A Day in the Life As Elizabeth's Mother" stories than I ever thought was possible. But I also know that your headstrong ways will serve you well as an adult. I won't ever have to worry about you following the crowd, and I know that you will do exactly what you please no matter what anyone else says. These parts of you will serve you well as a teenager, and then later into adulthood. For now, we will walk the fine line of you doing exactly what you want while just pushing me to the point of insanity, and then stepping back to keep me from really going over the edge.
You are so smart and beautiful and kind it takes my breath away. You have grown taller and no longer look like a little girl, but rather like a young lady. I was watching you the other day without you knowing, and your beauty caught me off guard. It has been a while - too long actually - since I last took the time to watch you from afar and to witness you not as my daughter, but as the person you are in your own right. It was nice to see you as you are, and I watched as you played in the sandbox with such contentment and joy on your face. You were lost in your own world as you so often are, and I wondered what was going on in that busy mind of yours.
I love that you love playing with matchbox cars, barbies, and babies. I love that you are passionate, loyal, and hardworking. I love that you are tough as nails, and could easily take down most kids your age, and probably your sisters age as well.
I hope that this year is a good year for you. I hope that you have fun and learn a lot - not in the academic sense (although with me being your teacher I do hope that you learn a lot academically), but in every part of living. I hope that you maintain your spunk because even though it keeps me on my toes it is the best part of you.
I love being your mama. I love you more than you know, and I am sorry if I am not always good at showing it. I will work on that this year. Happy Birthday my sweet girl.
Love always and forever,
Mommy
Tomorrow you will be 7 years old, and I cannot believe that my baby is 7. You were born at 8:21 am, and I remember lying awake the night before your birth wondering what your delivery would be like. You moved and squirmed around so much that night I should have known that was a warning that you would be my mover and shaker, but alas ignorance is bliss sometimes.
You definitely keep me on my toes. You have caused me to have more gray hair in my 7 years of mothering you than I care to admit, and have been the subject of more "A Day in the Life As Elizabeth's Mother" stories than I ever thought was possible. But I also know that your headstrong ways will serve you well as an adult. I won't ever have to worry about you following the crowd, and I know that you will do exactly what you please no matter what anyone else says. These parts of you will serve you well as a teenager, and then later into adulthood. For now, we will walk the fine line of you doing exactly what you want while just pushing me to the point of insanity, and then stepping back to keep me from really going over the edge.
I love that you love playing with matchbox cars, barbies, and babies. I love that you are passionate, loyal, and hardworking. I love that you are tough as nails, and could easily take down most kids your age, and probably your sisters age as well.
I hope that this year is a good year for you. I hope that you have fun and learn a lot - not in the academic sense (although with me being your teacher I do hope that you learn a lot academically), but in every part of living. I hope that you maintain your spunk because even though it keeps me on my toes it is the best part of you.
I love being your mama. I love you more than you know, and I am sorry if I am not always good at showing it. I will work on that this year. Happy Birthday my sweet girl.
Love always and forever,
Mommy
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Promises Made
When I was a teenager I promised myself that when I had children I would allow them to grow up with the kids that they started kindergarten with. I promised myself that I would not ever move them outside of the city that they began their lives in in order to give them strong ties and roots to the kids that they formed friendships with. This was important to me because I moved around several times during my schooling years the last time being right before the start of 7th grade. It was hard for me to adjust to new schools and new people, and I vowed that I would not put my children through the same thing. I did not want them to ever know the discomfort of having to start over, and now here I sit possibly about to embark with them on the journey to a new community that I promised myself I would never ask them to make.
I lie awake last night in my bed thinking about those promises that I made to my yet unborn children all those years ago, and I wonder if I I am crazy person for even thinking of moving outside of this community. And then my ever practical husband will point out something obvious, such as the fact that I am home schooling my 4 kids this year, so how are they going to go to school and grow with their peers from kindergarten through high school if my kids aren't even in the school system? Point made.
Josh has grown particularly close with two of his soccer buddies this summer. One of them has been his best friend for as long as I can remember, and the other has always been a good friend, but now seems to have become his second wing man. I cannot imagine not seeing those boys around my neighborhood. Andy seems to have taken to both boys as well, and they graciously have allowed Andy to join their pod which I appreciate immensely even if he is only a periphery group member. I love their families dearly, and think that they are the kind of families that you could very easily spend years building memories with if we could somehow manage to make this small house work.
It's definitely a bitter sweet moment. I packed our first boxes last night, and it felt both good and weird. The carpet company is coming today to measure our carpeted rooms, and schedule installation of the new carpeting. Things are moving along as they always do in life. I am just not sure I can stomach the potential changes right now.
P.S. The house that we fell in love with, and would like to put a bid on if it is still for sale when we sell this house is: 856 Dogwood Trail, Medina
I lie awake last night in my bed thinking about those promises that I made to my yet unborn children all those years ago, and I wonder if I I am crazy person for even thinking of moving outside of this community. And then my ever practical husband will point out something obvious, such as the fact that I am home schooling my 4 kids this year, so how are they going to go to school and grow with their peers from kindergarten through high school if my kids aren't even in the school system? Point made.
Josh has grown particularly close with two of his soccer buddies this summer. One of them has been his best friend for as long as I can remember, and the other has always been a good friend, but now seems to have become his second wing man. I cannot imagine not seeing those boys around my neighborhood. Andy seems to have taken to both boys as well, and they graciously have allowed Andy to join their pod which I appreciate immensely even if he is only a periphery group member. I love their families dearly, and think that they are the kind of families that you could very easily spend years building memories with if we could somehow manage to make this small house work.
It's definitely a bitter sweet moment. I packed our first boxes last night, and it felt both good and weird. The carpet company is coming today to measure our carpeted rooms, and schedule installation of the new carpeting. Things are moving along as they always do in life. I am just not sure I can stomach the potential changes right now.
P.S. The house that we fell in love with, and would like to put a bid on if it is still for sale when we sell this house is: 856 Dogwood Trail, Medina
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Bringing Them ALL Home
Yep - you read that right. We have decided to bring all of the kids home - and you know what? Sarah is actually excited to be home schooled. I almost fell off of my chair when she told me today that she thinks home schooling will be fun, and she would like to give it a try.
I received the sweetest email from the girls principal. It made my day. I was having a bit of a rough one, and happened to check my email in the early evening. There sat a simple, straight forward, but very kind email from the girls principal asking if the rumor was indeed true that I was bringing my girls home. I responded in kind and let her know that yes, I am bringing them both home, and that so many of her staff will be missed by our family. Me bringing my kids home has nothing to do with the lower elementary grades. All of those that I encountered were kind and loving woman (and a man) who poured their hearts into their jobs. Me bringing my kids home has nothing to do with them, and I hope they realize that. The girls school (and at one time the boys school too) was such a blessing in so many ways for quite a number of years. It helped the kids grow, and it helped me grow as well. It allowed me to gain confidence in my ability to teach my children. Their time there also allowed me to see just how flawed the system is that educates our children, and how it is only getting worse. It showed me how these teachers have their hands tied behind their backs as they struggle to make due with new and harder requirements that the government mandates as necessary. So, to that I say, 'No, thank you'. I will choose to educate them at home where my 7th grade son can receive the extra help he needs in grammar and spelling, and my 6th grade son can move faster in math than allowed in a regular classroom setting. My perfectionist daughter will only have to worry about mastering content that will give her the tools to learn instead of cramming content into her mind not to learn it, but to just get an 'A' on the assignment. And my youngest squirmy daughter will be able to learn sitting down or standing up or squatting or any which way she pleases. She will be able to take breaks when she needs to, and can take all of the time she needs to learn a new concept. There will be no state or government testing for them this year. Nothing to learn only to forget the day after the big test. No, instead they will be learning about things that they will carry with them for a long time.
I will be ordering the rest of their books tomorrow, and I am so excited. I am scared as hell about this new chapter in our lives, but I am so ready for it. This step feels so right for our family. I cannot imagine it any other way right now. I will be sure to share our journey with you. There will be a learning curve for us both, and an adventure all the way.
I received the sweetest email from the girls principal. It made my day. I was having a bit of a rough one, and happened to check my email in the early evening. There sat a simple, straight forward, but very kind email from the girls principal asking if the rumor was indeed true that I was bringing my girls home. I responded in kind and let her know that yes, I am bringing them both home, and that so many of her staff will be missed by our family. Me bringing my kids home has nothing to do with the lower elementary grades. All of those that I encountered were kind and loving woman (and a man) who poured their hearts into their jobs. Me bringing my kids home has nothing to do with them, and I hope they realize that. The girls school (and at one time the boys school too) was such a blessing in so many ways for quite a number of years. It helped the kids grow, and it helped me grow as well. It allowed me to gain confidence in my ability to teach my children. Their time there also allowed me to see just how flawed the system is that educates our children, and how it is only getting worse. It showed me how these teachers have their hands tied behind their backs as they struggle to make due with new and harder requirements that the government mandates as necessary. So, to that I say, 'No, thank you'. I will choose to educate them at home where my 7th grade son can receive the extra help he needs in grammar and spelling, and my 6th grade son can move faster in math than allowed in a regular classroom setting. My perfectionist daughter will only have to worry about mastering content that will give her the tools to learn instead of cramming content into her mind not to learn it, but to just get an 'A' on the assignment. And my youngest squirmy daughter will be able to learn sitting down or standing up or squatting or any which way she pleases. She will be able to take breaks when she needs to, and can take all of the time she needs to learn a new concept. There will be no state or government testing for them this year. Nothing to learn only to forget the day after the big test. No, instead they will be learning about things that they will carry with them for a long time.
I will be ordering the rest of their books tomorrow, and I am so excited. I am scared as hell about this new chapter in our lives, but I am so ready for it. This step feels so right for our family. I cannot imagine it any other way right now. I will be sure to share our journey with you. There will be a learning curve for us both, and an adventure all the way.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Catching Up...
There is quite a lot going on here as usual, but some of the things happening are kind of a big deal to our family. We have (finally) decided to put our house on the market. We have been living in approximately 1100 square feet for the past 10 years, and we are busting out at the seems. We have been sharing 1 bathroom for that whole time period as well and we are all tired of trying to pee, and having someone knock on the door saying that they have to use the restroom, so hurry up.
I am quite nervous about moving. We looked at two houses this past weekend that were about 40 minutes away from here, and fell in love with one of the homes. It has been on the market for a bit, so we are hoping that we can get our home on the market within the next 2-3 weeks, sell our home, and then make a bid on the home we saw. If that home has already sold by the time we are able to put a bid on it then we will just look for another home. There is definitely something that I loved about that house - 5 bedrooms (all on the same floor), 2.5 baths, basement, living room, dining room, family room, fire place, front porch, fenced in backyard, etc... - but I am also a big believer that a house does not make a home. If we found this home I am confident that we can find another one that we will love just as much, but man, oh, man that house is really calling to me. If it is meant to be it will be, right?
All of the kids seem to be on board with us moving. I am worried about moving the boys, especially Josh, because he has a couple of buddies that he (and I) really, really like. I love their families, and have known them both for the last 6 years or so. It will break my heart a bit if we find a home outside of our community, and Josh (and Andy now as he has the same soccer coach as Josh) will have to find a new soccer team to play on. One favorite things in this whole world is Josh's soccer team. The kids on that team have played together for a really, really long time, and I really enjoy watching them on the field all together. It will make my heart sad if he doesn't play on that team anymore, and it will make my heart really sad if we have to pull him from the team in the middle of this season. That being said, I do feel that times are changing. I began to feel that way last spring and maybe even last fall. The boys are all getting older now, and they are getting more involved in different sports. Some of the boys will choose to focus on their other sports as time goes on and will end up quitting the soccer team to do so. The boys are also developing other interests outside of soccer that is pulling them away from one another. They are all good boys, but as they age some of their friendships with each other are solidifying and some of them are going by the wayside. Theses changes are to be expected after all, but I still find myself begging with Father Time to allow me just another season of the way it used to be.
The new carpeting should be installed in about 3 weeks, and the new roof will be on the house in about the same time as well. On the advice of our agent, we are going to clear out our home of almost all of our belongings. We will be keeping our school books here, some clothes, and sleeping bags. No TV, no beds, no toys (each of the kids will be able to keep their favorite toy with them), nothing. We will be moving all of our furniture out to either a storage facility or a friends home who lives down the road. We will be camping in our own home which we plan on turning into an adventure. Hopefully, our home won't be on the market for too long because I definitely think that our camping fun will wear off after the first month or two. Once again, what is meant to be will be. Only time will tell.
*********************************************************************************
On the home schooling front, I am leaning towards bringing the girls home too. I still haven't made a final decision although with school starting two weeks from today I better decide something pronto, but I want to talk to them one more time about it. I've thought A LOT about bringing them home, and the pro's and con's of doing both. One thing that I did decide is that Sarah (and Elizabeth) should get a say in whether or not I keep them home, but they should have more of a say once they have tried both school settings. If I had home schooled Sarah in the past, and she really did not like it then I would be more inclined to send her to our local public school. Another thing that I thought about was the fact that because I am an adult I have gained the ability (or disability depending on how you look at it) of not living in the moment as much as child, and to be able to see beyond the immediate future. Sarah, as a young child, has not gained the ability to see beyond the first few weeks of school when the newness of it has worn off, and she no longer wants to go. I know my child well enough to know that this is how it will play out, and she has even told me that she only wants to go back go back to school to eat lunch, go to recess, and buy new school supplies. Socializing her is very important to me, more so than the other kids because of the fact that she has MS, and I don't want her to have to deal with depression that is so prevalent in pediatric MS patients. BUT she is involved in Girl Scouts, soccer, and now dance, so I KNOW that she will be "social" in the way that she needs to be, plus her best friend lives right down the road (for now anyway), and we will be involved in home school groups where she will get to meet and be with other kids during the week.
*********************************************************************************
I do believe that Sarah is in remission (knock on wood). While her left eye is still not 100% the blurriness is down to just 2 spots in that eye which is the best it has been since May 18th. Her right eye, she says, is very good. There have been no new episodes since she last came off of her steroids, so I think that the steroid/IVIG combination did the trick. It makes my heart happy that she gets a break (hopefully a long one) from the affects of this disease. I would definitely say that she is a different person now after having gone through all that she has. The sparkle in her eye is hard to find, and seems to be replaced by the worry of an older soul. I hope that as time goes on and she remains symptom free she will regain some of her childlike sparkle. Once again, as the theme of life goes, only time will tell.
I am quite nervous about moving. We looked at two houses this past weekend that were about 40 minutes away from here, and fell in love with one of the homes. It has been on the market for a bit, so we are hoping that we can get our home on the market within the next 2-3 weeks, sell our home, and then make a bid on the home we saw. If that home has already sold by the time we are able to put a bid on it then we will just look for another home. There is definitely something that I loved about that house - 5 bedrooms (all on the same floor), 2.5 baths, basement, living room, dining room, family room, fire place, front porch, fenced in backyard, etc... - but I am also a big believer that a house does not make a home. If we found this home I am confident that we can find another one that we will love just as much, but man, oh, man that house is really calling to me. If it is meant to be it will be, right?
All of the kids seem to be on board with us moving. I am worried about moving the boys, especially Josh, because he has a couple of buddies that he (and I) really, really like. I love their families, and have known them both for the last 6 years or so. It will break my heart a bit if we find a home outside of our community, and Josh (and Andy now as he has the same soccer coach as Josh) will have to find a new soccer team to play on. One favorite things in this whole world is Josh's soccer team. The kids on that team have played together for a really, really long time, and I really enjoy watching them on the field all together. It will make my heart sad if he doesn't play on that team anymore, and it will make my heart really sad if we have to pull him from the team in the middle of this season. That being said, I do feel that times are changing. I began to feel that way last spring and maybe even last fall. The boys are all getting older now, and they are getting more involved in different sports. Some of the boys will choose to focus on their other sports as time goes on and will end up quitting the soccer team to do so. The boys are also developing other interests outside of soccer that is pulling them away from one another. They are all good boys, but as they age some of their friendships with each other are solidifying and some of them are going by the wayside. Theses changes are to be expected after all, but I still find myself begging with Father Time to allow me just another season of the way it used to be.
The new carpeting should be installed in about 3 weeks, and the new roof will be on the house in about the same time as well. On the advice of our agent, we are going to clear out our home of almost all of our belongings. We will be keeping our school books here, some clothes, and sleeping bags. No TV, no beds, no toys (each of the kids will be able to keep their favorite toy with them), nothing. We will be moving all of our furniture out to either a storage facility or a friends home who lives down the road. We will be camping in our own home which we plan on turning into an adventure. Hopefully, our home won't be on the market for too long because I definitely think that our camping fun will wear off after the first month or two. Once again, what is meant to be will be. Only time will tell.
*********************************************************************************
On the home schooling front, I am leaning towards bringing the girls home too. I still haven't made a final decision although with school starting two weeks from today I better decide something pronto, but I want to talk to them one more time about it. I've thought A LOT about bringing them home, and the pro's and con's of doing both. One thing that I did decide is that Sarah (and Elizabeth) should get a say in whether or not I keep them home, but they should have more of a say once they have tried both school settings. If I had home schooled Sarah in the past, and she really did not like it then I would be more inclined to send her to our local public school. Another thing that I thought about was the fact that because I am an adult I have gained the ability (or disability depending on how you look at it) of not living in the moment as much as child, and to be able to see beyond the immediate future. Sarah, as a young child, has not gained the ability to see beyond the first few weeks of school when the newness of it has worn off, and she no longer wants to go. I know my child well enough to know that this is how it will play out, and she has even told me that she only wants to go back go back to school to eat lunch, go to recess, and buy new school supplies. Socializing her is very important to me, more so than the other kids because of the fact that she has MS, and I don't want her to have to deal with depression that is so prevalent in pediatric MS patients. BUT she is involved in Girl Scouts, soccer, and now dance, so I KNOW that she will be "social" in the way that she needs to be, plus her best friend lives right down the road (for now anyway), and we will be involved in home school groups where she will get to meet and be with other kids during the week.
*********************************************************************************
I do believe that Sarah is in remission (knock on wood). While her left eye is still not 100% the blurriness is down to just 2 spots in that eye which is the best it has been since May 18th. Her right eye, she says, is very good. There have been no new episodes since she last came off of her steroids, so I think that the steroid/IVIG combination did the trick. It makes my heart happy that she gets a break (hopefully a long one) from the affects of this disease. I would definitely say that she is a different person now after having gone through all that she has. The sparkle in her eye is hard to find, and seems to be replaced by the worry of an older soul. I hope that as time goes on and she remains symptom free she will regain some of her childlike sparkle. Once again, as the theme of life goes, only time will tell.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
New Beginnings
Do you notice anything different about my blog?
I am pretty excited about some of the changes that have already happened and those that will
hopefully happen in the future.
I am excited about a lot of things right now, and I cannot wait to share them all with you.
It has been a long hard road, and I know that
although the road will get hard again at some point I am going to enjoy the momentary
smooth sailing. I hope you will enjoy it with me.
Thank you for reading this blog, and for allowing this mama to spread her wings.
For so long I have felt like a caterpillar - hidden in my cocoon.
It is time to be the butterfly I was meant to be - to spread my wings and show off my radiant colors.
It is time to soar to new heights.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Curriculum & Books
There are many, many types of homeschooling styles, and so when I first gave homeschooling again some serious thought I looked into a bunch of different ways to educate my children. I wanted to be able to give them a quality education where they learned the process of using their brains to form logical (to them) conclusions. I didn't want them to just learn stuff to pass a test, so that the government could grade my community's public school system based on an arbitrary pass/fail number and then either pat the school on the back for a job well done, or kick them in the butt for failing to make the grade. That, to me, is not learning at all. I want my kids to learn how to find information, process that information, and then make their own assessment and opinion based on that information. I want them to know the difference between a primary resource and a secondary resource, and I want them to be able to carefully comb through the information they are receiving to see how accurate it is. All too often we believe things because we want to believe so badly that the person (or company) giving us this information is looking out for our own best interest - that is often just not the case. I don't want my kids to grow up easily bamboozled - I want them to be critical thinkers.
With the aforementioned goals in mind I settled on a type of homeschooling called 'classical education'. It is a very rigorous course of study that is very parent involved in terms of preparation and presentation of the material. I won't be giving my child a workbook, and then telling them to go and complete 4 pages of grammar on their own. Nope, not going to happen in this household. Classical education focuses on what I like to call old school education - I often call myself an old school parent because we are so not mainstream - that it shouldn't have surprised me that I was most drawn to this type of educating/learning - but it did. This program is very writing intensive which some may argue is going to become a thing of the past with technology. Technology, as far as I am concerned, can be a great learning tool, but should not, and will not be the end all be all in our home. We are becoming a society that relies on technology so much that we will follow a GPS system and turn right even though we absolutely know that our destination is to the left just because the technology says so. Our children are allowed to write their school assignments in Microsoft Word, but they no longer proof read them because the computer will do it! Yet, the computer will bypass the words 'their' and 'there' if they are spelled correctly even if they are not being used in the right context. Or, how about the fact that multiplication tables are becoming more and more obsolete as schools are allowing calculators and ipod and ipads into the elementary grades so that children can just use those to multiple 5x5. I don't want my children a part a system that glorifies technology in that way. If used properly technology is a great and wonderful tool, so I am not saying that it does not have a place in our society. I just worry about the emphasis that we are placing on the value of technology particularly in our schools.
Here is a list of the books and subject that I will be teaching/learning with the kids:
With the aforementioned goals in mind I settled on a type of homeschooling called 'classical education'. It is a very rigorous course of study that is very parent involved in terms of preparation and presentation of the material. I won't be giving my child a workbook, and then telling them to go and complete 4 pages of grammar on their own. Nope, not going to happen in this household. Classical education focuses on what I like to call old school education - I often call myself an old school parent because we are so not mainstream - that it shouldn't have surprised me that I was most drawn to this type of educating/learning - but it did. This program is very writing intensive which some may argue is going to become a thing of the past with technology. Technology, as far as I am concerned, can be a great learning tool, but should not, and will not be the end all be all in our home. We are becoming a society that relies on technology so much that we will follow a GPS system and turn right even though we absolutely know that our destination is to the left just because the technology says so. Our children are allowed to write their school assignments in Microsoft Word, but they no longer proof read them because the computer will do it! Yet, the computer will bypass the words 'their' and 'there' if they are spelled correctly even if they are not being used in the right context. Or, how about the fact that multiplication tables are becoming more and more obsolete as schools are allowing calculators and ipod and ipads into the elementary grades so that children can just use those to multiple 5x5. I don't want my children a part a system that glorifies technology in that way. If used properly technology is a great and wonderful tool, so I am not saying that it does not have a place in our society. I just worry about the emphasis that we are placing on the value of technology particularly in our schools.
Here is a list of the books and subject that I will be teaching/learning with the kids:
Math
Elizabeth: Saxon Math Grade 1
Sarah: Saxon Math Grade 3
Joshua: Saxon Math Grade 7/6
Andrew: Saxon Algebra 1/2
Science
Elizabeth: Biology*
(Main books: Dorling Kindersley's DK First Animal Encyclopedia, The Kingfisher First Human Body Encyclopedia, Green Thumbs: A Kids Activity Kit)
Sarah: Biology*
(Same as Elizabeth)
Joshua: Biology*
(Main Books: Usborne Internet Linked Science Encyclopedia, Dorling Kindersley Visual Encyclopedia of Science, Kingfisher Science Encyclopedia, Usborne Illustrated Dictionary of Science: Physics, Chemistry, Biology Facts)
Andrew: Biology*
(Creepy Crawlies and the Scientific Method, Carnivorous Creations Terrarium Kit, Smithsonian Bio Dome Habitat, Blood Typing Kit, Fingerprint Kit, Mind's Eye Optical Illusions & Human Perception, Microscope & Biology Kit)
*(All 4 kids will be learning the same subject in both science and history although their assignments will be much different as they are in such different places academically. The girls will spend 20 weeks on the animal kingdom, 10 weeks on the human body, and 6 weeks on the plant kingdom (approximately). The boys will be using the scientific method to perform experiments one a week, and then using that information to draw diagrams, write reports, etc...Each of the above labs under Andy's name last anywhere between 1 - 16 weeks. The kids will also be required to go to the library with me once a week to pick up additional materials on the topic they are learning that week and independently read for an hour each day. We will be doing this all together to ensure that everyone is reading.)
Reading
Elizabeth: The Ordinary Guide to Teaching Reading
(This is more for me than for Elizabeth. She is in the beginning reading stages now, and I would like to move her along. I am most nervous about this because I epically failed at teaching my boys to read when I home schooled them before - although working full time 3rd shift could not have something to do with that.)
Spelling
Elizabeth: Modern Curriculum Press Spelling Workout A & B
Sarah: Spelling Workout C & D
Joshua: Spelling Workout F
Andrew: Spelling Workout F*
*(I am starting Andy out below grade level in almost all "language arts" subjects because he struggles so much with the subject.)
Grammar
Elizabeth: First Language Lessons 1
Sarah: First Language Lessons 3
Joshua: Rod & Staff English - Progressing with Courage
Andrew: same as Josh
Writing
Elizabeth: Level 1 - The Complete Writer
Sarah: Level 3 - The Complete Writer
Joshua: Rod & Staff - Progressing with Courage*
Andrew: same as Josh*
*(Progressing with Courage is a grammar and writing program which is why the boys are using the same book for both subjects).
Latin
Sarah: Memoria Press Prima Latina
Joshua: Same
Andrew: Same
*(Latin begins in the 3rd grade which is why Elizabeth was not included in this list).
Logic
Joshua: The Art of Argument -Classical Academic Pres
Andrew: Same
*(Logic does not begin until the 5th grade with this program therefore Sarah and Elizabeth will not be required to begin this subject yet.)
History
Elizabeth, Sarah, Joshua, Andrew* :
The Story of the World: Ancients, Kingfisher History Encyclopedia, The Usborne Internet Linked Encyclopedia of World History
*(Again, the kids will be using primary and secondary sources to learn more about the weekly topic, and they are all learning the same topics just different difficulty levels. For example, this week we are learning about ancient Egyptian societies so they have taken out books from the library about that time period and are writing summaries based on the books they have read.)
So, there you have it. This is what my kids will be doing this school year. As you can see, they will be pretty busy, and they will be working hard.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Tough Decisions
It has been officially decided that I am going to be pulling the boys out of their government run school (a.k.a. public school), and will be teaching them at home. I am really, really excited about this, and they seem to be as well. The decision was completely theirs, and I have asked them repeatedly if they are SURE that this is the route that they want to go. I am extremely confident in the academic material they will be learning this school year, so my repeated inquiries have nothing to do with content, but everything to do with the social aspect of school. Both boys are old enough to have a majority say in some things in their lives - their schooling is one of those things. Each of them has repeatedly told me both together and separately that learning at home is the way for them. I have explained to them over and over again that it is not going to be easy. They will not be playing all day, but rather learning new material every day just like their peers. The advantage they will have though is that they will be at home where I can tailor their learning styles and learning speeds to them where at school the teaching staff does not have the luxury of being able to really cater to each child's needs.
The girls on the other hand are a bit more difficult decision. Because they are younger than the boys I have felt that they should have some say in whether or not I bring them home to learn, but less of a say than the boys. Elizabeth is very wishy washy. Some days she wants to be home schooled and some days she wants to go back to regular school. She had a very good year this past school year - much to my surprise. She really matured a lot, and appeared to be able to make some friends. While I believe that she could learn extremely well at home I am unsure that I would be able to provide the social outlets that she would get in regular school. Yes, she plays sports and if her school offers a Girl Scout program for her grade this year she would like to join that, so she would see kids on a regular basis. We would also join our old home schooling group which would allow them to interact with kids that are in their same situation, and they could meet up with them during school hours for field trips and things of that nature. But will all of that be enough for her? That is the million dollar question. I can just hear both sides of the argument in my head - homeschoolers would say that of course Elizabeth would be able to get the socialization that she needs as long as I made an effort to expose her to those situations, and in the other corner, regular schoolers would say that of course she would not get the socialization that she needs and that I should indeed send her back for that aspect alone. At the end of the day I have to do with what works best for my family regardless of what anyone else says.
Sarah, on the other hand, is going to be the most difficult to decide what to do. Honestly, she is pretty adamant about wanting to go back to school. On the one hand, my brain is telling me to let her go back because she really wants to. On the other hand, I know that after the newness of school wears off, and she has seen her friends for a bit she is going to want to come home too. I know that she will get glimpses of what the boys (and maybe Elizabeth) are doing, and it will be a battle to get her up and out of the door each morning. I don't want that struggle, and I won't pull her out in the middle of the year. If she starts the school year in public school she is finishing the school year in public school. To be honest, the elementary years (up to 4th grade anyway) don't bother me too much. Yes, I think that my kids are not getting a very good education because teachers have to teach to a test per government mandates, but I also don't think that going to public school is going to do any damage per say. Once the kids reach 5th grade though, I have seen an increase in both academic concerns as well as social concerns. If we stay in our current school district I would want to pull them out in the 5th grade anyway, and bring them home to learn (assuming that everything stays as it currently is). So, this is where I am with Sarah - do I let her go to school because it is something that she says (right now) it is what she wants to do (and let her realize for herself after a week or two that she really wants to come home to learn, but is stuck at regular school) OR do I pull her out, and let her know that if she does not like being taught at home I will let her go back next year (knowing that she will enjoy herself with the curriculum I have for her, but without her giving her a choice of where she wants to go).
I have been wresting the with decision about what to do with the girls for the last few days as I need to send in my notice of intent to the school. I go round and round in my brain over what the best decision for the girls would be - I really feel that I would like to bring them home, but would they understand that decision or would they just resent it? I guess that is what is comes down to - I don't want the girls, but particularly Sarah because she is a bit older and can understand the ramifications a bit more, to resent the decisions that I would like to make for them. I don't want them to grow up and be angry with me because they felt that I made the wrong choices for them as they grew up. I think that my hesitation with Sarah has to also do with the fact that she has Multiple Sclerosis, and I am already making medical decisions for her that she could some day grow up to resent - do I really want to add to that and make her education something that she may resent as well? Kids don't grow up and see how much weight their parents put into a decision. How much time and sweat and anguish they mulled over a decision. What they see is the decision that is made, and I want to make sure that I am making the best decision for each child, and not blindly applying a one size fits all to a decision as polarizing as home schooling. I struggle with what I feel my rights are as a parent verse what I feel my kids rights are as human beings. Do I bring them all home because I believe very strongly in home schooling my children, and because I am the parent and they are children I have the right to bring them home regardless of their thoughts? Or do I allow them their rights because they are human beings and give them the space to realize that what I believe doesn't necessarily mean that they should/will believe in the same thing? I do know that in Sarah's case - she really would love coming home to learn. What I struggle with is do I let her see that on her own by allowing her to go to school and then having her want to come home to learn after the initial excitement has waned (but keep her in the public school system anyway because that is the choice she made at the beginning of the school year) OR do I take her out now, and have her slowly see over time that bringing her home is something that she is glad I did for her?
I have no doubt in my mind that I will provide those who stay home with a solid education (I will be posting a blog in the next couple of days with the books/subjects each child will be using/learning). I know that this school year has the ability to be fantastic and amazing - I just don't know who will be participating in this amazing year, and that has me sick to my stomach right now.
The girls on the other hand are a bit more difficult decision. Because they are younger than the boys I have felt that they should have some say in whether or not I bring them home to learn, but less of a say than the boys. Elizabeth is very wishy washy. Some days she wants to be home schooled and some days she wants to go back to regular school. She had a very good year this past school year - much to my surprise. She really matured a lot, and appeared to be able to make some friends. While I believe that she could learn extremely well at home I am unsure that I would be able to provide the social outlets that she would get in regular school. Yes, she plays sports and if her school offers a Girl Scout program for her grade this year she would like to join that, so she would see kids on a regular basis. We would also join our old home schooling group which would allow them to interact with kids that are in their same situation, and they could meet up with them during school hours for field trips and things of that nature. But will all of that be enough for her? That is the million dollar question. I can just hear both sides of the argument in my head - homeschoolers would say that of course Elizabeth would be able to get the socialization that she needs as long as I made an effort to expose her to those situations, and in the other corner, regular schoolers would say that of course she would not get the socialization that she needs and that I should indeed send her back for that aspect alone. At the end of the day I have to do with what works best for my family regardless of what anyone else says.
Sarah, on the other hand, is going to be the most difficult to decide what to do. Honestly, she is pretty adamant about wanting to go back to school. On the one hand, my brain is telling me to let her go back because she really wants to. On the other hand, I know that after the newness of school wears off, and she has seen her friends for a bit she is going to want to come home too. I know that she will get glimpses of what the boys (and maybe Elizabeth) are doing, and it will be a battle to get her up and out of the door each morning. I don't want that struggle, and I won't pull her out in the middle of the year. If she starts the school year in public school she is finishing the school year in public school. To be honest, the elementary years (up to 4th grade anyway) don't bother me too much. Yes, I think that my kids are not getting a very good education because teachers have to teach to a test per government mandates, but I also don't think that going to public school is going to do any damage per say. Once the kids reach 5th grade though, I have seen an increase in both academic concerns as well as social concerns. If we stay in our current school district I would want to pull them out in the 5th grade anyway, and bring them home to learn (assuming that everything stays as it currently is). So, this is where I am with Sarah - do I let her go to school because it is something that she says (right now) it is what she wants to do (and let her realize for herself after a week or two that she really wants to come home to learn, but is stuck at regular school) OR do I pull her out, and let her know that if she does not like being taught at home I will let her go back next year (knowing that she will enjoy herself with the curriculum I have for her, but without her giving her a choice of where she wants to go).
I have been wresting the with decision about what to do with the girls for the last few days as I need to send in my notice of intent to the school. I go round and round in my brain over what the best decision for the girls would be - I really feel that I would like to bring them home, but would they understand that decision or would they just resent it? I guess that is what is comes down to - I don't want the girls, but particularly Sarah because she is a bit older and can understand the ramifications a bit more, to resent the decisions that I would like to make for them. I don't want them to grow up and be angry with me because they felt that I made the wrong choices for them as they grew up. I think that my hesitation with Sarah has to also do with the fact that she has Multiple Sclerosis, and I am already making medical decisions for her that she could some day grow up to resent - do I really want to add to that and make her education something that she may resent as well? Kids don't grow up and see how much weight their parents put into a decision. How much time and sweat and anguish they mulled over a decision. What they see is the decision that is made, and I want to make sure that I am making the best decision for each child, and not blindly applying a one size fits all to a decision as polarizing as home schooling. I struggle with what I feel my rights are as a parent verse what I feel my kids rights are as human beings. Do I bring them all home because I believe very strongly in home schooling my children, and because I am the parent and they are children I have the right to bring them home regardless of their thoughts? Or do I allow them their rights because they are human beings and give them the space to realize that what I believe doesn't necessarily mean that they should/will believe in the same thing? I do know that in Sarah's case - she really would love coming home to learn. What I struggle with is do I let her see that on her own by allowing her to go to school and then having her want to come home to learn after the initial excitement has waned (but keep her in the public school system anyway because that is the choice she made at the beginning of the school year) OR do I take her out now, and have her slowly see over time that bringing her home is something that she is glad I did for her?
I have no doubt in my mind that I will provide those who stay home with a solid education (I will be posting a blog in the next couple of days with the books/subjects each child will be using/learning). I know that this school year has the ability to be fantastic and amazing - I just don't know who will be participating in this amazing year, and that has me sick to my stomach right now.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Scenes from Pedal to the Point
What an amazing experience that was! I cannot wait to ride again next year. 30 miles, was indeed, the perfect goal. There was several times when I really had to dig pretty deep because it was hard for me to do, but I did it. I did all for Sarah. I love that girl, and it breaks my heart that she carries this disease within her. I will do it year after year for her, and I will never quit - not until a cure is found.
So much love to all of you who donated: family, friends, friends of friends, businesses. It is an utterly amazing thing that you did for my family, and I will never ever forget your acts of love.
On the trail...
Most of the members of Team Hope.
We did this all for the love we have of this little girl to the left.
So much love to all of you who donated: family, friends, friends of friends, businesses. It is an utterly amazing thing that you did for my family, and I will never ever forget your acts of love.
 |
| How true this is. Thank you for your love and support everyone!!!! |
 |
| Each of us is not the person that we were just a few months ago, but together we are all still a tightly bound family. |
 |
| Together, we can beat this. |
Self portrait while riding! : )
Me bringing up the rear.
On the trail...
Most of the members of Team Hope.
The beauty that surrounded us during the ride was awesome.
Friday, August 2, 2013
The Eve of Our First Pedal to the Point
Tomorrow is fast approaching, and before I know it 5:00 am will be here. I am both anxious and scared out of my mind. I have not put in much time on my bike since Bob and I signed up for Pedal to the Point, and I wonder if I have done that subconsciously on purpose. It's almost as if I am hoping that this 30 mile (yes, I have settled on just the 30 miles) journey will be hard for me, so that I can show Sarah that I will not give up even when the going gets tough. That if she has to endure hardships then, so too, will I. Now, don't get me wrong - biking 30 miles and living with Multiple Sclerosis are two completely different animals, and I know that. But since I don't have MS this is one of the only ways that I know of where I can show her that I am with her. That I did not give up even when I wanted to because I know that she cannot give up when she wants to.
I will think of all that Sarah has gone through in the last few months when the going gets tough. I will remember the CAT scan, the two MRI's, the EEG, the IVIG, the 3 IV steroid treatments, the countless neurological tests, the countless field of vision tests, the ophthalmology exams, the numerous IV's put into her hands and arms, the blown IV that woke her up out of a deep sleep screaming because the flushing of the line hurt her so bad, how the IV steroid treatments burned her hand.
I will think of the conversation we had last night as I put her to bed about the nightmares she has been having recently in which she goes blind, and does not regain her vision. I will think of how she told me that she is scared to wake up each morning not knowing if she will be able to see or not. How she is afraid that "her eyes will go bad" when she is sitting in her classroom at Lincoln.
When I feel like quitting the race because it is too hard, I will think of the game plan Sarah and I came up with to ease her mind about how if she does go back to school and she starts to lose her vision while in class she is to raise her hand and let her teacher know. That her teacher will then walk her down to the nurse, and the nurse will call me. How we will then head down to Akron Children's, so that they can restore her vision yet again.
I will think about how she seems to have aged so much in the 2 1/2 months since her diagnosis. How her eyebrows are furrowed with a worry that should only be carried by adults. How she lost her childhood magic, and how once that is gone it is usually never to be found again.
I will think of the countless people who donated their time or money to Sarah and our cause, and I will pedal on.
Even when it hurts, and even when I want to give up I will carry on. It is the only thing to do really. Quitting is not an option. I will take out my rage on that road, and I will pedal until my muscles burn, and the road becomes blurry as my vision is obscured by my tears. I will leave so much out on that road, but I will gain a lot in return. Hopefully, I can find another family that has a child (under 10) that has MS. Even if I do not find that family, I will be among caregivers and survivors of a horrid disease, and that in and of itself will be healing.
The kids are going to rise with us and see us off on our journey, and they will be there to greet us when we are done, and even though they will not be with us physically on the road in between they will be with us in spirit. I will carry not only Sarah with me, but Andy, Josh, and Elizabeth, too. This disease has affected us all, and together we will face it. Family first - always.
I will think of all that Sarah has gone through in the last few months when the going gets tough. I will remember the CAT scan, the two MRI's, the EEG, the IVIG, the 3 IV steroid treatments, the countless neurological tests, the countless field of vision tests, the ophthalmology exams, the numerous IV's put into her hands and arms, the blown IV that woke her up out of a deep sleep screaming because the flushing of the line hurt her so bad, how the IV steroid treatments burned her hand.
I will think of the conversation we had last night as I put her to bed about the nightmares she has been having recently in which she goes blind, and does not regain her vision. I will think of how she told me that she is scared to wake up each morning not knowing if she will be able to see or not. How she is afraid that "her eyes will go bad" when she is sitting in her classroom at Lincoln.
When I feel like quitting the race because it is too hard, I will think of the game plan Sarah and I came up with to ease her mind about how if she does go back to school and she starts to lose her vision while in class she is to raise her hand and let her teacher know. That her teacher will then walk her down to the nurse, and the nurse will call me. How we will then head down to Akron Children's, so that they can restore her vision yet again.
I will think about how she seems to have aged so much in the 2 1/2 months since her diagnosis. How her eyebrows are furrowed with a worry that should only be carried by adults. How she lost her childhood magic, and how once that is gone it is usually never to be found again.
I will think of the countless people who donated their time or money to Sarah and our cause, and I will pedal on.
Even when it hurts, and even when I want to give up I will carry on. It is the only thing to do really. Quitting is not an option. I will take out my rage on that road, and I will pedal until my muscles burn, and the road becomes blurry as my vision is obscured by my tears. I will leave so much out on that road, but I will gain a lot in return. Hopefully, I can find another family that has a child (under 10) that has MS. Even if I do not find that family, I will be among caregivers and survivors of a horrid disease, and that in and of itself will be healing.
The kids are going to rise with us and see us off on our journey, and they will be there to greet us when we are done, and even though they will not be with us physically on the road in between they will be with us in spirit. I will carry not only Sarah with me, but Andy, Josh, and Elizabeth, too. This disease has affected us all, and together we will face it. Family first - always.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)