Our 2018/2019 School Year

We have some big changes going on in our household regarding of the kids' education. I think that these changes will be good for all involved at this point in our lives. As with any change there comes some uncertainty and nervousness, but when I step back and look at what is going to be happening I feel good about most of what will be taking place.

Andy is going to still be homeschooled. He has zero desire to attend public school and I am not going to force the issue with him. For a while he did not think that he was going to go to college, but he is now reevaluating that stance as he has taken an interest in engineering. He did some research on what kind of training/higher education needed to get a job in the engineering field, and he found that the fields that he was most interested in needed at least a Bachelors Degree, but maybe even a Masters.  So, we will be working with him to get him as prepared as we possibly can for the next steps in his life while also enjoying the time we have with him this last school year of his at home. I don't know what his final plans will be beyond high school and I am okay with him still deciding. Andy has always been one to take his time with any major life move. (Heck, he was 11 days late beyond his due date, and only came out because he was forced too!)

Joshua is going back to public school for at least this year. Part of this decision is because in Indiana in order to play high school sports you have to attend at least one class at the local high school. Each district can determine if they are going to require more than the state minimum of 1 class. Our district requires full time attendance in order to be able to play sports. The other reason he is going to attend the local high school is because he just wants to try out the public school experience. He has already said that he knows three months into this he is going to hate getting up/going to school - just like every other high school kid - but he wants the experience anyway.  Believe it or not, the local school district almost didn't allow Josh to enroll in their school because he will not be eligible to receive a public school diploma and they didn't want that black mark on their record. (I guess federal funding is partially given on high school graduation rates? Josh would have been considered a non-graduate because he will not have earned enough credits by the end of his senior year to graduate with a public school diploma. He WILL be receiving a homeschool diploma which is just as good to gain admittance to most colleges and universities as a public school diploma. Anyway,  the deal I made with the local high school - with Josh's permission - was that Josh would attend their public school through fall semester of his senior year and then withdraw from their school, finish out his last semester at home as a homeschool student, and then enroll in college with a homeschool diploma. This way the public school is not going to get a black mark because Josh will have withdrawn instead of not graduated, Josh will be able to play high school soccer his junior and senior year, and he will have been able to experience "real" high school. ) Josh starts school on Tuesday, July 31st. The bus comes at 6:59 am. He is in for a RUDE awakening! He is excited and we are excited for him. It took a little while for me to come around to liking the idea, but this is what he needs, so I will brush aside my trepidation in order for him to have this experience.

Sarah will be attending the Indiana School for the Blind and Visually Impaired on a part time basis. She will still be homeschooled, but will be going up to the school for the blind for portions of the first two weeks of each month to be around other kids like her, receive mobility training, and also technology training. She will be a part of their Short Course program. She is so excited, and Bob and I are so excited for her. We took a tour of the facility yesterday, and both Bob and I told Sarah that the school looks like Hogwarts. It is beautiful.  She will be beginning her classes there on August 6th. The only drawback is that school starts at 7:45 am and it is about 45 minutes away, so she too, will be in for quite a shock when she has to get up at 6 am on ISBVI school days.

Finally, my Elizabeth is going to stay home with me for at least another year. I had asked her if she wanted to attend the public school here and she thought about it, but decided that this was not the year for her to do so. I am completely okay with that as I feel that she is not quite ready yet for middle school life. Like my Andy, Elizabeth is a sensitive beautiful soul that needs just a bit more tending to before letting her go out into the world. I am happy to have her here with me. We will reevaluate her educational needs next summer to see if being home is still the best place for her to be.

This is going to be our best year yet. Last year was by far our worst year which was why I was so hesitant to continue to homeschool the kids this year, but Andy convinced me to keep doing it, so I will. I feel better after a couple month break. All of our books have been ordered and are sitting in their respective shelves ready to go. Josh has attended orientation, gotten his school issued lap top, schedule, and is also ready to go.

Andy will be in 12th grade. Josh will be in 11th grade. Sarah will be in 8th grade. Elizabeth is going to be in 6th grade.

Subject wise the three kids who will be home will be studying:

Science
Math
History
Braille/Latin
Great Books
Logic
Language Arts

We will begin homeschooling next Tuesday and will homeschool on the days that Josh has school since Indiana law is pretty lax compared with other states, and only requires that I keep track of the number of days that I homeschool the kids.

A Picture Worth A 1000 Words

Things always work out as they are supposed to. Always. Even when I am not ready to admit it or when I don't like how things have turned out. Even things that I wish hadn't happened have a way of working themselves out to explain why they did. Sometimes for reasons known or unknown at the current moment these situations expose how this is how it is meant to be. Everything, everything always works out exactly as it was meant to. My lack of faith allows me to forget this time and time again. I worry and stress and experience sometimes extreme anxiety, and time and again it always works out. You would think I would have a little more trust in God after all of these years, but I still struggle.

 I am so thankful that I believe in a God that allows me to come to Him time and again apologizing for my lack of faith, and knowing that He will still love me, protect me, and guide me. My faith has become important to me again in a way that I haven't experienced since New Mexico. I can feel God again. While I lived in Oregon I couldn't feel God. I felt an empty space where God should have been. I saw beautiful things and met a few beautiful people, but there was something missing. Something I couldn't explain. I couldn't really feel God regularly in Ohio either. I would feel His presence sporadically, sometimes in a church balcony  or alone in the woods, but it was never consistent. When I moved to New Mexico and sat in my backyard looking out over the valley below, or sat on top of 'A' Mountain, or hiked Pine Tree Trail, or visited White Sands National Park, or Cloudcroft, or my beloved Soledad Canyon, or looked into the faces of my friends and tribe, I could see and feel God. God's presence was everywhere. And for first time in a long time, I was content and happy. I felt peace. I lived a life full of wonder and appreciation for where I was. I lived a life of gratitude. 

I could not tell you why I knew Indianapolis was where we were supposed to go. I just knew when the opportunity presented itself that this was where we needed to be. The quiet voice within shouted to me and jolted me awake that this was to be our healing place. I laugh when I think that this is where God sent us to heal. It is boring here. No mountains or oceans, no desert or lush pine forests, no exotic locations or animals. There is nothing exciting here. But maybe that it just the point. Maybe we are supposed to spend this time rebuilding our foundation - repairing the cracks - shoring up the corners to make the whole base strong again. 

I can see and feel the progress already. Slowly but surely I am gaining my footing and remembering my vision for our family. We are not the same family we once were, but no one is ever the same from year to year. We all change and grow (or wilt) depending on our experiences. Sometimes we are left with scars. Scars are proof that we made it through something very hard and painful, and are still standing. Scars are what help us to really appreciate the good times. 

  Bob is the heart of this family. He keeps this family alive. But I? I am its soul. I am what keep us living. And while a heart is needed to sustain a life. A soul is needed to live a life. I had forgotten that I am its soul until Elizabeth made me a card that had a tree with branches jutting out from the top of a strong tall trunk. On the branches were the names: Lily, Sam, Elizabeth, Sarah, Bob, Andy, Josh,  Ruby, and Charlotte. My name was not on a branch because I was the trunk. On the side of the tree were the words: "You give this family life just like this tree." From Elizabeth's perspective all of the people in our family will grow big and strong if the trunk (me) is healthy and strong. From Elizabeth's perspective I am the center, the base, the strength of this family. I am the root of life for all of the rest of the members of our family who reside within the walls of our home. That is so powerful. And carries so much weight, but it is so true. I forget truth. Like my grandfather before me, I am the soul of our family. My family cannot thrive the way it is supposed to without me. I needed to see those words and that picture from Elizabeth. I forget my worth. All of the time. I let the inner critic drown out the quiet voice within, and I begin to doubt my value and my goodness. 

This picture is worth a thousand words to me. I have always loved trees. I have always felt comfort among them. There is something about a tree that makes me feel restored, refreshed, at peace, at home. There is a truth that I find - a clarity if you will - that I receive from being in the midst of a forest. Trees don't hide. They stand tall and weather storms. They grow and spread their branches in the presence of the sun and take the pounding of a rainstorm - storing its wetness in its roots to be used to grow.  It's leaves whisper the stories of a thousand different tales. A tree will give all she has for her offspring ensuring that they can grow big and strong enough to weather a thousand storms and tell a thousand tales themselves. A tree will join her roots with those around her to protect not only herself, but those she loves from breaking during the really hard times that life sometimes offers. I love trees so much when I am brave enough I plan on getting a tattoo of one. Their significance to me is huge, so it touched me deeply that my daughter should compare me to a tree - to remind me that to my family I am the tree of life. I am the tree of their lives.  The significance of her words have taken hold of me. I hope that I can hold on to them and remember them always.   

Our 4th of July

My in-laws came into town for 4th of July this year. The kids and I made some 4th of July themed snacks/food for the day. It was a calm and quiet day, and I think that we all enjoyed it that way. Bob and I made the decision to not go downtown to see the fireworks display. We didn't want to deal with crowds and the ensuing traffic - especially since one section of one of the highways to get into the city is closed. I am glad that we did so as our own development lit up the night's sky in a pretty cool display of color. It seemed as if some of the neighbors were dueling each other to see who could set off the best fireworks which was fine with our family because it gave us a chance to enjoy the night sky without leaving the comfort of our home.

I tried to take a picture of them about 5 times. It kept coming up blurry and I kept having to do a reshoot. My boys were obviously so over my repeated attempts to get just "one last shot".

Andy was "jumping rope" with these sparklers. 

Through the smoke of the fireworks I was trying to get a clear picture of this lantern. Someone was sending up lanterns into the night sky. It was so beautiful. (If you have ever seen Tangled it was exactly like that - only a few less lanterns were released.) Watching the lanterns go up into the sky was so peaceful and amazing. It was hands down my favorite part of the whole day. 

I love seeing her smile. 

What I Believe

I have been wanting to write this post for the past few weeks, but have avoided doing so because I just didn't want to deal with some of the comments that may come along with it. I am not one to face controversy head on. I would rather have my opinions and keep them to myself or share them with those absolutely closest to me. I don't mind discussing my opinion with those who dissent. In fact, I have a learned a lot about things by doing so.

I don't want to only associate with those who are like me. I want to be friends with  people who are of different races, religions. political affiliations. I want to be friends with people who share different parenting beliefs, different beliefs on education, different sexual preferences.

I want as much diversity in my life as I can possibly get.

And yet...

I see people I love from all different walks of life unassociating with others because they don't believe the same way in some issues (or in very rare cases all issues). I am seeing more and more people only wanting to be friendly with those believe exactly as they do. I am seeing people on Facebook be vicious with one another. And here's the thing - it isn't just one side doing it. It's both sides of an issue - each claims that he/she is right and the other side are inhuman bastards, but neither side can see that he has more alike with her than he realizes. Neither side can see that her hatred of the other side of the opinion is exactly what brings him together with her.

This separation bothers me. The divide hurts me.

I once read a book by Brene Brown - I don't remember the title - but it talked about 'leaning in' to people. Basically, what I took away from this was that if you try to get to know someone you will find that you have a lot more in common with that person than you think. And it's true. When you try to find common ground with people you will see that there is always at least one thing that can bring you together. We come from different backgrounds and have different stories to tell, but I bet that if you put a bunch strangers in a room together they could find things in common that would bring them together in a way that their differences weren't such an issue.

Anyway...I wanted to put my beliefs out there so that if you feel the need to 'unfriend' me on Facebook or stop talking to me in real life you may do so. I would hope that because I know almost all of my friends on Facebook that the whole of me would make up for any pieces of me you don't agree with, but maybe not. I would like you to know exactly where I stand, so that you can make an educated decision about continuing on with either our friendships or aquaintanceships.

Please keep in mind, that at this point in my life there are no single issues that would make me feel the same way about you. You are more than just one belief. I honor the whole of you, not just one piece.

I have tried to think of all of the hot button issues to discuss below. Also, (and this is the most important part of this whole post) if you feel differently on any of these issues (and I know that just about everyone will because I have both Republican belief and Democratic beliefs - I also have some different beliefs on religion) please know that I respect your beliefs and I honor the right that you have to think differently than I do. 

Without further ado - here we go:

What I Believe

1.) I am Pro-Life** / Anti-Death Penalty

I believe that all life is sacred.

 I believe that life begins at conception. I believe that when two people choose to have sex they are also choosing the risk of pregnancy - no matter how many precautions they take - and that every choice we make comes with consequences. If we aren't willing to accept all of the consequences then we shouldn't be partaking in sex.

I believe that even in the cases of rape that life is sacred and should be carried to term. 

I believe that pregnancy should be carried to term even when defects are found. 

I do not believe in the death penalty. I believe that those who have committed heinous crimes should be committed to life in prison without the possibility of parole. In my mind, that is punishment enough. 

I have tried to imagine the worst situations involving my own children to see if I would change my mind on this stance - and the answer is no, I would not. I believe that only God should take a life. 

2.) I support the 2nd Amendment 

I believe that a person has the right to bear arms, but I think that the type of guns we have the right to bear should be greatly restricted. 

3.) I believe that ALL people should have the right to get married/ have families

Man and woman, man and man, woman and woman, etc...every single person on this earth should have the right to enter into a marriage contract. Every person should have equal access to health benefits and parental rights to their children - biological or not.

4.) I believe in Black Lives Matter - NOT All Lives Matter

To imply that all lives matter means that all colors of people are being persecuted. This is simply not true. White people, in this country in particular, are the persecutors not the persecuted. 

5.) I believe that white privilege exists

I believe that the color of my skin has given me unfair advantages in this life that exist solely because I am white. I believe that the color of my husband's and sons' skin has/will give them privileges that they did not earn. This fact is unfair and unjust and I am trying my best to open my owns eyes to this travesty and also my children's eyes.

6.) I believe that the Bible is twisted on a regular basis. 

The bible says many, many things. It can be taken literally or figuratively. I have seen it quoted to support every agenda known to man. The Bible is quoted as a reason to do many evil things in the name of God. 

7.) I believe that Love is the most important message in the Bible.

 Jesus spoke of love an awful lot. Next to honoring God, the second most important thing God says to do is to love on another - your neighbor, your enemy - everyone. I believe that if we loved as much as we judged we would be in a much different place in this country and this world. 

8.) I believe the Christian, Jew, Muslim God are all the same

We fight wars over our religious beliefs, and yet I believe when we get to heaven we are going to all be welcomed into the arms of the same God. 

9.) I believe that families should not be separated at the border. 

There should be consequences for people trying to get into this country illegally, but separating children from their parents should not be one of those consequences. Punishing children for their parents transgressions is inhuman and awful of us. 

10.) I believe that if the government were serious about fighting illegal immigration they would heavily fine the companies that routinely hire illegal immigrants.

Immigrants come to this country (both legal and illegal) to seek a better life for themselves. How do you do this? You find a safe(r) place to live and you find a way to support yourself.  There are several industries that hire illegal immigrants - meat packers, slaughterhouses, migrant vegetable/fruit pickers, hotels. It's funny that no one talks about these industries when talking about illegal immigration. If these companies were fined heavily enough to take a hit on their profits they would no longer hire illegal immigrants and the United States would no longer look as promising as a way to build a better life. 

11.) I believe that our privilege makes us blind to the plight of others. 

We live in a country of opportunity (for some of us). We live in a country of wealth. Even the poorest among us lives infinitely better than the poorest of other nations. Our country is not at armed war with itself. Our children can sleep safe at night, and not have to worry about being raped by soldiers. I can walk out into a public place and have dissenting opinions about the government and not have to risk being imprisoned and tortured indefinitely. As Americans, we live cushy lives compared with other countries. And this makes us numb to the plight of others. Because we cannot know what it is like to live in a home that could be bombed at any moment, or to live on a neighborhood where going to the grocery store could get us shot because we crossed into a drug cartels turf - we turn a blind eye and harden our hearts to those that do. We say things like, "follow our laws", to get into our country when we know full well the red tape and bureaucracy these people are facing.  Instead of lending a hand - we turn away. I wonder how we would feel if the situation were reversed and we were the ones in desperate need? 

**I just wanted to say something additional about the abortion thing. I have known several people who have had abortions for various reasons. For almost all of these women making the decision to have an abortion was the most gut wrenching decision they have ever made.  And although I wish that these women would have made different decisions, I respect the hell out of these women because they made the best decision that they could have with the information that they had in front of them. I will never look down on these women, will never belittle them, and will never shame them for their choices. I do not walk in their shoes, and therefore it is not my right to make their decisions for them. I will not judge them for their choices.**