Joshua Gordon is one of those kids who operate their kindness under the radar. He keeps a lot of what he does to himself and doesn't want any acknowledgement for what he is doing. Because of this, it is often easy to think that Joshua's heart is made of stone. He isn't expressive in his feelings (unless he in on the soccer field). He won't ever tell you he loves you. He thinks hugs are awkward and would prefer not to give them. He lets things slide off of his back without taking offense because he doesn't really care what you think. He rarely gets confused over who he is and what he stands for. He is independent and doesn't need much help with what life throws at him. He is ready to tackle world head on and all alone...
And yet there is this sweet side of my son that few get to see. There is the brother who took care of his sister when they were in public school together - always watching out for her and having her back. So much so that a teacher he didn't know stopped him in the hallway one day and told Josh that he loves watching Josh and Sarah together because their bond is so special, and that the teacher wished his own kids had the kind of relationship Josh and Sarah clearly have.
There is the part of my son who watched a fellow senior sit the bench game after game almost all soccer season, but who still maintained a positive attitude all the while providing encouragement to the team during games and practices as well. He watched this young man maintain a positive attitude as he lost out to Josh for a chance to be captain - watched as this new comer from out of state earned the respect and honor to represent a team he had played for the previous three years while this new comer had only been there for one. Josh was inspired by this young man. Inspired by his integrity to keep his head up and be a positive influence on the team when most others would have quit or complained the whole season long. Because Josh has a heart of gold, he gave this young man his captain's badge as a graduation gift and wrote him some words of encouragement and let him know how much he inspired Josh all season long.
There is the young man who will text me every morning on his way home from work to ask me if I would like him to stop and bring me home any food or an iced tea.
He is the young man who is entering college as an education major with a minor in Spanish. He wants to be a high school Spanish teacher. He wants to help people and make a difference in this world. He figures that there are a lot of high school kiddos who could use a positive male influence in their life and he wants to be that influence they need. He hopes to coach the high school varsity soccer team at the school he teaches at as well.
He is opting to play club soccer one more year and use up his last year of eligibility. He got offers to play for Division II and Division III colleges, but turned those down because he has his eyes set on playing for a Division I school. He is in talks with the coach at IUPUI to play for them in the Fall of 2021. With COVID locking down so much that coach was not able to see him play this past spring. He has offered Josh the opportunity to practices with the team in the winter coming up after this fall season is over (if they even have one) and then try out for the team come next spring. IUPUI is a Division I program. I would pee my pants with excitement if Josh got a chance to play for a division I program. It would be a dream come true for him.
Of all of my kids, Josh is the hardest to parent emotionally because he seems to need so little from me. I can remember writing about this years and year ago when he was under 10. I used to get confused by that, but just because he seems to need so little, doesn't really mean that he needs little.
My sweet boy is big on loyalty. He is close to very few people because he doesn't let too many people in. One of the things that I hold sacred in my mothering jounrey is that I know that Josh trusts me. He knows I have his back and that he can come to me with anything. He knows I have his back and because trust and loyalty are so important to him I would never do anything to intentionally break that trust. One of the biggest rewards I get to experience being his mom is what he comes to me seeking advice on a life issue he cannot work out on his own. I always feel honored when he comes to me because I know how few people he does this with.
In the rare instances when I write specifically about Josh I am usually writing about his soccer experiences. And while that is a large portion of who he is, and I am so thankful that I got to experience that with him (and still do), he is so much more than just a soccer player. He is my sweet, sweet boy.
I am so glad that I get to be his mama. I am so proud of the boy he was, the teenager he is, and the young man he is becoming.
