2023: A Year In Review

 2023. Man, I am glad this year is over. It wasn’t a particularly bad year by any stretch of the imagination, but it was just kinda meh. 

Bobby had a good year at work. He received a good amount of recognition for the work he is doing, and he received his first ever full bonus. This money is a game changer for our family, and we are all so thankful for it. 

I had a blah year. I began doing some hard work and serious self-reflection through therapy. After years of struggling on my own, I finally caved (finally!) and began medication to help me deal with my anxiety and depression. This coupled with therapy has been both stabilizing, but also very difficult as true self-reflection is hard for me. 

I would say that Andy had a pretty tough year as well. He is struggling through some things that only he can get himself through, but it is so hard for this mama to watch. I wish there was some way that I could walk him through what he has been battling, but I cannot. I am hoping this upcoming year is a better one than this past year for him. 

Joshua, too, struggled a bit. Soccer gave him some unappreciated, unexpected surprises, and it threw him for a loop and shook his confidence to his core. He and his long-term girlfriend broke up recently which has been extremely hard on him (and all of us, as we loved her). 

Sarah began her first semester of college, and did really well. She had the roommate from hell, but managed to secure herself her own room from this point forward which is such a blessing. Sarah was also approved for a guide dog which she should be getting in the summer of 2024. 

Elizabeth had a blah year as well. She saw her best friend and sister leave for college, which was hard for her. She also made the hard decision to walk away from a friendship that just wasn’t healthy for her. On a bright note - she went on vacation with a friend and their family and spent 11 days in Key West, Florida. She also played two seasons of soccer with her favorite coach of all time. 

Overall, as a family, we definitely have had some good times this year. We moved to a small town in North Carolina that we love in May, and are living a 5-7 minute drive from Lake Norman. We spent the summer at the lake  and enjoyed ourselves there immensely. 

In June, we visited Oregon for a 6 day/5 night trip courtesy of the Make-A-Wish foundation. It was such a good time for most of us. (Josh wasn’t so thrilled with the trip.)

In July, we hosted our first annual Janet Gray 4th of July party. We had 25 family members (including us) over. It was a good time, and I am looking forward to making it an annual tradition. 

In October, Bobby and I had the privilege of attending my cousin’s wedding in Maine. I have never been to Maine before and it definitely did not disappoint. It was probably the best wedding I have ever been to. It was different and unusual and perfect. It was so much fun. 

In November, we had our second annual Thanksgiving weekend celebration at our house. We hosted 24 people at the house. Again, it was an amazing time, and I am so glad that we get to host our families at our house and that so many people are able to travel from out of town. 

In December, we got our sweet golden retriever puppy whom we named Miles. He was named that because he is a promise that we made to our kids that once we got to a certain income level that we would be able to afford to get him. Our family has traveled both literal and figurative miles to get to the point we are at, and we wanted to honor that sacrifice by getting our kiddos this puppy. (Which every single one of them loves to pieces.)

I think it is safe to say that we had some good highlights this year, but I don’t think it would be a stretch by any means to say that we are all looking forward to starting a new year with a fresh start. 

2023 Book List

 I try to read 52 books every year, but unfortunately that did not happen this year. I only was able to read 47. I am not gonna lie, I am disappointed in myself because I let other things distract my time which could have been spent reading. I know I could have hit the 52 book mark if I had used my time more wisely. 

Thank goodness for a new year. A time of beginnings and learning from the past to make the future better. 

Out of all of the books I read I think my favorite book was one titled For the Benefit of Those Who See. It was an eye-opening book that helped me to understand better the visually impaired community. I walked away with a new point of view and was able to see some of my own shortcomings in my opinions of those with visual differences. 

 Lolita was the most controversial book I read. I can understand why it has caused such a sensation in the past, and why it should continue to do so in the future. 

I think I read more fiction books this year than I have in many, many years. I got hooked on The Godfather series (having no idea there were so many books!) as well as a couple of book recommendations from Sarah that thought I might enjoy. 

As in previous years, I tend to read the same genres, and branch off seldom into new topics. I delved more into Mafia books than I have in the past, and will probably add that to my genre list (which includes: the Middle East, Black History/Experiences, Drugs/Gangs, American History (1700’s - 1920’s) & Biographies. (I feel like I am forgetting something…)

Anyway, here is a lot of the books I read in 2023. 

Lights Out

 Since moving to Denver (North Carolina) in May we've had 3 or 4 power outages at the house. In at least one of those instances, we were notified by the builder via email that there was a planned power outage, but the others were all surprises. With the exception of one of the outages, all of them have been just a couple of hours. I am assuming that most of these outages are due to the fact that there is still plenty of construction going on in the neighborhood. (Only half of the community is built.) And that once the neighborhood is complete there won't be as many. (I don't think I've lived anywhere where we've had power outages every other month.)

Yesterday, we had a long power outage - at least the longest we've had yet. It lasted 8+ hours and went on until after I went to bed. While I don't want to have power outages here on a regular basis, I will say that yesterday's outage was kinda cool in the fact that we spent our night by candlelight. 

It was nice having no electronics to lean on (besides our phones, but we weren't on them the whole time the power was out.) It was a cool ambience to have a quiet house with light flickering in the kitchen. We are completely unprepared for situations like this, so we only had a few candles (thank you, Yankee Candle), but we made it work. Bobby also got out a couple of camping lanterns that we have in the event that our candles didn't cut it (but they did).

I pondered last night just how much our household relies on others to supply us with things we consider necessities (such as electricity), and completely understood why people decide to go off of the grid. I think not having electricity and relying on other resources for light would be potentially cool - if I lived in the right environment. I also thought about life during pioneer times, and how convenient and inconvenient it would be to live during that time period. (I know, I know - I think about unusual things sometimes,) 

In the end, the power came back on, and I was so thankful that it did. Our entire home is electric, so we really rely on it. 

The Quiet After

The house is quiet. Gone are the visitors who descended upon our home this past weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving.  The arrivals began a week ago, on Tuesday, and continued until all twenty-four family members were present by Wednesday evening. This is our second go-around at having everyone down for the holiday and will continue until everyone has decided that they no longer want to carry on this new tradition. 

Of the twenty-four people who came for the weekend, twenty stayed at our house. Our five bedrooms were filled to the brim with friends and family. (Two of the twenty-four people were Josh's friends from college who live in Norway and Sweden.)

While I do enjoy having everyone down, I always have immense anxiety in the weeks leading up to everyone arriving. It isn't necessarily the people who are coming that make my nerves fray, but just the sheer number of them.  It always ends up being fine once everyone has arrived, and I end up wondering why my body reacts the way it does in the weeks preceding family coming. 

Thanksgiving itself was everything a good family affair should be. It was full of good food, good people, and good times. It was loud and chaotic with kids running around the house in all directions, but it was nice to hear cousins laugh and play together. 

Of course, no family gathering is ever perfect, and there were some hiccups in our days together, but we managed to move beyond those as a family. 

After several days of being all together, everyone left by Sunday night around 7 pm.  As nice as it was to have everyone together, it was just as nice to have the usual quiet of my house back again. I took Monday off with Elizabeth to just relax (with the exception of straightening up the house). Today, we began to do the loads and loads of laundry that need to be done - which consists of primarily sheets and blankets from the many, many beds that were needed to accommodate everyone. Once the laundry is done, I will be deep cleaning the house - wiping off fingerprints from the walls, crayon marks found here and there, and just the general stuff that needs to be done to get a house back together after having a large group of people around for multiple days. 

We expect to have everyone back to the house sometime in July to celebrate 4th of July. I enjoy having everyone at the house (despite the anxiety that precedes each visit) twice a year. Even more than that I am really excited about the traditions we are beginning to build in having everyone come down together at set points during the year.  

In the meantime, I am enjoying the quiet that comes after the gathering is done. 

Year One

One year ago today, your light went out in my life. 

I thought that even in death we would still be bound together -

that we had a connection that would last for eternity. 

But I was wrong. 

When you died a piece of me died too. 

For days and days I tried to feel you - I was desperate to know if we were wrong

Was there really something after this life?

Instead, there was just a profound silence...

And an aching emptiness that I never knew could exist inside someone.

I felt so lost.

How was I supposed to do life without you?

Who was going to be my compass pointing me in the right direction?

What does one do when her center of gravity is gone?

How does one know how to move forward 

when her North Star goes dark? 

Many moons had passed by before you came to me in my dreams. 

But there you were. 

And for a long time you came with some regularity. 

In the meeting place of my mind you were alive and well.

What seemed lost was found because in the land of Oz you seemed

so Real.

I could hear you, and touch you, and see you. 

In that secret world it was like no time had passed without each other.

It was as if we had never been apart. 

And I felt a deep peace that I had not felt since 

November 24 when time took you away from me. 

I miss you every day. 

I did not know that death could feel so cruel. 

I hope that we were wrong. 

I hope that someday we can meet again in a time and place that

doesn't just inhabit my mind. 

In the meantime, I will just wait for you in the place where

reality meets the imaginary. 

I will pray to the Sandman that he brings me to you,

and we can be whole together instead of broken apart. 

One year in without you hasn't gotten any easier -

Its just gotten more real,

and that actually makes it feel harder. 

I will love you forever and always. 

Random Pictures

At the Cleveland Clinic getting her twice yearly infusion. 

Max got spooked by a thunderstorm and jumped on the couch (where he is not allowed) for "safety". 

Liz (Josh's girlfriend), Josh, Ryan (Josh's good friend), and Andy grabbing a beer at a local pub. 

Andyman at the summit of a hike with his dad. 

The boys camping in the mountains for the weekend.

This is taken from the part of our development that has not yet been completed. It is neat to walk through this space as it is slowly getting built. 

Elizabeth trying to see if she could carry the cat around in her sweatshirt. Moose is not happy. 

Love to see her laugh like this. 

Always on guard - you never know what kind of predators might show up in the development.