Lights Out

 Since moving to Denver (North Carolina) in May we've had 3 or 4 power outages at the house. In at least one of those instances, we were notified by the builder via email that there was a planned power outage, but the others were all surprises. With the exception of one of the outages, all of them have been just a couple of hours. I am assuming that most of these outages are due to the fact that there is still plenty of construction going on in the neighborhood. (Only half of the community is built.) And that once the neighborhood is complete there won't be as many. (I don't think I've lived anywhere where we've had power outages every other month.)

Yesterday, we had a long power outage - at least the longest we've had yet. It lasted 8+ hours and went on until after I went to bed. While I don't want to have power outages here on a regular basis, I will say that yesterday's outage was kinda cool in the fact that we spent our night by candlelight. 

It was nice having no electronics to lean on (besides our phones, but we weren't on them the whole time the power was out.) It was a cool ambience to have a quiet house with light flickering in the kitchen. We are completely unprepared for situations like this, so we only had a few candles (thank you, Yankee Candle), but we made it work. Bobby also got out a couple of camping lanterns that we have in the event that our candles didn't cut it (but they did).

I pondered last night just how much our household relies on others to supply us with things we consider necessities (such as electricity), and completely understood why people decide to go off of the grid. I think not having electricity and relying on other resources for light would be potentially cool - if I lived in the right environment. I also thought about life during pioneer times, and how convenient and inconvenient it would be to live during that time period. (I know, I know - I think about unusual things sometimes,) 

In the end, the power came back on, and I was so thankful that it did. Our entire home is electric, so we really rely on it. 

The Quiet After

The house is quiet. Gone are the visitors who descended upon our home this past weekend to celebrate Thanksgiving.  The arrivals began a week ago, on Tuesday, and continued until all twenty-four family members were present by Wednesday evening. This is our second go-around at having everyone down for the holiday and will continue until everyone has decided that they no longer want to carry on this new tradition. 

Of the twenty-four people who came for the weekend, twenty stayed at our house. Our five bedrooms were filled to the brim with friends and family. (Two of the twenty-four people were Josh's friends from college who live in Norway and Sweden.)

While I do enjoy having everyone down, I always have immense anxiety in the weeks leading up to everyone arriving. It isn't necessarily the people who are coming that make my nerves fray, but just the sheer number of them.  It always ends up being fine once everyone has arrived, and I end up wondering why my body reacts the way it does in the weeks preceding family coming. 

Thanksgiving itself was everything a good family affair should be. It was full of good food, good people, and good times. It was loud and chaotic with kids running around the house in all directions, but it was nice to hear cousins laugh and play together. 

Of course, no family gathering is ever perfect, and there were some hiccups in our days together, but we managed to move beyond those as a family. 

After several days of being all together, everyone left by Sunday night around 7 pm.  As nice as it was to have everyone together, it was just as nice to have the usual quiet of my house back again. I took Monday off with Elizabeth to just relax (with the exception of straightening up the house). Today, we began to do the loads and loads of laundry that need to be done - which consists of primarily sheets and blankets from the many, many beds that were needed to accommodate everyone. Once the laundry is done, I will be deep cleaning the house - wiping off fingerprints from the walls, crayon marks found here and there, and just the general stuff that needs to be done to get a house back together after having a large group of people around for multiple days. 

We expect to have everyone back to the house sometime in July to celebrate 4th of July. I enjoy having everyone at the house (despite the anxiety that precedes each visit) twice a year. Even more than that I am really excited about the traditions we are beginning to build in having everyone come down together at set points during the year.  

In the meantime, I am enjoying the quiet that comes after the gathering is done. 

Year One

One year ago today, your light went out in my life. 

I thought that even in death we would still be bound together -

that we had a connection that would last for eternity. 

But I was wrong. 

When you died a piece of me died too. 

For days and days I tried to feel you - I was desperate to know if we were wrong

Was there really something after this life?

Instead, there was just a profound silence...

And an aching emptiness that I never knew could exist inside someone.

I felt so lost.

How was I supposed to do life without you?

Who was going to be my compass pointing me in the right direction?

What does one do when her center of gravity is gone?

How does one know how to move forward 

when her North Star goes dark? 

Many moons had passed by before you came to me in my dreams. 

But there you were. 

And for a long time you came with some regularity. 

In the meeting place of my mind you were alive and well.

What seemed lost was found because in the land of Oz you seemed

so Real.

I could hear you, and touch you, and see you. 

In that secret world it was like no time had passed without each other.

It was as if we had never been apart. 

And I felt a deep peace that I had not felt since 

November 24 when time took you away from me. 

I miss you every day. 

I did not know that death could feel so cruel. 

I hope that we were wrong. 

I hope that someday we can meet again in a time and place that

doesn't just inhabit my mind. 

In the meantime, I will just wait for you in the place where

reality meets the imaginary. 

I will pray to the Sandman that he brings me to you,

and we can be whole together instead of broken apart. 

One year in without you hasn't gotten any easier -

Its just gotten more real,

and that actually makes it feel harder. 

I will love you forever and always.