Yep - you read that right. We have decided to bring all of the kids home - and you know what? Sarah is actually excited to be home schooled. I almost fell off of my chair when she told me today that she thinks home schooling will be fun, and she would like to give it a try.
I received the sweetest email from the girls principal. It made my day. I was having a bit of a rough one, and happened to check my email in the early evening. There sat a simple, straight forward, but very kind email from the girls principal asking if the rumor was indeed true that I was bringing my girls home. I responded in kind and let her know that yes, I am bringing them both home, and that so many of her staff will be missed by our family. Me bringing my kids home has nothing to do with the lower elementary grades. All of those that I encountered were kind and loving woman (and a man) who poured their hearts into their jobs. Me bringing my kids home has nothing to do with them, and I hope they realize that. The girls school (and at one time the boys school too) was such a blessing in so many ways for quite a number of years. It helped the kids grow, and it helped me grow as well. It allowed me to gain confidence in my ability to teach my children. Their time there also allowed me to see just how flawed the system is that educates our children, and how it is only getting worse. It showed me how these teachers have their hands tied behind their backs as they struggle to make due with new and harder requirements that the government mandates as necessary. So, to that I say, 'No, thank you'. I will choose to educate them at home where my 7th grade son can receive the extra help he needs in grammar and spelling, and my 6th grade son can move faster in math than allowed in a regular classroom setting. My perfectionist daughter will only have to worry about mastering content that will give her the tools to learn instead of cramming content into her mind not to learn it, but to just get an 'A' on the assignment. And my youngest squirmy daughter will be able to learn sitting down or standing up or squatting or any which way she pleases. She will be able to take breaks when she needs to, and can take all of the time she needs to learn a new concept. There will be no state or government testing for them this year. Nothing to learn only to forget the day after the big test. No, instead they will be learning about things that they will carry with them for a long time.
I will be ordering the rest of their books tomorrow, and I am so excited. I am scared as hell about this new chapter in our lives, but I am so ready for it. This step feels so right for our family. I cannot imagine it any other way right now. I will be sure to share our journey with you. There will be a learning curve for us both, and an adventure all the way.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Catching Up...
There is quite a lot going on here as usual, but some of the things happening are kind of a big deal to our family. We have (finally) decided to put our house on the market. We have been living in approximately 1100 square feet for the past 10 years, and we are busting out at the seems. We have been sharing 1 bathroom for that whole time period as well and we are all tired of trying to pee, and having someone knock on the door saying that they have to use the restroom, so hurry up.
I am quite nervous about moving. We looked at two houses this past weekend that were about 40 minutes away from here, and fell in love with one of the homes. It has been on the market for a bit, so we are hoping that we can get our home on the market within the next 2-3 weeks, sell our home, and then make a bid on the home we saw. If that home has already sold by the time we are able to put a bid on it then we will just look for another home. There is definitely something that I loved about that house - 5 bedrooms (all on the same floor), 2.5 baths, basement, living room, dining room, family room, fire place, front porch, fenced in backyard, etc... - but I am also a big believer that a house does not make a home. If we found this home I am confident that we can find another one that we will love just as much, but man, oh, man that house is really calling to me. If it is meant to be it will be, right?
All of the kids seem to be on board with us moving. I am worried about moving the boys, especially Josh, because he has a couple of buddies that he (and I) really, really like. I love their families, and have known them both for the last 6 years or so. It will break my heart a bit if we find a home outside of our community, and Josh (and Andy now as he has the same soccer coach as Josh) will have to find a new soccer team to play on. One favorite things in this whole world is Josh's soccer team. The kids on that team have played together for a really, really long time, and I really enjoy watching them on the field all together. It will make my heart sad if he doesn't play on that team anymore, and it will make my heart really sad if we have to pull him from the team in the middle of this season. That being said, I do feel that times are changing. I began to feel that way last spring and maybe even last fall. The boys are all getting older now, and they are getting more involved in different sports. Some of the boys will choose to focus on their other sports as time goes on and will end up quitting the soccer team to do so. The boys are also developing other interests outside of soccer that is pulling them away from one another. They are all good boys, but as they age some of their friendships with each other are solidifying and some of them are going by the wayside. Theses changes are to be expected after all, but I still find myself begging with Father Time to allow me just another season of the way it used to be.
The new carpeting should be installed in about 3 weeks, and the new roof will be on the house in about the same time as well. On the advice of our agent, we are going to clear out our home of almost all of our belongings. We will be keeping our school books here, some clothes, and sleeping bags. No TV, no beds, no toys (each of the kids will be able to keep their favorite toy with them), nothing. We will be moving all of our furniture out to either a storage facility or a friends home who lives down the road. We will be camping in our own home which we plan on turning into an adventure. Hopefully, our home won't be on the market for too long because I definitely think that our camping fun will wear off after the first month or two. Once again, what is meant to be will be. Only time will tell.
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On the home schooling front, I am leaning towards bringing the girls home too. I still haven't made a final decision although with school starting two weeks from today I better decide something pronto, but I want to talk to them one more time about it. I've thought A LOT about bringing them home, and the pro's and con's of doing both. One thing that I did decide is that Sarah (and Elizabeth) should get a say in whether or not I keep them home, but they should have more of a say once they have tried both school settings. If I had home schooled Sarah in the past, and she really did not like it then I would be more inclined to send her to our local public school. Another thing that I thought about was the fact that because I am an adult I have gained the ability (or disability depending on how you look at it) of not living in the moment as much as child, and to be able to see beyond the immediate future. Sarah, as a young child, has not gained the ability to see beyond the first few weeks of school when the newness of it has worn off, and she no longer wants to go. I know my child well enough to know that this is how it will play out, and she has even told me that she only wants to go back go back to school to eat lunch, go to recess, and buy new school supplies. Socializing her is very important to me, more so than the other kids because of the fact that she has MS, and I don't want her to have to deal with depression that is so prevalent in pediatric MS patients. BUT she is involved in Girl Scouts, soccer, and now dance, so I KNOW that she will be "social" in the way that she needs to be, plus her best friend lives right down the road (for now anyway), and we will be involved in home school groups where she will get to meet and be with other kids during the week.
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I do believe that Sarah is in remission (knock on wood). While her left eye is still not 100% the blurriness is down to just 2 spots in that eye which is the best it has been since May 18th. Her right eye, she says, is very good. There have been no new episodes since she last came off of her steroids, so I think that the steroid/IVIG combination did the trick. It makes my heart happy that she gets a break (hopefully a long one) from the affects of this disease. I would definitely say that she is a different person now after having gone through all that she has. The sparkle in her eye is hard to find, and seems to be replaced by the worry of an older soul. I hope that as time goes on and she remains symptom free she will regain some of her childlike sparkle. Once again, as the theme of life goes, only time will tell.
I am quite nervous about moving. We looked at two houses this past weekend that were about 40 minutes away from here, and fell in love with one of the homes. It has been on the market for a bit, so we are hoping that we can get our home on the market within the next 2-3 weeks, sell our home, and then make a bid on the home we saw. If that home has already sold by the time we are able to put a bid on it then we will just look for another home. There is definitely something that I loved about that house - 5 bedrooms (all on the same floor), 2.5 baths, basement, living room, dining room, family room, fire place, front porch, fenced in backyard, etc... - but I am also a big believer that a house does not make a home. If we found this home I am confident that we can find another one that we will love just as much, but man, oh, man that house is really calling to me. If it is meant to be it will be, right?
All of the kids seem to be on board with us moving. I am worried about moving the boys, especially Josh, because he has a couple of buddies that he (and I) really, really like. I love their families, and have known them both for the last 6 years or so. It will break my heart a bit if we find a home outside of our community, and Josh (and Andy now as he has the same soccer coach as Josh) will have to find a new soccer team to play on. One favorite things in this whole world is Josh's soccer team. The kids on that team have played together for a really, really long time, and I really enjoy watching them on the field all together. It will make my heart sad if he doesn't play on that team anymore, and it will make my heart really sad if we have to pull him from the team in the middle of this season. That being said, I do feel that times are changing. I began to feel that way last spring and maybe even last fall. The boys are all getting older now, and they are getting more involved in different sports. Some of the boys will choose to focus on their other sports as time goes on and will end up quitting the soccer team to do so. The boys are also developing other interests outside of soccer that is pulling them away from one another. They are all good boys, but as they age some of their friendships with each other are solidifying and some of them are going by the wayside. Theses changes are to be expected after all, but I still find myself begging with Father Time to allow me just another season of the way it used to be.
The new carpeting should be installed in about 3 weeks, and the new roof will be on the house in about the same time as well. On the advice of our agent, we are going to clear out our home of almost all of our belongings. We will be keeping our school books here, some clothes, and sleeping bags. No TV, no beds, no toys (each of the kids will be able to keep their favorite toy with them), nothing. We will be moving all of our furniture out to either a storage facility or a friends home who lives down the road. We will be camping in our own home which we plan on turning into an adventure. Hopefully, our home won't be on the market for too long because I definitely think that our camping fun will wear off after the first month or two. Once again, what is meant to be will be. Only time will tell.
*********************************************************************************
On the home schooling front, I am leaning towards bringing the girls home too. I still haven't made a final decision although with school starting two weeks from today I better decide something pronto, but I want to talk to them one more time about it. I've thought A LOT about bringing them home, and the pro's and con's of doing both. One thing that I did decide is that Sarah (and Elizabeth) should get a say in whether or not I keep them home, but they should have more of a say once they have tried both school settings. If I had home schooled Sarah in the past, and she really did not like it then I would be more inclined to send her to our local public school. Another thing that I thought about was the fact that because I am an adult I have gained the ability (or disability depending on how you look at it) of not living in the moment as much as child, and to be able to see beyond the immediate future. Sarah, as a young child, has not gained the ability to see beyond the first few weeks of school when the newness of it has worn off, and she no longer wants to go. I know my child well enough to know that this is how it will play out, and she has even told me that she only wants to go back go back to school to eat lunch, go to recess, and buy new school supplies. Socializing her is very important to me, more so than the other kids because of the fact that she has MS, and I don't want her to have to deal with depression that is so prevalent in pediatric MS patients. BUT she is involved in Girl Scouts, soccer, and now dance, so I KNOW that she will be "social" in the way that she needs to be, plus her best friend lives right down the road (for now anyway), and we will be involved in home school groups where she will get to meet and be with other kids during the week.
*********************************************************************************
I do believe that Sarah is in remission (knock on wood). While her left eye is still not 100% the blurriness is down to just 2 spots in that eye which is the best it has been since May 18th. Her right eye, she says, is very good. There have been no new episodes since she last came off of her steroids, so I think that the steroid/IVIG combination did the trick. It makes my heart happy that she gets a break (hopefully a long one) from the affects of this disease. I would definitely say that she is a different person now after having gone through all that she has. The sparkle in her eye is hard to find, and seems to be replaced by the worry of an older soul. I hope that as time goes on and she remains symptom free she will regain some of her childlike sparkle. Once again, as the theme of life goes, only time will tell.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
New Beginnings
Do you notice anything different about my blog?
I am pretty excited about some of the changes that have already happened and those that will
hopefully happen in the future.
I am excited about a lot of things right now, and I cannot wait to share them all with you.
It has been a long hard road, and I know that
although the road will get hard again at some point I am going to enjoy the momentary
smooth sailing. I hope you will enjoy it with me.
Thank you for reading this blog, and for allowing this mama to spread her wings.
For so long I have felt like a caterpillar - hidden in my cocoon.
It is time to be the butterfly I was meant to be - to spread my wings and show off my radiant colors.
It is time to soar to new heights.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Curriculum & Books
There are many, many types of homeschooling styles, and so when I first gave homeschooling again some serious thought I looked into a bunch of different ways to educate my children. I wanted to be able to give them a quality education where they learned the process of using their brains to form logical (to them) conclusions. I didn't want them to just learn stuff to pass a test, so that the government could grade my community's public school system based on an arbitrary pass/fail number and then either pat the school on the back for a job well done, or kick them in the butt for failing to make the grade. That, to me, is not learning at all. I want my kids to learn how to find information, process that information, and then make their own assessment and opinion based on that information. I want them to know the difference between a primary resource and a secondary resource, and I want them to be able to carefully comb through the information they are receiving to see how accurate it is. All too often we believe things because we want to believe so badly that the person (or company) giving us this information is looking out for our own best interest - that is often just not the case. I don't want my kids to grow up easily bamboozled - I want them to be critical thinkers.
With the aforementioned goals in mind I settled on a type of homeschooling called 'classical education'. It is a very rigorous course of study that is very parent involved in terms of preparation and presentation of the material. I won't be giving my child a workbook, and then telling them to go and complete 4 pages of grammar on their own. Nope, not going to happen in this household. Classical education focuses on what I like to call old school education - I often call myself an old school parent because we are so not mainstream - that it shouldn't have surprised me that I was most drawn to this type of educating/learning - but it did. This program is very writing intensive which some may argue is going to become a thing of the past with technology. Technology, as far as I am concerned, can be a great learning tool, but should not, and will not be the end all be all in our home. We are becoming a society that relies on technology so much that we will follow a GPS system and turn right even though we absolutely know that our destination is to the left just because the technology says so. Our children are allowed to write their school assignments in Microsoft Word, but they no longer proof read them because the computer will do it! Yet, the computer will bypass the words 'their' and 'there' if they are spelled correctly even if they are not being used in the right context. Or, how about the fact that multiplication tables are becoming more and more obsolete as schools are allowing calculators and ipod and ipads into the elementary grades so that children can just use those to multiple 5x5. I don't want my children a part a system that glorifies technology in that way. If used properly technology is a great and wonderful tool, so I am not saying that it does not have a place in our society. I just worry about the emphasis that we are placing on the value of technology particularly in our schools.
Here is a list of the books and subject that I will be teaching/learning with the kids:
With the aforementioned goals in mind I settled on a type of homeschooling called 'classical education'. It is a very rigorous course of study that is very parent involved in terms of preparation and presentation of the material. I won't be giving my child a workbook, and then telling them to go and complete 4 pages of grammar on their own. Nope, not going to happen in this household. Classical education focuses on what I like to call old school education - I often call myself an old school parent because we are so not mainstream - that it shouldn't have surprised me that I was most drawn to this type of educating/learning - but it did. This program is very writing intensive which some may argue is going to become a thing of the past with technology. Technology, as far as I am concerned, can be a great learning tool, but should not, and will not be the end all be all in our home. We are becoming a society that relies on technology so much that we will follow a GPS system and turn right even though we absolutely know that our destination is to the left just because the technology says so. Our children are allowed to write their school assignments in Microsoft Word, but they no longer proof read them because the computer will do it! Yet, the computer will bypass the words 'their' and 'there' if they are spelled correctly even if they are not being used in the right context. Or, how about the fact that multiplication tables are becoming more and more obsolete as schools are allowing calculators and ipod and ipads into the elementary grades so that children can just use those to multiple 5x5. I don't want my children a part a system that glorifies technology in that way. If used properly technology is a great and wonderful tool, so I am not saying that it does not have a place in our society. I just worry about the emphasis that we are placing on the value of technology particularly in our schools.
Here is a list of the books and subject that I will be teaching/learning with the kids:
Math
Elizabeth: Saxon Math Grade 1
Sarah: Saxon Math Grade 3
Joshua: Saxon Math Grade 7/6
Andrew: Saxon Algebra 1/2
Science
Elizabeth: Biology*
(Main books: Dorling Kindersley's DK First Animal Encyclopedia, The Kingfisher First Human Body Encyclopedia, Green Thumbs: A Kids Activity Kit)
Sarah: Biology*
(Same as Elizabeth)
Joshua: Biology*
(Main Books: Usborne Internet Linked Science Encyclopedia, Dorling Kindersley Visual Encyclopedia of Science, Kingfisher Science Encyclopedia, Usborne Illustrated Dictionary of Science: Physics, Chemistry, Biology Facts)
Andrew: Biology*
(Creepy Crawlies and the Scientific Method, Carnivorous Creations Terrarium Kit, Smithsonian Bio Dome Habitat, Blood Typing Kit, Fingerprint Kit, Mind's Eye Optical Illusions & Human Perception, Microscope & Biology Kit)
*(All 4 kids will be learning the same subject in both science and history although their assignments will be much different as they are in such different places academically. The girls will spend 20 weeks on the animal kingdom, 10 weeks on the human body, and 6 weeks on the plant kingdom (approximately). The boys will be using the scientific method to perform experiments one a week, and then using that information to draw diagrams, write reports, etc...Each of the above labs under Andy's name last anywhere between 1 - 16 weeks. The kids will also be required to go to the library with me once a week to pick up additional materials on the topic they are learning that week and independently read for an hour each day. We will be doing this all together to ensure that everyone is reading.)
Reading
Elizabeth: The Ordinary Guide to Teaching Reading
(This is more for me than for Elizabeth. She is in the beginning reading stages now, and I would like to move her along. I am most nervous about this because I epically failed at teaching my boys to read when I home schooled them before - although working full time 3rd shift could not have something to do with that.)
Spelling
Elizabeth: Modern Curriculum Press Spelling Workout A & B
Sarah: Spelling Workout C & D
Joshua: Spelling Workout F
Andrew: Spelling Workout F*
*(I am starting Andy out below grade level in almost all "language arts" subjects because he struggles so much with the subject.)
Grammar
Elizabeth: First Language Lessons 1
Sarah: First Language Lessons 3
Joshua: Rod & Staff English - Progressing with Courage
Andrew: same as Josh
Writing
Elizabeth: Level 1 - The Complete Writer
Sarah: Level 3 - The Complete Writer
Joshua: Rod & Staff - Progressing with Courage*
Andrew: same as Josh*
*(Progressing with Courage is a grammar and writing program which is why the boys are using the same book for both subjects).
Latin
Sarah: Memoria Press Prima Latina
Joshua: Same
Andrew: Same
*(Latin begins in the 3rd grade which is why Elizabeth was not included in this list).
Logic
Joshua: The Art of Argument -Classical Academic Pres
Andrew: Same
*(Logic does not begin until the 5th grade with this program therefore Sarah and Elizabeth will not be required to begin this subject yet.)
History
Elizabeth, Sarah, Joshua, Andrew* :
The Story of the World: Ancients, Kingfisher History Encyclopedia, The Usborne Internet Linked Encyclopedia of World History
*(Again, the kids will be using primary and secondary sources to learn more about the weekly topic, and they are all learning the same topics just different difficulty levels. For example, this week we are learning about ancient Egyptian societies so they have taken out books from the library about that time period and are writing summaries based on the books they have read.)
So, there you have it. This is what my kids will be doing this school year. As you can see, they will be pretty busy, and they will be working hard.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Tough Decisions
It has been officially decided that I am going to be pulling the boys out of their government run school (a.k.a. public school), and will be teaching them at home. I am really, really excited about this, and they seem to be as well. The decision was completely theirs, and I have asked them repeatedly if they are SURE that this is the route that they want to go. I am extremely confident in the academic material they will be learning this school year, so my repeated inquiries have nothing to do with content, but everything to do with the social aspect of school. Both boys are old enough to have a majority say in some things in their lives - their schooling is one of those things. Each of them has repeatedly told me both together and separately that learning at home is the way for them. I have explained to them over and over again that it is not going to be easy. They will not be playing all day, but rather learning new material every day just like their peers. The advantage they will have though is that they will be at home where I can tailor their learning styles and learning speeds to them where at school the teaching staff does not have the luxury of being able to really cater to each child's needs.
The girls on the other hand are a bit more difficult decision. Because they are younger than the boys I have felt that they should have some say in whether or not I bring them home to learn, but less of a say than the boys. Elizabeth is very wishy washy. Some days she wants to be home schooled and some days she wants to go back to regular school. She had a very good year this past school year - much to my surprise. She really matured a lot, and appeared to be able to make some friends. While I believe that she could learn extremely well at home I am unsure that I would be able to provide the social outlets that she would get in regular school. Yes, she plays sports and if her school offers a Girl Scout program for her grade this year she would like to join that, so she would see kids on a regular basis. We would also join our old home schooling group which would allow them to interact with kids that are in their same situation, and they could meet up with them during school hours for field trips and things of that nature. But will all of that be enough for her? That is the million dollar question. I can just hear both sides of the argument in my head - homeschoolers would say that of course Elizabeth would be able to get the socialization that she needs as long as I made an effort to expose her to those situations, and in the other corner, regular schoolers would say that of course she would not get the socialization that she needs and that I should indeed send her back for that aspect alone. At the end of the day I have to do with what works best for my family regardless of what anyone else says.
Sarah, on the other hand, is going to be the most difficult to decide what to do. Honestly, she is pretty adamant about wanting to go back to school. On the one hand, my brain is telling me to let her go back because she really wants to. On the other hand, I know that after the newness of school wears off, and she has seen her friends for a bit she is going to want to come home too. I know that she will get glimpses of what the boys (and maybe Elizabeth) are doing, and it will be a battle to get her up and out of the door each morning. I don't want that struggle, and I won't pull her out in the middle of the year. If she starts the school year in public school she is finishing the school year in public school. To be honest, the elementary years (up to 4th grade anyway) don't bother me too much. Yes, I think that my kids are not getting a very good education because teachers have to teach to a test per government mandates, but I also don't think that going to public school is going to do any damage per say. Once the kids reach 5th grade though, I have seen an increase in both academic concerns as well as social concerns. If we stay in our current school district I would want to pull them out in the 5th grade anyway, and bring them home to learn (assuming that everything stays as it currently is). So, this is where I am with Sarah - do I let her go to school because it is something that she says (right now) it is what she wants to do (and let her realize for herself after a week or two that she really wants to come home to learn, but is stuck at regular school) OR do I pull her out, and let her know that if she does not like being taught at home I will let her go back next year (knowing that she will enjoy herself with the curriculum I have for her, but without her giving her a choice of where she wants to go).
I have been wresting the with decision about what to do with the girls for the last few days as I need to send in my notice of intent to the school. I go round and round in my brain over what the best decision for the girls would be - I really feel that I would like to bring them home, but would they understand that decision or would they just resent it? I guess that is what is comes down to - I don't want the girls, but particularly Sarah because she is a bit older and can understand the ramifications a bit more, to resent the decisions that I would like to make for them. I don't want them to grow up and be angry with me because they felt that I made the wrong choices for them as they grew up. I think that my hesitation with Sarah has to also do with the fact that she has Multiple Sclerosis, and I am already making medical decisions for her that she could some day grow up to resent - do I really want to add to that and make her education something that she may resent as well? Kids don't grow up and see how much weight their parents put into a decision. How much time and sweat and anguish they mulled over a decision. What they see is the decision that is made, and I want to make sure that I am making the best decision for each child, and not blindly applying a one size fits all to a decision as polarizing as home schooling. I struggle with what I feel my rights are as a parent verse what I feel my kids rights are as human beings. Do I bring them all home because I believe very strongly in home schooling my children, and because I am the parent and they are children I have the right to bring them home regardless of their thoughts? Or do I allow them their rights because they are human beings and give them the space to realize that what I believe doesn't necessarily mean that they should/will believe in the same thing? I do know that in Sarah's case - she really would love coming home to learn. What I struggle with is do I let her see that on her own by allowing her to go to school and then having her want to come home to learn after the initial excitement has waned (but keep her in the public school system anyway because that is the choice she made at the beginning of the school year) OR do I take her out now, and have her slowly see over time that bringing her home is something that she is glad I did for her?
I have no doubt in my mind that I will provide those who stay home with a solid education (I will be posting a blog in the next couple of days with the books/subjects each child will be using/learning). I know that this school year has the ability to be fantastic and amazing - I just don't know who will be participating in this amazing year, and that has me sick to my stomach right now.
The girls on the other hand are a bit more difficult decision. Because they are younger than the boys I have felt that they should have some say in whether or not I bring them home to learn, but less of a say than the boys. Elizabeth is very wishy washy. Some days she wants to be home schooled and some days she wants to go back to regular school. She had a very good year this past school year - much to my surprise. She really matured a lot, and appeared to be able to make some friends. While I believe that she could learn extremely well at home I am unsure that I would be able to provide the social outlets that she would get in regular school. Yes, she plays sports and if her school offers a Girl Scout program for her grade this year she would like to join that, so she would see kids on a regular basis. We would also join our old home schooling group which would allow them to interact with kids that are in their same situation, and they could meet up with them during school hours for field trips and things of that nature. But will all of that be enough for her? That is the million dollar question. I can just hear both sides of the argument in my head - homeschoolers would say that of course Elizabeth would be able to get the socialization that she needs as long as I made an effort to expose her to those situations, and in the other corner, regular schoolers would say that of course she would not get the socialization that she needs and that I should indeed send her back for that aspect alone. At the end of the day I have to do with what works best for my family regardless of what anyone else says.
Sarah, on the other hand, is going to be the most difficult to decide what to do. Honestly, she is pretty adamant about wanting to go back to school. On the one hand, my brain is telling me to let her go back because she really wants to. On the other hand, I know that after the newness of school wears off, and she has seen her friends for a bit she is going to want to come home too. I know that she will get glimpses of what the boys (and maybe Elizabeth) are doing, and it will be a battle to get her up and out of the door each morning. I don't want that struggle, and I won't pull her out in the middle of the year. If she starts the school year in public school she is finishing the school year in public school. To be honest, the elementary years (up to 4th grade anyway) don't bother me too much. Yes, I think that my kids are not getting a very good education because teachers have to teach to a test per government mandates, but I also don't think that going to public school is going to do any damage per say. Once the kids reach 5th grade though, I have seen an increase in both academic concerns as well as social concerns. If we stay in our current school district I would want to pull them out in the 5th grade anyway, and bring them home to learn (assuming that everything stays as it currently is). So, this is where I am with Sarah - do I let her go to school because it is something that she says (right now) it is what she wants to do (and let her realize for herself after a week or two that she really wants to come home to learn, but is stuck at regular school) OR do I pull her out, and let her know that if she does not like being taught at home I will let her go back next year (knowing that she will enjoy herself with the curriculum I have for her, but without her giving her a choice of where she wants to go).
I have been wresting the with decision about what to do with the girls for the last few days as I need to send in my notice of intent to the school. I go round and round in my brain over what the best decision for the girls would be - I really feel that I would like to bring them home, but would they understand that decision or would they just resent it? I guess that is what is comes down to - I don't want the girls, but particularly Sarah because she is a bit older and can understand the ramifications a bit more, to resent the decisions that I would like to make for them. I don't want them to grow up and be angry with me because they felt that I made the wrong choices for them as they grew up. I think that my hesitation with Sarah has to also do with the fact that she has Multiple Sclerosis, and I am already making medical decisions for her that she could some day grow up to resent - do I really want to add to that and make her education something that she may resent as well? Kids don't grow up and see how much weight their parents put into a decision. How much time and sweat and anguish they mulled over a decision. What they see is the decision that is made, and I want to make sure that I am making the best decision for each child, and not blindly applying a one size fits all to a decision as polarizing as home schooling. I struggle with what I feel my rights are as a parent verse what I feel my kids rights are as human beings. Do I bring them all home because I believe very strongly in home schooling my children, and because I am the parent and they are children I have the right to bring them home regardless of their thoughts? Or do I allow them their rights because they are human beings and give them the space to realize that what I believe doesn't necessarily mean that they should/will believe in the same thing? I do know that in Sarah's case - she really would love coming home to learn. What I struggle with is do I let her see that on her own by allowing her to go to school and then having her want to come home to learn after the initial excitement has waned (but keep her in the public school system anyway because that is the choice she made at the beginning of the school year) OR do I take her out now, and have her slowly see over time that bringing her home is something that she is glad I did for her?
I have no doubt in my mind that I will provide those who stay home with a solid education (I will be posting a blog in the next couple of days with the books/subjects each child will be using/learning). I know that this school year has the ability to be fantastic and amazing - I just don't know who will be participating in this amazing year, and that has me sick to my stomach right now.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Scenes from Pedal to the Point
What an amazing experience that was! I cannot wait to ride again next year. 30 miles, was indeed, the perfect goal. There was several times when I really had to dig pretty deep because it was hard for me to do, but I did it. I did all for Sarah. I love that girl, and it breaks my heart that she carries this disease within her. I will do it year after year for her, and I will never quit - not until a cure is found.
So much love to all of you who donated: family, friends, friends of friends, businesses. It is an utterly amazing thing that you did for my family, and I will never ever forget your acts of love.
On the trail...
Most of the members of Team Hope.
We did this all for the love we have of this little girl to the left.
So much love to all of you who donated: family, friends, friends of friends, businesses. It is an utterly amazing thing that you did for my family, and I will never ever forget your acts of love.
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| How true this is. Thank you for your love and support everyone!!!! |
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| Each of us is not the person that we were just a few months ago, but together we are all still a tightly bound family. |
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| Together, we can beat this. |
Self portrait while riding! : )
Me bringing up the rear.
On the trail...
Most of the members of Team Hope.
The beauty that surrounded us during the ride was awesome.
Friday, August 2, 2013
The Eve of Our First Pedal to the Point
Tomorrow is fast approaching, and before I know it 5:00 am will be here. I am both anxious and scared out of my mind. I have not put in much time on my bike since Bob and I signed up for Pedal to the Point, and I wonder if I have done that subconsciously on purpose. It's almost as if I am hoping that this 30 mile (yes, I have settled on just the 30 miles) journey will be hard for me, so that I can show Sarah that I will not give up even when the going gets tough. That if she has to endure hardships then, so too, will I. Now, don't get me wrong - biking 30 miles and living with Multiple Sclerosis are two completely different animals, and I know that. But since I don't have MS this is one of the only ways that I know of where I can show her that I am with her. That I did not give up even when I wanted to because I know that she cannot give up when she wants to.
I will think of all that Sarah has gone through in the last few months when the going gets tough. I will remember the CAT scan, the two MRI's, the EEG, the IVIG, the 3 IV steroid treatments, the countless neurological tests, the countless field of vision tests, the ophthalmology exams, the numerous IV's put into her hands and arms, the blown IV that woke her up out of a deep sleep screaming because the flushing of the line hurt her so bad, how the IV steroid treatments burned her hand.
I will think of the conversation we had last night as I put her to bed about the nightmares she has been having recently in which she goes blind, and does not regain her vision. I will think of how she told me that she is scared to wake up each morning not knowing if she will be able to see or not. How she is afraid that "her eyes will go bad" when she is sitting in her classroom at Lincoln.
When I feel like quitting the race because it is too hard, I will think of the game plan Sarah and I came up with to ease her mind about how if she does go back to school and she starts to lose her vision while in class she is to raise her hand and let her teacher know. That her teacher will then walk her down to the nurse, and the nurse will call me. How we will then head down to Akron Children's, so that they can restore her vision yet again.
I will think about how she seems to have aged so much in the 2 1/2 months since her diagnosis. How her eyebrows are furrowed with a worry that should only be carried by adults. How she lost her childhood magic, and how once that is gone it is usually never to be found again.
I will think of the countless people who donated their time or money to Sarah and our cause, and I will pedal on.
Even when it hurts, and even when I want to give up I will carry on. It is the only thing to do really. Quitting is not an option. I will take out my rage on that road, and I will pedal until my muscles burn, and the road becomes blurry as my vision is obscured by my tears. I will leave so much out on that road, but I will gain a lot in return. Hopefully, I can find another family that has a child (under 10) that has MS. Even if I do not find that family, I will be among caregivers and survivors of a horrid disease, and that in and of itself will be healing.
The kids are going to rise with us and see us off on our journey, and they will be there to greet us when we are done, and even though they will not be with us physically on the road in between they will be with us in spirit. I will carry not only Sarah with me, but Andy, Josh, and Elizabeth, too. This disease has affected us all, and together we will face it. Family first - always.
I will think of all that Sarah has gone through in the last few months when the going gets tough. I will remember the CAT scan, the two MRI's, the EEG, the IVIG, the 3 IV steroid treatments, the countless neurological tests, the countless field of vision tests, the ophthalmology exams, the numerous IV's put into her hands and arms, the blown IV that woke her up out of a deep sleep screaming because the flushing of the line hurt her so bad, how the IV steroid treatments burned her hand.
I will think of the conversation we had last night as I put her to bed about the nightmares she has been having recently in which she goes blind, and does not regain her vision. I will think of how she told me that she is scared to wake up each morning not knowing if she will be able to see or not. How she is afraid that "her eyes will go bad" when she is sitting in her classroom at Lincoln.
When I feel like quitting the race because it is too hard, I will think of the game plan Sarah and I came up with to ease her mind about how if she does go back to school and she starts to lose her vision while in class she is to raise her hand and let her teacher know. That her teacher will then walk her down to the nurse, and the nurse will call me. How we will then head down to Akron Children's, so that they can restore her vision yet again.
I will think about how she seems to have aged so much in the 2 1/2 months since her diagnosis. How her eyebrows are furrowed with a worry that should only be carried by adults. How she lost her childhood magic, and how once that is gone it is usually never to be found again.
I will think of the countless people who donated their time or money to Sarah and our cause, and I will pedal on.
Even when it hurts, and even when I want to give up I will carry on. It is the only thing to do really. Quitting is not an option. I will take out my rage on that road, and I will pedal until my muscles burn, and the road becomes blurry as my vision is obscured by my tears. I will leave so much out on that road, but I will gain a lot in return. Hopefully, I can find another family that has a child (under 10) that has MS. Even if I do not find that family, I will be among caregivers and survivors of a horrid disease, and that in and of itself will be healing.
The kids are going to rise with us and see us off on our journey, and they will be there to greet us when we are done, and even though they will not be with us physically on the road in between they will be with us in spirit. I will carry not only Sarah with me, but Andy, Josh, and Elizabeth, too. This disease has affected us all, and together we will face it. Family first - always.
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