A-L-O-N-E (for 6 whole days)

 My family pulled out of our driveway about 15 minutes ago. They are headed back to Ohio because Sarah has an appointment at the Cleveland Clinic on Tuesday to meet with a new doctor who is an expert in the disease that she has (MOG). Since Bobby and Sarah were already going to be up there they decided to extend their trip a bit and visit with family. Andy and Elizabeth went along as well. (Josh has been in Ohio since his birthday in May staying with friends and family.) I stayed home mainly because we do not feel comfortable kenneling Max just yet, and also because we also have a cat and 2 guinea pigs to take care of. I don't feel comfortable having a stranger in my home and hiring someone from an app or pet sitting website. I know of people who do it and have had absolutely no problems - it just isn't something that I (nor Bobby) am comfortable with at this time. While it is nice to see family, it is also an equal treat for me to have my family head out of town for a few days while I get to stay home alone. 

These times (which usually happen once or twice a year) are so cherished. Not having to take care of my family in any way - to only have to think about myself - is chicken soup for my soul. It's not that I don't miss my family when they are gone - because I do, but I just need this time to sharpen the saw. Time alone helps me to become the best version of myself. It refocuses me and helps me to feel refreshed. 

I sometimes feel pressure and guilt for needing this time alone, especially because I am a stay at home mom, and aren't we supposed to just love being with our families 24/7 without a break? Mostly though I just shrug those thoughts off because I know how valuable this time is to me, and how much it benefits our entire family. (And also because those types of thoughts are completely ridiculous.)

I have been thinking for weeks about how I would use this time. This time is so precious and valuable that I like to have some idea of how I am going to use it before the time actually comes. I feel about this time the way some feel about Christmas morning. 

Saying good-bye to her creatures.

This time around I have decided to not use electronics. No Instagram, checking email, no internet, no TV...just blogging (when I feel like it), music, texts and phone calls (which I don't get often). I have turned off the air conditioning (I may end up turning it back on, but wanted to try to get along without it), so that I can hear the sounds of summer in my wooded backyard. We have 4 fans that I will move around the house during the day as I need to. I don't know why turning off the a/c is something that I want to do, especially because the temps are supposed to hit 90+ degrees almost every day and the lows in the evening are not supposed to go below 70. Maybe it is because I feel like a/c puts me out of touch with the outside world and what is happening? Maybe I want to be conscious of how I am feeling? I don't know what the reason is right now, I just know that having the windows open is something that I wanted to (try) to do while everyone was gone. 

I do have a list of chores and yard work that I would like to accomplish while my family is up north. I also have planned to get some office work accomplished (getting a list together of school supplies needed for the upcoming school year, etc...), but other than that I plan to read books and spend my afternoons at the pool. I plan on journaling a lot and writing to my grandpa each morning. I plan on walking the dog in the evenings and sitting on our front porch as the sun's last rays hit the tops of the trees each day. I am planning on doing anything and everything I feel like and nothing that I do not feel like doing. 

She was less than thrilled that I wanted to take her picture
 so early in the morning (for her anyway). 

 I plan on having a relaxing, non-distracting 6 days, so that when my family returns I am able to give them the best mom/wife I know how to be. I am so excited about this time alone. 

My sweet boy with the long, long hair...who is so excited about visiting with family.

School's Out For Summer!

 Sarah, Elizabeth, and I finished up their 2020-2021 school year today. We worked through June and this portion of July because we took all of May off for our move to North Carolina. (Being on the east coast again, I plan on pushing our next year's school start date to the Tuesday after Labor Day.)

It was a good year overall. It started out with Sarah as a public school student who was homebound due to COVID-19, and ended with her as a full fledged homeschooled student. 

I was so happy when she made the decision to come home full-time, but I was also nervous. She requires a lot of extra work to teach her well and I wasn't sure if I was going to be up for the challenge. 

Lo and behold, I managed it pretty well. 

Elizabeth was very glad to have Sarah come home as well. I know she missed Sarah when Sarah was a freshman and away from home from 7 am to 4:20 pm every school day. 

Elizabeth had a good year too. Like Andy, learning is hard for her and she struggles a lot with things that come simply for others, but unlike with Andy, I now know that with a little extra work and out of the box thinking, by the end of her homeschooling journey she too will know all she needs to know. 

I think that even though I have been a homeschooling mama for many years now I learned a lot this year too. 

These homeschooling days aren't about trying to replicate public school at home, but rather trying to build on all of the things public schooling doesn't/can't allow for: slow learning, extra time for cool projects and field trips, extra time with family, learning about oneself and beliefs away from peer pressure and our societies norms for our children/teenagers. 

I have learned that I can trust myself to educate my children well. I have also learned that this journey is about the long term end goal, and not a year to year short term goal. 

I am excited that we are done for this short summer break. It will be a time for us to enjoy all of the goodness of summer: the community pool, trips to the ocean and mountains, visits with family, and an opportunity to make new friends. 

I am proud of the work we did this year and look forward to the upcoming school year that will be here before we know it. 

Weight Loss Road To 80: Minus 32

 In February of this year I made the decision of quit half-assing my health and get serious about it. I had been having some minor health scares (all because of my weight) and I knew it the pit of my being that it was time to change - for good this time. 

I knew when I started this journey that I was serious about it.  I also knew that I was committed to losing the weight in a way I had not been before, but I also knew that I have tried to lose weight countless times before, and I either lost an insignificant amount or I would give up because I wasn't see the results I wanted fast enough. 

I knew that exercise (committed exercise) had to be a part of this weight loss journey, but I also knew that I was not going anywhere near a gym (not only because of COVID, but because I did not feel comfortable working out at a gym. I was too self conscious about my weight). I also knew that I was getting to the point over being overweight that I did not even feel comfortable exercising in my neighborhood. I was embarrassed of the weight I had gained, but I was more embarrassed for people seeing me in the streets trying to work off that weight through exercise. I knew that I needed to begin this journey in the privacy of my own home. It was where I felt the most comfortable. 

Thankfully, I have an amazing and supportive husband who has been begging me to get healthy for years and is willing to do anything to support that mission because when I talked to him about the possibility of investing in a treadmill he was all about it, as long as I was serious about losing my weight. I think that he could tell that something was different about this weight loss journey because after a short conversation he began to research different treadmills and bought one for me. 

The second part of this process was my diet. I actually don't eat too poorly. I am vegetarian/vegan(ish). I like salads, beans, whole grains, etc...I don't have a sweet tooth either. My problem is portion size and carbs. I l-o-v-e me some carbs - breads, pastas, etc...are my jam. 

Scientifically, I knew that the way to lose weight was to burn more calories than I consumed. The only way to know what I was consuming was to keep track through calorie counting. I did not want to join a program, or pop any pills, or wear any patches on my journey. (I am not against those things for others - I am just against them for me.) I wanted to see what my body could do with a little bit of spit and grit. I wanted to see if my body would respond the old fashioned way of consuming less, being conscious of what I was putting into my body, and exercising it regularly. 

And...slowly but sure it has worked. 

To date, I have lost 32.4 pounds. I have about 48 pounds left to lose and I am thinking it will take me another 9 months or so to do so. The 80 pound total that I want to lose is not set in stone. I know when I get down to a healthy weight for me that that is the weight I am supposed to settle at. It could be 70 pounds total lost or it could be 90 pounds lost. I am not sure how that part of my journey will look yet; I just know that when I get there I will figure it out.

I didn't want to share my weight loss journey with you any earlier because I wanted to make sure that I had a significant amount of weight behind me. I wanted to be able to show people what I knew deep inside - that this time my journey toward health was different. I could write about my seriousness until I was blue in the face, but I knew this was something that I needed to be able to show people. The only way to do that is to actually put in the work and put up the numbers. 

Losing a significant amount of weight is about more than weighing less on a scale. It is a long, hard journey that deals with mental health as well as physical health. I am shedding more than just fat on this journey. I am shedding unhealthy thought patterns, unhealthy belief systems, and unhealthy ways of dealing with emotions. Anyone who has (or is currently) losing a significant amount of weight knows what I mean. If you know, you know. 

So, what I am doing to lose my weight? 

I have several "rules" for myself.

1. No eating past 7 pm

2. Cardio for 60 minutes 3-5 x's per week 

3. No more than 1700 calories per day

4. A dedicated cheat day once a week

5. Get back on the horse if I fall off for a meal or a day

My rules are fairly self explanatory, but I do want to address rules 4 and 5. I knew that if I was going to be successful in this journey that I needed one day a week where I didn't have to count calories, measure anything, and enjoy the foods I wanted to in the quantities I wanted them in. (This day is currently Saturdays, but will change to Sundays once the NFL begins again.) That was what was going to get me through the days where I wanted to cheat so badly. And it has. I am completely okay with planned cheat days (birthdays, holidays, etc...) the key for me is that the time has to be planned out. My biggest pitfall in past experiences in trying to lose weight is the unplanned cheat days/meals/moments because one cheat meal would be come two which would become four, and then all of the sudden my weight loss journey was down the toilet. 

The second thing that I want to address is getting back on the horse. There have been weeks where my rules have not all been perfectly followed. (A lot of them have been, most of them have been, but definitely not all of the them.) What is different about my journey this time, is that I am in this for the long haul, so if I have a weak moment and do have an unplanned meal once in a while instead of giving up, I just get back on the horse and start a new the next meal/day/etc...While I am striving to perfectly follow my rules, I also have built up a mentality that perfection is not possible all the time and that what is possible, and what will see me through this journey, is not giving up when a day or week doesn't go perfectly. 

So, there you have it. I am not sure how often I will share my journey, but I wanted to share it none-the-less both for myself to look back on in future years when I read through the entries in this space and also to try and inspire someone else who may be thinking about losing a bunch of much needed weight. It is totally possible to do so, you just have to find what works for you. Each of us is different and what works for one person won't work for someone else. Just do you, and I know you will see results. 

 

June 2021 Reading List

 I felt like I got back into the swing of things a bit this month. Things are settling down in our lives a bit as we move to get established in North Carolina. This has allowed some more down time for me to squeeze in some reading whenever I can find the time throughout my busy days. 

While I did not read a ton of books this month, I was able to get through some heavier reads which I always enjoy. 

Here is what I read in the month of June: 

I am fascinated with the border having lived relatively close to it for 19 months while we lived in New Mexico. We traveled to El Paso frequently and the realness of the issues surrounding border control have since fascinated me. This book was a good one. It was the first book I can remember reading regarding inside looks at patrolling the border and the flip side, trying to get across the border. I would definitely be willing to read more books on this topic in the future. 

I read Christa's book 'Loved and Wanted' last month and was intrigued by her writing. This book follows the untimely death of her twin sister and her experiences stemming from that. The books that Christa writes are pretty heavy and deal with some big issues, so I don't know that I could read her books over and over again like I can some other authors I read. I am glad I stumbled across her work though and am glad to have read two of her books. 

I am back on my obsession with the Roosevelt family. I have really been focusing on FDR's branch of the Roosevelt clan. This book was written by his grandson and was a good read. I enjoyed it because it was not written by a historian, but rather by someone in the actual family. This can be a double-edged sword though because the author does not have the ability to stand back and look at his family's history with the objectivity that an unrelated author could. On the flip side though - it was pretty cool to get an insiders view/insight to family matters. 

I will definitely read this book again. This book wove the story of both the Teddy Roosevelt and the Franklin Roosevelt branches of the family. It was such a good read because it is not too often that I have found a book that deals with both family's simultaneously. I thought it was cool to see their histories intertwined. 

I am actually finishing up this book right now, but I am including it in my June list because I read the majority of it during June. Eleanor Roosevelt fascinates me. Her history is so interesting. In some aspects I find myself cheering her on and in other aspects I find myself appalled at her choices. I love getting my hands on books regarding the different possible facets of her life. She is a complicated woman and I resonate with that. I enjoy any book I can find on her. 

I think with a little bit of effort I can reach my goal of reading 52 books this year. I wasn't sure even a month ago if that was going to be a possibility because I got off to such a rough start reading wise, but I feel myself picking up some steam. I have a week's long vacation at the ocean at the end of the month with the kids and my sister's family. I think I can make some good progress on getting out of my reading deficit to hit my 52 book goal by the end of the year. 

Numbers of Books Read in 2021:

January: 5

Feb/March: 8

April/May: 6

June: 5

Total: 24

Holden Beach

 A couple of weekends ago our family took our first beach trip. We live about 3.5 hours away from the Atlantic Ocean which for us is still considered a day trip. We had planned on going to Wrightsville Beach first, but there was no parking, and after driving around for two hours trying to find a parking spot we finally decided to find another beach. 

Thankfully, Bobby found us another beach about an hours drive from Wrightsville Beach. I am thankful that my kids are the ages they are because if they had been any younger this trip would have ended up a disaster. After traveling for 3.5 hours, driving around for 2, and then traveling another hour to find a beach with parking we finally ended up right where we wanted to: on the beach. Sarah and I love the ocean. It is our favorite place to be nature wise. (Well, for me the desert is a very, very close second.) I am surprised I love the ocean so much because I have a fear of it. It is so big and vast and unpredictable. 

I am so happy that we live so close to the ocean after 3 years of not living close to one. I am so excited to visit all of the different beaches this part of the country has to offer. 

The kids had a blast jumping into the ocean waves, a favorite part time of theirs. The girls and I each took a walk along the shore to collect shells. Despite the troubles of the morning, we ended up having a great day. I cannot wait to go back. 

 

My sweet Elizabeth enjoying the first of many trips into the water. 

Andy braving the waves alone. 

Trying to coax Sarah out to where they all were. 

The Disparity of the American Education System

As a homeschooling family it is not often that we are exposed to the inner workings of public school education. Unless you have a child playing a public school sport (which is allowed in some states and not allowed in others) or you have a child that requires what would be traditionally be called I.E.P. services, a homeschooling family typically has no reason to interact with its local public schools. 

Because we have moved around so much and because we have children who both longed to play public school sports and need I.E.P. services, our family has probably had more exposure to public schools than a lot of other homeschooling families (aside from the fact that at different points in their lives my children have all attended a public school). 

Recently, I was struck by the utter disparity in our country's public school system when Sarah was denied special education services by the Charlotte Mecklenburg school district especially because she was provided with an abundance of services by her school district in Indiana (as a homeschooling student). Which got me to thinking about the children that actually attend these schools in these different cities in these different states in this SAME country and their very different public school experiences.

In Indiana, Sarah had access to any and all braille supplies she needed: paper, graph paper, tactile math supplies, a laptop, an iPad, adapted chemistry sets, adapted geometry sets, a brailler, graphs, charts - you name it and the school district would procure it for Sarah at no cost to us. She worked with an Orientation and Mobility teacher, received Braille tutoring, Nemath Math Tutoring, etc...all through the public school system as a homeschooled student. The school district is also the same one that Sarah attended for a year as a freshman. They were amazing all around. Its students had great equipment, opportunities, and buildings. 

I knew that we had it good in Indiana when we moved to North Carolina. I did expect that North Carolina would provide some services, but when I reached out to the district I was told that Sarah would receive nothing from them besides the federally required testing services to see if she had a need for special education services. The state had limited funds for students like Sarah and Charlotte decided to allocate its funds to offering homeschooled students speech therapy for those in need of that service. They do not provide any supplies, any tutoring, anything. Zip. Zilch. Zero. To be honest, for a hot minute I was flabbergasted. How could I go from one amazing situation to such a potentially bleak situation just because our family moved states? 

Now, I am not too worried about Sarah because I have already reached out to a state agency that provides support for the blind and the NC school for the blind to see what assistance I can get for Sarah. Plus, I am a bit of a bulldog when it comes to my kids, and so I will find a way to see that she gets what she needs. What has me so upset isn't that Sarah was denied services through the local school district, but rather that not every child has the luxury to seek out services to meet her/his needs. In our country it seems that getting a great education is a luxury. WHAT?! How can we justify that? 

How many public school kids, because they did not go to school in the "right" district with the "right" amount of funds, have fallen through the cracks? How many kids didn't get to take certain classes that would create a spark in them, or participate in certain extracurricular activities, or have access to safe school transportation? (Let's not even get on the topic of teacher salaries and how little they are paid and the disparity among pay between states and cities in those states.)

It is crazy to me the disparity between how different cities are able to educate their children and how different states are able to educate their children. Don't we teach children that they all have value? Don't we teach children that the way to get ahead in life is to stay in school? Then why don't we educate them as if they all have value?! Why don't we create a system where kids want to stay in school? 

If that is what we preach as a society, then why the heck aren't we living up to that credo?! Why don't all public school children have access to great schools? If Charlotte schools cannot afford to pay for services for students like Sarah, what are they not able to pay for for their own school children? And why is it that way? Why can Plainfield, Indiana offer a gluttonous education to not only its students, but to those like Sarah who don't even opt in to their program? 

I just don't understand how our educational system can be the way it is. I don't understand why it hasn't changed. I don't understand how people who make decisions such as how to allocate funds for educating our future don't change it in a way so that all kids, whether they live in Delaware or California or Texas have access to equally great public school opportunities. A family shouldn't have to  to make privileged decisions like pulling their kids out of the system to homeschool, or send their kids to private schools, or just happen to live in the "right" district in order for their kids to receive a good education. We should be offering and providing all of our kids amazing opportunities to learn in public school settings, so that those who cannot homeschool (or attend private school)  have equal access to learn. 

Settling In

 We are slowly settling in to our new home. 

It takes a while to build a new life and we are in the very beginning stages of doing so. It will most likely take 6+ months before we have anything resembling a little life, but we will get there eventually. 

 Sarah is looking up places to volunteer and ride horses. I have been reaching out to different soccer clubs for Elizabeth to begin playing again in the fall. Andy is working on getting a job and getting set for college again this upcoming semester. I am in the process of trying to find a very part time job working 10-15 hours a week to earn our family some extra spending money. On top of all of that I am working on getting Sarah the services she needs to transition into adulthood and on to college in about two years time. 

The house is coming along. We ended up finding a used back patio set and it looks great on the deck. We are now on the hunt for a couple of Adirondack chairs for the front porch. Once we have those items we will work on getting a small sectional and area rug for the fireplace room. 

Bob and Andy went camping this past weekend and had a great time. The girls and I stayed home with the dog and tried to make the most of being home. We have been waiting on our pool passes and were hoping that they would arrive last weekend, but they did not. (Apparently our HOA is notoriously slow. They put New Mexico's 'manana' attitude to shame as it has been three weeks and we still have no pool passes.) Instead the girls and I did some housework, baked, played games and watched a couple of movies. 

Sarah and I are itching to get to the beach. Hopefully, we can do so in the next couple of weeks. There is so much to do here that it is hard to choose what to spend our time on first. It is really nice to live in an area where this is the case. 

We have met our neighbors on both sides of us. On one side is an 80+ man who was born in Ukraine. He speaks little English, but is the sweetest old man. He putzes around in his backyard and in his workshop most days and I love seeing what he is working on. He was a carpenter before he retired. He lived in New York and Texas (El Paso) prior to moving to North Carolina 25 years ago. He watches out for us and we watch out for him. I really enjoy having him for a neighbor.

On the other side of our home are two young guys who are just fresh out of college. They are actually from Indiana which is crazy to me. They lived on the northern side of Indianapolis while we lived on the southern side. I love their youth and energy. They will keep me on my toes for sure, but they seem really nice and I enjoy their presence. 

Josh is in Ohio this summer staying with his best friend's family. He is visiting his cousins a bunch too. He is working two jobs to try and save up money for college and seems to be super busy. I miss him a ton, but am happy he seems to be having such a good time. Andy and the girls are hanging out a bit more now that Josh is gone which is nice. The three of them have a D&D campaign going which they play for hours on end. I love that they are having fun together. 

Playing D&D