31 & 8

Bob and the kids took off this morning to go camping for the night up on Lake Michigan. I had intended to go with them, but Max's neuter setback has made it so that he can no longer go with us which means I could no longer go with the family. (For those of you who don't follow me on Instagram, Max decided to take out his stitches at the incision site of his neuter. It then began to get infected, so we took him to the vet where he was then given 15 staples and another 10 days of recovery with the cone of shame.)

COVID-19 is beginning to take its toll on my psyche and I would have enjoyed the break from the house, but I need Max to heal properly, so here I am. It's not all doom and gloom though. Far from it. I have the next 30ish hours to myself. Alone time is my way to recharge and I am so thankful that I have husband who is willing to give me that space to do so. I have a few household chores I would like to accomplish while the kids are gone, but I can get that done tomorrow. Today is my day to do as I please. I can spend it reading all day; I can spend it watching smutty TV. I can do whatever I want and I love that freedom. I need that freedom. 

In 8 days Max gets his staples taken out and also his cone of shame off. Getting him healed is the last of my obstacles before I can breathe since he came home with us. First, I had to get him to the vet for his first check up and round of shots and testing to make sure he didn't have heartworm, etc... Next, I had to get him groomed because he was a dirty, dread-locked, bug infested animal who ended up requiring 5 baths to get all of the yuck out of him. Lastly, and most importantly, he needed to be neutered. Once his incision site is healed and he is done taking his antibiotic (which is giving him the runs and I cannot wait for him to poop a solid poop) then he will be just a normal dog that needs normal routine check ups and grooming. 

31 & 8.

A Day To Remember

At the tail end of the Great Depression, on July 7, 1932, Gordon Willis Gray entered into this world. He was a  shy boy who grew up in the state of Washington and upon entering into adulthood joined the Air Force to escape a bad family situation. He never graduated from high school, a fact that embarrasses him to this day, but only proves to me that sometimes the best schooling is life because he is one of the smartest people I know. For a man who likes to keep both of his feet grounded in one place, he has traveled all over this country and to Asia (where he was stationed during the Korean War). 

In 1955, Gordon married a sassy lady named Janet who would be a force to reckon with all of the rest of the days of his life.  The yin to her yang, Gordon and Janet were polar opposites; She was outgoing, temperamental, impulsive, energetic, lively; He was steady, quiet, introspective, calm. Somehow, they made it work, and are making it work still as they celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary this past April. 

 In the usual style, Gordon became a father three times over. His only son was born in 1956. Two daughters followed in 1958 and 1959. I hear stories here and there of what Gordon was like as a father, but I don't know him in that capacity, so I can only listen to the tales being shared. I do not think that there is a greater stress than being a parent, so I know that even though he yelled and maybe slammed his fist down on a table or two, he was still the man then that I fell in love with growing up. 

I would like to think that I got the best of Gordon. I came into his life as most of us do, as a baby. I have seen pictures of us together from that time period, and I know that he loved me immensely from the moment he first laid eyes on me. Because Gordon wasn't my parent, and perhaps because I met him later in life and he had mellowed, the man I got to have a relationship with was the most patient human being on this planet. He was always willing to give me his free time. My love of nature came from him as we spent hours and hours over the course of my childhood exploring the acres around his home. He was like a walking encyclopedia. I remember going through every word of Billy Joel's song, We Didn't Start the Fire, (Billy Joel was my favorite singer growing up) and he explained what every event and/or person was in the song. 

I have had a lot of people influence my life. Some for the better and some for the worse, but Gordon has been the single most positive influence in my entire life. Hands down. He is the standard by which I set all human beings by. He is the standard that I wish my sons to become like. He is the kind of man that I wish my daughters to marry. 

I know for certain that so few people get to have someone like Gordon in their lives. It makes me sad for them because I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have Gordon's love and support. Because he is a man of few words, I don't know if he has ever told me he was proud of me, but I didn't/don't need those words from him because his actions have showed me that he is so. He the only person in my life whom I don't words of affirmation from because what we share is so deep that words aren't necessary. I just know.  What he has not been afraid to tell me is that he loves me. My whole life, I have been told over and over that I am loved by him. Telling me he loved me was important to him and every chance he got he always let me know. He didn't want me to ever forget his love, but how could I?  Even if he never shared those words with me, I would still know I was loved by him - I can see it in his eyes. 

When I was little, I used to leave notes under his pillow when I would leave his house after a day or night of visiting. I would confess to him that he was my most favorite person in this whole world. I would tell him how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. He never once confirmed that he received those notes. He never once verbalized that I was his favorite right back. That wasn't his style. The funny thing is, I think for the majority of our family, Gordon was/is the favorite. I think we all thought we were his favorites right back. He was just so good at treating us so well and making us feel so special. 

As I have gotten older, I no longer desire to be the favorite because I know that what I have with this man is an unbreakable bond that only we share. It is a bond that is unique and different from all of the other bonds that he has with my aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins because it is ours and ours alone. I truly know that our ties are unbreakable. 

Gordon is always with me. I carry him in my heart right next to the place I carry my children. In this life and in the ones yet to come, he will never leave me. I have left a piece of him in my children and they will hopefully pass him on to their children. 

July 7, 1932 is a day to remember. 

It is a day that one of the most cherished people in my life was born. It was a day in which my future fate became sealed. A day in which I would be given a gift of unconditional love in its most purest form 47 years later. That unconditional love would inspire me and carry me through some of the darkest parts of my life. 

July 7. 1932 was the day Gordon Willis Gray was born. 

To me though, he is Grandpa. 

He is the love of my life, and outside of my children, is the person I am most thankful for in this whole world. 

I love you, Grandpa. I know that I am in you and you are in me. No matter how far apart we are in physical miles, I know that in spirit we are side by side. Thank you for loving me and sharing your life with me. 

 Happy 88th birthday.  

May/June Reading List

I have been absolutely horrible about keeping track of what I have read these last couple of months. I am fairly certain that I have read more than just this sampling that I am going to provide below, but for the life of me I cannot remember. Go figure. 

I didn't realize how long I have been keeping track of what I read each month until I was perusing through old blog posts looking for a certain picture. It was then that I noticed that I have been doing this for a long time; I also realized how much I love that I have kept track of everything (well, almost) that I have read over the course of the last few years. It is really cool (for me anyway) to see not only what I read, but what I thought about what I was reading. 

Anyway, here is my list of books that I remember reading these last couple of months. I promise that I will keep better track in the coming months of what I am reading: 

This book is one of my all time favorites from a homemaker's perspective. If I could only pick 10 books to keep forever this would be one of them. I LOVE this book. 

I have been on a bit of a homemaking kick lately. After all, this is my chosen profession. I have been slacking a bit as the politics of life and quarantine have really been wearing me down. This book (and the one above) are huge inspirations for me. This is another top 10 pick of mine. 

This book was okay. I generally like history books about Native Americans. This was probably one that I wouldn't read again, but I was glad I read it once. 

I love history books about old money. The Roosevelts, the Rockefellars, the Astors, the Vanderbilts  - all of those families fascinate me. This was a good book. I would probably read it again. 

I have a confession to make - I read this book thinking I was going to scoff my way through the whole thing and hate it. (Why I would choose to read something that I thought was going to hate I don't know.) The book ended up being okay. Definitely not something that I would read again, but also not something that I hated. I don't why I don't care for Jeremy and Audrey. There is just something about them that rubs me the wrong way. We lived near them in Portland, and would sometimes see them out and about at the restaurants that we would frequent. I think that they encompass for me the Portland experience: wealthy, hippy-ish, "I am trying hard not to be cool, so I can be cool", "life is so hard and difficult parenting my 1.75 children", "I know it all", kind of vibe. 

January books read - 7
February books read - 8
March books read - 7
April books read - 2

May/June books read - 5

2020 total - 29

Cataract Falls State Park (#6 of 25)

Good old Smoky the bear

It has been a while since I have stood among a grove of pine trees such as this. We could all smell the scent of the pine needles. The smell was intoxicating. 

My crew (minus Josh who had to work)

This tree was actually pretty big considering we are in the Midwest. It came out of nowhere too. 

Meh. That is how I would rate this state park. I think we all would have liked it better and appreciated it more had we never lived out west, but we have been immensely spoiled when it comes to nature, so it takes a lot to wow us. It didn't help that it was really hot and really humid. It had just rained a bit the day before so the bugs were out in full force as well. This created some muddy, slippery downhill trails which caused our already cranky girls to become even more so. Seeing the covered bridge was cool, I will admit that. Bob, Andy, and I also really loved walking through the pine tree grove. I know it brought back memories of the Pacific Northwest to us all. The smell of the pine needles was amazing. 

We hiked about two miles. I could have gone on for longer, but our girls were so cranky that getting them home was more important that dragging them down another trail for another walk in the woods. I definitely don't think we will be revisiting this state park ever again. Hopefully, there will be less 'meh' state parks in our future and more 'holy cow this is amazing' parks. But we do live in Indiana, so I am not sure I can really expect much more awesomeness than we have already experienced at McCormicks and Turkey Run State Parks. Like I have said in previous posts, I do find the woods here comforting, so that is a bonus. I am not sure where we will be living in the next year, so I am trying to appreciate all of the good things the Midwest has to offer even if they are spectacular, take your breath away things. Sometimes, the comfort of the simple woods is just as important as being wowed. 

Shades State Park (#5 out of 25)

This past weekend Bob and I went to Shades States Park. If I am being completely honest, it was one of the worst state parks I have ever been to. Its trails weren't very well kept up (at least the ones we were on); they were narrow and over grown which made them hard to locate. A couple of times I got nervous because I thought we had lost the trail.  It was easy to get stuck either going up or down stairs with people coming in the opposite direction because there were no places to pull over to let others pass.(Thankfully, this only happened a couple of times and I was able to turn my face and body away from the passing hikers. There definitely wasn't 6 feet of room between us which I wasn't a big fan of.)

We did bring Max with us which meant we were limited on the trails we could go on. I guess the two most popular hikes were those that had ladders going up and down on them, which of course we could not do with a dog. We were so unimpressed with what we did see that we aren't sure we are willing to make the 75 minute trip back there again to check out those trails. 

Despite all of this, it was nice to get out. I found the drive (and so did Bob) more enjoyable than the actual park itself. There is something special about driving through Midwest farmland. I always think about the farmer who owns each parcel and wonder what her day to day life is like. I wonder if she grows corn, wheat, and soy, or if she diversifies. I wonder if he treats his animals well. I wonder if she has always wanted to be a farmer or if farming runs in his family and it was just a given that that is what he would become. I wonder if the farmer rents her land from a huge corporation. I wonder what he thinks people like myself have no concept of what it means to grow food. 

I also think about how different America is. The farmer living in the middle of nowhere and the city slicker, what do they have in common? What can unite them? When I look out on that Midwest farmland I understand why we have such differences in our country - such different belief systems and wants/needs for the future of our country.  

Brown County State Park

There are 25 state parks and 1 national park in the state of Indiana. My hope is that before we get shipped out again that we can visit them all. So far, we have visited 5 of them: Brown County State Park, McCormick's Creek State Park, Shades State Park, Turkey Run State Park, and White River State Park). Turkey Run has been our absolute favorite park so far. It is the park in which we measure all others to.

 I hope to be able to take a trip each weekend we have nothing planned, so that we can accomplish our goal. 

A few weekends ago we visited Brown County State Park. It was a very user friendly park with both paved trails and off terrain trails. It was a pretty quiet park with not a ton of visitors, at least not on the trail we took. Brown County State Park is the largest park in the state of Indiana. I am sure that we will go back again and try out a different trail should we be here long enough to do so. (There is no word on us moving yet, but there is a lot of movement happening with Bob's employer. We have been given tidbits of information to make us think that a move may not be too far off for us.)

Andy joined us on this hike and we had a great time together. I am always glad when our kids join us on these excursions. I find that even Josh (if the park is cool enough) enjoys himself. We almost always make coming with us a choice though, and more often than not at least one of the kids stays behind to sleep in or chill out at home. 

There is something so comforting to me about Midwest forests. I cannot put my finger on it exactly; maybe it's the comfort of the familiar, after all I have spent most of my life living in the Midwest. I know this may sound weird, but I usually feel so welcome in the woods of the Midwest. The sounds and sights are usually the same and I find myself relaxing amidst the peacefulness that surrounds me. 

My dad often walks with his hands behind his back. Looks like the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree because Andy does it too. 

You don't see too many big trees in this part of the country - at least not compared with places like Redwood National Forest or other Pacific Northwest woods, so it is always cool when a big tree catches my eye. 

See? This is so comforting to me. It's like being hugged by the trees as you walk on the trail. I love it. 

A cool little pond full of frogs and tadpoles that just showed up out of nowhere on this trail. 

Taking a rest. 

Exploring a rock overhang. 

I love how the sunlight made it through the trees to create a laser beam of light in a darkened forest. 

I think about two things when I see this tree: 1.) I think of the book The Wind in the Willows and wonder who lives in this tree. 2.) I think of the book The Giving Tree.