First's

When Sarah was diagnosed with MS not only did her life change forever, but mine did too. For the first time there was something that she was facing that I could not offer her support as someone who has been there before. Her diagnosis wasn't like a fight that she got into with her friends, or a test she was nervous about taking in school, or a big soccer game that she got the jitters over. I could not use my own past life experience to help her navigate through whatever she was facing at the time. Her diagnosis was something that I could offer her no advice on, and cannot tell her what the outcome might look like for her.

There have been other 'firsts' that I have experienced as well. It was the first time I experienced rage. The first time I experienced utter sorrow. The first time I saw my husband's heart break right before my eyes, as it did in the ER on the night of May 18, 2013. It was the first time I experienced, in a way that was different from the shallow hope I knew of in my old life, hope. A deep and vibrant hope that, to this day, still keeps me going even when I am scared out of my mind.

For the first time, I was also bestowed with grace. I have had so many people in our life, in our community, and even those not in our community reach out to us.  When Sarah's best friend decided to start a lemonade stand to raise money for Team Hope, I was blown away. What 8 year old kid these days does that? Not too many that I know of. What 8 year old kid stands outside hour after hour, day after day, holding a lemonade sign asking for donations to raise money for her best friend? What kind of child inspires her family and her dad's employer to raise money for another child, whom most of them have never even met? I will tell you the kind of child that does that: a child wise beyond her years. A child with a heart of gold. A gem in the rough. A child who was brought to this earth to teach us all a lesson in generosity and giving of oneself for the purpose of helping another. Leah made all the difference in the world to my daughter, and therefore made all of the difference in the world to me. Sarah's best friend was able to raise $1300.00!!!! Can you believe that? The amount of money amazes me, but  what I will remember years from now and what Sarah will remember years from now, is not the amount that she raised, but the example of true friendship that she showed not only to Sarah, but to me as well. Love comes in many shapes and forms - the love that Sarah's friend showed her is beyond compare and something that will be remembered by us all for the rest of our lives.

I also, for the first time, understand how much a small (or big) gesture can go a long way. I got a phone call yesterday from an acquaintance. She is a good woman whom I know through the school and through a mutual friend. She, too, has 4 children and an infectious smile and laugh. After Sarah's diagnosis she sought me out, and told me that if I ever needed anything that I could call her even if it was just to have a glass of wine. She didn't bombard me with questions about Sarah - she just came to make that simple statement and then she was off. I appreciated that because at that time in my life I was talking to everyone about Sarah, and was just plain talked out. She understand that without me even having to tell her, and knew that I was burnt out. Her simple gesture has stayed with me ever since she reached out. I talked to her yesterday and out of the blue she told me that her company was donating $500.00 to Team Hope. I cried. (Sarah, who was with me, just rolled her eyes. She is used to my tears of joy). Here was a woman who, could have been doing a million other things with her time and resources, and she chose to help Sarah. I was blown away by this generosity. Again, not because of the dollar amount (although that was awesome), but because someone whom I know very little about and whom knows very little about me took the time out of her busy life to help my family out. She didn't have to do that, and I will remember her act of kindness and gesture to help family forever and ever. It is simple gestures like this that really have made all the difference in the world. The fact that our plight has touched people in a place within them that moves them to try and help us out just amazes me for lack of a better word. These people, all of them, who have donated time or money to Team Hope or to our family in the way of baby sitting, etc...didn't have to do that. They all could have gone on with their daily lives, as I would have prior to this diagnosis, and put our situation behind them. Instead, so many people, stopped their lives for a moment, reached out to us in their own way, and changed me forever. I am a much different person now, than I was 2 1/2 months ago because of the generosity shown to me by a menagerie of people.

I am humbled by all of the 'firsts' I have experienced since May 18th.  I have been shown more about myself and those around me than I ever thought possible. I will carry all of these things with me always and forever.