The Best Kind of Friends

In the hustle and bustle of life it is not too often that Bob and I have the opportunity to spend quality time with our friends. This afternoon was one of those rare moments when a group of us were able to set some time aside and gather together to celebrate the gift of friendship.

All of our friends in this group have young children, and it really is an honor to see them on the beginning leg of this crazy journey called parenthood. Bob and I have the oldest kids in the bunch, and it seems like not so long ago, we too, were toting around diaper bags and the such. I miss those times, and I hope that I can someday join their ranks and have another little one running around our home. It all goes by so quickly. The days can seem so very long, but those years? Yeah, they fly by.

 I have known the boys in this group since I was 18. They were all my husbands friends, and had been for many years prior to my meeting them. Because Bob and I chose to have children when we were rather young I didn't get a chance to really get to know this wonderful group of men until they met their future wives and began the process of settling down themselves. Each of these fellas met the most wonderful women, and I was honestly blessed to have each of them in my lives. We are all so different yet we still have found enough in common to forge strong bonds with one another. I have been fortunate enough to become close enough to one of them that I consider her my soul sister. I share an unbelievable connection with her that I find comes but only a handful of times in a lifetime. She is definitely an anchor in my life, and helps to keep me grounded and centered when the waves of my life seem to come crashing down on me. I especially cherish her love, support, and friendship.

I love this group of friends for many reasons. I love them because they make me laugh. We laugh so often and so hard that it is pretty much a given that at least one of us will have tears running down his/her face and our belly in stitches because of the hysterics induced by someone in the group.  I love them because they offered their love and support in some of our darkest hours after Sarah's diagnosis. I love them because they are good genuine people who would give Bob and I anything they could if we asked them too. I love them because of the memories we have shared together in the past and the ones we will share together in the future. I also love them immensely because no matter how much time passes between each of our get together's it seems like no time has passed at all, and we pick up right where we left off.

Friends like these are hard to find. Sure each of us have other groups of friends that we love and cherish, but it is really nice to be able to fall back on those people whom we have a long history with, as Bob and I do, with each of these four boys and their wives. It is also nice to have 4 couples who love each other dearly, who can get together and have a good time guaranteed.

I am always so grateful when we can get together. It doesn't matter if one of these couples lives out of state - we always find a way to be together and cherish our time with each other. I imagine we always will.

So, Stacy, Conor, Jenn, Matthew, Ted, and my dearest Meghan - I love you all. Thank you for being in my life, and in Bob's life. Thank you for offering your never ending support to us. Thank you for offering me the gift of true friendship. I will cherish it always.

What I Know For Certain

When I am living my life authentically this is what it looks like:

Spending time in nature

Making our food from scratch

Eating healthy

Playing with my kids

Reading with my kids

Having time to myself

Exercising

Washing my face morning and night

Brushing my teeth morning and night

Blow drying my hair

Picking out a nice outfit and putting on makeup

Being Creative

Reading a good book

Discovering something new 

Laughing

Talking with my kids

Talking with my husband

Snuggling with my husband in bed at night

Walking the dog

Hiking with the dog, kids, and husband

Having a clean home

Having all the laundry washed, folded, and put away

Having good, whole, healthy food in the house

Having a lesson plan for schooling

Having a meal plan for our meals

Made Beds

Having date nights with each of my kids alone

Camping

Having date nights with my husband

Having a plan for the day

Listening to the radio/music

Getting a good night sleep

Reading my favorite blogs

Writing a good blog

These are the things I am going to focus on because these are the things that make me happy. I feel centered and whole when I am spending my time doing them. Noticeably absent from this list is the TV video games, Ipods, Kindle, or any other contraption that takes me away from my family or them away from me. It is harder at times to get through my day without these items because it means that I have to spend my whole day actively engaged in, not only my life, but the life of my family.(I know to some of you this sounds completely ridiculous that I might feel this way, but there are others of you out there that know exactly what I am talking about.) It is so much easier to flip on a button and let a TV show or movie take away a few hours of our day, but I end up feeling so icky on the inside that that time spent that way wasn't worth it at all. Any benefit that I thought that I had gained in allowing my kids to be glued to an electronic device is voided out when the guilt sinks in that I did not choose to spend that time doing something more constructive with them. Something more in tune with the way that I know I need to be living my life to remain true to my authentic self. 

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. All of those promises to myself never panned out when I was younger because I wasn't ready to really seem them through.  I won't really be making any new promises to myself this year. I will just be gifting myself with the knowledge of old truths that I discovered so long ago, but have set aside among the noise of everyday life. 

I am not sure where this blog fits into the big picture. I love writing this blog, and I love reading other blogs even more, but I find that I sometimes spend too much time in "blogland".  I think that this blog is a good outlet for me, but I need to cut down on the amount of time I spend writing drafts/posts and reading those blogs that I love. After all, sitting here and typing/reading is just another way to ignore my real life if I spend too much time doing so. I hope that you will bare with me while I try to figure things out. 

I wish everyone a very Happy New Year!

Christmas in Pictures

XMas Eve dinner: homemade bread, red potatoes, quinoa & tofu stir fry, asparagus, salmon, & chicken breast

Lily, the dog, anxiously awaiting Santa's arrival

Goodies for Santa

On the lookout for Santa

My boys, clever as they are, decided to place my Christmas present in a loaf of white bread. For as long as they have been alive we have battled the white verse whole wheat/grain bread. 

That black thing peering out of the bag is one of the  slippers - duct taped - inside of the sandwhich bread. The boys actually ate the centers out of 2 loaves of bread, and place 1 shoe inside one loaf of bread. 

The aftermath...

Josh and part of Andy's stash...

Josh's stash

Elizabeth with her new American Girl - Julie - doll. 

Sarah playing with her Barbie head that she asked for so that she can style someone's hair whenever she wants.

Ready to party at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Awkward looking Gregg family photo.

This & That

Bob and the kids are outside playing in the snow. It is such a gift that my children have such a wonderful father. They have no idea, and never will, what it is like to have an absent, unloving, uninvolved father. As I watch them playing outside I realize how lucky we are to all have each other to rely on. I need my kids just as much as they need me. I marvel at the beauty of our family, and how honored I feel to have been given such a gift.

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I was playing Uno with the Sarah this morning, and I happened to ask her how her eyes were doing. She has been off of her medicine for 4 days now, and I always am a bit on edge looking for signs of something going wrong. To my utter delight, Sarah told me that she felt like she did not even have MS. She said that she had absolutely no blurriness in eyes and no black spots either. I have been waiting to hear those words for the last 6 months and 1 day.

Now, I know full well that things could very quickly go down hill, but for the time being I will let those words sink into my heart because I now know that it is fully possible for Sarah to feel like a normal girl again - even if it is only momentarily. But, the words keep creeping into my heart, what if she feels better because of the dietary changes we are making? I know that the reality is that we only started making these changes a couple of weeks ago, but what if it is possible that she is feeling better because of the food she is now consuming and the vitamins she is taking? I know that it sounds nuts, and most likely is not the reason, at least not this quickly, but it sure is nice to imagine what if? It definitely gives me the hope that I am on the right path. Hope is the catalyst for a great many things.

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I love my boys. I feel like I don't talk about them enough. I really have two of the sweetest boys ever created. Andy has the purest heart of anyone that I know. I think that anyone who knows him would agree with me in saying that he is a stand up kind of guy. I love that young man, and admire him in so many ways. He reminds me a lot of my grandfather. I admire my grandfather a lot for so many reasons. Josh is harder to read than Andy because, while Andy wears his heart on his sleeve, Josh tucks his away. It is only when he has been wounded do I see the emotions openly pour out of him. Both boys are great helpers. I love to watch them as they grow. I adore the fact that I get to walk beside them as they grow and share this part of their journey with them.

I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. I have a feeling that Santa did a really nice job this year getting everyone what they asked for, and although I am usually all about a minimalist lifestyle, I hope Santa went above and beyond this year. My kids don't get a lot during the course of the year, I don't think that they need a lot, but sometimes it is pretty nice to let them be spoiled especially when they are asking for cool things like Legos. 

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We had the salmon and amaranth for linner (lunch/dinner - what we call our meal with Bob before he goes to work) today. It did not go over so well. Everyone (including me) tried the salmon, but no one was really impressed. The amaranth was not a success either. The green beans and salad that we had with the meal were the most successful part of the entree. Oh, well. We will just try different recipes next time. I am not going to eliminate either of those foods from our diets quite yet as I feel they are very important we will just have to try different recipes. 

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Well, that's that. 

What our Menu Looks Like Now

I spent literally hours creating our family's menu for the next two weeks. I haven't made a menu in about 5 weeks because I have been frozen by the overwhelming mountain of learning there is in how to feed my family a completely different way than from what we have always known. Each meal has been pretty painful, and my dislike of our need to eat has grown by leaps and bounds. But alas, as with all things I have come to avoid at one time or another, I finally got to a point this past weekend where enough was enough - by golly, I  was going to get a two week menu together if it killed me.

Photo taken from: amazon.com

I spent a lot of time yesterday going through cookbooks, and also my new favorite book in the whole wide world, Undiet, by Meghan Telpner (I swear to goodness this woman wrote this book with me in mind. I cannot believe how much this books speaks to me) to try and come up with a gluten and dairy free meal plan.

The gluten thing was not something that I was going to attempt quite yet, I wanted to get the dairy thing down first, but Josh is certain that he has a gluten intolerance. He get belly aches regularly after eating, and we have even been to the doctor because of them (with no diagnosis), so after hearing about gluten intolerance he has sworn off gluten on his own accord. I was surprised by his staying power, as he loves bagels, bread, pizza, and all things gluten, but he has been true to his new beliefs (and coincidentally has not gotten a bellyache since doing so). I was skeptical of his idea at first, but know first hand the importance of listening to ones intuition, regardless of what anyone else thinks, so I supported his quest to eat gluten free foods.

So, this is what I have come up with for the next two weeks. A lot of this food is so different from what we had been eating that I am not sure how successful the new food choices will go over with the whole family, but I can tell you that I am very proud of myself for even getting to the point of being able to put a menu together that is not only dairy free, but gluten free too. I know full well though, that as proud of myself as I am now for persevering through all of this forest of food information that I am not at the summit yet. I am certain that I will still have set backs on this road toward recovery. What I have learned is that the high's are really high, but on the flip side, the lows are really low. (I guess that is just what I should expect 6 months out from the type of diagnosis Sarah received last May.)

Here is our menu - if you have suggestions or some food knowledge that you would like to share - by all means please do. I am a sponge when it comes to food knowledge.

Tuesday:

Taco's with chicken (corn tortilla)
(We put corn, black beans, tomatoes, brown rice, lettuce, onion/green pepper, chicken, olives in our tacos. No cheese anymore, and definitely no fake cheese! The more I read about fake products like vegan cheese and garden burgers the more I think that they are just as harmful to my family as dairy.)

Wednesday: 

Salmon 

Amaranth

Asparagus

Salad

Thursday:

Veggie Stir Fry

Tofu

Quinoa

Salad

Friday:

Vegan Chili 

Salad

Saturday:

Eating elsewhere

Sunday:

Eating elsewhere

Monday:

Bean and Veggie Burgers 

(Homemade)

Quinoa Salad

Regular Salad

Tuesday:

Salmon

Millet

Acorn Squash

Peas (for Bob)

Salad

Wednesday:

Eating Elsewhere

Thursday:

Pesto pasta (gluten free)

Roasted Brussel Sprouts

Salad

Friday:

Chicken Tacos

I am also going to be careful about the oils I use in cooking. I have done some reading and think that I am going to use olive oil, flaxseed, and coconut oil. I am most concerned about the quality of the chicken and eggs that we use. So, despite the costs I am going to start going back to a local farm that I frequented a long time ago to purchase both of these item. The chickens that produce both the eggs and the meat that I will be buying are pasture raised, and I like the openness of the farm. 

So, that's it. This is what I have been doing in my spare time. It's funny how something so simple as nourishing ones body has gotten so complex, and how much time it has taken me just to come up with something as seemingly simple as a menu.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Thanks to Bob's pushing the Christmas spirit has finally arrived at the Gregg household. The tree is up and the decorations are out. Mother Nature provided us with a good sprinkling of snow, and some early treats arrived from our family in New York. It is going to be a very good couple of weeks!

Aunt Laura usually sends some pretty cool crafts our way, and this year was no different. The girls loved putting together a foam gingerbread house. 

You don't see Lily on the couch, right? Bob doesn't allow the dog on the couch so we are going to pretend that she is a figment of our imagination...

All that was left was adding some finishing touches!

A package came from Aunt Laura and Aunt Jessica today, and in it were these two dish towels. I instantly loved them. Sarah loved them too. 

My kids wait for these cookies all year. This picture was taken after the box had already been dug through. Some of the cookies have already been devoured. 

Aunt Betty sent a tree for each of the kids to have in their rooms. This year, since the boys and girls are sharing bedrooms,  I  took the liberty to use the two extra trees in the other rooms of our home to make them seem a bit more Christmasy.

Putting the lights on the tree. 

The boys were invited to go sled riding with a friend. First sled riding of the year. Good thing we bought gloves and boots this morning!

Elizabeth helping me with the tree. 

Snowy weather.

The Gut, MS, and Food

I often struggle with myself and my determination to see if I can use foods to help heal Sarah instead of the drugs that her neurologists have asked us to consider placing her on. The majority of the time I feel so alone in this battle, and the pressure and enormity of the decisions I am trying to make weigh so heavily on my heart. It doesn't help at all that there are so many mixed messages out there that trying to decipher between the truth and the crap requires a knowledge base that I clearly do not have...yet.

Just when I seem to be at my lowest points, I will find something that sends my heart and soul into a dance of jubilation because there is proof out there that my gut is right. I just have to dig for it. Sometimes, when I am really lucky, the proof just falls into my lap.

I had recently read online and then again in a magazine published by the National MS Society called Momentum that there are some intriguing studies being done on the relevance of our gut and disease. The gut is made up of both the small and large intestine.  In both of these organs are microorganisms that reside in them. These living organisms help aid in the digestion of food, and also keep the harmful bacteria (found in some of the foods we eat and drink) from getting us sick. One of the most important things, in terms of Sarah anyway, is that in our guts reside a whole lot of immune cells. The microorganisms found in our guts "talk" to these immune cells. The way I understand it, if our gut is sick and does not have healthy microorganisms then it affects the way that our immune cells respond in our bodies. There is some thought that this conversation between the microorganisms and immune cells can go wrong causing the immune cells to go haywire. I find it to be amazing that our guts are what process the food we eat and the things we drink. So, in my brain, I would think that if there is something wrong with what is happening in our small and large intestines I would think that it would be related to what is being put into those organs. Which would then lead me to believe that if the right things are put back into it (let's say whole foods) then the organs should be able to right themselves and begin functioning properly, no? Which then leads me to believe that if our guts (which by the way - house more immune cells than any other organ) are making us sick then our guts should be able to make us well again. Now, I am sure that I will be thought of as crazy for having these thoughts. Diet alone helping illness? Without medication? Unheard of!

I will continue to research the gut and try and find as many studies as I can. I am also looking into something right now called a 'Leaky Gut'.From what I understand - and some of you may know about this a lot more than I do - a leaky gut is caused by the tearing down of our intestinal walls by the food we eat. Eventually, some of those particles of food get into our bloodstream. It is thought that when this happens some of these particles can mimic cells in our bodies. In the case of MS, when the body begins to fight these intruder particles found in our bloodstream it has a hard time telling them apart from normal cells because the particles have mimicked some of the normal cells. This causes our antibodies to attack real cells and the intruder cells. Which, for someone with MS, is a big problem.

I don't know about you, but I am noticing a common theme among our bodies and why they sometimes fail. It seems that the food we eat - whole food - is a lot more important than any big corporation with an interest in keeping us sick would like us to believe.

Obviously, I am no scientist or doctor. I am a mom who has a vested interest in making the best decisions that I can to help my daughter fight an autoimmune disease. There are several reasons floating around as to what causes MS, but no certain factors are known. Some of these reasons are things such as stress, a vitamin D deficiency, hereditary genes, a virus, and to those of us not in the mainstream of thought, food. My own personal theory is that Multiple Sclerosis is caused by a combination of several of these factors. I think for Sarah, her MS came about as a result of stress (in hindsight I can see now that some of her symptoms started to appear when Bob left for Chicago on his  7 month temporary job assignment), genes (my mom has MS), a vitamin D deficiency (we live in a cloudy part of the country), and finally food. This cocktail of things mixed at just the right speed, is what I believe, brought about Sarah's MS.

I feel that food plays a big part in not only what brought about the onset of Sarah's MS, but also an even bigger part in helping to keep her symptoms at bay. I work so hard at finding the best way for our family to eat because there is some information out there that will show that diet can halt the progression of MS (read T. Colin Campbell, John A. McDougall, Roy L. Swank, Ivy & Andrew Larson).  There is no downside of trying to eat healthier, and that is one of the many things that I like about trying to alter our diet. There are many downsides to putting Sarah on a treatment plan for MS that includes injecting her with drugs. The only thing that all of these drugs can offer at best is that they may slow down the progression of the disease. Because MS is such an individual disease there is no guarantee that any of these drugs will actually work. There is no 'best' treatment out there either. All of these drugs have serious potential risks in taking them, and most of them guarantee having some less serious side effects such as flu like symptoms every week when you inject them into your body. (Most, but not all, of the 10 drugs approved by the FDA are to be injected into the body.) With the pharmaceutical industry being so powerful, I often question the reliability of the medicine they are trying to sell to me. Especially drugs that come with the warning labels of adverse reactions like those found in the drugs to (potentially) slow down the progression of MS.

I often feel that the benefits of food in treating illness are downplayed or are not even looked into at all because it would affect so greatly the bottom line of the pharmaceutical and food industry. Those two industries are big enough, and have enough sway power, to dictate what information is released and in what fashion, to the general public. That is why I respect people who are willing to put themselves out on the line and go against mainstream thinking. Some of the doctors listed above have been cast aside as wacko for thinking that diet can change so much of our ailments, but really, what could it hurt (besides the bottom line of the big pharmaceutical and agricultural companies) if we all just tried to educate ourselves and feed ourselves better?

Writer's Block

I seem to have a case of writers block right now. I cannot tell you how many blogs I have written, and then deleted, because I didn't like what I was writing. Blah!

Things are running pretty smoothly around here. School is going well.I am slowly establishing a routine for Miss Elizabeth (and the rest of the gang too) that seems to be working out nicely. Bedtime is getting smoother and smoother (knock on wood), and Elizabeth is no longer getting out of bed 50 times after I tuck her in for this and that.

Christmas lists have been made. Letters have been mailed to Santa. The kids decided not to ask for a trip this Christmas, but instead asked for just a few toys. I am very happy because this years lists are not filled with junk, but rather toys that I know will be played with. Andy and Josh are asking for a ton of Legos. They are so excited, and go to lego.com  almost daily to see the things that they asked for, and to dream up the city they are going to create after Christmas. Elizabeth is asking for an American Girl Doll and a kitchen set. Sarah would like an mp3 player and a pea coat. There are a few other random things that they are asking for, and that each of the kids is hoping they will get. Overall, it looks like it will be a good Christmas. I know that Santa is pretty much peeing his pants with excitement over gathering up the items on the kids lists. I know that he cannot wait to see their faces on Christmas morning.

We still haven't gotten our tree yet. We are super late this year with getting everything up. I don't know why, but all of the fall holidays have come at warp speed this year, and I have not really decorated for any of them. I get really bummed when I think about it because I do enjoy getting the house ready for each occasion, but it just seems like 'boom' the holiday is here and gone, and I never had a chance to get a box out of the closet.

I am still feeling pretty blah. I have been thinking the last couple of days about going back to school to get a master's degree in nutrition or some other advanced degree in nutrition. The enormity of information about food is amazing. Just when I think that I am making some sort of headway I am taken back 3 steps because of some new information I read about or learn. It embarrasses me how little I know/knew about food. I have always thought I was a little bit ahead of the curve in terms of enlightenment when it comes to the things I was putting into not only my body, but my family's bodies as well. Turns out I was way wrong. I wish I would have known back before becoming a mom how important good nutrition is, and how much it would play an important part of in my life.

Start With Yourself

Start with Yourself

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When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.

But it, too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.

From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world.

- Anonymous

Stuck in a Rut

I don't know if it is the seemingly constant overcast sky day in and day out in this part of the country or the busyness of the season, but I have gotten myself stuck in a rut. It seems as if everyone else around me has all of their s$&t together, and I am the lone freak who has no idea what she is doing anymore. (That is assuming I knew what I was doing to begin with.)

I really dislike ruts. I can be a very harsh critic of myself, and sometimes the condescending thoughts that seem to run through my brain like ticker tape (is that what is is even called?) overwhelm me to the point where I feel like I am just awful in every aspect of my life.

I am not going to run through the list of things that I am upset about or chastising myself about because I know when I look at my list I will just get upset with myself for not being more grateful for the things that I do have in my life and for the things that are going right.

I just need to get out of my own head. If only I could figure out how to do that...

This and That - It's a Long One

This time of year is always super busy for our family. Sarah's birthday comes so closely after Thanksgiving which is, of course, followed by Christmas. It seems like these six weeks keep us running from one thing to the next.

Sarah had a couple of girlfriends and her cousin over last night for a sleepover in honor of her birthday. Bob took the girls to an indoor venue that has video games, roller skating, laser tag, and all of those sorts of things. The girls were there for four and a half hours just having fun. When they came back some of them were geared up for more fun, so they stayed up pretty late (as sleepovers are naturally prone to do) and got up pretty early. Even though I was really apprehensive about having a sleepover with more than just 1 person (our house is so small there is really no place for anyone to go to hang out) I am really glad that I decided to go ahead and have the party anyway. It is so good for Sarah to be around those girls. I really need to get her together with her friends more often. Life just seems to get so busy, and then boop another month or two has gone by. Her friends put a smile on her face though and her smile lights up my life, so more friend time it will be.

On another note - Sarah will be finished with her steroid taper next week, and I am nervous. I cannot put my finger on why, but I just have this pit in my stomach that something is not right with her. She has both a neurology (with the new neurologist) and an ophthalmology appointment this week, but because Sarah is still on her steroids I doubt that they will notice anything unusual. It took her so much longer to recover this time, and I am not sure why.

I have been in a funk lately because of this whole MS business. I am tired of it. I am tired of thinking about it. I am tired of researching things about it. I am tired of seeing my daughter affected by it. I am tired of writing about it on my blog. I just want it to go away. It is just weighs so heavily on my heart. I try very, very hard to be as upbeat as I can about everything. I try to have a good outlook and a fighters spirit about the whole thing, but sometimes I feel weak. I feel like God was extremely mistaken when he thought that I could handle all of this. I am not the person who he thinks I am. I cannot do this. I cannot be a beacon of light for my family. I cannot blaze a trail with diet instead of medicine. But when I think about giving up and giving in I know that I cannot do that either. I won't stop thinking about it. I won't stop researching things about it. I won't stop writing about it on my blog. It won't just go away, and so I won't just give up. It all just feels so heavy, and I don't know if I have the strength it will take to get through a whole lifetime of having a daughter (and a mother) with such a debilitating disease. I keep hoping that I will wake up one morning, and the whole thing will be a thing of the past. Like the common cold. I keep hoping that we will only have to endure all of this for just a bit longer, and then we will be able to put this whole MS business behind us. Unfortunately, as my reality reminds me each morning as I open my eyes, this is just not the case.

As I have researched dietary changes I have promised Sarah that whatever I asked her to do I would do also. So, when we officially gave up dairy last week I thought that it would be impossible. There are so many foods that are now eliminated from our diets, and I thought Sarah would resent what I was asking her to do. In true fashion, as she has so graciously shown me time and time again, Sarah is doing amazing. She had one time this week where she cried because she was frustrated that there was a snack that she wanted to have that a bunch of her friends were having, but it had dairy in it and therefore she could not eat it. (Being Sarah, she waited until she got home before getting upset. You would have never known how sad she was while at the event she was at.) I sat down with her and told her that if she did not want to go through trying to eliminate foods in her diet that she did not have to. I explained to her that the choice was hers and I would support what ever she wanted to do. She, without giving it a second thought, said that she wanted to try making these dietary changes because getting rid of certain food would be easier than taking a shot once a week.   I am so proud of her. She is doing amazing. She was telling her friends this morning that she is choosing to forgo dairy because the alternative is taking a shot once a week to try to help her feel better. I am so amazed at her grace. I know that at 9 I would not be handling all that she has to deal with so well. Kids are amazing. My kid is super amazing.

I also have to say that I  have moments where I am super proud of myself. I am taking on this mountain and super challenge called food, and I am trying to sift through the garbage of information out there and make sensible dietary changes that most of the Western medical system does not believe can help Sarah. When we get through a meal, like tacos, and everyone in our family loves them even without the cheese I feel like I am on top of the world. It is so unbelievably gratifying when I am successful, even with something as small as 1 meal, because it makes me feel that all of those times when I feel so alone and up against the behemoth food and pharmaceutical industries and have so much doubt, that I am right in listening to my gut. That feeling, to me, is worth a million bucks.

Elizabeth has been driving me darn near crazy lately, and I regret not putting the time in with her when she was an infant that I put in with the other 3 kids because I am paying for it now. Every. Day. In looking back, I realize that a lot of my issues with her were created by me and my laziness. Yes, she does have a quirky personality, but that doesn't explain or excuse some of her behavior. When kids are her age, I credit their bad behavior to bad parenting, and I can honestly say that I was an inconsistent lazy parent with her when she was younger. I was so busy with 4 kids 6 and under that I did not put in the time necessary to have a well behaved non heathen child. 'No' did not mean 'no' with her, and you can tell now. So, it is time to put in the necessary work of not only breaking bad habits, but instilling new ones. Lord, help me.

I will say, though, for all that I am criticizing her for lately Elizabeth does have a lot of goodness in her. I got very sick after Girl Scouts on Wednesday. I spent the evening in front of the toilet, and it was Elizabeth who came in and rubbed my back for me. It was Elizabeth who told me that she was going to sleep on the couch with me just to be sure that I was okay. It was Elizabeth who drew me get well pictures. There is a lot of good in her, so I know that she is not some demon child. She just has some really bad habits that need to be broken, and were formed because of me. (The other kids were also very sweet when I got sick. The older 3 made me hot tea and offered to run a hot shower for me and also made me a "bed" on the couch so that I would not get Bob sick. They did this all without prompting. Pretty cool, huh?)

I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. The kids decided not to ask Santa for a trip, but instead wanted presents. They asked for 5 things each, and I was happy that they had the self restraint to limit themselves. I hope that Santa is able to comply with their lists.

Well, I guess that's it. Whew! That was a long one.

Food & Supplements

I have been up to my eyeballs in food and supplement articles. I feel like I am sitting on a time bomb and its me against almost all of the doctors that Sarah has seen or will see regarding her MS. The weight of pressure I have put upon myself trying to "heal" her before she ends this next steroid treatment so that her vision doesn't go bad again, and I won't have to fight another battle with her doctors as to why I don't feel right now is the time to put her one Avonex, is at times crippling.

I have read books, magazine articles, studies done and written about in various scientific journals, research published in the UK, etc...Basically, I have searched everywhere I could (and will continue to do so) until I found something that seemed consistent and made sense.

In terms of supplements, some of the information that I have read out there said to take this supplement and that supplement and other information said to take no supplements at all. I tried to research the heck out of this topic because I knew almost nothing about supplements. This is where I am on the whole topic right now: Our whole family is taking a multivitamin and Sarah is taking an extra dose of Vitamin D. Of all of the information out there the most consistent thing is that those suffering from MS seem to be more prevalent in areas farther away from the equator. Vitamin D (unless fortified in milk, etc...) generally comes from the sun. Scientists are not sure why Vitamin D deficiency seems to be a key component in developing MS, but it is. Because we live in a part of the country where it seems to be gray and gloomy from November - April I thought that Sarah should be on a Vitamin D supplement (so did the neurology team at the Cleveland Clinic). Other than that we are not going to be taking anymore supplements. Some of the things that made me question supplement usage in my family were the fact that supplements are concentrated doses of a particular vitamin or nutrient. If I were to eat a healthy balanced diet I would be getting almost all of these nutrients in less concentrated forms, but also I would be getting them in conjunction with all of the other nutrients in any given food. This would allow the vitamin in question to react naturally with the other vitamins in that food. I have also read that sometimes when nutrients are taken as supplements more harm than good could be done. For example, some vitamins when taken affect the absorption of other vitamins. If I am taking a high does of Vitamin A it could affect the absorption of vitamin K, and so on. I know that I am doing a terrible job of explaining this, and I am so sorry. Just know that I have done my due diligence with this, and for right now have decided to only go with a multivitamin and a Vitamin D supplement.

In terms of food - if we listened to all of the different advice I think that our family would maybe be allowed to eat vegetables and fruits. Here is a list of the things that I have read need to be avoided to help those with MS recover:

Dairy
Gluten
Soy
Eggs
All Meat
Only Red Meat
Saturated Fats
All Oils
Legumes
Sugar
White flours
Caffeine
Chocolate

And I am sure that I have missed a couple. So, do you see why I have been so overwhelmed?!!!?? Not only is this list so long, but some of the items contradict other ones!

What I have come away with is that, like MS, dietary changes seem to be a very individualistic thing. Eliminating some of these items works for certain groups of people, and then not for others. The idea behind using diet to help control MS is that we need to eliminate a food group see how it makes her feel over the course of several months, and then either make a permanent change or move onto something else if there is no progress.

I have decided to start our family on dairy. It seems to be the food item that comes up on more of the lists than any other food. In the beginning of my research I thought that gluten might be the way to go first, but after doing some more thorough digging I have changed my mind. Gluten will definitely be the next thing to go if dairy does not seem to be a trigger of Sarah's. I am also going to try to be more conscientious of what gluten foods I place in front of my children. 

I have decided to only have Sarah and myself change our diets. I think that asking everyone in our family to make these changes will be too much. I think that one of my biggest sources of stress is trying to find a way to completely change the way our entire family eats. So, for now anyway, Sarah and I will figure out this food thing together, and then once we nail it down we can incorporate it into the rest of the family's food lifestyle.  

Sarah is pretty upset about having to make some of these changes. She loves her cheese, and is not happy about having to give it up. I explained to her that she will be able to have these things when we are away from our home - at parties, family gatherings, restaurants, but here we need to abstain from those foods. I think that is a fair balance for now. 

I have come to realize that these changes are going to take a lot longer than I initially had planned. I cannot just eliminate all of this from Sarah's diet overnight. Making dietary changes this drastic will take time, but I will work on these changes every day until they are a new way of life. 

I definitely have my work cut out for me, but at least at this point I have a plan. 

Two Good Days

Sarah had a great birthday. After opening up her presents in the morning my mom and dad took care of the boys and Elizabeth for the day so that Bob and I could take Sarah out for some fun. She choose to eat lunch at Panera Bread. Afterwards, we took her to the ice skating rink in town. We were all a little wobbly at first, but after a bit we all seemed to get the hang of it. I couldn't help but think about the times when I was little, and my grandpa or aunts would take me ice skating on a lake near their home. I wondered if Sarah would remember days like her birthday with the fondness that I remember about certain aspects of my childhood. I certainly hope so. When we were finished we took her to the mall so she could buy some new shoes with her birthday money as well as some clothes. She also chose to get her ears pierced. She wanted to go out to a local restaurant called the Winking Lizard with both sets of grandparents and her aunt for dinner, so that is just what we did. After dinner everyone came back to our house and sang happy birthday to Sarah. We had a good time, but most importantly she had a great day. When I tucked her into bed that night she told me that it was the best birthday she ever had. 

Birthday love.

The gifts that the kids used their own allowance money on and bought for Sarah.

Newly pierced ears.

Waiting for our table at the Winking Lizard.

Stuffed from dinner.

On another note - I had a great day yesterday. I spend a lot of money on myself, but it was worth it. I feel absolutely no guilt over spending so much money on myself, and I am pretty sure that this is the first time in my life I have been so guilt free when it comes to money spent on me. I got several new (to me) outfits and a new (to me) winter coat. I also got my hair colored and highlighted as well as cut and styled. I also got my eyebrows waxed which I loved. I then got my nails done.  I went to the store, just like I said I was, and bought some new make up and earrings. When I was getting ready this morning I felt like a million bucks. When I told my husband how much I spent I was figuring that he would be upset, but he didn't balk. It is so nice to be able to splurge on myself and to know that my husband thinks that the money was very well spent. It makes me feel good. I am going to do this more often. My aunt posted the following on my FB page, and I couldn't agree with the statement more. I am just sorry it took me 34 years to realize this: 

One happy mommy.