Should & Be

One of my biggest struggles with the Judge is that she is constantly telling me what I should be doing and who I should be. I should be spending quality time with everyone around me. I should be preparing delicious, healthy meals at every sitting. I should have a wonderfully clean house. I should eat well and exercise almost daily. I should be more patient and loving and caring and kind. Should, should, should.

But sometimes I don't want to do or be any of those things. Sometimes the only person I want to spend quality time with is me, but I don't do that often or regularly enough because the Judge is constantly whispering in my ear that a good mom would be spending this time alone with her children. A good mom would be happily engaged in some domestic duty. A good mom and wife would be in the kitchen humming a tune whipping up a warm bath of cookies. A good mom and wife would be taking care of her body and appearance for the sake of keeping face. A good mom and wife is always there for her children and spouse with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. A good wife and mom is always creative and kind and caring and loving and patient.

In thinking about what it takes for me to be Real I have to know who I am. I have to give myself time to just be. Time to just sit and get to know myself as I am rather than who I think I should be. That is a little bit of a scary thought because I have spent pretty much my whole adult life being the person I think I should be. I have no idea if who I really am is anywhere in line with the person I have been living my life as all of this time.

I guess I just want to get to a point in my life where I can run 'the should' thoughts right out of my brain and just Be. I wonder if that is even possible for me...

Taken from quopic.com