Healthy Habits - Part Deaux

Okay, so I have had a couple of "come to Jesus" talks with myself, and have figured out a new game plan.
Before I go into what the new game plan entails - I thought I would share a little of what my "come to Jesus" self talks looked like. Maybe you can (or cannot) relate....

I am fat, and I have been fat for many, many years. In fact, according to the BMI charts I have looked at I am actually considered obese. Yep. You read that right. I knew I was fat, but obese? Yikes. That was a hard pill to swallow. (For the rest of this post though I am only going to use the word fat. The word 'obese' is a really scary word. You would think it would have been enough to get my butt to a gym, but alas that was not the affect of this news. In fact, I think I had the opposite reaction and ate more food.)

I would like to blame my fatness on my kids, but really I could go back to my college days when I took on the 'Freshman 15". Once I began gaining that weight I never looked back. And now here I sit. According to the weight charts I consulted I am between 49 -62 lbs over my ideal weight. That is a lot of freaking weight! I had no idea I needed to lose that much. I guess I have some really strong rose colored glasses.

At any rate, I have tried time and time again to lose weight. My most successful stint at this was about 2 years ago when Bob went away for 7 months on a work assignment. I was able to lose 30+ lbs this way by eating a vegan diet and exercising. As usual, instead of being committed to that lifestyle I began allowing old habits to creep back in because after all, it would only be one (or 4) pieces of cheese pizza this one (or many more) times. Or, it was the old excuse that I was too tired, burnt out, busy, etc...that I just couldn't exercise this one (or million) times, but I would surely get to it (or not) the next time. Before you know it, all of that hard work went out the window.

So, as I tried (or not really) this last time to begin my healthy habits again and began failing (again) I needed to get to the bottom of a couple of things in order to really make this weight loss journey matter. Maybe some of these things speak to you - maybe they don't, but here they are anyway:

1.) I have to want to lose weight for me, and only for me. Not for my husband or kids or anyone else. Although all of those people will benefit from my weight loss this journey has to solely be for me.

2.) I have to be sick enough of being fat that I am willing to do something about it. Losing weight is really hard work. Being fat is pretty easy. Just eat lots of unhealthy, but completely delicious foods and don't exercise and BOOM! Most likely you are fat.

3.) I have to learn what true moderation is. I didn't fat by eating in moderation. I got fat by eating carbs and more carbs and more carbs. It's not the carbs that are bad for me, but the amount of carbs I consume, and the kind of carbs I consume.

4.) I have to be really strict with what I eat until I have lost enough weight that the risk of eating too much of something isn't worth it. Does that make sense?  To get to a point where eating that food and knowing that I will gain weight by eating too much of it will keep me from actually doing so, and will help me eat a moderate portion. I know that this doesn't work for everyone, but this is how I have learned over the course of trying again and again that this is how I roll.

5.) I have to stop being afraid of failing at losing weight. You see, it is so much easier for me to be fat and to not try to lose weight and have the mentality that says, "Yeah, I could be skinny if I wanted to." because then I will never have actually failed at doing so. It is so scary for me to try really hard to lose weight and to make an honest go of it only to still be fat. What if I am going to be fat forever? What if I try and try and try and this is the best my body is ever going to be? That is a freaking scary thought to me. It is so scary that it has partially been the reason why I have ambushed myself time and time again.

6.) I have to stop my emotional eating. For real. Because it is ridiculous that I use food as a pick me up (even though in reality it is a complete downer when used in this way). I have to find something else to substitute for food when I need a release.

So, there you have it, folks. Today begins the first day of a healthier me. I am still going to follow all of the guidelines I initially set up for myself because I think that they are realistic and important. The only exception to this is that I am not going to weigh myself until the end of the third week. The reason I have chosen to do this is because I find myself becoming so obsessive with how much weight I lose on a week to week basis that I get easily taken off course, especially in the beginning, if I don't lose a specific number of lbs. I chose 3 weeks also because I heard a rumor that it take approximately 21 days to build a habit. I want to give myself those 21 days to build a good exercise regime and eating habits. I am hoping to lose between 6-8 lbs in those 3 weeks.

I am a closet lover of the TV show, Sister Wives, and one of the women has been trying to lose weight for some time. She has been successful at it, but still has a long way to go. Her trainer in last nights episode spoke to her about how losing weight is about the process as much as the weight loss. If you trust the process (and follow the process) the weight will surely fall off.

Here's to trusting my process. As usual, I will keep you posted.