Cannon Beach

One of our goals in moving to the Pacific Northwest was to experience life in a way that we had not up to this point. I don't want us to stop experiencing all that this part of the country has to offer. I don't want life to become mundane. I want to live each day as if it were our last. I want our children to look back on this part of our lives as the beginning of a life really and truly living - not just existing in the every day pieces of a life that can weigh ous down. I want us to live the life that we all dream about. 

We have jumped right into our adventures here by making our first stop at Cannon Beach. The Pacific Ocean is definitely not like the Atlantic Ocean, but it is still fun none-the-less. We have gone to the beach four times already since we have been here and plan on going as much as we can. We have visited two different beaches and plan on exploring as many of the 300+ miles of coastline that we possibly can. 

During our visit on Monday of last week we went as the tide was going out and stayed through low tide. It was cool to walk into the tidal pools by Haystack Rock and try to seek out the hidden creatures. I kept waiting for the pirate ship to go on by as we were so close to the spot where The Goonies was filmed. We found a couple of things - well, mostly Andy found things - as exploring is his thing. He reminds me of my dad when he walks along the shore and I cannot help but smile because some day very soon I will be able to bring my dad to the coast and a promise I made to him several years ago will be fulfilled. 

Eating the last of our New Mexico chips...

Is this boy not handsome or what? He is so photogenic. 

Crab! 

Racing to beat one another to the finish line. 

Haystack Rock

One of the coolest things about living here is that the forest comes right up to the shore. Unlike the parts of the Atlantic Ocean shoreline that we have visited where the area is very distinct the shoreline and the land seem to blend into one another here. One second you are on the road in a huge pine forest on your way to the ocean and the next second you are at the ocean with the pine forest just seconds away. 

Another crab.

Some Thoughts

Moving is hard. Fun, sad, exciting, and hard. And we had people come and pack up our belongings and unload them. I cannot imagine how people do this by themselves. Maybe that is why more people don't move around more often. I know I wouldn't if I had to do it by myself, well...maybe I still would.

I was scared that Portland was going to be a bunch of white people. I loved the diversity of New Mexico. I am pleasantly surprised by just how diverse this area is. This is good.

Moving into a smaller house is much harder than moving from a small house to a bigger one, but I wouldn't change living in a small(er) house for all the money in the world. This home (already) feels more like me than any other that I have lived in.

The parts of the Pacific Northwest that I have seen are absolutely beautiful and stunning. Every time I see its beauty I cannot help but think of Las Cruces and feel like I am somehow betraying my love for the Southwest by also falling in love with the Pacific Northwest. But then I calm down and realize that one truly can love more than one person, place, or thing at the same time, and that in doing so there doesn't have to be a favorite one. You can love things equally, but differently.

The Pacific Ocean is freezing and haunting. Its beauty is magnificent. I have been there twice already with the kiddos and each time I have had to pinch myself because I cannot believe that I actually have the opportunity to lead the life I am living. I am humbled by the opportunity I have in my life.

The girls are loving the master bedroom. Bob and I took the smallest of the 3 bedrooms and at 9x10 we can fit our queen size bed and a nightstand in it. That is it. I am not as bothered by the smallness as I thought I would be.

People here are kinda rude. If you can actually get someone to talk to you one on one it is a great experience, but as a whole people here seem to be in such a big damn hurry that no one has the time to say 'excuse me' or 'thank you', or just to smile at each other when sharing the same space as a restaurant or a store. Kinda bums me out.

The library system is amazing. You get a library card to use throughout the whole county. The kids and I checked out the Hillsboro library yesterday which I guess is one of the smaller libraries in the Portland area. The kids and I almost peed our pants with excitement over the fact that we have access to so many books, audio books, cds, etc...

I had to get rid of about 1/3 more of our personal belongings once we arrived here and it was kinda stressful. I got rid of almost all of my books which was painful for me because I love books so much, but then I thought about how I want to live in a tiny house someday and I would have had to get rid of my books anyway. Plus, we can borrow any books we want from the library.

Traffic in Portland is nuts. It is bumper to bumper just about all of the time. I cannot imagine living in Chicago, NY, or LA where traffic is even more nuts. Sometimes I just want to scream out of the van window that I am just trying to go to the grocery store people!

It is freezing here. I am wearing jeans and a sweatshirt today. It is the end of June. Seriously? Something is wrong with this picture.

We leased a Subaru because we needed a fuel efficient second car. Apparently, the Subaru is the state car of Oregon because everybody and their brother has one. Makes me feel like a sheep following the trendy herd. I hate it and want to trade in the damn thing for something that not every body else has. If you ever visit me here - you will laugh your butt off at how many Subarus there are in this area.

I love the location of our townhouse. We are literally the last building before farm country and yet I am 10 minutes from all of the modern conveniences that I am going to get (re)accustomed to having now that I am living somewhere again that is not in the middle of no where. I can see rolling hills and farm land all around me. It is freaking cool.

I also live in a fancy part of Portland and wonder if the reason that people are so standoffish and kinda rude is because I am living in a rich snobby community. God, I would hate that. But at the same time everything here is shiny and new and pretty. There is no grit, and if I am being honest with myself, I like the glitz and "hippieness" of the area. A part of me is afraid though that I am going to become an uppity a-hole if I stay here too long.

I really plan on enjoying my time here. I don't know how long we will be here for, but I do know that there is so much to experience here. I don't want to miss out on the experience of life because I am busy accumulating stuff. I want to live simply. I want to live fully.

Part 2: Our Journey To Portland

As I type this the boys and Elizabeth are playing soccer in a field across the street. Bob and Sarah are down the road at a park. The dogs are on the main floor of the townhouse not sure what to make of all of the change in their lives these last few days and I am sitting on the second floor of our new home in the office space provide typing these words. It seems surreal to be here. But before I get to Portland let me back up a bit and talk about the Boise, ID.

We left Layton, UT yesterday morning. I could not wait to get of there. We only drove 310 miles yesterday and ended up spending the day in Boise, ID. I always thought Boise was pronounced 'boy-zee', but did you actually know the locals pronounce it 'boy-see'? The hotel at Boise was clean and spacious. The town itself is not unlike a lot of the west in that it is a city in the middle of nowhere. I naively thought that Las Cruces was unique in the fact that there is literally nothing surrounding the area except desert and more desert, but I quickly learned that a good portion of the west is this way. Boise was very clean and nice. There seemed to be a lot of fun things to do and the weather was gorgeous. I guess the area has abundant sunshine without the heat that Las Cruces offers. The landscape was weird to me in that it was very arid and had a desert feel while offering abundant streams, rivers, and lakes. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I was glad to have visited the city, but I do not think that I would like to live there. I have already lived in one city in the middle of no where I am not quite ready to take up that challenge again.

We left Boise early this morning and made our way to Portland. Much of the part of Oregon we traveled through was very desert like. I was beginning to get nervous that the pacific northwest I dreamed of was just that - a dream. Alas, as we followed the Columbia River (which is huge) as it snaked its way along the Oregon/Washington border I began to see the greenery, trees, and cloudiness I imagined this place to encompass. As we came upon Portland I could not believe how beautiful it is here. I am so excited to get a chance to explore this oasis of forests and hiking trails and water.

Our townhome is nice. It is on the outskirts of Portland, but still resides within the city limits. It smells of a new home with freshly painted walls and new flooring. It is nice and shiny. The space seems to be pretty good and I cannot wait for our furniture to arrive at the end of the week to make this place my home. There are only a few things that I will need for the house which is a blessing as I do not want to spend a lot of money on furnishings like I did when we moved to Las Cruces. The windows are abundant and the light shines through brilliantly. I think my house here in the clouds lets in more light than my house in the sun did. That is a very good thing.

It is nice to be back among civilization. I loved Las Cruces, but it was hard not having access to so many of the stores I love. I actually went to a Trader Joe's today!!! I was so excited. The kids and I are going to head to Ikea tomorrow to check out the store and see if they have any of the items we need for the house. I haven't been to an Ikea in years.

It is going to take us a few weeks to get settled, but I have a feeling that I am going to love living here. Life is good in Portland.

Part 1: Our Journey to Portland

Yesterday morning I left a place I love dearly in order to travel to another place I hope to someday soon love just as dearly. It is at times surreal this journey our family is on. It is an odd sensation feeling so sad about the life you are leaving behind while simultaneously being so excited about the life ahead of you.

Our house is on the market now. (Finally!) I saw the real estate listing today. As I have said previously I am excited for the new owners. I have only been gone from that home for a little under 48 hours and I do not mourn for it. I miss the backyard and my neighborhood, but not the house.

I am sitting here in a hotel just outside of Salt Lake City, Utah. I have a moment alone as Bob took the girls to the pool and the boys are walking the dogs. It is raining here, and I cannot help but wonder if this is what the weather in Portland will be like. I am not used to the rain and I am nervous about whether I am going to be able to like it. I hated the cloudiness in Ohio. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about living in a city known for its abundant rain.

Yesterday we drove from Las Cruces to Durango, CO. We spent the night in Durango and I fell in love with the vibrant eclectic shops and vibe the town offered. I found myself thinking that I could definitely live there at some point which then led me to believe that I am going to say that in just about every place I travel. We got to our hotel in the early afternoon and the kids swam in the pool while the dogs and I watched from the pool deck. The mountains were so green and there was grass (REAL grass!!!) that was so soft and thick I thought I was in a dream. I have missed grass so much. What a treat to bury my toes in the soft thickness only grass can offer.

Today we drove from Durango to a town called Layton, Utah. I don't like it here. The hotel is smelly. The people feel seedy. The town looks dirty. I cannot wait to leave here tomorrow morning. I asked Bob for some alone time and so he generously has taken my girls to the pool while the boys are walking Sam and Lily.  I didn't pack Andy's laptop which is how I have been able to communicate via Facebook and my blog these past few days. This quiet time alone is glorious. It feels like it has been forever since I have been able to relax by myself without a huge to do list running through my brain.

Even though this town is ew,  the rest of what I have seen of Utah is beautiful. We went to Arches National Park this morning. I'll have tons of pictures to show you when my actual desktop arrives in Portland which should be at the end of next week sometime. (I don't want to download my pics onto Andy's computer. I would rather just do it on mine where the rest of my pictures are stored.) That was really cool and I am glad we went there. Provo, UT has probably been the most beautiful town/city I have seen in a long time. The mountains are just gorgeous and are still snow capped. The natural landscape there is amazing. Salt Lake City was smaller than I imagined it to be, and didn't impress me as much as Provo. Plus, I kept thinking about those Mormon sects that trap their women and force them into young marriages and polygamy. (Nice. I know.)

Tomorrow we will head to Boise, ID. We will spend the day there and then (finally!) on Monday we will make the last leg of this trip and get to Portland. The kids and I are excited to see the townhome we have rented. Bob is freaking out about its size. (We are downsizing from 3154 square feet to 1550 square feet.) I am excited about its size. I know there will be an adjustment period especially for the kids, but I am sooooo ready for a smaller home.

Leaving my home feels different this time than it did when we moved from Ohio to New Mexico. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that our leaving Ohio had a bigger negative impact on more people than our leaving New Mexico did. Sure - we made friendships in NM and will be missed - I do not doubt that one bit, but I know that life will go on for those whom we are leaving behind. They all had full lives before we entered the picture and they will continue to have full lives now that we are gone. When we left Ohio we really left a whole in some people's lives that could not be replaced by anyone else. I felt a lot of guilt over leaving Ohio, and I don't feel that way about leaving New Mexico. I am sad, but I don't feel guilty. It is nice to not carry that weight this time around.

I am glad that we drove this trip instead of flying. This country is freaking beautiful. Seriously. If you ever have the chance to take a road trip in this country (or any for that matter) do it! I am constantly blown away by how beautiful and vast and expansive this country is. I am so excited to see where our travels take us to in the future because I.love.traveling. Nothing makes me happier than being with my kids and husband traipsing across this country. (Well, being with my grandpa is actually right up there. I guess I have two things that make me incredibly happy.) There have been so many moments these past few months between what I have seen in New Mexico, and what I have seen while traveling to the Grand Canyon, and what I have seen while driving back to Ohio from New Mexico, where I just wanted to show every person living in this country the beauty that I have witnessed. Where I wish I could just transport each person to a specific spot in this country and show them how freaking gorgeous this amazing land is. So many times lately I have asked God why he doesn't show everyone the beauty he has shown me. Why is it that he deems me worthy to see the beauty he created, but he doesn't show others his masterpieces? Whatever his reasons I am not going to argue with him over them. I am just grateful that he has chosen me and my family to view this unforgettable life changing  landscape.

Well, I guess I am a bit of a chatterbox today. Sorry. I am just super excited about this journey. I have always said that life is good in Las Cruces. And it was. And it is. But you know what? I am beginning to think that life is just good. And no matter where I am as long as I have my family beside me life will always be good.

Until next time....

Someone else's home

As the house quickly empties of its contents I can see why Bob liked this place so much and thought it would be a good home for us. The view is beautiful. It has the 5+ bedrooms the kids thought they needed. It has an inground pool. It is expansive and on a quiet street filled with unique and individual homes.

It has its quirks for sure and I have spent more time cursing the previous owners and their "handiwork"  than I care to admit.  We have spent several thousand dollars making sure that the new owners don't have to deal with these special idiosyncrasies that were maddening (and surprising) for us to have to deal with.

But despite all of the aggravations that this house gave me and despite the fact that I quickly realized that we are not big house people - I am grateful for this home. (In fact, my dad gifted me a little plaque that says, "Love grows best in little houses.", back when we lived in our Ohio house. I kept it in my kitchen while living in this big house and cannot wait to display it in the little apartment we are renting in Portland.) This home taught us a lot about the kind of people we are. It taught us a lot about how we feel about materialism. It reinforced our family values and how we would like to sustain them going forward.

As each room empties and its personality that was once ours becomes a blank canvas I cannot help but be excited for the next family to own this house. I cannot help but be excited for all of their possibilities. I think about the beautiful sunsets they will see from their very own backyard. I think about the rafts they can lay on and stare at the evening stars while floating in the pool. I wonder how they will decorate the house. I wonder if they will stay long here or if they, like us, are just passing through.

I hope that the new owners can love this house in way that I never quite could. I liked it, but I never fell in love with it. Maybe that is because I knew we weren't staying and didn't want to get attached to it. Maybe it was because I didn't like its size. I don't know, but for whatever reason I never loved it and this house deserves love.


It is a neat feeling to walk through what was once my home and to  see it through the eyes of a potential new owner. I already feel like it no longer belongs to me. It's neat to think of the reactions of the next owners and how when they walk through the door for the first time they will know that this is the house for them. That makes me feel happy.

This house is no longer my house. Perhaps in some ways it never really was. Perhaps it was always someone else's house and we were just borrowing it for an extended vacation.

Anywhere Together

Half of the house is packed up. The other half is going to be packed up today. Bob flies into El Paso tomorrow afternoon from Portland to join us in saying good-bye to this sacred place and also to travel to our new destination with us.

Bob and I were talking last night about how this move has seemed so much harder than the last, and yet we will have been apart for a lot shorter of a time than when we moved from Ohio to New Mexico. We couldn't figure out why this move feels so much different. I guess the only explanation I can come up with is that as time ages a person it teaches her (or should anyway) what she values the most. It teaches him what he is not willing to live without. For Bob and I the things that we  value and cannot live without is our family. . We are not complete without one another and the empty space that is left when part of our family is missing is too much. We value what we have built layer upon layer, memory upon memory, year upon year. This family is the most important thing that each of us has, and it is something that we no longer care to be without for any extended period of time.

I am looking forward to tomorrow when Bob walks in the door of our home and we will once again be a complete and whole family. Together we can do anything. Our lives up to this point are a grand testimony of that. Together we can go anywhere. And I would go anywhere as long as we are together.

So Much To Say

It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. This will most likely be my last post from New Mexico. The movers are coming tomorrow and are planning on spending two days at the house packing up our belongings. I am not sure if they are going to wait and pack up the computer on Wednesday or if they will pack it up tomorrow. I have sold & given away so much of our stuff that I am not sure that we even need people here for two days as I think we are moving to Portland with less personal belongings than when we moved to New Mexico from Ohio.

Looking back, I am so thankful that life was so busy these last few weeks because I could't have taken this broken feeling in my heart for that long. Now that just about everything is settled and we are just about ready to go I feel this uneasy heaviness in my chest. I feel like screaming out to God that there are so many more things I want to see here and so many more experiences I want to have here before I move away.

 I had that feeling last night when I was watching my kiddos swim with some of the soccer families we have grown to love - it is the same one I had in Ohio when leaving to come to New Mexico - it is almost an anger with myself and I couldn't help silently questioning why can't this life be enough for me?! Why do I have a seekers heart? Why must I want to explore and travel and see new places and meet new people? Why can I not just be content with where I am and establish roots and stay planted? And the quiet voice of God whispered in my ear a crystal clear truth: had I not had a seekers heart I would never have met these people and this place that I love passionately and truly. I would have never had some of the best experiences of my life because I would have been in Ohio this whole time. We would have never gone to the Grand Canyon with my family, which was a dream of my mom's, had we not moved out here. Andy would have never been tested and learned that some things are worth fighting to have such as he did to earn a spot on the JV soccer team here in town. Josh would have never learned that sometimes what is perceived as the "best" really isn't and that loyalty and staying true to oneself are more important than talent any day of the week as he did when he walked away from tryouts with the "best" team in town with one of his closest buddies to form a new soccer team. (This soccer team did amazing. Josh and his buddies took first place in 4 out of 5 tournaments this year and came in second in that fifth one.)  Sarah would not have put herself outside her comfort zone and tried new things had she not been placed in a situation where her closest friends were no where to be found. She would not have learned that she can be a wonderful gymnast had we not moved to New Mexico. Elizabeth would not have known how easy she can make acquaintances had we not ventured to a place where she had to start over again. She would not have learned that she is very versatile, and can adapt anywhere as long as she has the foundation of her family with her.

 As for me? I would not have learned that there is beauty to be had even in the places where you think  it could not be found. I have learned that there is nothing quite like sitting on top of a mountain watching the sunrise with the wind blowing gently in your face. I have learned that God truly is an artist and has created some of the most amazing beauty here in New Mexico. I have learned that there are some places so beautiful that no matter how many times you go there each time seems like the first and again and again the beauty takes your breath away.

I have learned other things too. Super important things like how easy it is to have an opinion on things such as immigration and illegal aliens in this country when you live so far from the problem, but that once you live in a community where that issue is very much real what once seems black and white becomes very, very gray.  I have learned amazing lessons on racism and what it means to be a minority. I have learned that some people think being born with white skin makes them somehow better, and how wrong and ignorant those people really are.  I have learned that the majority of a population can look beyond the color of ones skin as the Hispanic community did here for me. I have never felt more at home than I did when I was with my Hispanic friends. The love, kindness, and openness they showered me with was a lesson I will carry with me forever. I have also learned that the media perpetuates racism by the stories they choose to share with the nation and the world. Yes, there are terrible things that white people do to other races, but there are terrible things that white people to do other white people. And there are terrible things that black, Hispanic, Asian, etc... people do to other races just as there are terrible things they do to their own races. And while we should acknowledge those bad things we should celebrate and acknowledge all of the good things that we do for each other as well. Or here's a novel idea: what if we took race out of the equation altogether? What if in the media instead of focusing on  the color of one's skin what if we just reported in the news that one person helped another or that one person hurt another? Why does the color of one's skin have to come into play at all? We are all human beings. We are all made of the same pieces and parts. We all experience the same emotions. I don't think I would have learned so much about race had I not moved to a place where I was a minority. I wish everyone got to experience what it feels like to be a minority. It is life changing and eye opening and inspiring.

Today the kids and I are heading up to Cloudcroft and are going to be stopping at White Sands on the way home. I am going to be an emotional mess as today officially begins our farewell tour of this great state. Tomorrow after the movers leave Josh has his last soccer get together with his team. On Wednesday I am planning on heading up A Mountain one last time. And on Thursday I am going to visit Soledad Canyon. In the evening we will have dinner with our closest friends here and then head to the hotel we are staying at afterwards. On Friday we are heading out towards our next destination. We plan on arriving in Portland on Monday. We are going to take our time on this trip and plan on traveling about 400 miles per day.

I will take pictures to share with you all of both our last moments here and our journey to Portland. The moving truck is scheduled to arrive somewhere between the 14th -20th of June with our belongings. Once we have unpacked and gotten everything in place I will be sure to jump back on and fill you in on the details.

There is so much I want to say because there is so much that living here has shown me and taught me, but I am not sure that I will be able to adequately describe those experiences. I am irrevocably changed by my experiences here. I will carry New Mexico and it's people in my heart forever and ever and always. In some ways, living here has felt more like home than any other place I have lived. How I wish that feeling was enough. How I wish that my love for this state and it's people were enough to keep my feet on the ground here long enough to see my children grow. But alas, I have a wanderers heart. I am a gypsy in some ways I suppose, and the pull of adventure and new experiences is stronger than the desire to stay. So, onto Portland we will go. I suppose a post will one day be written just like this about Portland just as it was for Ohio and New Mexico. I am excited to see what life has in store for our family in the future. I plan on savoring each moment in Portland. I plan on experiencing all that the Pacific Northwest has to offer. I want to live life with my kids and my husband. I want to look back when our time there is up and know that not a moment was wasted.  After all, how we live our moments is how we live our lives.

I Am Ready

I am ready. I never thought I would be ready to leave this place, but I am. This move has been hard. It seems as if none of the moving pieces of what makes a move a move have gone smoothly. All of those hang ups have sapped a lot of the joy that I had hoped to experience before I left here. When I tell you that not one piece of this move has gone smoothly to date I am not kidding. And that has made this whole experience a slightly sour one.  Maybe I will feel differently once I am settled in our new townhome. (We are renting the Edgefield townhome.) Maybe once I get to Portland, which everyone I have talked to or heard from (minus one person who told me that I am going to want to hate it b/c it is so terrible and dreary) has said it is amazing and that I will love living there, I will feel better.

For now, I am going to finish up my checklist of things to get done before we move. I am going to enjoy a soccer tournament this weekend with Josh in El Paso. On Monday the kids and I are going to head up to Cloudcroft & White Sands one last time. Movers come on Tuesday.

It makes me a bit sad that this whole moving experience has been such a negative one, but even if I leave this place screaming and running I will never forget the imprint it left on my heart. I will never forget the warmness of the people who made up my tribe here.

This was our sunset two nights ago. I will miss these and our backyard which allow me to view such amazing and breathtaking scenery every night. 

The picture above turned into this...

Which turned into this.....

And this....

And finally that.