The Layover

A conversation was had and advice was given that we will not be here long. This destination is not meant to be anything more than a layover. That news fell on my ears several weeks ago, and I don't know what to make of it.

It is good for us to be here. It is where we need to be. For so many reasons. And I am so thankful to those who made it possible for us to be here.

And yet...

I long to be out West. There is a freedom and a comfort in living out West that cannot be captured or felt in any other part of this country. The beauty of the West is a sight to behold. It is wild and free. It cannot be contained or subdued.

For those like myself, once you live out West it has a tendency to haunt you should you move away from it. I see the West in movies and long to gulp in the air the actors are breathing in and out. I watch a sunset from my back yard and recall what it looks like when it seems there is no end to the earth and all is sky.

But before we can go back there is work to be done here. Important work that can only be accomplished where we are right now. In this place. In this state.

And while I look forward to the day when I can be wild and free again I don't want to rush my time here. I want to make sure that I learn the lessons I need to learn and focus on the tasks at hand remembering each time my heart beats anxiously to be out West again that life truly is a journey and not a destination. That it is my job as a human to BE right where I am right now in this moment.

As much as I look forward to what is yet to come,  I am finally at a place where I am happy right where I am at. I do not feel like I am in a rush to get anywhere. My only job is focus on right here, right now. Which is exactly what I plan on doing because I know all too well that that future I dream about will come eventually, and I will look back when it gets here and feel sadness that I did not enjoy this part of my journey more.

So, while this place is most likely a short stop I hope I am able to take what I need from here. To learn that there is no rush to get 'there' where ever 'there' is. To breathe deeply consistently enough that it becomes part of my every day living instead of a novelty. To slow down. To savor this moment in my life, in our life, as it will pass by so quickly. To learn that happiness is not a destination; it is not some place that I will arrive at, but rather something within me. Something that I have access to any time, all of the time. I hope that I will learn that life will always be beautifully messy. It will never be perfect, but that it is perfectly mine. That there is no greener grass. All grass has weeds no matter how perfect it looks from over the fence.