Looking Back and Stepping Away

I have really come to love the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. The stress of the holiday season is over and on the horizon is a whole new year of opportunities and possibilities. I really enjoy taking the time to reflect on what has been and what is yet to come.

(Photo courtesy of: https://www.countryliving.com/life/g2819/christmas-quotes/)

This year has been a whirlwind. At this time last year I was planning on moving to Boise, Idaho. We had a tentative move date and were looking at real estate to purchase, but sometimes Life has other plans and the Boise job turned into the Indianapolis job.

It feels good to be here. Living in Indiana has felt like a long warm embrace. I feel like I can breathe here. I feel myself growing stronger every day and getting healthier in every way - mentally, emotionally, physically. Living here is exactly where I need to be at this time in my life. And while I certainly do not want to live here forever - the wild west has stolen my heart - this is the perfect place for me to be right now. I will always be grateful to Indiana for being a place of healing for me.

The kids are all doing well here too. Everyone is growing and finding space for themselves.

As I continue to grow healthier I have decided to take a look at the things that take up my time and determine whether or not each is serving me in a way that is good for me. One of the the biggest negative influences on my life is my electronic usage. I love looking at what you are doing and how you are living your lives. I love checking Instagram to see what pictures you have posted and I love looking at Facebook to see articles you are forwarding or commenting on, or what pictures you are posting of your own life, or what general comments you are making on your feed. But while I am doing all of this, and admiring all of the beauty of your life, it is taking away from my ability to live my own life to its fullest. I forget to see the beauty in my own life when I am constantly looking at yours. I cannot do this anymore. I decided to deactivate my Facebook page so that the lure of that platform is diminished. I haven't decided what I would like to do about Instagram - I have a couple of ideas, but feel for now the best one that will cause the least amount of work will be to just delete app from my phone. I have not decided what to do with this space yet either. A part of me would like to just walk away from it for an undetermined amount of time. A part of me would like to walk away from it forever. Another part of me would like to write it in like I do now, randomly and sporadically. The final part of me would like to actually invest some time and energy into this space to really make it something special.  I'll keep putting some thought into it until my gut gives me a clear answer as to which path I should choose.

(Photo courtesy of: https://www.countryliving.com/life/g2819/christmas-quotes/)

Looking forward in 2019:

 I hope to travel a bunch. We live so close to so many amazing cities. I am not sure we will ever live some place again with access to as many cities within a 5 hour drive as we do now. We definitely needed these last 6 months just to exhale and settle down here. The two years prior to our moving were a bumpy ride. I know our family desperately needed some down time to unwind and unpack all of the baggage we brought with us here from that experience.

 I would like to continue to find ourselves back to one another as a family. We fell apart in Oregon and I have been working on getting us back together the past few months as I have been able to work on my own healing. Having a strong family base is vital to the success of our family. When we are running at our optimal levels we dedicate time to weekly family meetings, have intentional family outings, and spend time together unencumbered by the distractions of electronics.

I would like to have us all watching less TV/playing video games. Electronics can suck the life out of us because of their addictive nature. I would like to see all 6 of us pull away and have some sense of electronic boundaries.

I would like to have more sit down family meals. We hardly ever eat at our table as a family of 6. I think that this is one of the things that I am most disappointed in myself as a mother. If I could go back and do this whole parenting thing all over again I would have dedicated more time to creating a family tradition of having sit down family dinners every night. The fact of the matter is that cooking scares the hell out of me because I am so bad at it.

I would like to continue to focus on getting myself as healthy as I can in all ways possible. I am turning 40 in 2019 and I am so excited about this. I feel that 40 will be a huge turning point in my life. I have spent (just about) all of my adult life taking care of others through mothering. I feel like this next portion of my life will be all about living my best life possible. It will all about me, and I don't feel one bit selfish for making those choices. I have already begun doing so by regularly taking the time to exercise my body. It feels amazing to do so and I don't plan on stopping.

I would also like to challenge myself to read at least 50 books next year. I am pretty sure that I read at least that many this year and feel that with using electronics less next year I can easily accomplish that goal.

Finally, I hope that in 2019 that I am able to set aside all of the things that don't bring me happiness or draw out my passion. I have lived life where I have felt fully alive and I have lived a life where I felt completely dead inside. I have found that the way I live my life is a choice. It always has been - even when I have felt that it wasn't. Feeling fully alive is exhilarating and empowering. Life is an adventure that I only get one shot at. I want to learn from my mistakes and use those lessons to move me forward in a way that will allow me the ability to live authentically in a way that is uniquely me.

(Photo courtesy of: https://www.countryliving.com/life/g2819/christmas-quotes/)

I wish you a very Happy New Year. I hope that 2019 is full of wonderful things for you. 

14

On December 1 Sarah turned 14. I am always an emotional mess on all of my children's birthdays, but especially so Sarah's. Her birthday is a reminder of all that we have to be thankful for as a family. It is a day when I can pause and thank God that she is an abled body person. It is a day when I thank God that she is only blind, that she only has numbness in her left calf, that her body gets wiped out quickly from exhaustion. There was a time when any of those three things would have been devastating to me, but now I know better. I know that there are so many who are truly so much worse off. All of the physical struggles that Sarah has are navigable. They are almost easy compared to where she could be. Yes, I think you can say that on December 1 of every year you will find me in an almost constant state of prayer with God thanking him for all of the blessings that Sarah brings.

To celebrate her special day my mom and dad drove out to spend a couple of days with us. On her birthday we did the usual - decorating the table, making her a birthday shirt, etc...We also had our second annual Blind Olympics in which the other three kids wear blindfolds and have to perform a series of activities without sight. It is a good time.

I decided to do a couple of things differently this year for Sarah on her special day. I knew she was excited about her birthday, but was trying to not be as she walks the fine line between childhood and adulthood. Because I want all of my children to embrace childhood for as long as humanly possible I really racked my brain trying to think of different things that I could do to make her feel excited all day about her birthday.

To start off with I bought her 14 gifts. Mostly it was small things - a piece of her favorite candy, a book series she was asking for in which each book represented one item, slippers, etc...nothing huge and extraordinary because I had to try and stick to a budget. We gave her her first gift at 9:22 am which was when she was born and had her open each gift on the :22 of each following hour. She received her last gift at 10:22 pm. She really enjoyed this a lot.

Next, I had the 5 of us + my mom and dad answer the following questions:

1.) What is your favorite memory of Sarah?
2.) What is your favorite quality about Sarah?
3.) What do you wish for Sarah for her future?

Each of us read our answers out loud. Over Christmas break I will be re-writing all of the answers in braille, so that when Sarah needs a pick me up she will have all of these reminders that she is loved immensely.

Finally, the 8 of us went up to a pottery shop where we painted a jar of Sarah's choosing together.Sarah painted the jar itself and then the rest of us decorated the jar with something that signifies either ourselves or something about Sarah. (For example, I painted a zia symbol and Bob painted mountains.) Sarah is going to put all of the answers to the activity above in the jar we all made together.

As for the rest of the day, we played games, went to Chipotle for dinner, and chilled out at the house. Sarah was pretty tired by the end of the day, but said that she had a good day. Her favorite parts were the gift an hour idea and everyone answering the questions about her.

November's Reading List

I ended up reading a lot in November. Part of this was because most of my children were pretty sick the last week of the month which meant no school work and a lot of time on my hands. While they were down and out with the flu I read. I can tell that December is not going to be able to keep pace with November, and that is okay. I realize that some months are more conducive than others to reading.

Here are the books I read in November:

I really enjoyed this book. So much so that I will most likely purchase a used copy on abebooks.com.

L-O-V-E-D this book. Will definitely be buying myself a copy to re-read in the future. 

I initially picked up this book because it was about traveling in America and learning about different small towns and how they maintain or become viable vibrant places to live. While I enjoyed this book and learned several new things I don't think I would read this one again. It's one of those books where I was glad I read it and don't regret spending the time doing so, but wasn't captivated by the story to re-read it. 

Bob Goff books are what I would consider easy reads. Maybe, years from now, I would read this book again because it was simple for my brain to digest, but his books are not ones that I gush over. Still, there must be something to them because this is the second book of his I read and I felt the same way about his first book, so he must be doing something to draw me in for me to read his second book. 

I hated this book so much that I almost didn't finish it - which is extremely rare for me.  I was so excited about this book. I tend to really like books that are based on different cultures (Muslim countries, Hasidic communities, Native American's etc...) that I just assumed that I would love this book too. Plus it is a best seller, so I thought that this one was in the bag. Nope. I hated the writing style of the book. I hated the way the story was laid out. I couldn't stand this book, not because of the story line, but because of the way it was put together. I know this author has another book that I am tempted to try just to see if she chooses to tell her story differently. If she does -great - if she doesn't I am not sure I can get through another book with this type of story telling/layout. 

I finished this book in one day when the kids were sick. I love Mafia related movies, TV shows, and books. The Mafia fascinates me. This was a cool book. Glad to have read it. Probably won't read it again, but it was still a good book. 

This book series is what I would consider my guilty pleasure. I have read all four of these books multiple times since they have come out. There is just something about them that draws me in. Plus, they are easy reads so if I am just looking for a quick mindless book to read this is a good go-to of mine.