A winter storm passed right over us. I almost wanted to laugh out loud at the panic it seemed to induce in our community. The grocery store was overflowing with people yesterday trying to get their groceries before "the storm" arrived. According to the weather report it was expected to come in the night and bring with it a mixture of snow and rain; each type of precipitation was supposed to flip flop with the other over a 24 hour period causing multiple inches of chaos and havoc outside. No such thing ever happened. The rain did come, but no snow ever followed. All of the panicking was for nothing. At least people have their groceries, I guess.
When I am buying a week's worth of groceries all at once I happen to do my grocery shopping on Friday's which was the only reason I was out and about. I had a cart filled to the brim with the items on my list and got into line at Aldi's ( if you have never shopped at one and live in the Midwest - you are missing out. It is one of this part of the country's greatest assets). A woman maybe 15-20 years my senior gave me that all knowing look as she got behind me in line, and after declining my offer for her to jump me in line I told her that I was shopping for four (almost) teenage children. She said that she remembered those days clearly when she had been in my place. Her children are all grown now, and have blessed her with five grandchildren. She says that she loves not having children in her home anymore. She loves the freedom that her life allows her now.
To some people, I suppose her statement might seem alarming, but to me? I understood her perfectly. I have loved having my children. They are my biggest blessings. I imagine they always will be. I have given them (and continue to do so) every ounce of my being. I have poured all of myself out, for better and for worse, to be able to be everything that they needed individually from me as a mother. I would do it all again, gladly, without thinking twice about it. But the time is coming, sooner rather than later, when all four of our kiddos will leave this home to create one of their own. I am excited for them to do so. I cannot wait to see the lives they build of their own making. But I am also so excited for Bobby and me to have a life of our own. To be just like that woman in the grocery store who can pour everything she has into herself and no one else - if she chooses.
I always imagined I would be heartbroken when my children left the proverbial nest, and don't get me wrong, I will be super sad. I'm not really good with transitions and I imagine that I will mourn their leaving this home in a way that I cannot even comprehend yet. Yet as the span of time closes between the far away notion of my kids leaving home and the reality that this is going to happen sooner rather than later, I do not find myself heartbroken. I find myself becoming almost giddy at the endless opportunities for Bobby and I to lead any type of life we imagine.
I envision that my children will be all spread out around this great country of ours. I truly believe that our nomadic lifestyle has been more of a blessing than a burden these last four+ years and has given my kids so much more than it has taken away from them. After seeing so much of our country, they know that there are places that speak to their souls more than others. They also know that they don't have to ever be stuck in one location, unless they want to be. There are so many other options to live any kind of life that they wish to in such vastly different settings. They would have never known that had we not moved around so much. Those far off places would always just be a dream or a story in some book to them. Our choices have made those dreams and stories a reality. Our traveling around is what makes feel completely okay with my children living in spread out locations and not all together. It makes me excited to see where they live and the lives they build in their special places. They will always be my children and I will always be their mother. Our connection will not separate just because of mileage. I will never let that get in the way of having a relationship with them.
I know that Andy wants to settle out West. That is where he truly feels at home. Bobby and I will split our time between Las Cruces and the Cascade Mountain Range of the Pacific Northwest. I envision us in our motor-home traveling everywhere in between. As for the rest of the kiddos - I just don't know where they will be, but I do know that they will pick the perfect places for them.
I am not sad about growing older and I am not sad about my children leaving home, but I am also not in a rush to have either thing happen either. I am just happy that there is life left to look forward to after this chapter of my life ends. For now, I am content. That is a great place to be.
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