Sarah's List

A few weeks ago I found an unexpected email in my inbox from Sarah. She had stayed up late the night before and wrote out the following: (All content shared has been approved by Sarah to be posted.)

This is my list of things that I am going to do when I can see again.

1. Cry, dance, and laugh in pure joy
2. See my beloved siblings all grown up
3. Look at myself
4. See mom and dad middle aged
5. See pictures of Sammy and Lily and the girls
6. See pictures of the places we’ve adventured to
7. Remember how to write
8. Look at the amazing, wonderful, different colors
9. Look at words again
10. Read my books
11. Have Josh remind me how to play soccer
12. Look at the sunrise/sunset
13. Look at pictures of baby Moose
14. Cry some more
15. Throw away the jealousy that I have for Elizabeth and be A good sister
16. Have Andy teach me how to play his favorite video game then beat him at it
17. Go to Skyview and see the place that gave me the confidence I needed and see my little horse
18. Draw, color, and paint
19. Walk without a Kane
20. Run without help
21. Look at Braille
22. Paint my nails
23. Pick out my own outfits and style
24. See Oreo again, my companion who was with me throughout this journey
25. Give back
26. Watch movies
27. Look and stare and watch and see, see, see
28. Never have somebody describe anything again
29. Make eye contact
30. Laugh, cry, see, dance, love without resentment, and be happy

I asked Sarah why she wanted me to print this list since she obviously cannot see it. She told me that she was doing so as an act of rebellion towards her disease. Printing this list out was her way of telling this disease that despite its desire to do otherwise that she was determined to some day see again. This list is now tacked up on the wall in her bedroom.

This list made me cry when I read it as it shows just how much she misses her "old life" - the one with sight. I cannot imagine how hard her life is and how much she struggles emotionally with her disease. I can only feel its effects as being the mother of a child who struggles.