Content

The days that were once filled with infinite ways to fill my time have ceased only to be filled by an endless 'to do' task list that keeps me moving from 6 am until 10 pm. One might think that I mind this, but on the contrary, I have not felt this content in a long time.

My heart is completely full. My gut, a huge indicator of if I am living my life with the honesty that only a life being lived authentically can give, is at peace. I spend my days working from one task to the next, and am finding ways to fine tune this or that to be more efficient, but I do none of this in a rush. I just want to savor these days, this peace that I feel as this feeling has been a long time coming, and hard work to get to. And if something doesn't work out the way I had planned I know that tomorrow is another opportunity for improvement; I allow myself the grace to know that all does not have to be perfect, to just keep trying.

My kids are growing and stretching in good ways. Andy is taking the steps necessary to prepare for college in January. Josh is learning how to be a good protector of his sister; to be loyal to her and to put family first. Sarah is stretching herself both physically and emotionally; her days are filled with endless "normal" tasks that take her from sunup to sundown to complete. This isn't an easy thing for her to do, but it is so very good for her in so many ways. And Elizabeth? My girl is getting some very much needed one-on-one attention, hours of it to be exact, and she is thriving.

I am quickly falling into a good rhythm in which this homemaking and homeschooling life I have dedicated myself to is finally falling into place. I feel like I am exactly where I need to be, and after spending a long time thinking I should be gainfully employed to be able to afford the finer things in life, I realize that I am exactly where I need to be. I am the one who keeps everything running smoothly and firing on all 6 cylinders.  I am happy to take on this role. It brings me joy. I feel myself serving a valued and much needed purpose that only I can do.

I feel like my restless heart has been wrestling for contentment for so long, and now I finally have it. I want to savor this feeling and imprint it in my heart, so that if I should lose it I can recall what it feels like and work like hell to get it back. I do not feel the heaviness that has been weighing on my heart anymore. I feel lighthearted. I feel...happy and content. What a glorious feeling.