The Green Eyed Monster

 Every so often an uninvited guest knocks on the door to my heart and welcomes himself in before I can even answer the call of his presence. Unable to be content with just one portion of me he spreads himself out into all portions of my inner being including my mind. I can usually ignore him at first. I know he is there, and although his residing in my heart and mind bothers me, I am still able to ignore him because he only whispers his poison into my ear. My life is too busy to hear the whispers of my heart and mind - for better or worse. 

But this guest does not like to be ignored. His quiet monologue slowly becomes louder and louder until suddenly it feels like he is speaking to me through a megaphone. His voice becomes all I can hear. 

He likes to remind me of all that I am not and all that I do not have. He brings me down dark paths to places that are no good for me; these locations unnerve me because they devalue everything about my life. 

When he tires himself out from his diatribe, he will invite his friends Bitterness and Resentment to visit me too. Together this trio darkens my life closing off anything of value or goodness.I feel powerless to stop them from stomping out the light in my life. I beg these visitors to leave. I know they are no good for me.  They seem to grow stronger as I grow weaker trying to fight them off and kick them out. 

 As an added bonus to me, this green eyed monster will also invite Shame to come into my heart and mind. Shame likes to make me feel red in the face for even allowing the darkness of envy, bitterness, and resentment take hold inside of me. He likes to hiss that I am ungrateful for all that I do have in my life; how could I possibly envy what others have when I also have so much? 

I know deep down that I could have all that my heart desires: the exotic vacations, the enormous bank account, the perfectly sculpted days with perfect meals in a perfectly spotless interior decorated, big home, the flawless body, the homeschool days that go off without a hitch and in which everything is always wonderful. etc...and Envy would still find me. I know that he would take residence inside of me and invite his friends Bitterness, Resentment, and Shame to come along too. 

I know that the problem isn't an exterior one. It isn't about having all of those things out there. The problem is internal. I know this. I know it truly and deeply. 

I know that these feelings will pass. Everything in life does. But knowing this doesn't make walking through these dark times any easier for me. They are brutal none-the-less. 

Homecoming 2021

On Saturday night, my girls attended their first homeschool homecoming dance. (Sarah had been to a public school dance before.) 

The venue of the dance was located about 40 minutes north of us in a barn situated on a wooded lot with a lake. It was a beautiful setting. The interior decor reminded me of something Joanna Gaines would do if she were hosting a homecoming dance. 

My girls had a good time, but as is the case any time you throw dozens and dozens of teenage kiddos together who don't know each other there were some awkward moments as well. 

I think the girls made the most of their time. There was a DJ, photo booth, catered dinner, dessert bar, hot drinks bar - all done to perfection. (Although the girls didn't care too much for the DJ's style of regularly cutting off a song in the middle to begin another song.)

My girls both looked so beautiful. 

 

Elizabeth's Soccer - Week 6

 Elizabeth played in her last regular season game yesterday. It was a beautiful day. 

Her team won the game 4-1 which means that her team ended the season with a 5-0-1 record. They are heading into tournament play this upcoming weekend and will be playing for at least two weeks longer, if not more. 

I think that this was Elizabeth's best soccer season in years and years. Her teammates were great girls and her coach was amazing too. Bobby was the assistant coach this season which was a big step out of his comfort zone as he does not know too much about soccer despite being a spectator all of these years. I think Elizabeth liked having her dad help with the team and I hope he continues to do so as she continues her time with this team in seasons yet to come. 

Andy and Sarah have been incredibly good about supporting Elizabeth by coming to watch her games. Josh usually has his own games on the days Elizabeth has hers, so he hasn't been able to see her play yet. Thankfully, their games did not coincide this past weekend, so Josh was able to watch this game. 

Staying in the shade before the game began. 

Half time! 

Ordinary Moments

 Stopping to pause long enough to capture the ordinary moments of life in hopes that it will help remind me of just how extraordinary my life is. 

Shopping at Michael's craft store. Her laughter is one of my most treasured sounds. 

My budding artist who is teaching herself new things every day. 

Getting back to homemade. My pasta sauce. 

The backyard. 

Front door Halloween decor

My boy's 'why'. He wears a wrist band every game to inspire himself to be his best. 

Sunday morning food prep. 

Budding bush in the front yard. 

Football Sunday

Homeschooling Week 4

What started out being a planned week off of school at the end of September for a 20th wedding anniversary celebration and a trip to the Cleveland Clinic for Sarah's treatment ended up being a three week hiatus with a funeral and out of state travel. 

This is one of the benefits of homeschooling, of course, but it still feels a bit icky when my plan goes off of the rails that much. Life (and death) happen though and must be dealt with each in its own time. 

We started school back up last week. My mom came into town for a planned trip and I planned out our school days so that we would complete a full days work over the course of two days. This way we would tackle each subject at least a couple of times last week, but it would also allow us the ability to visit. 

I find that this time of year homeschooling always looks a bit start and stoppish. With the holidays and visitors it seems like much of our first three months of schooling is working for 3-4 weeks and then taking a week (or two) off for planned activities. We don't really get into the bulk of our schooling until the beginning of January, but once we get there we are good to go for quite a few months. 

Where I once would have freaked out over this irregularity with what other school age children are doing, I am now perfectly comfortable with the process. It is what it is, and by the end of the school year my girls will be perfectly in line with where they should be. 

Sarah's favorite subjects last week were Biology and Great Books. 

Elizabeth's favorite subject last week was Language Arts - specifically the book she was/is reading to me out loud. 

And that's about it for week 4! 

Elizabeth's Soccer Week's 4 & 5

 Elizabeth did not play in her week 4 soccer game because we were out of state attending a funeral, but the girls won against their opponent. 

Yesterday, we attended her 5th game. It was by far the most competitive of the bunch and there were many times when I was not sure Elizabeth's team would pull off the win. Thank goodness my thoughts were wrong. Our girls were able to score a single goal in the second half and they were able to hold the opposing team off with a final score of 1-0. 

Elizabeth's team is now 4-0-1. She has not been on a winning team since she was super little and she is on cloud nine. Her performance each game is solid and steady. Most importantly, her confidence has grown which she has desperately needed. 

Next week is her last game before she plays in a season ending tournament. I look forward to watching her play very much. 

Elizabeth getting ready for another one of her incredible throw-ins. 

Photo of a hawk flying in a deep blue sky with fluffy white clouds.

Prepping for a throw in. 

Elizabeth getting ready to throw in the ball. 

Elizabeth standing on the field watching the ball on the opposite side of the field. 

Elizabeth getting ready to defend her goal. 

School Week 3

 Our week 3 of schooling was a bit hectic as I had a migraine on Wednesday and was only able to do a couple of subjects with each of the girls. I tried to play catch up on Thursday and Friday, but was not successful in every subject. 

I did not capture many moments either. Sometimes it is hard to stop and remember to catch a photo op during these days. I need to do so more often as I only have two years left with both of my girls schooling together and only 4 more left homeschooling at all. I really do want to try and get as many of these moments as possible, but sometimes it is just so hard to do so. 

The girls learned about warm colors, cool colors, and combinations in between with their art assignment. I try to make Sarah's art projects as tactile as possible especially when dealing with color since she cannot see what she is doing. She did a great job with her warm and cool colors as you can see in the second picture. Elizabeth has really been excelling in her art projects. She enjoys doing them so much that she is drawing and painting a ton in her spare time. She is improving leaps and bounds. All of the pictures of hers below were done by free hand. 

I do wish Sarah would come out of her shell a bit more, artistically speaking. She truly is a very creative person, but feels that that talent died along with her vision. Trying to coax some creativity out of her can be a painful process, but it is one worth pursuing even if she fights me tooth and nail on it. 

Elizabeth's rhino art project. 

Your art project, Sarah Marion. 

A stack of school books, markers, cup of decaf coffee, and our weekly do to list. 

Elizabeth on the living room couch reading me her science lesson. 

Elizabeth's rhino puzzle drawing. 

Our 20th Anniversary

 Bobby and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on September 28, 2021. We spent 2 nights and 3 days near Asheville, NC hiking in the mountains, visiting the city, and staying in a tiny house. It took me a bit to unwind as we have so much going on in our family right now, but I appreciated Bobby's efforts at planning out our getaway. 

The tiny house was super cute and the activities that he planned were awesome. It was so nice to getaway just the two of us and it was even nicer to be someplace surrounded by nature. I look forward to going back to Asheville and also just getting out with Bobby just the two of us. 

(Side note - Sarah Marion - there are too many pictures in this post for me to describe each of them because I am running out of time and still have one or two more posts to catch up on, so I am not going to describe the pictures this time. The pictures are mostly of mountains, our tiny house, and the roof top sun set we saw.)

I love mountain tunnels. There were a ton of them on the Blue Ridge Parkway. (Which is so cool. If you ever have the chance to travel on this road - DO IT. It is so, so beautiful and scenic.)

Mountains literally in every direction as far as the eye can see. AMAZING!

Last morning there. Enjoying the morning view before we headed home. 

Downtown Asheville is my kind of town. 

Downtown Asheville

Cool independently owned bookstore downtown Asheville.

Lunch Day 1

Our tiny house kitchen

Bobby made a reservation at this roof top bar on our anniversary so that we could watch the sunset before going to dinner.