Last Days of Summer Break

School begins on Monday. With Sarah taking a summer class on-line and doing prep work for her Honors English class it seems like there hasn't been much of a mental break for her or for me this summer. I was going to start Elizabeth's schoolwork on Monday too, but I may push that back a week or two just to get a mental break. I realize I don't have much time to make this decision and plan on running through the pros and cons this weekend. Most likely, I will just start her with the other two kids like planned.

The kids have all spent this last week of summer vacation relaxing to the best of their abilities. We have allowed them to stay up as late as they want to and sleep in for as long as they want to. This has meant 2 am bedtimes and noon wake-up times.

With high school soccer practices starting in the beginning of June and Sarah's summer school stuff our summer was pretty uneventful. We took a trip to Ohio/New York in July, but other than that we did not really do much. Some summers we are able to go and do a lot and others we do not have that luxury. The latter was how this summer played out.

I am looking forward to fall as it is my favorite, favorite time of year. I will be thankful when this humidity subsides. After living out west, and being spoiled by not having to deal with humidity, I have become a big baby about living with it again.

Andy has delayed college until January. He plans on working and saving as much of his cash as possible because he wants to try and get his degree without having any student loan debt. I support this fully as I will most likely spend a good portion of whatever life I have left paying off the Bachelors degree I don't even use. I don't want my kids to be in the same spot. 

The kids plan on spending today and this weekend just laying low and relaxing as life is about to get a bit hectic on Monday.

Andy and Bob brewing a batch of beer. 

When I went to visit my family in New York in July I had the privilege of going through my grandfather's drawing books. He would never admit to it because he is too modest, but he can draw pretty well as you can see from these drawings above. That picture in the middle of the drawings is that of a firefighter in the midst of a conversation. That firefighter is my grandfather probably taken in the early '80's - if I had to guess. I keep these items at eye level on the wall that my desk faces so that every morning and every evening when I sit there (or try to anyway) to review the day ahead and plan out the next day I am reminded of him. 

Whole Foods delivers to our area now and I have been buying my groceries on line from them and having them delivered. Whole Foods has the best quality, cheapest flowers around. Seriously, their flowers beat Walmart prices. I got this batch of gladiolas for $5. They are absolutely stunning and I am only showing about 1/3 of them in this picture. They shoot up so high.  

How can I resist putting a picture up of this guy?  My Moose. Man, I love this cat. It is ridiculous. 

Our 2019-2020 School Year

And then there was one...

With Andy graduating this past May, and Josh and Sarah attending the local public high school, Elizabeth is the sole child at home. This school year will be my 7th consecutive year homeschooling (my 9th year total). This year will take some getting used to as I have gone from homeschooling four kiddos up until last year, then last year I had three kiddos, and this upcoming one just one kiddo. The dynamic will be so different. I am looking forward to spending this next year or two just focused on Elizabeth at home. She needs that time with me. I have some fun field trips in mind that we will take this year too.

Here is a look at the textbooks Elizabeth and I will be using this year...

Math:

Science:

History:

Geography:

Grammar:

Writing:

Spelling:

Latin:

Health:

Logic: 

More

Windows open, I hear the sounds of all that is alive around me.  I steal a quiet moment to come to this space to write while children are away from the home, still laying in bed, or otherwise occupied. The cool snap we have been blessed with these last few days is set to end today and I hope to savor its beautiful release from the heat that is promised to come all that I can. The house is clean and organized, there are groceries in the refrigerator, and the cabinets are well supplied; laundry has been kept up with, too. I feel content in this moment in my role as a keeper of the home. 

Sometimes the green-eyed monster finds me, and I wish for more. More vacations, more money in my bank account, more opportunities for the kids, more date-nights for me and the hubby, more cool stuff for the house, more...

But then days like today will string themselves together, and the quiet voice within will gently remind me that I do have more...more love, more freedom, more time with my kiddos, more opportunity to shape and mold them, more time to savor these moments...

I have more of what really matters in this life. For today, I am content with that.

Summer Days

Cicadas make their presence known. A heat wave has subsided taking the humidity with it. As soon as it was comfortable to do so windows were thrown open and the whole house seemed to sigh a breath of relief. Yesterday and today the wind has made its way into the house bringing with it the smells of summer - fresh cut grass, flowers, and rich dirt. A full heart rests in my chest as I breath deeply fully aware of how wonderful these days are.

School books ordered have arrived for the child learning at home with me again this year. School supplies have been purchased for the children heading off to public school in a couple of weeks. The house is a mixture of emotions - excitement, nervousness, anticipation, a bit of fear, and of course, hope.

Sadness and pride co-mingle in my heart. I always miss my people when they go off into the world on their own. Being all together, a complete 6, is what makes me feel most whole. Growing up requires leaving, this I understand, but the practice is much harder for me to embrace than the concept of it. Watching them go, I count down the time until we are all together again; watching them go fills me with a pride that no godly person would approve of, but I cannot help it. All four of them are such good people; such beautiful, wonderful human beings - and I played a role in that, how can I not beam with pride?

These summer days will slip on by; soon fall will be upon us. I do not wish to pause the time and make it last longer, I only wish to be fully present in the time I have before me. If I can master this then the time I do have should be time enough.

Those Country Roads

Meandering down the country roads that will take me from my house to the high school to pick up a son from soccer, I cannot help but see the ghosts of lives abandoned in search of a better life beyond the reaches of what farming could ever hope to bring them. Farm after farm sits silent among fields no longer sown or plowed. Animals that must have once lived out their lives on these pastures can no longer be found. In many of these places, Mother Nature has taken over what man first took from her when he plowed the fields to begin with; vines and tree saplings begin their decent up silos leaning in disrepair. Farmhouses that once held families trying to live off of this land look skeletal as roofs have caved in and window panes have long been shattered. 

I wonder about the lives that these families led. What was it that finally broke them and led them to seek a life elsewhere, something that promised to be better than the lives they were currently leading? What was it like for them to sell their animals, to foreclose on the farm, to look behind them one last time as they drove in their car down the lane from their home to the country roads that would lead them to the city and beyond? 

The drive haunts me; yet I find a beauty in the places that once held farmers and their livelihoods that I cannot ignore. The places that once held human life  now contain the beginnings of new life - of new forests and fields. I drive slowly down these country roads to hear the birds chirping and to see the animals stand and inspect me as I slowly drive past. Being in this country makes me feel like I am intruding on the lands of the animals. 

There is a peace I feel in the country. A feeling of simplicity, not to be confused with easiness. I do not try and fool myself into believing that a country life is an easy life. If I need any convincing of this fact I need look no further than the abandoned farms that dot the roadside. Maybe I am pulling the wool over my own eyes, but I always get the feeling when I drive through this part of town that there is a honesty that is required of country living; a bare bones kinda life where no b.s. or pretense survives. Perhaps that is just me projecting what I hope to see in the shadows of all that shows itself to me as I make my way down the road moving from one farmer's imploded dream to another. 

Long after I have moved away from Indiana I will carry the photographs that my mind has taken of these country roads and the farms left behind. Just like the farmers and their families, all that will remain are the echoes of my presence left in the wind to be devoured and consumed by Mother Nature; to be forgotten until someone else comes through looking for the ghosts of all that gets left behind. 

Sarah's List

A few weeks ago I found an unexpected email in my inbox from Sarah. She had stayed up late the night before and wrote out the following: (All content shared has been approved by Sarah to be posted.)

This is my list of things that I am going to do when I can see again.

1. Cry, dance, and laugh in pure joy
2. See my beloved siblings all grown up
3. Look at myself
4. See mom and dad middle aged
5. See pictures of Sammy and Lily and the girls
6. See pictures of the places we’ve adventured to
7. Remember how to write
8. Look at the amazing, wonderful, different colors
9. Look at words again
10. Read my books
11. Have Josh remind me how to play soccer
12. Look at the sunrise/sunset
13. Look at pictures of baby Moose
14. Cry some more
15. Throw away the jealousy that I have for Elizabeth and be A good sister
16. Have Andy teach me how to play his favorite video game then beat him at it
17. Go to Skyview and see the place that gave me the confidence I needed and see my little horse
18. Draw, color, and paint
19. Walk without a Kane
20. Run without help
21. Look at Braille
22. Paint my nails
23. Pick out my own outfits and style
24. See Oreo again, my companion who was with me throughout this journey
25. Give back
26. Watch movies
27. Look and stare and watch and see, see, see
28. Never have somebody describe anything again
29. Make eye contact
30. Laugh, cry, see, dance, love without resentment, and be happy

I asked Sarah why she wanted me to print this list since she obviously cannot see it. She told me that she was doing so as an act of rebellion towards her disease. Printing this list out was her way of telling this disease that despite its desire to do otherwise that she was determined to some day see again. This list is now tacked up on the wall in her bedroom.

This list made me cry when I read it as it shows just how much she misses her "old life" - the one with sight. I cannot imagine how hard her life is and how much she struggles emotionally with her disease. I can only feel its effects as being the mother of a child who struggles.

Blissful Summer

I probably haven't been as excited about a summer since the one after I took the kids out of public school in 2013. I know there are some parents who begin a countdown to the first day of school the moment the previous school year gets out, but that has never been me. I love when my kids are all home. I miss my kids when they are away from home. I miss the connections that are forged from being together day in and day out. I miss sharing every day experiences together.  I miss watching them make connections with one another as is wont to happen when you are with your siblings day after day. I miss...them.

The older my kids get the busier the seasons get and the faster they fly by. I expect this summer to be no different. Sarah is taking an online summer school class because she is working towards getting an honors diploma from the public school and would like to be able to have a study hall both semesters which requires summer school. She is also still volunteering at the horse therapy program on Fridays. Joshua will begin soccer in the next two weeks for high school. He also has some club practices and work. Andy will be working this summer and gearing up to begin classes this fall at the community college. My Elizabeth is the lone ranger with not much to do which is okay as she is only 12. Except for helping Sarah out on Friday mornings I don't have signed up for scheduled for anything.  I am not a huge follower of over-scheduling my kiddos. I want them to be kids for as long as they can. Part of that for me is carefree summers not filled with camps and activities, but filled with lazy days of pool time and park time.

With the four kids activities combined I feel that this summer will fly by, but I also am going to really savor each day that I can because just having the four of them here together on a regular basis is a big change from the school year. It is nice to have Josh home because during the school year he has school. After school Monday - Thursday he has soccer practice; Friday - Saturday he works and has soccer games which just leaves Sunday for us to really see him. I know that he enjoys this busy schedule, but I sure do miss him. I know the girls do too.

We have some trips planned this summer. In June, we will be heading up to Lake Erie in Ohio to camp for the weekend. In July, as of right now, we are heading to New York to spend 4th of July with my extended family. Before you know it, August 5th will be here and then Josh and Sarah will be heading off to high school for their senior and freshman year respectively. Andy will start classes in the middle of August. Elizabeth and I are either going to start her schooling when the kids do in August, or I might wait until after Labor Day to begin her school year. I haven't decided yet.

In the meantime, our development has a couple of community pools that I plan on taking the kids to almost daily. Elizabeth is like a fish and is ready to go to the pool the moment she wakes up and could swim until the pool closes at 8:30 pm each night. I also am going to try to schedule a field trip to a new location once a week this summer. There are quite a few things to do within a couple of hours drive around here. I think it would be great to explore as many of those things together as we can. Whatever doesn't get explored now Elizabeth and I will most likely explore together next school year.

Whatever happens this summer I know that one thing is for certain - I am so glad to have my people together. My kiddos are just amazing, awesome, fun people that I really enjoy being around. I am so glad I get to spend my summer with them.