I recently read 'Why Have Kids' by Jessica Valenti, and was outraged by the stances that the author took on the book regarding being a mother. That being said - I think it was a good book because it did get me so upset. I would even recommend to other mothers. Sometimes it takes a little bit of ruffling my feathers to make me realize just how I feel about a certain issue(s) and how important said issues are to me. The basic gist of the book (at least what I got out of it) is that women (and society) put too much pressure on themselves to be the "ideal" mother according to societies standards, and that those standards are very unrealistic thus setting ourselves up for feeling like a failure at motherhood. Putting your child in day care and working full time is completely okay and your child will not be negatively impacted by this decision, and that being a mother is not the most important thing that you will ever do.
I don't agree at all. I think that there is A LOT of value in staying home with our children, and that we, as a society, do not place enough value on mothering. I think that there ARE some women in this world who NEED to work (for financial and emotional reasons) - I know a couple of those women. BUT, and this is a big BUT there are plenty more families who feel that Mom 'needs' to work when in reality it is their 'wants' that are keeping her feeling like she has to stay employed. A big house, two car payments, nice vacations, the best clothes for the kids, the most expensive sports clubs, etc...I hate to say this because I know that this topic can and will incite a huge debate on both sides of the spectrum, but I believe in the value of a mommy (or daddy) being home for her/his kids each day.
For a long time I worked - both part time and even full time. My husband and I have never used daycare or anyone other than family to watch our kids. We were lucky that we both worked for the same employer who has a vast array of shifts, so that when we had our kids we could work opposite shifts. When that did not work for us anymore my mother and sister stepped in to help us out on a part time basis. Finally, a little over 2 years ago, I had had it. I was tired of working in a job that made me miserable, and I realized that my kids were only going to be little once. I could/can NEVER get that time back with them - so I quit my job. I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to make ends meet, but you know what? Not only did we makes ends meet, but we realized how little value material possessions really have in this life (which was what my salary was going towards a lot of the time). We don't live in a big house, we keep our cars until they are on their last leg, we don't eat out a lot, we don't go on expensive vacations, and we don't have a ton of extra money. BUT - this is what we do have - a roof over our heads, enough money to put some in savings every month, children who don't go to daycare, children who get a home cooked meal most nights (we eat pizza 1 time a week - especially during football season -we love the NFL in our house), they have a mom who takes them to school, picks them up from school, family time that allows us to bond, children who are grounded and secure in who they are as people. I wouldn't trade those things for the world.
There will be a time for me to someday have a career. I would really like to work with retirees and change the way that this country looks at the elderly and their care. I would like to try to create better conditions in nursing homes, so that the elderly are given and treated with the respect that they deserve. That is a passion of mine. The good thing though is that I know that I can still have that career - just not right now. Our lives are long enough that we can raise our children and still have a career. I just don't think that we can do them both at the same time. Women are amazing creatures. We are extremely talented, but we don't seem to realize that motherhood is a place worth investing our talents in. My children need a mom who is there for them. I am not a helicopter mom - I think that my children need to make mistakes - that is how we learn. I expect my children to make mistakes. I also expect my husband and I to sit down with our children as they make mistakes and discuss them with them. To look at the issue from all angles.
I don't know...I could go on and on about this topic, but I think I will save it for another time when I am more to the point because I feel myself splintering into a million different directions on this topic.
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