I have an enjoyed a much needed break these past couple of weeks from a lot of things, and I enjoyed the absence of each of those things in my life very much. I stepped away from the computer, TV (yes, it had crept back into our lives, again), people, just about everything, but myself and my kids.
And you know what? We had a GREAT couple of weeks. Each night last week we played games - my favorite is hide-and-go-seek (inside the house). Elizabeth is far and away the best hider in our family. That girl can squeeze herself into places I NEVER would have thought possible, and she will stay there for 20 minutes or so while the rest of us try in vain to find her.
Stepping away from life is so hard sometimes, but I find it necessary for me to gather MY thoughts together - not the thoughts that society would like me to have, but the thoughts that I have in my head that I know are true to me. I have often thought that if I had a chance to start over again on this parenthood journey I would buy a small house in the woods and home school my kids, and have a huge garden, and just live a life free of possessions and television and ipods and kindles, and most other technology. I know, I know, I am starting to sound like a nut to most people. I am also very well aware that I cannot begin my parenting life over. And even though the preceding statements are things I would do if I had the choice to start over I also believe that I am on the journey that I was meant to be on which means that I will need to learn to live true to my values and belief systems right where I am at. Right in the eye of the storm where television and video games and ipods and kindles, and cell phones reign supreme. Where possessions are placed on a pedestal, and valued more than family togetherness.
In the last couple of weeks a lot has happened. We had a realtor out to take a look at our home and let us know what we had to do to sell it, and for what price. (I was pleased with what she believed we could sell it for.) I went to church the past two weeks, and have, surprisingly, found much comfort in that. I mastered one of the lessons that I feel that I was meant to learn on this journey which is being content with where I am at now.
I have decided that I don't want to move anymore. I want to make some minor alterations to our current home, and then maybe in a couple of years make some bigger alterations to our home. I don't need a big house or a fancy neighborhood. I don't need a ton of possessions either. I no longer want to move my family around the country to chase a career for my husband that will bring us more material possessions, but will take my kids away from their family. There is a value is having family in their lives that neither work experience nor money can buy. That is not to say that we would NEVER move, but what it means is that I will no longer move for just any old job. It had better be something pretty extraordinary, and more importantly, it needs to feel right not in our heads, but in our hearts. I have everything that I need to live a happy life right here. Although, most would say I am crazy, I even feel that I have the ability to be able to add a new baby to this house as well. It has taken many, many, many months of heartache and struggle within myself to realize that all I need is right where I am. Funny, how I have been looking so hard for something that was right in front of my face the whole time.
So, I am making a list of small things that we can do on our home to make it more functional for our family. I think high on my priority list is getting rid of a bunch of our stuff. We have too much stuff. I have bought into consumerism way too easily, and I want to get off of that wheel. I would like to start paying much more attention to what comes into this home - not only for my children, but for me as well. I am thinking about implementing a policy that if something comes into the house to stay then something must leave the house as well. I'll let you know what I decide to do.
For now, I am not sure when I will be back on. It could be tomorrow - it could be next week. I've got some changes to make both in my home and in my life.
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