Bad Mommy

I yelled at Elizabeth today for being her usual self, and she cried. I felt terrible. So, I hugged her and apologized to her for yelling at her. It's not her fault that she is the way she is. I need to learn to parent her better. She is not like the other three kids. She shouldn't be like them because she is a unique individual. She is quirky, spontaneous, and unpredictable. She is everything that I am not. Which maybe makes it so hard for me to see eye to eye with her so often. She is the kind of girl that puts her toe right up to the line - whatever line I set - and tries to get as close to it as she can without going over - sometimes I think she does it just to aggravate the heck out of me. 

But somehow, even though I get frustrated with her the most, she is always the first one to hug me. The first one to tell me how much she loves me. Most of the time I feel like her love is given more freely than it should be because I spend so much of my time trying to make her someone she is not. Elizabeth is 7 years old now. Whatever I had once hoped that she would grow out of is clearly not going to happen. Her wild and zany side are not a phase - they are part of who she is. 

Shame on me for not understanding who she is as a person, and for loving her just as she is. I know better. It is time that I stop asking her to step up to the plate and be the person that I expect her to be. It is time that I step up to the plate and be the mother that she deserves.