Not Superwoman After All...

I have always (foolishly) prided myself on my ability to push my body to extremes (in unhealthy ways) without any lasting consequence. Because of this I have been living under the false presumption that my body is made of armor instead of the organs, skin, and other very destructible parts that make up the human body.  I would have continued on this way had not my body revolted against the abuse I was subjecting it to in ways I would have never predicted...

On a Friday night a little over 3 weeks ago I was talking with my oldest son, Andy, when all of the sudden I felt a tornado of dizziness envelop me. The next thing I remember is Andy calling my name in a panic. I awoke on the floor, and realized that I had just passed out. Bob had left for New Mexico a few days earlier so it was just me and the kids that night.  I have never passed out in my entire life, so I was really scared. I ended up making a doctor's appointment because I began having chest pains and a shortness of breath along with spells of dizziness in the days that followed my fainting. After a series of tests it has been determined that, because of the amount of stress I have put my body under  in the last year I have developed borderline high blood pressure. I do not have to take any medication for this at this time because my cardiologist thinks I can alleviate all of my symptoms if I learn to handle my stress better, lose weight, and exercise. High blood pressure was contributing to my headaches that I have been getting with increasing frequency as well. (I also have high cholesterol even though I am a vegetarian because it runs in my family.)

The symptoms that I have (and still are) been experiencing are really scary for me. To feel your heart racing or to get dizzy for no reason is very unsettling. These symptoms come without any warning and then usually leave shortly after they arrive. My health issues have scared not only me, but my husband as well. If I do not learn to handle my stress better and take better care of myself  I am only going to deteriorate my health even more. I am not Superwoman after all. I cannot pile stress upon stress without finding an outlet for that stress. I cannot continue to take care of everyone else while neglecting myself. I have been told that by loved ones for a really long time and their words fell on deaf ears. It took my body (and some even say a higher power) to intervene and show me that I need to love myself as much as I love those around me. Without doing so will lead to disastrous consequences.

So my new game plan includes going back to vegan eating, walking the dog more days than not every week, journaling daily, being conscious of my body and how it is feeling, and breathing deeply when I feel myself getting stressed out. We will see how that works out....all I know is I am willing to do almost anything to get myself healthy. Not feeling well and trying to do all that I do as a wife, mother,  and woman will not bring me much success. I need to put me first and keep myself there in order to be the best person I can be for all of those who rely on me.