A Million Different Ways

We will not be here long that much I know for sure. If you ask me to define what long is - I can't because I don't know yet myself. What I do know is that I would be shocked if we are still here at this time next year. (Given that my husband works for corporate America I can say that plans change all of the time and  I just very well may be writing from this place at this time next year, but I wouldn't bet on that though.)

In some respects I am ready to go. I need a home. A place to know in my heart I will be for a while. A place where my children feel settled. A place where they all are comfortable forming friendships with those around them without the fear and hesitation of doing so knowing that they will not be around for too long to nurture those friendships.  Las Cruces has been the best gift I have ever been given, but it is not my home. It is not my kids' home either.  I feel like I have been given the gift of an extra long extended vacation while living here, but even vacations must end at some point. I haven't decorated my house or done any thing really to make this place my own because I have known from day 1 that we were not here to stay. I need a house that feels like my own - not some place that was the best pick out of the available choices, but not necessarily the best fit for our family. Does that make any sense?

This is from my back yard. I do not take for granted how very blessed I am to live someplace with this type of view. 

In other respects though I am nowhere near ready to go. I love the people here. The Hispanic community has been amazing. They have welcomed us with open arms and I have loved learning what it feels like to be a minority in certain situations. I am grateful that my children have met and formed friendships with other children outside their own race. That is important to me.  I don't know that I will be given that kind of an experience the next time around or even if I am, that it will be as positive an experience as what we have encountered here.

I love the homeschooling community here. The kids and I have met an amazing group of people - a huge amount of people from all different walks of life, religious beliefs, family dynamics, etc...There is something to do all of the time within the homeschooling community. I am grateful that I have been able to experience this group of people who also have embraced our family with open arms.

In a million different ways I love living here. In a million different ways I wish I could take bits and pieces of this space with me no matter where I go. Yet in a million different ways I am ready to move on.

How many people can say that they have changed, grown, and experienced all of the things that I have in one place in such a short period of time? How many people have a place that touches them as deeply as this place has touched me?  I am truly blessed by all that I have encountered and experienced here in the Land of Enchantment.

I am always amazed when I look around me and see that I actually get to live some place so beautiful. Some people spend their whole lives looking for a beauty like this and they never find it. I don't take my surroundings for granted. EVER. 

In a million different ways I am afraid to leave here because I am afraid that I will never ever love some place as much as I love it here. I am afraid that the sun will never shine as much or as brightly. That the clouds will never be as white (or black) or fluffy or inspiring as they are here. I am afraid that the setting sun will never amaze me as much as does here. Or that the mountains will move me as much as they do here. I am afraid that the darkness of night will never be as dark again or that the shooting starts, comets, and moon will never be as abundant, big, or beautiful.

There are so many little idiosyncrasies I have discovered about living here that I will never be able to duplicate. I will love this place for ever and ever. So for now, I am just going to try and focus on being fully present while I live here because I know that someday soon this place will be but a memory. I want to make sure that I spend the rest of my time living here enjoying and appreciating all that this land has to offer while I still can.