Of This I Am Sure

Laughing with her dad. 

A lot of times loved ones and friends will send me a link of a story featuring a successful person who
happens to be thriving in life despite being blind. I always love stories such as these as it is a gentle reminder that that Sarah will one day be among those who are thriving in spite of an illness that would like to keep her down. Oftentimes, these stories will render me to tears partly because I am emotional person to begin with and partly because there are still times in my life when I look at my daughter and the deep scars of all we have been through threaten to reopen into the blistering wounds they once were.

But, alas, our story will never be one of permanent sorrow or defeat. We will always find a way to thrive no matter what the odds are that are stacked against us. Sarah's life will never be a tragedy. It will always be a triumph. She is a ray of sunshine to me, to her father, and to so many of you. Like many of you, I worry about her. Is she doing okay? Is she adjusting to life as a blind person? Is she adjusting to life as a person with an autoimmune disease? Is she adjusting to life just as a normal average adolescent on top of all of the other stuff? Is she learning what she needs to to thrive? Is she lonely? Is she depressed? Is she scared? Is she....? The questions never end. They run around in my head all of the time.

Having some alone time at the top of Multnomah Falls. 

 And so, I am happy to write, Sarah is thriving in Portland. She is blossoming in ways that I dared not even dream about. She is making friends in the neighborhood. She is coming out of her quiet shell. She is crossing the street by herself. She is playing outside every day with her peers. She is acting like a regular 11 year of girl. She is learning contracted braille so she can read on her own again. She is taking risks and getting out of the house more. She is cooking by herself all the time. She is doing her chores - just like everyone else. And she is laughing. Really laughing. A lot. And it is go good to hear. There is nothing quite like seeing Sarah smile. A deep genuine smile and a hearty belly laugh. God, I have missed hearing that sound. Sure, we would hear her laugh and see her smile from time to time, but not like this.

Here's a throw back from several years ago. Mouth full of food and all  - this smile and that twinkle in her eyes is one of my favorite things about her. I miss that twinkle so much.  This pictures was taken two weeks after her first hospitalization and about 1 week before her second hospitalization. 

I no longer see a little girl who feels that she can't. Can't do this. Can't do that.  I see a little girl who now sees what we all have seen since the beginning - that she is a fierce thing capable of everything  that you and I are capable of doing. She feels empowered. And you can see it in her demeanor. That is a beautiful sight to behold.

Working on an outdoor project.

Going to camp and being with other blind children, but more importantly successful blind adults worked wonders for her spirit. That camp was the best chicken soup for the soul I could have asked for as it filled her belly up with warmth and goodness and made her feel better in so many ways.

There are many times when I wonder if Sarah is going to be okay as an adult. Will she thrive? Will she be happy? Will she love and be loved in return? Will she be independent and secure? Will she know her worth? Will she be strong enough to not take shit from anyone? Of this I am sure - she will be all of the things that she wants to be. And she will have all of the things that she wants to have. And the plans for her future that she talks about now have every bit of chance of happening blind or not.

If you think about it - Sarah is the best kind of person to be abled differently because she is able to show the rest of us how to live a life with unplanned speed bumps with hope, dignity, gumption, and grace.  She is able to take an illness that you or I would have been crippled under the weight of and turned it upside down and is an example of how to make the best of the life you have been given.  She truly is a beacon of light. Her life an example of the true definition of HOPE and all that it encompasses.

 God has amazing things in store for her.

Of this I am sure.

Chillin with her sister.