All In - Week 1

Charlotte

Ruby

a.k.a. "The girls"

This ball was one of the gifts from Santa. She had been asking for a ball that she could be rolled around in for quite some time. Santa finally found one at a reasonable price and got it for her. 

We came to this part last week:

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

These last 6 days have been my most favorite overall days since  moving to Portland. In fact, I would say that in terms of family quality life these last few days have been some of our best in years.

A lot of changes are slowly taking place. Most of them beginning with me, but because I have such an influence on the mood of our home as a homemaker I am noticing that the mood has changed in general in our family. And the change is refreshingly positive.

It dawned on me recently how important routine truly is to children -at least my children - and we have been establishing new (and reestablishing old) ones day at a time. I have been bad at sticking to a routine because the nature of our lives do not lend to a forced one - meaning there is no school bus to catch or job to get to for the 5 of us, but I think I have been doing a disservice to our family by being so lax all of this time. I am noticing in just the few shorts days since I have begun to implement some changes that the kids seem to enjoy knowing what to expect each day.

Life certainly is not perfect around these parts, but I didn't expect that. What I expect is that each day we will lay the ground work for new habits to be ingrained in us. I cannot work beyond today in my thinking because there is just so much going on around here.

I feel like I am actively engaged in my life for the first time in a long time. I am intentionally trying to not just go through the motions of life, but instead are trying to be conscious in every decision that I make no matter how mundane. It is these small daily decisions that will build up and create the legacy my children will remember about their childhood. I refuse to look at them and wish that I had started living intentionally prior to this point. I believe that God has a path for me and for whatever reason this is His chosen time for me to being my life anew. The great thing about childhood is that is allows you to be forgiving and flexible. I know that I have a chance to change our family dynamic and what we remember about these days and I intend to work everyday at doing so. I know that I will not be perfect - I am not seeking perfection. Instead I am seeking intentional living. There is a huge difference in the two.

We began our family meetings again this past weekend. We used to have those on a regular basis, but fell off of the wagon. This meeting is important for us to touch base and come together to talk about what is working/what is not working, etc... in our family life. We have chosen to create a family mission statement and began that process this past weekend. I was excited by how willing the kids were to do this with me. They seem just as eager for change in our family as I do. This makes these days of new beginnings all the more sweeter.

I am really focused on giving this family my all. Not in a burn out crazy mama way, but in a way that allows me to be the best mom, wife, and homemaker that I can be. This can only be done if I take care of myself as well. It is amazing how much different I feel. I feel like I have been living in a fog for the past 16 years which I know sounds dramatic and seems crazy, but I just have such clarity on the vision that I have for our family. (Which I would argue I always have had for the most part.) What is different is that I finally feel like I really know how to implement that vision. That is an amazing feeling.

(We spend New Years Eve at Cannon Beach - at least for part of the day. We had so much fun. It was windy and cold, but we bundled up and wore layer upon layer, so we were able to endure the rain for a while.)

This view never gets old.

Creating a soccer field in the sand. Buckets were used as the goals. Penalty boxes and the rest of the field were just etched in the sand. 

We love this guy so much. One the best that came from New Mexico. 

Visibility was very little as you can see.

Our bit of "sun" for the day. 

"Surfing" on the waves.

Always soccer....

Don't know of too many boys who get to play soccer on the shores of the Pacific Ocean. Pretty lucky...

*****                                                   ***********                                                  *****

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

I have a feeling that my posts are going to need to be written over the course of a few days from now on as I only allot so much time for myself each day for electronic usage. After checking my email and banking there just isn't much time to sit down and write in this space for very long, but this is okay. Actually, this is more than okay for me because it means that I have cut down my electronic usage by more than 90%. I am not checking email from my phone anymore nor am I checking pretty much anything else on my phone except for Pinterest and that is done within my allotted time usually to search out ideas for me and the kiddos for schooling or ideas for me and the whole family to take a trip on the weekends. I feel such freedom being unplugged. It feels like a breath of fresh air.

The last two nights the wind has been terrible around these parts. The howling of the wind reminds me of the windy season in Las Cruces and it brings me comfort. In my quiet times I try to envision what life will be like in the next place we go - not so much to rush where I am now - but because I am trying to envision if I will miss Las Cruces as much as I do now in the new (eventual) location. I think some parts of the country will be better suited to easing the ache, but I think that I will always miss it. (Until, of course, Bob and I build a casita type home in the foothills of the Organ Mountains.)

Schooling is going well. We worked throughout much of the Christmas break mainly because there was no real reason for us to stop. I would rather stop schooling two weeks earlier in the summer to enjoy the good weather than stop schooling in the crappy wintertime gray weather just because the calendar says that it should be Christmas Break. My parents are planning a trip out in April. I would rather the kids take that time off.  The kids gave me three educational goals that they have for themselves by the end of the school year. I thought their goals were spot on with their personalities and where they are educationally. We are also going to try to incorporate more fun into our school year as we seem to have gotten away from that quite a bit.

We saw Sammy and immediately thought of my dad..."Sitting in the corner and eating wet cigarettes like a dog."

Making sugar cookies with an amazing homemade buttercream frosting. 

Holy bellyache!

Trying to make Aunt Laura and Aunt
Jessica's peanut butter hershey's kiss
cookies.

*****                                                   ***********        
                                        *****

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Yesterday was another successful day in getting back on track. We did our school work, some chores, ate our 3 meals together as a family (minus Bob for breakfast and lunch), played at a local favorite park, and then came home and created marble runs. The kids had a blast with the marble run activity. Each of them took their time in creating their own designs. It was great to watch them get so involved in an activity and to work together when each of them needed help working through a roadblock in their designs. (Everyone except Andy encountered these roadblocks. Andy still isn't finished with his design. He went above and beyond the basic concept and has created a marble run on steroids. It is so cool to see his creative juices come alive.)

It was supposed to be partly sunny yesterday, but the sun actually only made an appearance for about 90 minutes in the late afternoon. Boy, was I grateful for that sunlight.  The sunset last night was amazing. It reminded me of my New Mexico sunsets. I am in love with the sky. It is so big and vast and beautiful. My favorite part of sunsets are not when the sun dips below the horizon - although that is beautiful - no, my favorite part of sunsets are when there are clouds in the sky and the last beams of the suns rays ricochet off of the clouds causing them to display shades of pink, purple, and orange only to be found in the sky. Those sunsets stop me in my tracks every single time.

I am finding that living a life full of intention is exhausting. Exhausting in a good way though. I am usually in bed by 9:30 pm with lights out for me by 10:00 pm. I have been getting up between 6:30 and 6:45 every morning feeling refreshed. I have been falling asleep almost immediately each night which is very unusual as over the course of the last two years or so I have found that getting to sleep most nights was taking a considerable amount of time. Last night I was able to sleep without getting up as well which doesn't happen all too often either. I knew that I would be exhausted by being tuned in to my life because it was going to be such a strong change from the way that I have been living my life, but who knew that a positive side effect of this would be good sleep as well?

It is crazy for me to think about just how much of my life I was living on autopilot. In hindsight, I feel like I was a walking dead person. I just went through the motions each and every day. That is not to say that there weren't moments in my life when I was fully alive because certainly there were. But to focus on living a life fully conscious of my words, actions, decisions is showing me just how numb I was. Don't get me wrong there are still a good number of times in my day when I am not being intentional, but I try to recognize when I am stepping back into the old habit of zoning out and living on autopilot. I try and bring myself back around to intentional living so that each day I can living intentionally a little bit longer than the last day. I don't worry about anything other than trying to do my best each day knowing that the day is not going to be perfect, but knowing that I am doing the best I can. I found myself thinking of April yesterday as I was putting away some laundry. I am so sorry that she died. There are so many deeply hurting because of her physical absence in their lives, and I wish I could take away that hurt. But  I know that I cannot do this. So, when I find myself thinking of her I do what I know I have the power to do and that is to thank her for showing me just how off base I was in living my life. I really credit her with the changes I am working on making. My quality of life has improved tremendously, and I know that this change is because thinking of her always reminds me of just how lucky I am to be alive.

I have found myself praying more and more. Just small little prayers throughout the day asking God to be with me or to keep me focused or to thank him for this change in my heart and in my life which is already reaping so many benefits and it has only just begun. I have been trying to read my bible in the morning and at night. I am currently reading the book of Acts which is not a book I have ever read before. It is good for me to spend time reading the bible. It helps me to remember that I want to model my life after Jesus - not religion - but just Jesus. The best way that I know how to do that right now where I am in my life is to have a servant's heart. Who better for me to serve than my own husband and children?

My family management book has a new cover. It makes me smile every time I see it. 

*****                                                    ***********                                                    *****

Friday, January 6, 2017

One the hardest things about trying to live intentionally is that I am an obsessive compulsive thinker. This type of personality and living intentionally cannot coexist because I cannot possibly be in the moment if my mind is mulling a problem or thought in my head over and over again. I was managing my thoughts pretty well up until yesterday afternoon right before I went to work when something popped up (outside of the kids) that I couldn't resolve until today when I had all of the information and tools needed to do so. I found immediately that I could not stop thinking about this issue and I was trying to find ways to solve it more quickly than the amount of time I knew it would take. I could feel a shift in my attitude and I could feel that I was mentally drifting away from my kids and the home life I have been working at building this last week or so. I went to work, had a bad work day, and came home incredibly cranky which carried over into the rest of my evening. It was amazing, when I actually took the time to stop and evaluate the situation how much my demeanor had changed over this issue. And I realized this morning that THAT was the state of mind I was living in continually prior to my trying to live intentionally. I cannot believe that THAT was the version of myself that I offered my kids day in and day out. Wow. The distracted irritable mom. No wonder things fell apart here a bit. One of the lessons that I need to learn this year is that there are just some things that are out of my control and that I need to let them go. Completely. No obsessing about those things. I just need to process these kind of life issues when they come up, see if there is a solution to the problem that I can take care of, and then if so, fix it. If not - let it go. I don't want to be that crazy, distracted mom anymore. Life has been too beautiful lately around here to live that life again.

On a side note - I did mention in the paragraph above that I went to work yesterday. When I put in my two week notice that I was leaving the company I was working for seasonally my boss' boss pulled me aside on my second to last day and asked if there was anything she could do to keep me. She said that I was a great employee and that people like me are hard to find. She said that she would rather have me work in her store for 4 hours a week than not at all because I (and others like me) make a difference even working just 4 hours a week. She told me I could work any shift, any day of the week, and any hours. I couldn't believe this. I talked to the kids and Bob about this offer and decided that this was an offer I couldn't refuse. So, on Thursdays I work a single 4 hour shift. The money that I make (which is not very much) is our family's play money. For right now this works for us and is what we plan on doing until is doesn't work anymore.


I am amazed at life right now. For the first time in a long time my heart feels really, really, happy. It is hard to be happy when there are circumstances in my life that I don't like (aka living in Portland), but I believe that focusing on living intentionally has really been a lifesaver in so many ways. There are so many little things that are coming together in my life that didn't make sense before that are now beginning to show how they fit into the story of what makes this life book my own.

(We call this park pirate ship park because the playground equipment is created in way that makes it look like a pirate ship. This part is the girls favorite and mine too as it reminds me of New Mexico because of its palm type trees.)

My favorite goofballs. 

No matter how cold it is outside Sammy is always ready to get wet. 

Our marble run project. The kids loved making these and all 4 worked hard on them. In uploading these photos I cannot help but be thankful that the boys are just as into this kind of stuff as the girls. Doing projects like this (and decorating cookies) helps bring our family together in way that I could have never dreamed of. No electronics. No separate rooms doing our own things. Together. As one. I also love that Sarah is able to participate in all of the activities as well. She feels like she is on equal footing with the kids.

I think that it isn't the big moments that define a life. Although they are certainly memorable and great. It is the everyday minute things that define a life. I am so glad that I am on the right path to making our family life the best it can be. One day at a time.

Josh helping Sarah with the glue gun as she works on her project.

I love the time that Josh put into this project. He carefully laid out where he wanted each stick to go before gluing it down. It was really cool to watch. 

Andy did an amazing job on his marble run. He even somehow made it so that when the marbles fill up the cup you can barely see in the bottom right hand corner of this picture a drawstring will pull up the green tubing so that the marbles will then head in a different direction. 

The next morning before breakfast finished up his project. 

A beautiful sunset.

The dogs are not supposed to be on the couch. They are spoiled rotten and do not listen very well...

I think it is safe to say he is growing on her....Maybe. 

We are doing a project on the brain. I thought it would be helpful for the kids to use modeling clay to create a brain that we are then in the process of showing which parts of the brain control which parts of the body. The different colors are for the different hemispheres.