Hard Times

Times are hard right now for us all and I struggle with posting anything in this space because I just don't know what to say or what to share anymore.

I can say that I cannot wait to move away from here, but I am also petrified to move again because I don't want to ever experience another move that is as hard for our family as this one has been.

I am so thankful for Las Cruces because it was the best gift I have ever been given, but it also set the bar pretty high and I am afraid everything else will always fall short and this scares me to death.

Everything seems murky right now. We are all doing the best that we can to try and make the most of this experience. I  know there are lessons to learn and gifts to be received here, but I just cannot find them and I don't feel like I have the energy to expend in looking for them anymore. I feel like I have spent the last 7 months constantly searching for things to love about this place. The effort this is taking is exhausting.  Please don't worry about us as it is through the darkest of times that the most growth is had. I know for a fact that we will all be okay, and in the end this whole experience will be seen as a blessing, but for right now it only feels like a curse.

I am heading to the east coast in a few days to visit with my extended family. I am so excited that I feel like a child at Christmas time. I will be traveling alone and I am desperately hoping that this visit will allow me to clear my head and get some clarity and a sharpened focus on getting my family through what I pray to God is the last few months of living in the Pacific Northwest.

These dogs are not supposed to be on the couch. See how well they listen? It's a good thing they are loved so much - it allows them to get out of trouble rather easily. 

Part of our Valentine's Day decorations. 

A decoration Sarah made. 

Superbowl snacks!

Thank you pinterest! Homemade Superbowl brownies and peanut butter bars.

And another pinterest creation. 

Our  snack "stadium".

Sunset last night. 

I love how puffy these clouds were. It's funny because I feel like I post a lot of pictures that gives the illusion that it is sunny here more than it actually is. Just about every single day is cloudy, but some days (I would day 2-3 days a week) the clouds will give way to blue sky for about 30-45 minutes. I am always so excited by this that I grab my camera and snap away. And then just as soon as the sky opens up for a minute it closes right back up. It is a crazy experience and unlike anything I have ever been through in my whole life. 

This blue sky is what I cling to when it appears. It really give me hope. This sliver of blue sky is most likely all we will have today. The rest of the sky looks gray like in the picture below.  

I have learned here that there are different shades of gray clouds. I have found that I can handle light gray clouds, but medium (like the ones in this picture) or dark gray clouds are very hard to mentally get my brain around day in and day out. Summer here is absolutely beautiful, but I have to get to May before the gray skies clear up. If I can make it through this winter I swear I will consider myself a superhero.