In Loving Memory of Samuel Jennings: ? - 08/08/17

Swimming in the river at Tillamook National Forest. 

As a kid I loved animals. Just loved them.  But then something happened and there was a time in my adult life when I wasn't an animal person, but especially a dog person. I couldn't understand how people could live with pet hair on them, on their furniture, in their cars, etc...I didn't understand how people could be so coo-coo about their dogs. I mean they were animals for Pete's sakes! People are crazy about their animals. They just seem lose all sense of rationality when it comes to their animals. I know you non-animal people know exactly what I am talking about. 

And then Lily came into our lives and then I became one of those crazy people. 

The kids had always wanted a second dog, but our house and yard in Ohio just wouldn't allow it. There wasn't the space, but Bob had promised them that once we had moved into a bigger house he would buy them another dog. As a family we talked about whether or not to get another puppy as we did with Lily or if we wanted to adopt a dog and give that animal a life like Lily - the kind of life it should have had all along. 

You see - Lily has the ultimate dog life. She is loved immensely. Is played with (when she is willing to play because she is a lazy beast dog) and loved on every day. She is given the best dog foods. She is taken just about everywhere she can go with our family. We have conversations with Lily. We have conversations with others about Lily and the crazy things she does. We baby her.  She is treated like a true member of this family, and because of this our family is convinced that she truly thinks she is a human being.

 Like I said earlier, we are that crazy dog family now. 

And so we got the fateful call that Bob was given a job in Las Cruces, New Mexico. We moved into a house almost three times the size of our house in Ohio. The kids started asking for a second dog almost immediately upon our arrival and Bob knew that he had to make good on his promise. We talked about whether we wanted to get another Golden Retriever and quickly decided that we did.  Luckily for our family Bob's boss and his wife were a part of the El Paso Golden Retriever Rescue organization. His boss' wife came to Bob about a special needs rescue that had just been brought in. It would need a special kind of home because it had some issues. Bob brought this news home to me, but he wasn't sure he wanted to take on a special needs dog. But over the course of a few weeks T. would bring news of Sammy to Bob. Finally, I was able to pull up his information on the rescue's website and I knew immediately that Sammy was meant for our family.  Bob needed just a bit more convincing, but not much. We contacted the woman in charge of the organization, filled out an application, had our home visit to see if we were a good fit for a rescue dog, and were then on our way to El Paso to meet Sammy. 

From the moment we saw that timid and shy boy we knew that he was the one for us. There were other dogs available for adoption, but we quickly dismissed those dogs because it was Sammy we wanted. 

From the little background information we were given we knew Sammy was found in a local pound and that someone there saw him and brought to the rescue organization. He did not know how to walk on a leash, was deathly afraid of doorways, cars, loud noises, and was people shy. We were told that he was most likely kept with at least one other dog because he seemed to find comfort only with a buddy. (Which is why the rescue organization would only adopt him out to a family who already had a dog.) It was believed that he was kept on concrete most of his life by the wear and tear on the pads of his feet. It was clear that he had never been on a leash, so he was most likely never walked. And because of his immense fear of cars it was most likely that he was thrown out of a vehicle at some point. It was believed that he was between 3-5 years old based on the wear and tear of his teeth, but his face betrayed hints of an age beyond that as he had gray whiskers surrounding his face. 

And that is all that we knew about Sammy. 

We brought him home and he seemed so afraid. Of everything. I cannot imagine how scary life was for him not only living in a home where he was not taken care of and possibly abused, but also to have been in so many places so quickly: the pound, the rescue facility, and then our house. 

It took him about a year to a year and half to fully come alive. But slowly, ever so slowly, he did. And our family was blessed to live with the sweetest, most loving, care free, boy in the whole wide world. 

Sammy loved us truly, but his whole world really revolved around Lily. He loved that her with all of his being. I think it is fair to say that he worshipped her.  He followed her around the house pretty consistently. If she left a room he would leave a room. If she went outside he would go outside. If she got in the car he would get in the car. And so on and so forth. 

I would like to think that he was so happy-go-lucky because he was so happy to finally be loved. That he had had a pretty bad life and was just so thankful to be living in a place where he was loved and cared for. He hardly barked and once he got settled in a bit he seemed to smile all of the time. He was so chill. He wasn't the smartest dog in the world that is for sure, but he was hands down the sweetest and that is what matters. 

Sammy was with us for 2 years 3 months and 6 days. And then we had to make the decision that breaks any animal lovers heart: we had to put him down.  Bone Marrow Cancer, in the course of just 4 days, wiped our dog out. By the time the last day of his life came he had just about nothing left to give. His breathing was labored at times, he hadn't eaten for days, he wasn't drinking (but was being hydrated via IV), he could not get up on his own without gentle assistance from either us or the vet. He had a nose bleed that lasted almost 24 hours. He had a fever. 

When we went to visit Sammy yesterday after Bob got home from work he was not the same dog anymore. He was a dog who looked like he had spent the last 4 days of his life giving everything he had to try and stay alive against a disease that was trying just as hard to kill him and he had lost the battle. The vet called shortly after we left her office and said that she had just run his blood work. She said that he was getting worse, not better, despite all of the stops they had put in place to save him - if only for a couple of months. I told her that it was time. I had asked for a sign yesterday, a clear sign that would allow my husband and I to make the decision to end our dogs life if that was what was best for him, and I got it. After visiting with him and talking to the vet I knew without the shadow of a doubt that Sammy was asking for us to let him go. And because we loved him so much we knew that we needed to do what was best for him and not us, we gave him his wish. 

The 6 of us and Lily gathered around Sammy last night and spent about 30 minutes just loving on him and kissing him and talking to him. Lily lay by his head almost the entire time. She had her paw over his all the while she laid by him and kept it there until his heart stopped beating. 

In that 30 minutes that we had with him he put his head up about 4 times. One of those was to look at Lily. Two of them were after we kissed him. And the last time, he looked around at each of as if taking a picture in his mind, put his head down and fell asleep. The vet came in, administered the sedative and then the lethal injection. He was gone with seconds. Just like that. 

We stayed with his body for as long as we possibly could. Feeling his paws, touching his soft ears, rubbing his belly. We all sobbed over his body as our hearts were cracked open. 

It doesn't seem fair. This boy who had such a tough go at it was only given 2 years of an amazing life. But as Bob, the kids, and I looked through pictures last night we saw how happy he was with us and how much life he got to experience in those two years. I know that he knew that he was loved. And he returned our love in spades. 

How I wish we could have had more years with him. That's what we planned on. We still had a lifetime of living let to do with him. 

We came home last night and the house just felt wrong. It felt wrong the night before too when he was admitted into the ER vet, but this time the wrongness clung to us because we knew it wasn't a temporary feeling. We knew that this feeling was here to stay. 

It's funny how empty our house feels. It is amazing how much room this four legged creature took up in our hearts and lives that now that he is gone all that is left is this empty space.  We are all shell shocked and weary. These next few weeks/months are going to be very, very hard for all 6 of us. 

As I was sitting with my pain last night I wondered to myself if loving him was worth the ache. Would it have been better if we had chosen to never have any animals? Does the grief outweigh the goodness of it all? And a voice resonated within me that yes, loving him was worth the ache and I would do it all over again even if I knew the outcome ahead of time. 

He was truly a gift to us. And we were a gift to him. He showed us that every day in the way that he lived his life as one big thank you. Never once did I not know that he was thankful to be with us. He lived his life with grace even up until the very end. 

Thank you, Samuel Jennings, for allowing us to love you. Thank you for showing us what unconditional love looks like. Thank you for letting us know when it was time to let you go. You will never ever be forgotten. You will always be a part of us where ever we go. We'll see you again on the other side.   

Us visiting Sammy for the first time at the house of the woman who was fostering Sammy until he was adopted. He was so afraid of us and just wanted to run upstairs. 

Meeting Lily for the first time. 

He's not too sure of us at this point, but we are sure of him. We knew right away he was the one for us. 

Coming into our house for the first time. 

Look how timid he looks. 

He hated going through door ways. He would stand like this outside a door way for a while and then sprint through the doorway. 

This is by our front door. He wants to come outside, but he's not sure he wants to navigate that doorway. In the beginning we would just leave the doors open for him when we were outside so that he could come out on his own time when he was ready. 

From the very beginning he loved Lily. She was not so sure of him as he took some of the attention and love away from her. 

First smiles. 

Learning to let loose. 

Always following his gal. 

This was one of the first times he rolled onto his back to allow us to pet his belly. 

I love his smile. 

Never far from his girl. 

Camping with bob and the girls in NM

Finding shading in the heat

Hiking with us in Soledad Canyon. 

The great Imperial Ridge stand off. 

At Nana and Papa's in Ohio. He made the road trip with us from NM to OH two years ago. 

He already mastered the art of being a mooch. Lily taught him that quickly and well. 

I know these next two pictures are bad, but this was a huge snow storm that we had in NM. Sammy round around like a nut in the snow. 

Sitting with his other girl just chillin'

How can you not love that face? 

Snuggling with Lily. 

I have no idea why he loved to sit this way splayed out like this, but he did. The first time I saw it it cracked me up. Who does this?! Only Sammy. 

I always wondered what he thought about when he was contemplating life. 

These next few pictures capture a day swimming on the Rio Grande. 

He was always trying to get Lily riled up. He would run at her at full speed and then seconds before knocking into her he would zip past her brushing her hair. She would get so aggravated with him that she would chase after him, which of course was exactly what he wanted her to do the whole time. 

I think these were taken at Elephant Butte in NM. 

Something got his attention here. 

This portion of desert was right at the end of the cul-de-sac on our street. We would frequently take the dogs out here to run around and explore. 

There was this bird that was freaking Lily out on our patio in NM because she is a big baby. The bird wasn't doing anything but hopping around and investigating Lily. Sammy was having none of that. Seeing his lady friend in "distress"  he came over and ever so gently picked up the bird in his mouth. We told him to put it down, and he did. I was taking this picture because he was sniffing the bird never in a million years did I think he was actually going to put it in his mouth.

Here are the two of them looking through the fence at the bird that was now safely out of Sammy's mouth. 

You can see the bird through the fence. 

Road Trip! Sammy and Lily debating over who got to sit on the seat next to the kids. 

Durango, Colorado and the best grass we have ever been on. 

Sammy pooping on the beach. This kid loved pooping on the beach. I always carried a bag in my pockets because we quickly learned that the water touching Sammy's heinie was like a muscle relaxer to him and he ALWAYS pooped on the beach and I was ALWAYS running around trying to make sure that I got to it before the waves did and made life no fun for us all. Once he got it out of his system he was fine and would run around the rest of the time on the beach without incident. This was the first time we were took him to the beach before we knew what affect the water had on him. Andy is checking him and probably yelling for Bob and I to come and help him. This is classic Sammy. Lily doesn't poop on the beach. Just Sammy. 

Sunning at Lake Trillium, Mt. Hood, OR

Playing on the beach with the girls at Olympic National Park. 

Ruby Beach, Olympic National Park

Watching over his family. 

On his last day. We had a chance to spend about 90 minutes visiting with him yesterday in the early evening. He exhausted as you can see in this picture. His body was tired of fighting this cancer which had already wiped him out. His eyes would remain closed like this for most of our two visits with him yesterday. 

This was one of the last times he opened his eyes. His eyes seemed devoid of any of the life he had shown us over the course of these last two years.  Lily had her paw on him almost the entire time. 

I am so thankful that Lily got to be with him when he died because he loved her so much. His eyes are closed as they were almost the entire time we spent with him. I know that he felt loved and secure when he died. That is all I could have hoped for.