With Each Passing Day

Snuggling with Lily on our bed...one of my most favorite things about him was the way that he curled his giant paws. 

With each passing day the shock of losing Sammy seems to fade just a bit. With each passing day the flood of sadness that would overtake each of us at sporadic points throughout the day is becoming more like a trickle. This doesn't mean that we don't feel sadness and that we aren't still gutted by his loss, but what seemed completely unmanageable almost two weeks ago has changed into something that can be lived with. (Most likely because we have no other choice.)

One of my favorite pictures of Sammy hangs front and center of our refrigerator and my heart still stops a beat when I look at it from missing him. It still doesn't seem real that he is gone from our lives for the time being. I still keep waiting to see him around the house although even that is happening less and less.

I know I tend to kvetch a lot about stupid stuff. I tend to get pissed off over things that I shouldn't. I think at times I tend to come off as an ungrateful pessimist, and perhaps sometimes I am. But underneath my hard shell I really am a grateful person even if it doesn't seem that way. I am grateful for so much in my life. I really really am.

Sammy was a testament to that. That dog taught me so much about what it means to be carefree and thankful for the simple pleasures in life. Bob and I hadhave a running dialogue about all of the crazy and silly things that dog did and how happy seemed to be just living life in a place where he was loved immensely and unconditionally. He was always making me laugh or smile. Every day he did that. He seemed to live life in the moment all of the time. And every day I was thankful for the opportunity to love him and be a part of his life.

We still talk about Sam every day. Someone will usually bring up a story about him. Instead of crying  we laugh now as we share these antidotes with one another. I didn't get to know Sammy for long, but I did get to know him pretty well.  I know that he would not want us to be heartbroken over him not being with us in body. I know that he would want us to be in a place where we could share all of the cool stories we have about him with one another and have those memories bring a smile to our faces and not a tear to our eyes. He will always be with us in spirit through those memories.

Sammy will always have a place in our family. He will never be forgotten. I was afraid when he first died that he would be, but with each passing day I know that this is just not true. You don't just forget animals that you loved immensely. In fact, I would argue that you don't even stop loving them. When they pass away they just become a part of you. When they leave this earth a piece of them stays here with you in the form of your memories with them and they take a piece of your heart into heaven with them.

For the first few days after Sammy's death I swore I would never get another rescue again because there is just so much unknown about them. There are too many things that could go wrong with them such as uncertainty about their past in terms of their experiences, medical history, age, etc...

But with each passing day I know that I would adopt a rescue again for sure. Sammy brought so much joy and love into our lives that I could not imagine not giving another dog a chance to be loved and cherished unconditionally. In time, I am certain that the right dog will come along, not to replace Sammy because that could just never happen, but rather to open our hearts just a little bit more just as Sammy did.