Coincidence or God's Doing?

Having animals I knew that once we arrived in Portland I would need to find a vet for annual checkups and shots. There just happened to be a vet's office located within walking distance to our townhouse, so I thought I would give them a try first. I figured if the vet wasn't a good fit for our family I would just move on until I found someone who fit our needs.  I scheduled an appointment for Sammy and Lily for their annual check up, and off they went. Now it turns out that this particular veterinarian's office has (I think) three vets that work there - I met with one vet, and although she was nice and kind it just wasn't as good of a fit as I would have liked. As the dogs next annual visit was coming up I knew they had to be taken in, but I wasn't sure where. And then our sweet boy got sick and I took him back to the original vet on an emergency basis. That was where we met the best vet I have ever been around - Dr. B. Doctor B was so sweet and loving with Sammy while she tried to figure out why he was so sick and why he would not stop bleeding from his nose. She ran only the most pertinent and necessary tests because she knew that we weren't gazillionares, but was also good about running tests that she knew that the ER vet she was going to send us to would charge us more for if they were done in their facility. Based on the information she could glean from the tests she had run she believed (correctly) that Sammy had cancer. After sending us to the ER vet where we all know the outcome of that story, Dr. B followed up while he was in the hospital with a quick note letting us know that she was in touch with the ER facility where he was and knew what his outcome looked liked and just wanted to let us know she was thinking of us. She followed up again the day after we put Sammy down. She followed up a third time weeks after he passed just to let us know that she was still thinking of us. She also sent us a heartfelt card that she and her staff all signed and personalized. Putting Sammy down was such a hard time of our family's life. It crushed my kids. It crushed me. It crushed Bob. And here was this woman who had so many other patients and clients and people she could have been devoting her time to - following up with us over and over again to see how we were doing. She shared her own stories of heartbreak with me. She was so sweet and loving and kind. I raved about this woman to Bob and how she was such an amazing vet.  I couldn't believe we were so lucky to find her.

Fast forward 6 months later - a new addition has been added to our family. A special new addition that we all NEVER thought we would have - a kitten. I knew Moose needed to be fixed and given his shots, so it was a no brainer that I would be taking Moose to see Dr. B again to handle all of his health needs. Now, I hadn't talked to Dr. B in the months after Sammy's passing. She went on with her life and I went on with mine, but one of the first things she mentioned to me when she saw me was that she recognized my name on the patient list when she saw I was bringing Moose in because she remembered that I was Sammy's family. Maybe to most people that wouldn't mean very much, but to me, it meant a lot. Again, here is this woman who sees how many patients day in and day out, week after week, month after month, and she still remembered our family? She still remember our beloved Sammy?  How cool. I knew that for as long as we lived in Portland, Dr. B would always be my family's vet. She was somebody special. 

Now, stay with me here because I am going to jump topics for a second, but it will all make sense in just a moment. 

In my opinion, Bob has been really blessed with some great bosses. Almost all of his bosses have really looked out for him and tried to help guide him and allow him to grow in a way that will help him meet his career goals. Just great people. But for me, one of them stands out among the rest. This boss I trusted (and still very much do)  100%. I knew that he was (and is) always looking out for Bob's career. He was vested in Bob (and still is) and even after we left Las Cruces this gentleman still followed up with Bob to see how he was doing, to offer advice when it was needed, and to mentor Bob to help him meet his career aspirations.  Bob's Las Cruces boss has literally hundreds of people below him that he is responsible for. He has so many day to day responsibilities,  and yet he would still follow up with Bob on his own accord. He was STILL vested in Bob even though Bob was no longer a direct report of his.  This boss's character was (and is) outstanding. He was (and is) a great example of what a leader should look like. He was/is open, honest, funny, moral, kind, etc...This man is truly one of a kind. 

On top of this - this Las Cruces boss had a wife that I just fell in love with when I first met her. She is beautiful to begin with - stunning blue eyes - but more importantly she is just so warm and welcoming. I felt some sort of connection with her from the moment I met her. And although I didn't follow up on that connection when I lived in Las Cruces I did reach out to her a couple of months ago when I began to be at my whit's end with some things here and she was able to guide me through some pretty rough waters. She is every bit as amazing as her husband is. 

Now bear with me...

I've written about how I've felt like I have been drowning while living here. I think another analogy could be that I have felt like I have been wandering through the desert alone, parched with no water and no one in sight. I have felt more alone here than I have ever felt in my whole life. And it has been awful. Most importantly, I have felt deserted by God. I have never felt more close to Him than I did when I lived in Las Cruces. I felt his presence there. And it was powerful and real and beautiful. Then we moved here and I could feel Him no more. I would cry out to Him and pray to Him and beg Him. And nothing. Silence. I would seek him out in all of the usual places and the most I would get is a glimpse of a shadow of where He just was, but no longer is. And I began to question God's goodness. My faith faltered, my anxiety skyrocketed, and my need to control every aspect of my life rose exponentially because I felt that if God wasn't there then I needed to handle it all. 

And then He shined his Light on me, and we got the Indy job. And it made me question God as to why he would leave me in this desert for so long. Alone. Without Him. What was the lesson? Was I being punished? WHAT WAS IT?! 

And then yesterday, a miracle happened. Some might call it a coincidence, but me? I know it was God. It was God teaching me a lesson to never, ever, ever doubt him. That He is always with me. Even when I cannot feel Him - especially when I cannot feel him. I have spent these two years feeling alone, scared, frustrated, stressed out, with anxiety out of this world. I was feeling like such a fool that we left Las Cruces. That is was such a big mistake. I missed New Mexico with an ache I never thought would go away. All that I loved about New Mexico - the landscape and the people were gone. So far away from me. Alone. But...you know what? God brought a connection of sorts from New Mexico. He knew how much I missed it and loved it. And he knew as we were leaving that amazing state that I would feel the way I did (before even I knew I would feel that way.) And so he guided our decisions here. I am absolutely sure of that now.  I was never really alone. But I didn't have faith enough to believe it. And so, God had to show me - me of little faith....

All of this time that I thought I was alone - all of this time that I thought I had no connection to where my heart and soul is - Las Cruces - I did. You see, yesterday, I found out that that vet of ours? That sweet, thoughtful, kind soul? She is the daughter of Bob's Las Cruces boss. So, all of this time when I felt alone - God had an angel looking out for me. And I didn't even know it. For the last two years I have been visiting the office where Bob's Las Cruces boss's daughter works. And for the last year - I have been visiting with Dr. B - his daughter. In all this world, in all the cities we could have chosen to live in, in all of the vet offices we could have chosen to go, in all of the apartments/townhomes/houses we could have chosen to rent - we chose this town, this townhouse, this vet's office to go to. Coincidence? I don't think so...I think it was God's way of making sure that there was someone watching over me. That my connection to the place I love was still here. Even if it was hidden from me.  He was making sure that in a place I felt all alone that I really wasn't. He was showing me that although I doubt his faith over and over again, day in and day out, that I needn't do so. That He is always with me. Even when I cannot hear him. Even when I doubt him. Sometimes, he is shows Himself to me on the top of a mountain. Other times, he shows himself in canyon. But sometimes? Sometimes, he shows himself as the sweet face of a veterinarian. 

I have not been alone. Oh, quite the contrary. May I always remember this powerful lesson. May I always remember that even on my darkest days I am never alone. 

Because God is good. May I never doubt that again.

P.S. Do you want to know something even sweeter? It was Bob's boss and his wife who introduced us to Sammy as they both are involved in an El Paso Golden Retriever rescue group. Because of them we adopted Sammy and made him ours. You could say that they brought him into our family.  And unbeknownst to us at the time - it was their daughter who helped us end Sammy's suffering and send him to heaven. A full circle complete.