Some of us will be cared for by loved ones in our homes. More of us will end up in facilities to care for us; retirement communities for those of us with most of our independence, assisted living for those of us with partial independence, and nursing homes/memory care units for those of us who have lost almost all of our ability to remember or care for ourselves.
And while some of us will be fortunate enough to remain independent our whole lives and living in our own homes without the aid of others, the majority of us will end up in one of the situations above.
Aging is not like the movies. For so many of us it will not look anything like we imagined it to. A lot of us will end up wearing depends because our bladders can no longer be controlled. Some of us will end up with walkers or wheel chairs to get around. Some of us will lose mobility on one side of our bodies and will require assistance using the rest room or bathing. Others of us will need this assistance because we no longer can remember that bathing and toileting are important functions of daily living.
In most of our cases, if we end up in places such as this, it will not be loved ones caring for us. It will be strangers. It will be people who are paid very little for helping us to maintain basic dignity like eating, wearing clean clothes, keeping our rooms clean, washing our clothes, etc...every day functions that you and I do daily, and take for granted, we will be dependent upon someone else.
And while there will be an uncaring person or two who takes no time to treat us with dignity and love and respect that we deserve there will also be a person like me. Someone who is passionate about the work I do. Someone who will respect you, and love you, and ask you about your life. Someone who will listen to your stories over and over again, and will not make you feel embarrassed that this is the same story you told me 10 minutes ago, yesterday, and last week. Someone who will wash your body with care. Who will wipe your bottom gently. Who will make sure that your clothes are on properly and that you look presentable to those you will come in contact with. And while you may develop a reputation for being a difficult resident you will not be so with people like me because you will know that I love being with you, and you will look forward to my help and my visits.
For a long time I had no idea what I was passionate about. I had no direction outside of being a mother, but I also knew that I needed something else outside of that sacred title to help me to feel fulfilled. I also knew that I am not the type of person who could easily do all that I do at home while maintaining any sort of employment outside of the home. And so the years passed and my kids have gotten bigger. And I realized my calling in that time, but knew that I would only pursue it when the time was right.
About two months ago that time became right. I applied for a position as a caregiver in a local assisted living community. I knew that I only wanted to work part time, but they only had full positions available. Because my interview went so well a part time position was created for me. Three mornings a week from 6:30 - 10:30 I am caring for the geriatric population. I am helping them to use the restroom. I am showering them. I am lotioning them. And helping with makeup. I am taking care of soiled sheets and clothing. I am making beds, and taking them to their meals. I getting them dressed and undressing them. And I do all of this with love. Outside of being a mother - THIS is what I was put on earth to do. I am passionate about my work. I love working with my residents. One day I would love to run an assisted living community - not just care for a few of the residents. I want to care for them all.
None of these residents are happy that they have lost so much of their independence. They all want to be doing these things for themselves, but they realize that this is no longer a possibility, and so they resign themselves to the fact that this is their life now.
And I come in and I help them to maintain their dignity. I don't treat them as babies. These are wise people who deserve my respect and my love. They deserve my compassion. And so while I am with them, addressing their needs, I ask them about their lives. I hear their stories and I get to know them better. And I fall in love with them all the more. All of them - the cranky ones, the kind ones, the shy ones, the forgetful ones.
And they can feel my love in my words and my questions. They can feel my love in my gentleness with them. They can feel my love in the way I care for them. I treat them the way that I would want my grandparents to be treated.
I feel as a society, we throw away our old people when they become a burden or are no longer useful. This is crazy to me because we will all someday be old. Do we not realize that by doing this we are also throwing away our future selves? The residents that I care for give me so much in return. So much! One of my residents doesn't talk, but the way she smiles at me and pats my hand after I have taken care of her means more to me than a thousand words. The resident who tells me the same stories over and over shift after shift smiles at me and tells me I am as good to her as her daughter is. This is the highest compliment in her society that she can bestow upon someone. I could tell you story after story. I get so much from these residents. In fact, I feel that they give me more than I give them.
This is my passion. These residents. This age group. Loving them and caring for them is what I was put on earth to do. I know it is not for everyone. In fact, it is not for a lot of people. Not many could do what I do. That makes me feel all the more honored that I can. I have found my gift. I have found my calling. I have found my purpose in life.
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