3 Adjectives and Something to Work On

Being a good mother to each of my children is of utmost importance to me. I am constantly looking for ways to improve my mothering with each of my children. I am constantly trying to evolve as a mother too, for I know that my children are evolving as well. What they needed from me last year is not the same thing they might need right now, and it won't be what they need from me next year. 

I believe that my relationship with my children is a two way street and if I am willing to offer them constructive criticism about their end of our relationship, they should also be allowed to offer me the same. So each year (sometimes twice a year depending on what their responses were in the previous questionnaire) I ask them to list three words that they would use to describe me and one way that I can work to improve my relationship with them. By asking them to use three adjectives to describe me, I can get a glimpse of how they view me. One year, three of them described me as being stressed out. (That was a year we did the survey twice because I thought I was hiding my stress well. I guess not.) They are encouraged to be absolutely honest with me, and they are never scolded for sharing negative feedback. (They are also more than welcome to share their hearts constructively with me at any time they see fit, this is just one way that I pause with all of them at one time and ask for their feedback.) 

The responses I receive often surprise me. Sometimes, I think that one child will use this word or that as one of his descriptive words and her response will not even be close. A lot of times the words the kids use to describe me are positive. It is good to know what light my kids see me in as I am their biggest influencer. I want to make sure that they are receiving the right messages from me. 

At our family meeting today, I gave all four kids a note card and marker (Sarah opted to try and write her answers out verse brailling them) and gave them until the end of the day to fill them out. My boys take time with this activity especially as they get older. For one of my sons, this is the only affirmation/criticism I will get all year as he keeps his emotions/feelings close to his heart - especially when it comes to relationships. My girls are a bit more open and quick with their feelings. Elizabeth filled out her card in about 30 seconds and handed it to me. 

I take to heart what each of them say. I realize that while the rules of our family are the same for all, application of those rules is different for each of them.A lot of times, the adjectives they choose to use to describe me is an indicator of how strong our relationship is at the moment.

 I strongly believe that I need to meet the needs of my kids in four different ways. The way I mother one of my children is not at all the way I mother the other three. I hope that this approach will create strong ties between my sons and daughters. As my children have gotten older and I have gotten to know their friends I see just how broken so many of them are because their relationships with their parents are fractured. I don't ever want this to happen between me and my four children. Ever. 

I hope that by asking them to describe me as they see me and to tell me one thing I can work on in our individual relationships that I can keep our bonds close and keep strengthening them as the years go by.  

They are my greatest blessing, and I want to make sure that I put in the hard work necessary to be the best mother I can be to them. This is one way to do that.