Sarah has begun to read my blog. I don't know how often she reads it or for how long she has been doing so. I just know that she started with my most recent posts and then decided that she wanted to start at the beginning of this journey, so she began with my very first post from 8 years ago. I have always wondered what my children would think of what I had to say in this space. Would they resent what I had to say? Would they be angry that I shared a lot of their childhood with you? What would they think about what I wrote? Would they agree with my perspective?
Out of all four of my kids, Sarah and Josh can be my biggest critics. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing as much as it may sting while I am being critiqued. I want my kids to hold me to the highest standard possible. Mothering is too important to half-ass and if my kids need something from me as individuals that they are not getting from me, I want them to come to me and tell me what they think is not working. It is one of the only ways I can get better as a mother.
The point of all of this is that I was worried about what Sarah might say. Sarah can be very cutting from time to time. She knows my weak spots and has (very occasionally) exploited those spots and made me feel very inadequate as a mother and an example of a good role model. This is not to say that she hasn't been right in what she has said, sometimes the truth hurts. (On a side note - I won't allow my children to disrespect me. They can critique me, but it has to be done in a respectful way; I have made it a priority all their lives to respect them as human beings. I have never wanted to them to feel that because they were children/teenagers/young adults that they were somehow didn't deserve the same rights as myself. Age has no bearing to me on whether or not someone deserves my respect. I demand that my kids do the same for me. So, while I am open hearing them out critiquing my mothering I am NOT open to them disrespecting it.) I have been pleasantly surprised by the positive feedback I have received from her. I think she enjoys reading my perspective on our life. I also think that reading these posts has allowed her to see a side of me she doesn't normally get to see. A lot of times I feel the freedom to be my truest self in this space. I usually write from a very raw and vulnerable place - a place that I don't often show people in person. I live my life very guarded (for better or worse) and, I suppose, being able to see this side of me is pretty cool for her. I think it gives her a different understanding of me. I hope it helps her to see me as more than just her mother, but rather as a whole person with roles other than the primary one I take with my children.
Her reading my blog has got me to thinking about how much more I wrote when the kids were little. I think a lot of bloggers are in the same boat as me. They write quite a bit while they are building and growing their families and when their families are young, but they tend to taper off as their troop gets into the teenage years. Unless you have a family with a lot of children that span from baby to young adult, you just don't find a lot out there about the teenage/young adult years. I find this to be especially true in families like mine where everyone of the children are teenagers or young adults.
I think this lack of blog space dedicated to parenting during those later years is a shame. I think that parents need the support just as much now as they did back when their children were little and were looking for validation and fun ideas and how other families work. I know I do. I used to love reading a handful of blogs because they would give me hope and encouragement. I loved peeking into another mom's life and seeing how she ran things, or what things she prioritized. Like so many others, with exception of one blog, all of those moms have stopped blogging altogether. It is nearly impossible to find anything now and I miss having those blogs to use as resources.
This line of thought then lead me to wonder if maybe I should really share with others what has worked for me as a mom and what hasn't. What things would I have done differently if I had to start over again? What things would I keep the same? I don't know. Do I have enough knowledge that would be helpful to another mother? Would anyone find what I have to say beneficial? I guess at this point, I am not sure. I want to think it over some more before I make any decisions. I feel that if I do this, I will need to go all in and dedicate a much larger portion of my life to writing. I am not sure that I have the time to do so, but on the other hand maybe I should make the time? I have some stuff to think about...
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