I knew at least a year before she began high school that Sarah wanted to attend public school and receive a public school diploma. She strongly felt that homeschooling was no longer serving her needs and she wanted to head out into the "normal" world. I felt in my heart like I had failed her. I also felt like I would never have the privilege of teaching her from home again.
I don't necessarily blame her for having these thoughts. As I have said in the past, things got pretty hairy in Portland and life was not good for us on so many levels. As I was treading water while trying to keep myself from drowning out there I was bringing my kids down with me.I couldn't see this at the time, I was too busy trying to save myself that I couldn't see much above the waterline, let alone look towards those I love the most to see how they were doing. It was an awful time in our lives that I can look back now and reflect on without feeling an inkling of anxiety (which is something that has taken two and a half years to do).
Sarah did really well educationally at public school her first 9 months. The teachers and staff fell in love with her and her resilient spirit. She earned straight 'A's in all of her classes the whole year and ended her Freshman year with a 4.1 gpa. Being around other kids her age and the routine of school was good for her. And even though it wore her out every day she was so glad with her decision to go back.
To be honest, I enjoyed the break too. I felt that I was failing her in a million different ways while she was home with me. I felt like I wasn't helping her to be the successful person she (and the rest of the six of us) envisioned for her future self. It was nice for someone else to be responsible for her education and the "extras" that are needed to teach someone who is abled differently and blind. I was nervous about how the kids would react to her, but I knew that the school district as a whole was an amazing place for her to go and so my worries for her were at a minimum.
And then COVID came...
Much like everyone else, Sarah came home in March and participated in e-learning to finish out the year. As the new school year approached I consulted Sarah's neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic to get her thoughts on Sarah returning to school in person. After getting her opinion and talking with the school district it was determined that Sarah would begin this year as a homebound student. She would receive the work that the students were getting in class and be expected to get her assignments done in a timely manner. All of her teachers were incredibly flexible and helpful, but it was still a lot for Sarah and I to navigate especially since Sarah is trying to earn an Honors Diploma which means she has Honors and AP classes on her schedule.
After six weeks of stress Sarah determined that she would rather come home as a traditionally homeschooled student than to participate in public school as a homebound student. I withdrew her from public school last Thursday. Sarah's plan is to go back and finish out her junior and senior year at the high school.
I was completely shocked by Sarah's decision. Personally, I prefer homeschooling over public school. While there are things that my kids can get at public school that they cannot get when they are learning from home I think that the overall advantages of homeschooling outweigh the disadvantages. I am HUGE advocate of homeschooling.
That being said, I also believe that my children should have a say in their own future's especially when it is something as big of a decision as whether or not to homeschool in high school. I definitely put my two cents in and try and explain why I feel the way I do, but the final decision ultimately rests with my kids. The decision for Sarah to come home was entirely hers.
I am E-C-S-T-A-T-I-C she came home. What lacked those couple of years when times were rough (and even prior to that) is confidence. I have that now. (It also makes it easier knowing that I successfully homeschooled two kids into college.) It's funny how much knowing you can do something and having the confidence to do it affects how successful you actually are at that thing.
What I am looking at now is what does Sarah (and Elizabeth) need long term to be a successful, independent adult? What skills does she need? What do I need to do to provide those skills for her?
As I mentioned above, right now the plan is to homschool Sarah this year, and then have her return to the public school realm after this year is over. This is the plan that she has chosen, but who knows that what will happen between now and then? Sarah may decide that she loves homeschooling so much she wants to finish out her schooling days at home. She may decide that going back is best for her. The final decision lies with her. All I know that I am so happy I get to have her home with me for the next 10 months. I plan on enjoying the hell out of this unexpected gift. It was an opportunity that I never thought I'd have again. Now that it is here I don't plan on taking it for granted. My heart is so happy and so full.
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