I think it is fair to say that we are all way beyond COVID fatigue; we are at whatever stage lies beyond fatigue. (Exhaustion, maybe? No, that doesn't seem strong enough of a word.) This new wave of (not totally unexpected) COVID cases has our family quarantining beyond what is being asked by our state. Bob and I have chosen to go back to March (Indiana) protocols and quarantine from family and friends as well as making only necessary shopping excursions. I do understand why some families may choose to do things differently, especially with the holidays coming up. Who wants to celebrate Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and/or Christmas alone? I hear ya. Especially when you have a healthy family in the low risk category of serious health repercussions if you contracted COVID. We are deciding to quarantine in the way that we are because we cannot risk Sarah getting it. It's as simple as that for us. I would never be able to live with myself if we weren't minimizing our risk of catching the virus, and then Sarah (or any of my other children) got it and it caused irrevocable consequences.
While riding out these recent unprecedented COVID numbers, I am trying to find ways to keep my family sane. I know that we are all fighting battles in our own homes as we wait for things to go back to as normal as they are going to get when this pandemic is over. Mental health issues, whether they be minor or something much bigger/more longer lasting, are very real in most of our households right now. I know in our own home each of my kids has struggled mentally. Some of these struggles have lasted just a day or two, some of them have been longer, and some of them have had struggles that have come and gone and then come back again over the course of these last 8 months. I myself have had some bad days, but I have been able to pick myself up knowing that my household is not the only one facing some dark days. I try to point out to my kids that this season of time will not last forever. That the only constant in life is change. I also try and help them to remember that there is always something to learn in each season of life, even if you cannot see it at that moment. (Obviously, there are also other discussions as well. Minimizing mental health with cliches is not something that I do as an overall mental health strategy, but in the course of my conversations with my kids as I walk beside them with their own struggles, I do try to point the above mentioned items out.)
From the very beginning of this pandemic I knew that the way I chose to conduct myself during these times would be of paramount importance to the way that my children handled themselves during this time. I also felt very strongly that this was going to be a time where I would be able to see where our family life needed some tweaking and what our strengths were. I knew that I was never going to have an opportunity in my parenting life to have all of my kids under one roof for an extended quarantined period of time to have the influence that I do now. I wanted to make sure that I was mending and strengthening their roots, so that when they fly off into a life of their own choosing I would know that they were soaring with the best foundations that I could give them. From this perspective, I feel that I have been more successful than not during these last 8 months. I have learned an immense amount about myself and our family as a whole, but also as the individual people who make up the six of us. I still have some work to do, but as we all can see how this pandemic is going, I am confident that I still have the time to finish up what I set out to accomplish.
As the months have passed I have implemented some strategies/ideas (some better and more consistent than others) that have helped us get through this time. Here are some of the things that have helped our family:
1. Limiting Electronic Usage
I know, I know. This seems completely counter-intuitive. I get it. BUT...I am HUGE believer that when my kids spend too much time on electronics they lose their creativity, their will to do anything else, but electronics, and their attitudes begin to stink. Because we are all spending so much time together, a bad attitude can infect a house like wild fire. This in turn makes life unbearable for us all.
Don't misunderstand me. There are still days when my kids are on electronics more than I would like. But I do try and make a concerted effort to limit electronic usage whenever I feel that bad attitudes are on the rise (or if I just feel like our family is spending too much time on them in general).
The plus side of doing this, is that after a day of detoxing (in which I totally brace for a grumpy child complaining of boredom) my children actually remember they are the creative beings they are, and spend time doing old school things like using their imaginations to occupy their time. It is a win-win for us all because the kids end up having more fun together (which helps combat the feelings of isolation and aloneness that COVID has brought on) and I get my kids away from the electronics I loathe. (On a side note - I too have given up a large portion of my electronic time. I am not going to ask my kids to detox from electronics if I am not willing to do the same. I think that is hypocritical of me and I want to be the example my kids learn from as I mentioned above.)
2. Going Old School
If you have teenagers like me, this suggestion may seem a little unusual, but if you are willing to try it out I think you will be surprised by the end results. A few months into quarantine I knew that I would be investing more time and energy into detoxing our family from electronics. I also knew that I would need something to point my kids to when they came to me to tell me how bored they were. I went online (thank goodness for Amazon Prime) and purchased some new coloring books and crayons. I checked our inventory of play dough (and supplies) as well as crafts and board games. Anything I felt we needed, I purchased. I stocked our home with some of the things my kids did when they were little. And you know what? It worked. The kids have used more old school activities such as crafting, coloring, reading books, playing with playdough, using Legos, designing houses out of cardboard boxes, playing board games, etc...than they have in years. They are occupied and not on electronics, and as far as I am concerned is money well spent. I plan on investing in these types of activities for the foreseeable future.
3. Trying New Things
With winter coming up, and knowing that I didn't want my kids spending too much time on electronics, I thought about things that I could introduce into our family that would be relatively cheap, new to the family, and might interest at least some of them. I took this idea and invested in (what I hope to be the first of many) a puzzle. Both Sarah and Andy have helped me put the pieces together. I have a dedicated puzzle space so that the puzzle can remain undisturbed while we take the time to put it together. I have found this time to be well spent and really have enjoyed putting the project together. It is always nice to have company too. Prior to COVID I would have never thought to purchase something like a puzzle for our family, but now that I have done so I cannot imagine not having some sort of puzzle to work on for the foreseeable future.
4. Getting Out of the House
I feel pretty strongly that during these times getting out of the house is of utmost importance. Too much time spent at home can sometimes make it seem as if the walls are closing in on you. Because COVID has limited so much of what we feel comfortable doing, Bob and I offer one of the only things we feel is safe for our family: spending time in nature. Almost every weekend, Bob and/or I will take a couple of hours and spend it outside - away from our home. We make sure to always offer the opportunity to the kids, but we do not (usually) require them to come. I know for myself I always feel better and refreshed when I have spent even the smallest amount of time out of doors.
We also walk around our giant neighborhood just about every night. Again, we make sure to offer this opportunity to the kids. Sometimes they come and sometimes they don't. We also sometimes visit a little park down the road to let Max off of his leash to run around or we will head to a park/dog park near our home to play tennis, basketball, let Max run around in a fenced in area. Again, just getting outside, even if only for a little bit, can really be good for the entire family. I feel that Mother Nature has her own little reset button on our psyche.
5. Find a Show/Movie Series to Share Together
By now you know that I am not a big fan of electronic usage, but I think what I should really be saying is that I am not a fan of unintentional, lose track of time electronic usage. Intentional, occasional TV time (I think) can be really good for a family. I know it is for ours. We are big fans of the Survivor Series. Almost the entire series is on Hulu and back in March we made the decision to begin the series from the very first one and work our way through to the newest seasons. Our viewing time varies, but I would say right now we intentionally gather once every other week to watch anywhere between 2-4 shows in one sitting. If the weather is particularly heinous we will watch the show once a week, and very rarely we will even watch it more than once a week. But it is something we do together as a group. (The group watching does vary depending on the season. Right now Bob, Sarah, Elizabeth (on & off), and I are watching this season)
So, this is pretty much how we are getting through COVID as a family. Sometimes I wish there was an instruction book on how to get through these uncertain times because I don't know if the choices I am making are the right ones, but all I can do, all any of us can do, is just make the best decisions for our families based on the information that we have in front of us.
Stay safe.
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