Summer Days

 The rhythm I had hoped to establish this summer has yet to come to fruition, and with August fast approaching I am not sure that it will ever come about. 

Joshua is coming home to us in a few days and if I am being completely honest, I am nervous for him to join us. I think we have all grown these last few months. The five of us have grown together and Joshua has grown more independent. I hope that he will just slide back into our unit seamlessly, but I am not sure that our reunion will be completely smooth. (I could also be worrying for nothing. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I have caused myself a reasonable amount of anxiety for no reason.) 

August brings visits from family and the boys will begin their classes. There are choir tryouts for the girls and curriculum decisions to be made for their fall classes which will begin the Tuesday after Labor Day.

Services for Sarah will also be established in August in hopes to give her the skills needed to be ready for college in two years. I have reached out to the North Carolina School for the Blind and have been unsuccessful in getting someone to return an email or a phone call despite numerous attempts to numerous personnel. I am hoping once school is back in session I will have more success. 

I have felt incredibly out of sorts since coming back from vacation last weekend. I cannot pinpoint a definitive reason why I can only acknowledge that I have these feelings, learn to sit with them, and then let them go or work themselves out. 

For now, I will let the days unfold as they may and try to be present and enjoy each one as I can. 

We got a late start, but have planted a microscopic garden consisting of basil, a tomato, squash, and pepper plant. 

Helping me put together a flower arrangement. I love this cat!!!

Flowers (and candles) are my big indulgence. Fresh flowers are must haves in my house. The are a weekly gift I give to myself to remind me to seek beauty in my life. 

Meeting their first people in NC. Branching out is so hard to do for anyone let alone teenagers. 

Every-other-evening D&D campaign. 

Edisto Island, South Carolina

 This past week Andy, Sarah, Elizabeth & I joined my sister's family on Edisto Island for vacation. It has been a while (15 years) since I have had the opportunity to vacation (beyond just day visits) near the ocean, but I knew that I would not be disappointed by an extended stay with the mystery and beauty of the surf and sand. 

It was a pretty rainy week with Friday being the only day in which there was no precipitation, but I made the most of every opportunity that I could to be at the beach. I walked in the drizzle a couple of times and it was cool to watch the rain and the ocean join forces. 

Elizabeth ended up getting stung by a jellyfish on Friday which kind of dampened the rest of the day. She ended up with welts up and down both legs. The jellyfish was either huge, or there was more than one as she had welts from right below her bum on down to just above her ankles. Elizabeth is 5'10" and has long legs. I can only imagine how big the jellyfish was if it was indeed a single creature that stung her. 

I found myself drawn to the beach and was either in the water, walking along its shores, or sitting on a blanket listening to it talk and watching it move from low to high tide and back again. 

I found some pretty cool shells on my excursions and some neat sea life as well (baby hammerhead sharks, jellyfish, fiddler crabs, regular crabs, hermit crabs, and fish). 

It was nice to get away with the kids. I was able to spend some time alone with my girls, but especially with Sarah as she stayed with me on the beach when the others had had enough and went to do other things. I had fun with my girls and liked having them to bounce my thoughts off of. 

 I missed Bobby and Josh a lot though (Bobby had to work and Josh is still in Ohio)  and cannot wait to go on a proper vacation with all six of us. I know we would all have a nice relaxing time by the ocean. 

High tide during the middle of the week. There was no beach left. 

A storm had just ended and the sun peaked out for a bit before setting

A dead jellyfish

It's always neat to see the different kinds of animal warning signs around the country.

Me and almost all of my people. 

One of my all time favorite pics of Elizabeth. 

Andy was in the water almost the whole time he was at the beach. I can only imagine what he is thinking about in this pic. He is probably creating something in his mind's eye. 

I Thought It Would Break My Heart

 When Josh left at the end of May to spend a little over two months in Ohio I thought his time away would break my heart. I thought that not seeing him, or experiencing every day life with him, or creating memories with him would tear my insides to shreds. After all, he has been a near constant presence in my life for 19 years. 

I have known my kids growing up would lead to their eventual leaving of the proverbial nest, but to know one thing and to experience it are two different things. 

I often wonder if I had chosen to have a career would be easier to let them go because I would have something else to focus on; something else to ease the heartbreak. 

The truth is I will never know that answer because I chose not to pursue an occupation outside of my home. My kids are my life's work. I will never regret that decision as hard as it may be when they take flight and build their own lives. 

A surprising thing happened this summer; I had a revelation of sorts. My heart didn't break this summer despite my fears. In fact, knowing how happy Josh has been this summer and knowing that he is living his best life with people he loves and is creating experiences has made my heart feel incredibly full and happy for him. 

I love how much fun he is having. I love to hear his stories and I love that he still reaches out to share his frustrations. I would be lying if I didn't say there were days when I miss him intensely. When the five of us are out creating memories on a new adventure here in Charlotte Josh's absence is felt tremendously, but I also know that part of growing my children is learning to let them go. 

I wish for all of my children that they find a place to live where they are loved and love tremendously. I wish for them all to experience the happiness and growth that Josh has experienced this summer - even if that means living hundreds of miles away from me. 

The happiness that Josh is experiencing this summer is making me realize that if all of my children leave my home with similar enthusiasm and love for their lives that my heart won't break. In fact, it will be just fine. 

Today

 I have been invited to a girls night out tomorrow, and I initially turned down the offer because we are getting ready for vacation and visitors beginning on Saturday. 

My family encouraged me to change my mind - its  been a really, really long time since I've had the opportunity to go out with people not related to me. After taking a short bit to think about it, I decided to change my mind and have my first GNO here in Charlotte. I am nervous and excited at the same time. 

It is comforting beyond words to live among people who are warm and friendly - people who want to get to know you. It is yet another thing that I love about living in this area. Based on my experiences there is nothing that beats the friendliness of the south - whether that be southwest or southeast it is all the same in terms of openness and willingness to reach out and meet new people. 

On another note - it was so good to have my people come home yesterday. I am excited for the rest of them to come home in the next couple of weeks. We went out to dinner last night and enjoyed a delicious meal. It is fun to explore new places and find new things to love. 

The girls have helped me out with a couple of odds and end chores this afternoon. They are trying to earn some last minute money for our vacation to Edisto Island. I've never been before, but my sister her family go every year and invited us to join them this year. The three kids and I figured now would be as good as time as any to go considering we are only 4 hours away. Bobby is going to stay back to work and take care of our animals. 

I found this little mushroom while weeding the backyard. 

Flowers because they make me happy. 

I found this pine tree when raking the backyard when we first moved into the house. It is growing in the nook of this big oak tree. I am going to love watching it grow over time. 

My weeding helper. 

Another glimpse of that little guy. 

Moose helping to oversee me putting together my tulip vase.