Worries of the Day

I woke up this morning before my alarm with a pit of nerves sitting in my stomach. I am worried about so much today that I feel as if my brain is about to explode.

I am worried about, Sarah, of course.

About the other kids and how they are holding up. 

That I will not have the mental strength to sit through a 2-3 hour MRI with Sarah today.

What the MRI might find. 

I am worried that her neurologist will push for drugs like Avonex even harder if her MRI comes back with new lesions.

That if I tell him 'no thanks' once again to drugs such as these for Sarah that he will try and take my daughter away from me for being an unfit parent.

I am worried that things will never settle down for long enough for me to come up with a game plan for her and the care her father and I would like to give her.

I am more worried that she will lose her vision permanently, and that her world, as she puts it, will indeed go black.

I am worried that I will let this disease eat away at my soul, and make me a bitter person.

I am worried that I will start judging people even more than I do now - wondering why they can't/don't have a disease like MS, and Sarah does.

I am worried that Sarah will become bitter herself.

I am worried that I am not strong enough to be able to carry out family through this disease day in and day out for the rest of our lives.

I am worried that a cure will never be found.