Things were going so well. I should have known better than to think of a bright future. I should have known better than to hope for a normal year without hang ups and band ups. Shame on me.
Out of the blue, Sarah informed me around 3:15 this afternoon that she woke up this morning, and in her words, "her eyes were going bad"...again. She had been melancholy today and I did not know why - now I know.
As we were told to do with any significant change, we called her neurologist at the Mellen Center who informed us that we are to head to the ER tonight to get her started on a 3 day course of steroids. Again.
I feel that every time the sun peers through the clouds for our family a huge rain cloud comes along pouring rain down on our hopes, plans, and dreams.
While we are waiting for Bob to come home from work Sarah is playing with her brother and sister. (Josh is at a friends house.) The music is blasting One Direction in our home and Sarah is doing her best to hide the sadness in her heart.
By now we are used to the routine that comes from being hospitalized so many times in so few months, but I am starting to becoming increasingly concerned about the long term effects these drugs are doing to her body. Maybe it is time to start having conversations with people about the possibility of blindness being in her future. If that is the inevitable end result why keep on pumping these drugs in her body? Why try to stop something that is going to happen irregardless of what medical interventions we try and take? Do I want Sarah to lose her vision? Absolutely not. But steroids are not pretty. They do not help some parts of the body without harming others. I just don't know anymore.
I am tired of the rain. I want prolonged sunshine. I want beauty and light. The darkness is getting old....
I will keep you updated on Sarah. For now, we will be spending the next 3-4 days (depending on when they start her steroids) at Akron Children's Hospital on the 6th floor.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Today
This is what is happening around our house today:
 |
| Creating origami critters. |
 |
| Penguin Family, Pink Pig, and a Frog Couple |
 |
| "Friends" helping with origami creations. |
 |
| In the girls room. |
 |
| Baby - ready to go out and play with Elizabeth in the snow. |
 |
| Elizabeth chasing the dog with a huge snowball. |
 |
| In our kitchen right now... |
 |
| All in a day's work: washing comforters and blankets from the beds. |
 |
| Working on school work. |
 |
| Also working on school work - writing code using Khan Academy website. |
 |
| Snowy day (on and off). |
 |
| Sweet pooch tired out from a playdate with Elizabeth outside. |
 |
| Painting a self portrait. |
 |
| Working with homemade play dough. |
 |
| Kinex creations Andy is working on. |
 |
| Almost always spending free time doing something sporty. |
 |
| Totally not from today, but I wanted to show it off anyway. An awesome gift arrived in the mail for us from special friends who wanted to help us remember this special year. The perfect gift...(they even got us a Lily card!!!) |
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
The Hypocrite In Me
Sometimes when I read my blog I make myself want to throw up because I make life seem so quaint and zen. More often than not life is not that way - at least not my life. I started thinking about a conversation I had with a couple of moms at Sarah's Girl Scout meeting tonight, and it really struck me how hypocritical I am.
Take a look at this:
I talk about healthy eating and what not, but we eat a lot of crap food in our house.
I talk a mean talk about being happy where we are currently at in terms of staying in our current community in our current home, but when a recruiter sought Bob out this week (for a job that would have taken us out of state) and asked him if he was interested in taking a job he has been vying for for a long time and Bob told him that he was no longer interested in the position - my heart broke and I cried. I cried because a part of me wants more than the life I have created...
I talk about the joys of being a stay at home mom, but more often than I care to admit I have thought about going out and working.
I talk about wanting less and needing less material possessions, but the reason I have thought about going out and working was solely so that we could have more disposable income to go out and buy more and bigger possessions.
I talk about not taking my health for granted, but ask me when the last time I actually exercised was and it would take me so long to give you an answer that I would probably start sweating thinking about it.
I talk about being organized and whatnot, but ask me if I am more organized or unorganized and the latter will win out every time.
I say that I write this blog for my children and family, but really? Come on, if I was truly doing that why am I not just writing them a series of private notes? Why am I putting our life out there in a public domain such as the world wide web?
I talk about being a zen mom and seizing the moment, but a lot of the time I feel like I am on the edge of losing my mind.
I talk about being a better mother to Elizabeth, but half of the time I am one step away from trading her in for a new, different, and easier child.
I talk about how we shun a lot of electronic usage, but ask me how much TV we have been watching lately or video games/computer time we have been using up and you will see just how full of crap I am.
I struggle almost daily with the kind of life I want to live and the life that I actually live. Some days are wildly successful and all of the things that you read are actually taking place in my life, BUT.... some days (like today) I am so full of my own bull^%&$ that I cannot even see out of my own blue eyes anymore.
Sometimes I just feel like the biggest hypocrite around.
Take a look at this:
I talk about healthy eating and what not, but we eat a lot of crap food in our house.
I talk a mean talk about being happy where we are currently at in terms of staying in our current community in our current home, but when a recruiter sought Bob out this week (for a job that would have taken us out of state) and asked him if he was interested in taking a job he has been vying for for a long time and Bob told him that he was no longer interested in the position - my heart broke and I cried. I cried because a part of me wants more than the life I have created...
I talk about the joys of being a stay at home mom, but more often than I care to admit I have thought about going out and working.
I talk about wanting less and needing less material possessions, but the reason I have thought about going out and working was solely so that we could have more disposable income to go out and buy more and bigger possessions.
I talk about not taking my health for granted, but ask me when the last time I actually exercised was and it would take me so long to give you an answer that I would probably start sweating thinking about it.
I talk about being organized and whatnot, but ask me if I am more organized or unorganized and the latter will win out every time.
I say that I write this blog for my children and family, but really? Come on, if I was truly doing that why am I not just writing them a series of private notes? Why am I putting our life out there in a public domain such as the world wide web?
I talk about being a zen mom and seizing the moment, but a lot of the time I feel like I am on the edge of losing my mind.
I talk about being a better mother to Elizabeth, but half of the time I am one step away from trading her in for a new, different, and easier child.
I talk about how we shun a lot of electronic usage, but ask me how much TV we have been watching lately or video games/computer time we have been using up and you will see just how full of crap I am.
I struggle almost daily with the kind of life I want to live and the life that I actually live. Some days are wildly successful and all of the things that you read are actually taking place in my life, BUT.... some days (like today) I am so full of my own bull^%&$ that I cannot even see out of my own blue eyes anymore.
Sometimes I just feel like the biggest hypocrite around.
Trip #3...
.jpg) |
| (Photo courtesy of: asseteagueisland.com) |
Sarah's favorite animal in the whole wide world are horses. I actually like them a lot too, so Bob and I thought we would try and combine our love of horses with a little trip. From what I have read and seen on Youtube there are wild horses just about everywhere on the island. I read a review about the island where a man said that his wife was pushed into her tent by a wild horse!
Our trip is planned for the end of June. We cannot wait to go!
.jpg) |
| (Photo courtesy of: fineartamerica.com) |
.jpg) |
| (Photo courtesy of: virtualtourist.com) |
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Up and Running
Well, we finally have the house moved around. We are definitely not the sanitation department's favorite people this week nor will we be in the coming weeks as we get rid of a lot of unnecessary garbage that was taking up valuable space in our home. As well as throwing away a lot of junk we also donated 2 car loads of clothes, toys, household items,etc..to the Goodwill. I was pretty proud of the kids as they really gutted their toys on their own accord only saving their most treasured items. The house feels more spacious, and for that I am grateful. Now that everything is in its place we are now going to through each room in the house and making it homey and a space filled with warmth. The boys room is going to be our starting point. We plan on taking our time making each room complete, but it feels good to at least have unloaded so much of our stuff.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
The Simple Home
As we prepare to begin moving things around tomorrow morning my thoughts keep coming back to how to use the space we have effectively. I want a warm, vibrant home that utilizes its space well while seeming spacious at the same time. I have friends who are amazing at making their homes look like the inside of an interior design magazine (I am talking about you Stacy and Conor), so I know that it is possible to create this type of space, but truth be told I am terrible at creating that kind of look myself. I just don't have that natural ability to look at a room and to know right off of the bat what will make it appear homey and hip and cool while also coming across as completely functional space. For those of us out there that lack the interior designer eye this is where the library and Pinterest can come in handy. So, that is what I have been doing. Slowly but surely I have been 'pinning' ideas that I really, really like and will go through each of them to determine which I can implement in my home. I have also been bookmarking library books with paper clips, so that when I am able the family and I can decide which ideas to keep and which ones to scrap.
We do know that we want to bring color into our home. We know that we want to focus on creative learning spaces and reading. Along those lines we are thinking crafts, music, arts, blocks, etc...We want comfortable reading areas with good lighting. We want a functional kitchen that is open and airy. We want a dedicated space for eating our meals by candlelight. I envision a wall in our home with chalkboard paint, so that we all have a place to draw on the walls and be creative. We also know that we want the kids to have a huge say in what we put in our home and where - especially in their rooms. It has been really nice to hear them vocalize their opinions in regards to this. These 1120 square feet that reside within these walls are a home for our family, and it should be the family that has a say. It's funny because after our house came off of the market and the whole family was involved in a group discussion about our house ideas one of the kids, I think it was Sarah, said that she felt like this home was a new home. She mentioned that the way she viewed this space was new, and that she felt that this would be a brand new home for us once the changes were completed. I couldn't agree more. Perspective seems to be the theme of the year for me, and once again it showed itself to be true. A house that I couldn't wait to get out of 6 months ago is now the house I couldn't imagine moving from now. Nothing about the house changed except my perception of it, but that one change was enough to make all of the difference in the world.
One of the hardest things for us to determine is going be deciding which of our belongings stay and which is donated. We cleared out the house when we put it on the market, but those items have just been in boxes stored away. We now have to go through everything both in the storage area and in our home and decide which fits our family values and which is something that needs to be left out of the house. I think that this project will be just as hard for me as for the kids. As a parent I want to be able to provide my kids with stuff. That is what this country is based on, right? Bigger houses, bigger cars, bigger vacations, bigger paychecks. More toys, more gadgets, more, more, more. That is the message that we receive every day. And a good majority of us buy into that lie. I know I do. I struggle all of the time with not bringing junk into our home as a way to show my kids I love them. All of my kids have way more stuff than they need - WAY more. How much of this crap did they really need? If I am being honest - I would venture to say that 90% of what they have just collects dust or gets stepped on by me as move from one thing to the next. 90% of the items in our home are not needed. That is a whole lot of stuff. Besides that, how much value do these items really add to our lives? If they are collecting dust then they are just taking up valuable space that I do not have a lot of to begin with. It is going to be a hard few days making decisions about letting go of some of personal effects. It won't be hard because we will miss the items themselves, but rather because we have bought into the notion that we need all of those items. Those things that collect dust and sit unused are the very things that I cling to because they make me feel, in some ways, more secure. We all like having stuff because we are told (by companies that make money off of us buying their stuff) that having more junk is good for us. Having more junk makes us feel better (not) and makes our lives easier (not).
I just finished up reading a book about the Amish and their farming practices, and I couldn't help but think about how much fulfillment many of them seem to have from living on so much less than I do. They have simple homes filled with only what they need, and they seem happy. They don't have a bazillion pieces of clothing, or the latest technological gadgets, or a million toys. They have just enough. Now, I am not saying that my family is going to become Amish, but what I am saying is that so much of what I have in my home is influenced by what I see on TV, in magazines, and by what others have. I used to think that the "best" homes were the ones that had completely matching furniture and every decorative piece was just right, but my vision has changed (as has so much in my life) and I no longer see that house as the house for me.I want a simple home. I want a home where I have just enough of what I need - not what others tell me I need, but what I know in my heart I need. I want a home that is cozy and inviting - you know what I am talking about. We all do. It is the home that when we walk into it we feel a collective sigh and a warm hug embrace our hearts as we enter the front door. A home that beckons us to stay just a little bit longer. A home with a homemade meal and comfortable places to sit. A home with laughter and color and light, and most importantly - love. That is the kind of home I am going to spend the next several months building. That, my friends, is the home for me. I am so excited to take you on this journey with me.
We do know that we want to bring color into our home. We know that we want to focus on creative learning spaces and reading. Along those lines we are thinking crafts, music, arts, blocks, etc...We want comfortable reading areas with good lighting. We want a functional kitchen that is open and airy. We want a dedicated space for eating our meals by candlelight. I envision a wall in our home with chalkboard paint, so that we all have a place to draw on the walls and be creative. We also know that we want the kids to have a huge say in what we put in our home and where - especially in their rooms. It has been really nice to hear them vocalize their opinions in regards to this. These 1120 square feet that reside within these walls are a home for our family, and it should be the family that has a say. It's funny because after our house came off of the market and the whole family was involved in a group discussion about our house ideas one of the kids, I think it was Sarah, said that she felt like this home was a new home. She mentioned that the way she viewed this space was new, and that she felt that this would be a brand new home for us once the changes were completed. I couldn't agree more. Perspective seems to be the theme of the year for me, and once again it showed itself to be true. A house that I couldn't wait to get out of 6 months ago is now the house I couldn't imagine moving from now. Nothing about the house changed except my perception of it, but that one change was enough to make all of the difference in the world.
One of the hardest things for us to determine is going be deciding which of our belongings stay and which is donated. We cleared out the house when we put it on the market, but those items have just been in boxes stored away. We now have to go through everything both in the storage area and in our home and decide which fits our family values and which is something that needs to be left out of the house. I think that this project will be just as hard for me as for the kids. As a parent I want to be able to provide my kids with stuff. That is what this country is based on, right? Bigger houses, bigger cars, bigger vacations, bigger paychecks. More toys, more gadgets, more, more, more. That is the message that we receive every day. And a good majority of us buy into that lie. I know I do. I struggle all of the time with not bringing junk into our home as a way to show my kids I love them. All of my kids have way more stuff than they need - WAY more. How much of this crap did they really need? If I am being honest - I would venture to say that 90% of what they have just collects dust or gets stepped on by me as move from one thing to the next. 90% of the items in our home are not needed. That is a whole lot of stuff. Besides that, how much value do these items really add to our lives? If they are collecting dust then they are just taking up valuable space that I do not have a lot of to begin with. It is going to be a hard few days making decisions about letting go of some of personal effects. It won't be hard because we will miss the items themselves, but rather because we have bought into the notion that we need all of those items. Those things that collect dust and sit unused are the very things that I cling to because they make me feel, in some ways, more secure. We all like having stuff because we are told (by companies that make money off of us buying their stuff) that having more junk is good for us. Having more junk makes us feel better (not) and makes our lives easier (not).
I just finished up reading a book about the Amish and their farming practices, and I couldn't help but think about how much fulfillment many of them seem to have from living on so much less than I do. They have simple homes filled with only what they need, and they seem happy. They don't have a bazillion pieces of clothing, or the latest technological gadgets, or a million toys. They have just enough. Now, I am not saying that my family is going to become Amish, but what I am saying is that so much of what I have in my home is influenced by what I see on TV, in magazines, and by what others have. I used to think that the "best" homes were the ones that had completely matching furniture and every decorative piece was just right, but my vision has changed (as has so much in my life) and I no longer see that house as the house for me.I want a simple home. I want a home where I have just enough of what I need - not what others tell me I need, but what I know in my heart I need. I want a home that is cozy and inviting - you know what I am talking about. We all do. It is the home that when we walk into it we feel a collective sigh and a warm hug embrace our hearts as we enter the front door. A home that beckons us to stay just a little bit longer. A home with a homemade meal and comfortable places to sit. A home with laughter and color and light, and most importantly - love. That is the kind of home I am going to spend the next several months building. That, my friends, is the home for me. I am so excited to take you on this journey with me.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Excited About the Future
No regrets living has gotten me so excited about not only my life, but the life of my family as a collective whole.It has been so long since I have felt settled and secure in knowing just where we are meant to be.
I am excited about making changes to our home.We are planning on moving the house around this weekend. It will take us probably until the end of the year to really make this place a functional home for us, but when it is completed it will be done just right. Bob and I agree that we both need to be on board for all of the changes we are going to embark upon (which has definitely not always been the case with previous moves), and have been in talks just about daily on what we envision for our home. We know that we want to center our home on good food (which means a functional open kitchen) and creative spaces (we are thinking arts, crafts, music, reading spaces, building, etc..). Because our house is small we are looking at the best way to utilize each space to the best of our ability without making it seem stuffy and overcrowded. We want out home to feel inviting and warm. We will be changing out some of the furniture for more functional spaces over time, but for the time being we will use what we have until we know for sure what we want. My goal is to buy used furniture where ever I can for both the cost effectiveness and the green quality of buying used instead of new. It is exciting to think about how things will look this time next year. The journey towards making our home more organic and in line with our value system is as exciting to me as the end result.
I am so excited about our garden too. I have wanted to grow a garden - a really good garden for so long. I am excited to create the space, plant the seeds, nurture them with water, good soil, and sunlight, witness their growth, and then enjoy the rewards of my hard work. To be able to grow food for my family - to know how the food was grown - is going to be such a rewarding experience for me.
I am also excited about the new avenues our schooling has brought us down. I have been very slowly venturing into play based learning for a long time, and am just now ready to admit that this type of schooling makes the most sense to me. I don't know what this type of learning looks like for all of our children, but I am certain that I will figure that out as time goes on. This type of schooling just seems to be in line with the rest of our view on life and living.
I am excited about our travels. Our good friends sent us the most awesome travel pack yesterday in the mail filled with an awesome book on all of the states, Mad Libs, a card game (for travelers), and two beautifully amazing journals for our memories and adventures. (It came with a card that looked just like Lily on the front cover. How perfect?) This care package made me realize (in a whole new way) just how amazingly awesome this year is going to be for us. It also made me realize how much I love my friends and family.
I am excited about celebrating our friendships. There have been several people who have really shown their love and support to us ever since Sarah's diagnosis. These people have allowed us our space to figure things out while also continuing to quietly let us know that they are here for us if and when we are ready to reach out. Sometimes they have known just what we needed - even before we did - and provided whatever service it was with the grace and love that only true friends can offer. Now that our family is moving onto more steady and solid ground (hopefully) we can begin to give back to those who provided us with the true gift of friendship. Their deeds and actions no matter how small were huge in our hearts and minds. They will not be forgotten. I cannot wait to begin to offer them their half of friendship that they deserve.
If you would have told me 2 months ago that I would be as happy today as I am I would have called you a liar. There were certainly days where I did not think that there was much in life to be excited about. I truly, truly, appreciate the place where I am at right now because I know how dark life can sometimes be. It's funny how the circumstances of our life are still the same - not much has changed in that way - but it seems that everything has changed. I am ever so hopeful for the future. I am excited, and it is all because what was once Dark is now Light.
I am excited about making changes to our home.We are planning on moving the house around this weekend. It will take us probably until the end of the year to really make this place a functional home for us, but when it is completed it will be done just right. Bob and I agree that we both need to be on board for all of the changes we are going to embark upon (which has definitely not always been the case with previous moves), and have been in talks just about daily on what we envision for our home. We know that we want to center our home on good food (which means a functional open kitchen) and creative spaces (we are thinking arts, crafts, music, reading spaces, building, etc..). Because our house is small we are looking at the best way to utilize each space to the best of our ability without making it seem stuffy and overcrowded. We want out home to feel inviting and warm. We will be changing out some of the furniture for more functional spaces over time, but for the time being we will use what we have until we know for sure what we want. My goal is to buy used furniture where ever I can for both the cost effectiveness and the green quality of buying used instead of new. It is exciting to think about how things will look this time next year. The journey towards making our home more organic and in line with our value system is as exciting to me as the end result.
I am so excited about our garden too. I have wanted to grow a garden - a really good garden for so long. I am excited to create the space, plant the seeds, nurture them with water, good soil, and sunlight, witness their growth, and then enjoy the rewards of my hard work. To be able to grow food for my family - to know how the food was grown - is going to be such a rewarding experience for me.
I am also excited about the new avenues our schooling has brought us down. I have been very slowly venturing into play based learning for a long time, and am just now ready to admit that this type of schooling makes the most sense to me. I don't know what this type of learning looks like for all of our children, but I am certain that I will figure that out as time goes on. This type of schooling just seems to be in line with the rest of our view on life and living.
I am excited about our travels. Our good friends sent us the most awesome travel pack yesterday in the mail filled with an awesome book on all of the states, Mad Libs, a card game (for travelers), and two beautifully amazing journals for our memories and adventures. (It came with a card that looked just like Lily on the front cover. How perfect?) This care package made me realize (in a whole new way) just how amazingly awesome this year is going to be for us. It also made me realize how much I love my friends and family.
I am excited about celebrating our friendships. There have been several people who have really shown their love and support to us ever since Sarah's diagnosis. These people have allowed us our space to figure things out while also continuing to quietly let us know that they are here for us if and when we are ready to reach out. Sometimes they have known just what we needed - even before we did - and provided whatever service it was with the grace and love that only true friends can offer. Now that our family is moving onto more steady and solid ground (hopefully) we can begin to give back to those who provided us with the true gift of friendship. Their deeds and actions no matter how small were huge in our hearts and minds. They will not be forgotten. I cannot wait to begin to offer them their half of friendship that they deserve.
If you would have told me 2 months ago that I would be as happy today as I am I would have called you a liar. There were certainly days where I did not think that there was much in life to be excited about. I truly, truly, appreciate the place where I am at right now because I know how dark life can sometimes be. It's funny how the circumstances of our life are still the same - not much has changed in that way - but it seems that everything has changed. I am ever so hopeful for the future. I am excited, and it is all because what was once Dark is now Light.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Growing A Garden
I have long wanted to grow a garden, but since this was never intended to be our forever house I have always put off growing the large beautiful garden of my youth until we got to that place. Because of all of the changes that have occurred in our lives as of late, and the revelations that Bob and I had on the importance of staying in this home I am growing a garden right here in the space I have now.
I have been reading a lot about gardening and have become quite concerned because while seeds do need water, dirt, and sunlight to grow it seems that that combination of things is a bit more complicated than I had originally thought. I am nervous that my garden is going to be an epic failure kinda like last years "garden" that produced only a couple of cherry tomatoes and a pepper or two. (In the garden's defense I think it would have helped if I actually took the time to water it more often than twice a summer.)
Being a bit more serious about my venture into gardening this year both for the joy of doing so and because of the health benefits of knowing exactly where this food has come from I have poured over a couple of seed catalogs I ordered online for longer than I care to admit (who knew there were 50 gazillion different types of tomatoes?!). Although I could have ordered enough seeds for a garden three times the size of the garden I am going to have this summer I decided to heed caution to the one piece of consistent advise I have read in all of the gardening books I have poured over: don't go too big your first year.
Here is what we will be growing (or attempting to) in our first garden:
I have been reading a lot about gardening and have become quite concerned because while seeds do need water, dirt, and sunlight to grow it seems that that combination of things is a bit more complicated than I had originally thought. I am nervous that my garden is going to be an epic failure kinda like last years "garden" that produced only a couple of cherry tomatoes and a pepper or two. (In the garden's defense I think it would have helped if I actually took the time to water it more often than twice a summer.)
Being a bit more serious about my venture into gardening this year both for the joy of doing so and because of the health benefits of knowing exactly where this food has come from I have poured over a couple of seed catalogs I ordered online for longer than I care to admit (who knew there were 50 gazillion different types of tomatoes?!). Although I could have ordered enough seeds for a garden three times the size of the garden I am going to have this summer I decided to heed caution to the one piece of consistent advise I have read in all of the gardening books I have poured over: don't go too big your first year.
Here is what we will be growing (or attempting to) in our first garden:
Watermelon
Tomatoes (both regular and cherry)
Pumpkins
Radishes
Pepper
Lettuce
Cucumber
Popcorn
Corn
Carrots
Green Beans
Zucchini
Summer Squash
Lavendar
Cilantro
Basil
Parsley
I am ordering most of my seeds from this catalog
 |
| Sorry - I couldn't figure out how to turn the picture. |
because all of the seeds are from non-GMO sources and all (or so I have been told by the magazine) are from non-Monsanto sources.
I plan on ordering the seeds this by this weekend. We'll see what this adventure brings. Hopefully, lots of good delicious food. Wish me luck - I know I will certainly need it.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Food and Media - Figuring It Out
I spend a lot of time writing about food and limiting out family's exposure to media. I write about those topics so much because I really stink at consistently applying the rules that I create and recreate over and over again. The biggest offender of my boundaries is not my kids, but rather myself.
I have gotten myself into a pattern where I am "quickly" checking my email (or Facebook or blog b/c let's be honest you cannot go to one site without going to the others, right?) about 5 times a day. I know that I am spending too much time online, and yet I know that this sounds ridiculous, I cannot seem to help myself. I guess, that's not entirely true. Of course, I can help myself, but I don't know that I want to put for the effort to train myself to not be online so much. On the other hand, I don't like feeling like garbage (which I do pretty much every day) because I am taking so much time out of my day checking things that really aren't all that important. Television isn't a big deal in our house because unless it is a cooking show (for Elizabeth) or the Olympics we don't really watch TV too much. Yes, we have days where we snuggle up and watch a couple of shows (like yesterday), but for the most part we all have TV under control. I would venture to say that video game time is the second biggest area where I struggle. There are some days where I am a little more lenient in my rules, and I let the boys play a bit more than I am comfortable with, but I find that when I do that their attitudes change. Do you find that as well? My boys seem to become more grouchy, argumentative, less creative, and get "bored" more easily as their video game playing time increases. What usually works to curb those crabby feelings is an extended period of time away from video games, but then they will ask to play again, and I will allow them a little bit extra time because they haven't played in a while and boom we are right back to square one again. Am I the only one that struggles with this? I struggle with it constantly, and I would like to find a solution once and for all.
As for myself, I have thought of blogging on only certain days instead of most days. This will help keep the temptation away to visit my favorite bloggers as much as I do. Then if I am not blogging as much maybe I won't head over to Facebook as much. I do need to check my email daily though because all of the kids outside activities require email as their main mode of communication. Because I have a flip cell phone I cannot access my email from my phone which means I have to sit down at the computer to check it. Which - surprise! - then tempts me to just check my blogs and Facebook account out since I am already sitting here. AHHHH!!! If only I had more self control! That is pretty terrible that I am 34 year old woman that struggles with self control. I thought that was only a toddler issue. Kinda embarrassing.
My other issue is food. I hate it again. The amount of energy that I need to educate myself and put into menu planning and preparation is on par with a full time job. Okay, maybe not a full time job, but honestly, I think I could spend 20 hours a week trying to learn all that I need to to keep Sarah (and Andy, Josh, Elizabeth, Bob and myself) healthy. I know nothing about food except that I really like the bad kind of food like Stouffer's Mac and Cheese and french fries, and white pasta and bread. Oh, carbs! I love carbs! (Hence the extra cushion of lbs that sits on my 5'7" frame.) Sarah's new neurologist (the one that I really like) sent us home with a list of foods to avoid, and I have been avoiding trying to implement it because it will leave us eating tree bark and grass. (Ok, maybe I am exaggerating just a bit....)
Because of my avoidance of the worksheet that is sitting in a stack with all of Sarah's other medical paperwork we have been having more "special" treats than necessary. In fact, we have been having so many that Andy said to me yesterday, "Mom, I think we should probably stop having so many special treats because if Sarah goes blind one day we will all feel really guilty that we had so many treat days especially if that it what causes her to go blind." Yes, I have one smart and thoughtful 13 year old. He has a point there. So, I really need to get back on the horse and work on this issue until food becomes second nature.
Here is the infamous list (that is stressing me out. What a surprise - me stressed? Never!)
I have gotten myself into a pattern where I am "quickly" checking my email (or Facebook or blog b/c let's be honest you cannot go to one site without going to the others, right?) about 5 times a day. I know that I am spending too much time online, and yet I know that this sounds ridiculous, I cannot seem to help myself. I guess, that's not entirely true. Of course, I can help myself, but I don't know that I want to put for the effort to train myself to not be online so much. On the other hand, I don't like feeling like garbage (which I do pretty much every day) because I am taking so much time out of my day checking things that really aren't all that important. Television isn't a big deal in our house because unless it is a cooking show (for Elizabeth) or the Olympics we don't really watch TV too much. Yes, we have days where we snuggle up and watch a couple of shows (like yesterday), but for the most part we all have TV under control. I would venture to say that video game time is the second biggest area where I struggle. There are some days where I am a little more lenient in my rules, and I let the boys play a bit more than I am comfortable with, but I find that when I do that their attitudes change. Do you find that as well? My boys seem to become more grouchy, argumentative, less creative, and get "bored" more easily as their video game playing time increases. What usually works to curb those crabby feelings is an extended period of time away from video games, but then they will ask to play again, and I will allow them a little bit extra time because they haven't played in a while and boom we are right back to square one again. Am I the only one that struggles with this? I struggle with it constantly, and I would like to find a solution once and for all.
As for myself, I have thought of blogging on only certain days instead of most days. This will help keep the temptation away to visit my favorite bloggers as much as I do. Then if I am not blogging as much maybe I won't head over to Facebook as much. I do need to check my email daily though because all of the kids outside activities require email as their main mode of communication. Because I have a flip cell phone I cannot access my email from my phone which means I have to sit down at the computer to check it. Which - surprise! - then tempts me to just check my blogs and Facebook account out since I am already sitting here. AHHHH!!! If only I had more self control! That is pretty terrible that I am 34 year old woman that struggles with self control. I thought that was only a toddler issue. Kinda embarrassing.
My other issue is food. I hate it again. The amount of energy that I need to educate myself and put into menu planning and preparation is on par with a full time job. Okay, maybe not a full time job, but honestly, I think I could spend 20 hours a week trying to learn all that I need to to keep Sarah (and Andy, Josh, Elizabeth, Bob and myself) healthy. I know nothing about food except that I really like the bad kind of food like Stouffer's Mac and Cheese and french fries, and white pasta and bread. Oh, carbs! I love carbs! (Hence the extra cushion of lbs that sits on my 5'7" frame.) Sarah's new neurologist (the one that I really like) sent us home with a list of foods to avoid, and I have been avoiding trying to implement it because it will leave us eating tree bark and grass. (Ok, maybe I am exaggerating just a bit....)
Because of my avoidance of the worksheet that is sitting in a stack with all of Sarah's other medical paperwork we have been having more "special" treats than necessary. In fact, we have been having so many that Andy said to me yesterday, "Mom, I think we should probably stop having so many special treats because if Sarah goes blind one day we will all feel really guilty that we had so many treat days especially if that it what causes her to go blind." Yes, I have one smart and thoughtful 13 year old. He has a point there. So, I really need to get back on the horse and work on this issue until food becomes second nature.
Here is the infamous list (that is stressing me out. What a surprise - me stressed? Never!)
Foods to Eat:
Fish
Fruits & Veggies
Soy milk & yogurt
Soy Cheese
Tofu
Herbal Tea (especially Green Tea)
Nuts
Almond or Macadamia Nut butter
Cocoa
Chicken or Turkey w/o skin
Flax seeds
Flax seed Bread
Sprouted Grain Bread & Cereal (Gluten Free)
Quinoa
Brown Rise (which include pasta, crackers)
Gluten Free Crackers
Egg Whites
Beans
Spices
Coconut Oil
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Canola Oil
Organic Cane Sugar
Honey
Agave Juice
Water
Foods to Limit or Eat in Moderation
Gluten
Peanuts/Peanut Butter
Corn, Corn Starch, Corn Syrup
Dairy
Egg Yolks
Sugar
Processed Refined White Flour
Red Meat
Pork
Deli Meats
Dried sweetened fruit or sweetened fruit juices
White Rice
Instant Tea
Caffeinated beverages
Alcohol
Soft Drinks
Foods to Eliminate NEVER Eat
Artificial Sugar (sucralose & aspartame)
Artificial Fat (olestra)
Artificial Flavorings and Food Dye
MSG
So, there you have it. Some of the items on the 'Do not eat' list are things that we like to eat. Gluten, peanut butter, corn, etc...AND those are things that are really hard to break yourself of.
I have a lot of work ahead of me. I really have to get my life in check when it comes to the amount of time we spend on electronics and our diet. Once I can get those two things figured out (AND implemented successfully and consistently) I will feel so much better.
On a side note - Sarah asked me last night if she will still have to be hospitalized now that she is on this new medicine.Plus she asked me to give her her vision test that Dr. Rensel sent home with us, and she has been rubbing her eyes a lot lately (a sign that her eyes have been bugging her). I am sure it is nothing, but I am kind of worried. I didn't ask her last night if her eyes were bugging her because she could have been just asking a general question, and I don't want to bombard her with questions about her eyesight every time she has a general question. On the other hand, I hope that she is not asking because she is beginning to not feel well. Blah!
Friday, February 14, 2014
New Camera Pic's
We were all pretty excited when our new camera arrived a couple of days ago. After having a chance to read the 'how to' manual we all took turns using it. Sarah has taken the biggest interest in it, and many of these pictures are actually hers.
 |
| What a beauty. |
 |
| Sarah has been asking to learn cursive for a while. I finally received the book I ordered and she has been happily practicing her letters the last two days. |
 |
| Making Lego creations. |
 |
| One of Andy's Lego creations - a soccer player. |
 |
| Self portrait. |
 |
| Poor Lily.... |
 |
| Love this picture. |
A day in the life of Elizabeth's mother:
(Elizabeth jamming out to a CD)
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Quiet Days
Sometimes all it takes for me to come to my senses is a good jolt. Andy certainly provided that the other day, and it made me want to slow everything down for a bit. We put away our books yesterday and instead spent the day in a quite rhythm of play and fun.
The kids played games together and we took another hike in the snow to the river where I let the kids explore and play for a while. It was nice. They all enjoyed their time out of doors, and as they do more often than not, they worked together to explore and create in the surrounding icy wonderland. It was a quiet day. Just the kind we all needed.
I have decided to take a short break from math with Andy. The stress it is causing him is enormous, and he needs a breather. So, instead we agreed that he would go to the library with me a couple of times a week and take out as many books as he wanted on as many topics that he wanted to - as long as he was truly interested in what he was reading. My point in doing this is that learning to him is not fun. It is drudgery and stress and both the public school and I (in our homeschooling) have proven this to be true over and over again. He has such a natural curiosity that it is such a shame that I am slowly squashing that desire of his to learn on his own by having him associate learning with being scolded, boring subjects of absolutely no interest to him, and drudgery. I am hoping that if he is learning about things he wants to I can reignite his once natural love of learning. At the library he found and then took out books on technology, World War I, World War II (he loves to read/watch videos about this war), the Marines, pirates, and special effects. All of these topics have a wealth of knowledge in them, and he read from the time we got home until almost bedtime. It was nice to see him relaxed again. We will continue to work this way until I feel that he is not so stressed out. I am not sure what is going to come next in terms of his schooling, but I do know that for now, what we are currently doing is what works best for Andy. That is all that is important to me.
Sarah continues to get better every day. She is still getting up at night a lot to use the restroom, but her eyesight seems to be improving. It will never be perfect, but it is better and that is all that I can ask for. We should be getting the results back from her diabetes test in the next week or so to determine if that is the cause of her constant nighttime bathroom breaks. We will see...
The kids played games together and we took another hike in the snow to the river where I let the kids explore and play for a while. It was nice. They all enjoyed their time out of doors, and as they do more often than not, they worked together to explore and create in the surrounding icy wonderland. It was a quiet day. Just the kind we all needed.
 |
| Making puppets. |
 |
| Andy watching a movie on World War II |
 |
| Lily waiting for someone to play with her. |
 |
| Elizabeth trying to make amends for getting on her brother's nerves. |
 |
| Notice anything missing? No 'For Sale' sign! YEAH!!! |
 |
| Our new favorite winter spot. |
 |
| Lily checking things out. |
 |
| Working as a team to plan something out. |
 |
| Finalizing plans... |
 |
| Working on clearing snow from the ice. |
 |
| Trying to make an ice skating rink while Lily keeps a close eye out for squirrels. |
 |
| Elizabeth's fishing hole. |
 |
| The kids removed this large limb from underneath the ice. |
 |
| Almost to the water... |
 |
| Carefully trying to get it into the water while staying on solid ground. |
 |
| Beaver marks. |
I have decided to take a short break from math with Andy. The stress it is causing him is enormous, and he needs a breather. So, instead we agreed that he would go to the library with me a couple of times a week and take out as many books as he wanted on as many topics that he wanted to - as long as he was truly interested in what he was reading. My point in doing this is that learning to him is not fun. It is drudgery and stress and both the public school and I (in our homeschooling) have proven this to be true over and over again. He has such a natural curiosity that it is such a shame that I am slowly squashing that desire of his to learn on his own by having him associate learning with being scolded, boring subjects of absolutely no interest to him, and drudgery. I am hoping that if he is learning about things he wants to I can reignite his once natural love of learning. At the library he found and then took out books on technology, World War I, World War II (he loves to read/watch videos about this war), the Marines, pirates, and special effects. All of these topics have a wealth of knowledge in them, and he read from the time we got home until almost bedtime. It was nice to see him relaxed again. We will continue to work this way until I feel that he is not so stressed out. I am not sure what is going to come next in terms of his schooling, but I do know that for now, what we are currently doing is what works best for Andy. That is all that is important to me.
Sarah continues to get better every day. She is still getting up at night a lot to use the restroom, but her eyesight seems to be improving. It will never be perfect, but it is better and that is all that I can ask for. We should be getting the results back from her diabetes test in the next week or so to determine if that is the cause of her constant nighttime bathroom breaks. We will see...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)