The Hypocrite In Me

Sometimes when I read my blog I make myself want to throw up because I make life seem so quaint and zen. More often than not life is not that way - at least not my life. I started thinking about a conversation I had with a couple of  moms at Sarah's Girl Scout meeting  tonight, and it really struck me how hypocritical I am.

Take a look at this:

I talk about healthy eating and what not, but we eat a lot of crap food in our house.

I talk a mean talk about being happy where we are currently at in terms of staying in our current community in our current home, but when a recruiter sought Bob out this week (for a job that would have taken us out of state) and asked him if he was interested in taking a  job he has been vying for for a long time and Bob told him that he was no longer interested in the position - my heart broke and I cried. I cried because a part of me wants more than the life I have created...

I talk about the joys of being a stay at home mom, but more often than I care to admit I have thought about going out and working.

I talk about wanting less and needing less material possessions, but the reason I have thought about going out and working was solely so that we could have more disposable income to go out and buy more and bigger possessions.

I talk about not taking my health for granted, but ask me when the last time I actually exercised was and it would take me so long to give you an answer that I would probably start sweating thinking about it.

I talk about being organized and whatnot, but ask me if I am more organized or unorganized and the latter will win out every time.

I say that I write this blog for my children and family, but really? Come on, if I was truly doing that why am I not just writing them a series of private notes? Why am I putting our life out there in a public domain such as the world wide web?

I talk about being a zen mom and seizing the moment, but a lot of the time I feel like I am on the edge of losing my mind.

I talk about being a better mother to Elizabeth, but half of the time I am one step away from trading her in for a new, different, and easier child.

I talk about how we shun a lot of electronic usage, but ask me how much TV we have been watching lately or video games/computer time we have been using up and you will see just how full of crap I am.

 I struggle almost daily with the kind of life I want to live and the life that I actually live. Some days are wildly successful and all of the things that you read are actually taking place in my life, BUT.... some days (like today) I am so full of my own bull^%&$ that I cannot even see out of my own blue eyes anymore.

Sometimes I just feel like the biggest hypocrite around.