Becoming Real

I am going through some growing pains. Life seems to be an endless game of bending and stretching. Most of the time I am grateful for both the lows and the highs of my life because I come out of each a better person. It seems like I have been on a journey for sometime now trying to find my footing in this world of what is most Real to me. I have talked before about how I live so much of my life with my feet planted in both worlds. Too afraid to commit to one side or the other out of fear of choosing unwisely. It is tiring, trying to maintain this balance, and I find myself, in some areas of my life anyway, wanting to jump squarely on one side no longer maintaining the balance I have held onto for so long. But I am afraid to do this. Fear is what keeps me in the middle of so many issues in my life. Fear of being polarizing. Fear of not being liked. Fear of offending or upsetting someone else. Fear of being wrong. Oh, fear has a good hold on my heart. It has for as long as I can remember, and although I take steps to live authentically, it is always fear that pulls me back from fully living that life.

I want to be Real. I want to be Really me. For me, this means growing and changing and losing some hair and maybe some of the people in my life. I know that I have the strength to be Real. Sometimes, though, it is just so much easier to not be. To go with the flow and agree with the crowd. Sometimes, it is easier to do something my gut is telling me not to, and to have an internal fight within myself than to listen to my gut and fight with the world around me.

I really want to be Real, not just in the those quiet moments of my life, but all of the time. I know that in doing so I will become ugly to those who don't understand the journey of becoming Real. They will only see my shabbiness and not the parts of me that make me Real.

I know that this conscious journey of being Real will hurt. I know that I will stumble and fall over and over again. It is in my strength that I will be able to get back up time and time again. It is my strength that will help to make me Real. Deciding to live with no regrets has forced my hand, and it is a much needed push. I am scared of some of the changes that I need to make, but I know that nothing worth having or living for is ever easy.

(Photo's taken from bing.com)