Loneliness

One of the most difficult aspects of moving has been learning to be okay with feeling lonely. I knew that after the excitement of flying on an airplane for the first time and after the fun of moving into a super cool house wore off that loneliness would find each of my children. He found all of them at different times, but two weeks and 1 day into this new chapter of our lives he seems to have hit some of them especially hard.

I don't blame them for being upset with being lonely. After all, I was allowing them to spend as much of their time with their friends and family as they wanted prior to us moving so they were never alone. It is hard to go from the only life you have ever known full of family and friends to a life with no one but each other and the dog. It is also hard because we choose to homeschool so they don't have that automatic "in" with kids that families who choose to send their children to public/private schools have. I have been working like a dog to reach out to homeschool groups in the area, but am coming up a bit short. I know that they are out there it is just that finding them has proven to be a bit elusive.

I remember moving from New York to Ohio when I was 12 and the loneliness was the worst part about those first few months. Eventually though I made friends as I am sure my kids will too. Once we settle in here a bit more and join soccer and gymnastics (as the kids would like to do) they will meet people there. I also know that once I am able to tap into the homeschooling community here there will be kids for them to choose to friend as well.

Becoming intimate with loneliness is not the worst thing in the world. I am glad that my kids are learning what it feels like to feel alone in that way that only loneliness can provide. I feel that way too out here, but I know that what is perceived as a negative thing (loneliness does have quite a bad rap) can be turned into something positive. Being lonely is going to cause my kids (and myself) to put themselves out there to try and meet new people. It is going to cause them to be more open to trying new and different things. It will do the same for me as well. Feeling lonely will also cause my children to rely on themselves and each other for companionship. Learning to count oneself as a friend is a very important gift that not a lot of people choose to do. My kids will learn to be their own friends during this time of loneliness.

Josh is having a particularly hard time today. He is feeling all of the things that loneliness likes to make us feel: sad, angry, restless, bored. I told him that it is okay to feel all of the things that he is feeling. I told him that he should allow himself the opportunity to feel every feeling with the intensity that it is asking of him. I explained that if he needed to cry he should cry. If he needed to feel anger and scream to go ahead and do so. I explained to him though that it was very important that once he allowed himself to feel the extent of his emotions that he release them. I wanted him to realize that he could easily learn to live in a state of loneliness. That those feeling of anger and sadness could immobilize him if he did not choose to feel them and then release them. I want him (and all of my kids) to use loneliness to propel them toward action by either getting to know themselves better or each other or exposing themselves to new experiences where other children will be present.

There are approximately 100,000 people that live in the city of Las Cruces. Surely, there have to be a handful of children that my kids will someday call their friends. It is just a matter of time and exposure to finding them.