Letting Him Grow On His Own

One the hardest parts of being a mama is knowing that at some point, way before I am ready, I am going to have to let my kids go and explore life outside of my influence. I think when we become parents we all understand that this is the way that parenting works, but actually getting to the point where this becomes a reality is so much harder than I could have ever imagined.

Getting help with his bow tie. 

Josh was invited to a Cotillion dance this past Friday night. Basically, this dance is an old fashioned dance where the kids learn the waltz, two step, and one other dance I cannot remember. Each of the kids then has a dance card which they fill up with different people and dance one dance per person. There is no bumping and grinding as with a lot of school dances, but rather a respectful dance where no one feels left out. If someone asks you to dance, you must say 'yes', and you cannot fill up your dance card with the same person over and over again.

I love this idea even though I have never heard of it. When Josh's buddy invited him to go I was sure he was going to say 'no', but he surprised me and went. I was then offered a chance to  chaperon the dance by my best gal pal here in Cruces who was also going to be chaperoning the event. I asked Josh if he minded if I chaperoned the dance. He said he did not care either way.  Just about every part of me wanted to go and chaperon that dance. I wanted to watch my son go through a right of passage. I wanted to watch him experience his first dance. I really did. But my gut was telling me to let him go on his own without his mama's watchful eye. My gut was telling me that Josh needed to do this on his own, and so I told  my friend that I was not going to chaperon. 

Josh and Tanner

It was the best decision I could have made for him. 

I ended up going up to the dance a little before it ended where a bunch of other parents had already gathered to take pictures of their kids. For most of the other kids who were 8th graders this was their last Cotillion dance. When I got there I scanned the crowd of kids on the dance floor looking for my son.  I saw Josh in the middle of a dance with a young lady and tears instantly welled up into my eyes. (I tear up just thinking about seeing my son.) He is growing up. All of my children are, but I normally don't see the tangible results of this as day to day life does not offer opportunities to see them growing. Here was my son dancing the two step with this young lady with that awkward space between the two of them that we all have experienced. He saw me, smiled, and immediately shook his head because he knew (as he told me later) that I was tearing up as I was watching him. 

It is hard to let my kids go and grow into their own people. I love being with them and watching them blossom into these amazing human beings. I wish that I could walk the journey with each of them throughout their whole lives, but I know that this is not possible. Bob and I can only walk with them so far, and then the rest is up to them to walk on their own. A part of me wishes it didn't have to be this way. A part of me wishes that I could be their sun, moon, and starts forever. But that is just not a reality. I know this. But it still hurts a bit. I never realized that it isn't just kids who have growing pains. Mamas get them too. 

 

Getting ready to head out...