Remember

Bob and I were sitting on our porch one evening last week and just talking about this and that. I brought up my current issue of how I don't feel like the Portland area will ever grow on me and how I couldn't figure out why. Bob brought up a good point that I think really hit the nail on the head for me.

 He told me that he thinks my problem is that there is nothing about the place in which we live that gives off a Pacific Northwest vibe. It is only after we seek a place out outside of the confines of our part of the city that we live in that we can experience the Pacific Northwest. Where we live could be  Fancy Town, Anywhere, USA. There are trees and new buildings and fancy this and fancy that. All of which could take place anywhere. The Southwest has such a distinct feel and look that no matter where you were you knew that you were in the Southwest. And I guess that is what I expected when I moved here. I expected that no matter where I lived it would feel like the Pacific Northwest. And that is just not true. Yes, I can drive 30-90 minutes away and I can most definitely be in a spot that feels like that Pacific Northwest, but I have to seek that feeling out whereas in the Southwest that feeling never left because you couldn't escape it even if you wanted to.

Often, I struggle with the fact that the pull of adventure is great within me. I wish that I could just settle down in one place and be happy and content in doing so. I wish that I could be the type of person who has the same friends her whole life and has no desire to really branch out beyond that. I wish that I didn't have the desire to seek out new things and places and people.  Sometimes I feel alone. I don't know many other people who are willing to live the nomadic life we are living and it makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. It makes me question, yet again, why can't I be normal? Why can't I just do what most other people are doing? They don't leave a trail of people that they love behind everywhere they move from. They don't leave behind places they love either. I think that there is value is staying in one place.

But then I remember the unmistakable feeling of amazement upon seeing Soledad Canyon for the first time. Or sitting on a log at the top of Multnomah Falls and being captivated by the peacefulness. Or looking at the Organ Mountains every morning and night and marveling at their beauty. Or seeing the aqua color of the water at Three Pools. Or feeling the sand beneath my toes and watching the waves crash over the rocks in the Pacific Ocean. It is in those moments that I know deep down why the pull of the adventure wins every time over the wish of being okay with staying in one place.  It is these experiences that answer the question of why I cannot just settle down in one place. Because if I did that I would never, ever had experienced those amazing moments.



I need to remember my struggles with living in a wealthy part of town. I need to remember how the flashiness is so unappealing to me, so that when our family is one day on the financial level that these people appear to be that I can recall the disgust I felt at seeing people flaunt their excess and choose to use our money differently. Living in my community makes me realize how much I don't want to be in my community and therefore has motivated me to seek out new adventures on days that I would have maybe stayed home had I lived in a community that I felt more comfortable with.

Often times I think of life as a book. We are born and the story begins and we die and the story (here on earth anyway) ends. When I am reading a really good book I will sometimes rush through the pages in order to get through to the end to see what happens and then I will go back and read the book more slowly capturing all of the minute details that I missed when reading it the first time. I tend to live my life that way. I rush through each stage looking forward to see what is going to happen next, and then 'next' happens, but I am already on to what is beyond that. When you live your life that way you never really have a chance to capture and live the chapter of life you are on. Living life as an adventure has been a good practice for me in learning to live life in a way that allows me to embrace each new experience. I still struggle with wanting to rush through my life. Everyday, actually. But as I take the time to reflect on why our family has chosen the path of a nomadic lifestyle it has helped me to be able to breath here and there and to enjoy glimpses of where I am now. I still have a long way to go though before I can cure myself of anticipating what the next chapter of my life will bring.

Finally, I think that biggest thing for me to remember is that this adventure called my life is out of my hands. I am control freak and constantly struggle with the urge to control every aspect of everything all of the time. Remembering that my life is in God's hands and that God is in control helps me to relax a bit. (Even if only for a moment or two.) Living here in Portland has been hard for me for several reasons and I question whether this was the right move for our family. Being farther away from our Ohio family and friends than we were before has been a bit difficult to adjust to and also the financial aspect of us moving out here has been hard because it is so much more expensive to live than any other place we have ever been. In order to still be able to live the life that we want to live I had to go and get a part time job. Plus, the weather is turning gray here and I question whether I will be able to maintain my sanity with gray skies just about every day from now until April (or so the locals tell me). It is vital that I remember that this move here is only temporary, and that we will only be this far away from loved ones for a short while, and that I will only have to work part time while we live here. Most importantly, I need to keep my focus on God. God has a plan for my life. He is in control. He will not forsake me or leave me. He knows what he is doing. I just need to relax and remember that our life is all about the adventure and the experience. I need to remember to savor this time here despite some of the hardships I am facing because we will not be here forever. I want to make sure that we see and do as many things as we can around these parts because there is just so much to see and do.


I need to remember to breathe. I need to remember to relax. I need to remember to relinquish control. I need to remember that even though the way we live our life may not be normal or what the average family chooses to do that we are not the average family nor are we really all that normal. I need to remember that I only get one life to live. I cannot relive the story of my life to get a better feel of the details as I can a good book. I need to remember that its all about the experience, the adventure, and the perspective I choose to take regarding the life we are choosing to lead.