Gray Days

The house is quiet this morning. Two of the kids are still sleeping. One of them is out with his girlfriend, and another is with her dad at an indoor soccer game. As is tradition, after the indoor game is over, they will head to a local music store where they will look at instruments and dream of a time when wish list items can actually be purchased.

As I sit here and write there are chores that need to be done. I have been neglecting them as this dreary February weather always seems to pull me in any other direction except for what needs to be done. My 'to do' list gets longer and longer with each passing day as I find myself yearning for the warmth of the sun and the strength and inspiration it always seems to bring me.

February and March are the hardest months of the year for me. Even in the land of the sun, I found that there were a couple of weeks where I felt out of sorts and when I spoke of my feeling to a native Las Crucian (and self described "desert rat") she pointed out the month of the year. She felt out of sorts for a bit each February as well. Living in places where the sun doesn't shine as often only makes these early months of the new year all that much harder. Living in a land where the sun does not shine as often as in the desert those weeks of feeling a bit off turn into months. I find myself desperately seeking any glimmer of light that makes its way through the clouds no matter how strong the rays or for how long I feel its warmth.  I wonder if this is what an addict feels like? The desperation, the yearning, the seeking...

There was a time in my life when I didn't realize that my feelings were tied solely to the calendar. I thought I would feel this desperation for the light for ever. Now I know better, but it only eases the yearning slightly. The tunnel of darkness still appears incredibly long.

I know I am not alone in my thoughts as I knew of people in Ohio and Oregon who needed to feel the light of the sun as well. I am sure there are people in Indiana who impatiently await the passing of this time of year just like I do; although I have never had a conversation with anyone about it, so I can only guess at this. 

I am hoping that the busyness of life will help to pass the days of February and March. It certainly helped last year, and not just in those two months; the whole year seemed to fly by. If I am certain of anything, I know that time keeps marching on. I know that February will end and so will March. In the meantime I will take each day as it comes and give myself the grace I need to make it through to the end.