I (Bleeping) Did It!

Well, I can safely say, that with 2 days to go until my husband comes home from his 7 1/2 month assignment working in Chicago, that I (bleeping) did it! I have just endured  the hardest, most challenging, physically and mentally exhausting time of my life, AND I am still standing.

There were many, many times when I did not think that I would be able to make it through this challenge. Times when kid issues would spring up, or house issues, or just plain life would come at me, and I did not know how to handle the situation in question without my partner in crime by my side. There were times when I felt too weak to get through this tough time. Times when I felt that God did not know me very well because if he did he would have never asked ME to take on the challenge of parenting my children alone Sunday night through Friday evening week in and week out for 7 and a half months. Times when I wanted to scream and cry and yell at God for not talking me out of choosing to live this way to begin with. Times when I thought that allowing Bob to move away from us for this job assignment was the stupidest, most ridiculous thing we ever could have agreed to. Times when the opportunity cost seemed just too high.

But you know what? I DID IT!!! I made it through the tears and anger and frustration and self doubt. I made it through the tough times and the REALLY tough times. This has hands down been the most challenging time of my life, but it has also been extremely rewarding.

Without going through this I would have never pushed myself to the limits that I have, and would have never known just how much I could accomplish. I would have never learned to utilize my kids as I did, and would have never grown as close to them as I have without experiencing this crazy hardship. We became a team, my kids and I. A team that knows that we have each other's backs. It was a time when we put into practice all that Bob and I have been teaching them. A time when family not only should have been first, but needed to be first in order to survive. The 5 of us chipped in and helped each other out in our own ways to make all of our lives a little bit easier.

(Photo courtesy of: bing.com/images)

I am proud not only of myself, but also of my children. They also made it through a very hard time, and they came out with a better understanding of family, and what it means to be a part of one.

I learned so much while my husband was away. I learned that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. Stronger in every way: mentally, physically, emotionally. I learned that my family has always been important to me, but now I know the depths of that importance. I learned what we, Bob and I, are willing to do in the future to provide a better life for our children and what we are not willing to do in the future. I learned that everything happens for a reason, and that even if I do not know the reason right now, I will have all the answers I am looking for some point in the future. I learned that I am going to start living my truth every day - even if it is completely different  from what is considered "normal" or "right" by society's standards. I learned that I must trust my instincts. There are certain truths that I know in my soul to be right for me, and for my family. Often I have let others talk me out of those truths because the truths that speak loudest to me seem foreign to them and therefore make them uncomfortable - I will not allow that anymore.

If I lived near a mountain I would walk to the summit, and stand with my arms outstretched and my head leaned back and I would let out a fierce yell from the bottom of my belly.  A yell that comes from knowing that I am a strong, powerful, fierce, woman. I am a force to be reckoned with, and I (bleeping) did it!