So, Now What?

I am an obsessive thinker. Give me a topic and I will analyze it over and over until I have turned said topic into puddy, and turned myself into a crazy person (or more crazy than I already am). So, of course after hearing that Bob had not been selected for the NM job that we posted for my brain went into over drive. To make matters worse, since we decided not to share this journey with anyone I had no one to cry with, bounce ideas off of, etc. And with  Bob trying to finish up several projects before he comes home in 9 days his availability to me was very limited.

These are the thoughts that keep rattling around in my head (in no particular order):

- If my husband has such a great career ahead of him (as he has been told) why is he stagnant right now at a time when he is doing everything he can to not be?
-Are we ever going to get anywhere?
-Is the life that we are leading right now, career wise, all that he is ever going to be at his present company?
-Why, if he is so good at what he does, is he not moving up the food chain?
-What are we doing wrong?

Those thoughts lead into these thoughts:

-Maybe it is a good thing that this opportunity passed us by because it would have been too hard to try and pack everyone and everything up by myself.
-Maybe we are meant to have the tubal reversal surgery and that it why nothing has happened for us career wise. (I know this may sound crazy, but crazy is where I am at right now.)
-Maybe I am meant to go back to school to get my Master's Degree, and we are supposed to stay here.
-Maybe we are not meant to stay with his present employer.
-Maybe we are meant to do something radical - like have him leave corporate America for some other kind of occupation. (I have no idea what that would be).

Which finally lead into this thought pattern:

-Should we tell his employer that we are no longer mobile?
-Do I have the emotional strength to invest the time to researching a potential career opportunity's location over and over again - only to be told that he did not receive the job?
-What am I missing? We have done everything "right" according to corporate Amercia's standards. We have played by all of the rules. My husband went back to school and completed his MBA. It just doesn't seem fair, and I don't understand why nothing is making sense. If someone told him that he was not good at his job or was missing some intangible asset then all of this rejection would make sense,but that is not what he is being told at all! I don't like when things don't add up.

It is not all doom and gloom. There are many good things about staying here. We have family here and friends here that we care about very much. We have a cozy home.We are comfortable here. I guess I just want to feel settled. As of right now, we are still on the mobility list, so at any time we could post for something else or could be asked to post for something else. I just want to be settled - ya know?

So, I think that once Bob comes home we will need to chit chat about a few things. Our ambition has not left either of us. Maybe we just need to think outside the box. Or maybe, his career up to this point has been unrealistic.He has had a very smooth career with very little rejection. Maybe rejection is just a part of climbing up the corporate ladder, and that there is indeed something out there for him. Only time will tell.