My Deam Life

I have a blog post that  is just sitting in my 'Drafts' box waiting to go out, but it will have to wait until next week for various reasons. So instead, you will be presented with this post:

I waver back and forth between leading a "normal" life and my Utopian life. My normal life is that in which my kids and I are allowed more access to the TV, computer, Kindle, Ipod, etc...than necessary, eat crappy food loaded with hormones and chemicals, and have privileges that we do not need. In my Utopian life  there is very limited access to media, our food is whole, home made and organic - where I can pronounce the name of every ingredient that they are putting into their bodies, where we actually do things as a family - eat, play, hang out, and where life is simple.

I used to think that my wavering between these two lifestyles was a weakness - that I wasn't strong enough to stay living as close to my Utopian life as possible therefore I had failed not only myself, but my kids as well. I don't see it that way anymore - another positive bi-product of this crazy year of discovery I have been on, I suppose. I see my wavering as a sign of strength because even though I fall prey to the temptations and ease of "normal" life I always get back on track and go back to the ways of living which ring true to my heart. I have often said that I constantly feel like I am in a canoe trying to get upstream without any paddles. I feel the weight of being normal resting on my back trying to crush me and bring me to my knees - trying to force me to believe in the values and accepted practices of most of those around me.

The good news for me is that I have never really felt normal, not even growing up. I have always felt a bit odd and out of place, and I have, over time, learned that being normal isn't always a good thing. Slavery was once considered normal in the South - that definitely was not a good thing. Women were openly oppressed and considered second class citizens less than 100 years ago - that normal behavior wasn't a good thing either. Today I find it to be a normal practice for us to dumb ourselves down by allowing someone else (that someone usually being someone who makes money off of our lack of knowledge) to make our decisions for us. No longer do we make our own food - we buy the bread we eat, the vegetables, fruits, and dairy we consume come from some far off place usually laden with chemicals and fertilizers that their use in our food supply should be questionable at best. We no longer practice animal husbandry (in which the farmer respected the well-being of the animal it would eventually slaughter for human consumption), but rather animal science (in which huge corporations own the majority of livestock, and have absolutely no vested interest in the respect that the animal deserves.) We no longer consult mother nature on medical remedies that worked so well for hundreds of years instead we have placed our trust in pharmaceutical companies who profit from our illnesses. We no longer make our own clothes, rather we go to the store and buy a product made in a far away place. We allow the bright  and flashy colors of magazines, commercials, and such to sell us "happiness" when the only thing that consumption brings us is a bigger ball and chain to the life most of us consider "normal", and are subconsciously trying to hard to get away from.

If I could start over and live my life the way that my truth speaks loudest to me - I would buy a piece of property that had some land. I would raise a few chickens for eggs. I would grow a big vegetable garden and home school my kids (yes, I said the much feared word - home school!!!). I would have at least 2 more children, and live in a log cabin. I would be as self sustainable as I could be. I would teach my children to ALWAYS question what people tell you. I would live a simple life.

Unfortunately, all of that is not going to happen anytime soon. If I am going to move my children I am going to move them far away. Otherwise, I am keeping them in the community that they currently live in which to my knowledge has zero large tracts of land to purchase. I am not sure that the 2 more children thing would work either. For starters, I think my husband would have a heart attack if I mentioned this to him, and after having 4 c-sections I am not sure that my body could handle 2 more. I can grow that garden that I talked about, and actually plan on having a very small one this year.As for teaching my kids to always question things - we already do that. And home schooling my kids - we'll see. The state of our education system is a mess, but for now I am going to keep them where they are at.

I am learning to depend on myself more and more to be able to do the things that 100 years ago families did naturally. I am slowly learning to keep a house, and am defining what that means to me. One step at a time is all that I can take - one small decision to live my Utopian life at a time. I may not be able to live my dream life 100% of the way I would like to, but certainly I can come pretty darn close.