A Special Visitor

My mom has always been very vested in my kids lives. From the moment she knew that I was pregnant with Andy instead of freaking out as I was sort of expecting her to because his pregnancy was unexpected and less than ideal she embraced him with every bit of her being. From that point on she has made my children (and now my sister's children and my brother's child) her life. Lately, she has been hard on herself wondering if she was an outcast or seen in poor light because she focused so much on her grandchildren and their lives instead of investing her time in friendships and a life outside of them. I was shocked that she even had these thoughts because I thought that her investment would be so obvious to see, but perhaps it is not. Sometimes it is hard for all of us to see what is right in front of us, so I thought I would write a bit about how much my kids adore her and what she means to them and to us.

Bob and I learned early on that we could count on my mom to bend over backwards to help us out with childcare. On that rare night that Bob and I had the ability to go out on a date we knew that my mom would always take care of Andy (and then the other kids that followed). We knew that she loved being with them and that they weren't a burden to her. This meant the world to Bob and I as it provided a means of support that we so desperately needed as young parents.

My mom (and dad) have never had a ton of money, but because they chose to put their grandchildren first they had a lot of time. That is more valuable to children than money any day of the week. The time spent with my mom was spent playing, baking, taking walks, going to the park, playing games. You name it - my mom took the time to do it with my kids and by doing so she learned a lot about who they are as people.

By being so vested in their lives, over the years, she has learned each of my children's unique personality. She knows what each child likes and doesn't like. She knows the names of their friends and their interests. She values them. She always has.

When kids are little they don't pay too much attention to who they are spending their time with. They know they are with loved ones and they know they are happy, but children live so much in the moment that they do not spend their time calculating who has spent what time with them. But as kids grow they learn to look ahead and behind them and can add up memories and they begin to see who has been a part of them. For my kids it is my mom that makes up most of their memories.

Every soccer game she could attend, every play, every concert, every boy scout event, first horseback riding lessons, dance classes, award ceremonies - you name it. My mom has been there. And my kids know it - my boys especially. They have always known that their Nana loves them, not because of the things she bought them, but because of the time she has spent being a part of their lives. The boys always knew when she wasn't at a soccer game because they felt her absence. And they also knew that the only reason she wasn't at a game or an event was because she was at work. That was the only reason that she ever missed anything that they were involved in and often times she would try and change her schedule to accommodate their events. This has always meant a lot to them.

When Bob and I  knew that we were moving telling my mom was the hardest person to tell because we knew how much our kids meant to her. We knew that taking them far away would break her heart. But we also knew that she would remain involved in their lives no matter how far apart we are. And she has. She asks about every game, and when I can remember to do so, I text her the score and Andy's playtime as each game is going on. She sends packages and letters to the kids. She talks to them from time to time via Face time. They always look for her packages and when an unexpected box arrives on the doorstep their first guess is that the package is from Nana. And they are usually right.

When Andy was struggling with soccer this summer/fall she made it a point to send him a letter or two a week for many weeks encouraging and just letting him know that she was with him in spirit. He would get those letters and immediately steal away into his room to read them in private. I do not know what those notes said, but I do know that they meant an awful lot to Andy.

When Josh injured his knee she would ask about him every time I talked to her to make sure he was ok. She makes it a point to make sure that Sarah is feeling okay and knows very well the issues of an autoimmune disease as she herself has MS. She can relate to Sarah's symptoms in a way that no one else I know can and has a way of drawing information out of Sarah that I do not have the ability to do. She planted a garden with Elizabeth - buying both herself and Elizabeth matching gardens that they could paint and create together. She would send Elizabeth pictures of hers so that they could share something together even though they are 1700 miles apart.

When my mom booked her plane ticket to come down here months and months ago she began a countdown so that she knew exactly just how many days until she could see her grandkids again. That countdown is down to 9 days. In 9 days my kids will get to see one of their favorite people in the whole wide world. They get to be with someone who knows them through and through. They get to see a familiar face  that offers up only  love and support.

All my mom wants to do when she visits is just see the kids in their every day lives. So, I plan on taking Sarah to a horseback riding lesson and Elizabeth will show my mom her gymnastics moves. Andy has a soccer game and Josh will be traveling to Albuquerque to try out for a special soccer team. And we will take my mom to the zoo. All she wants is to spend time with her grandkids. To just be with them. And they know that. Although Elizabeth is still little and lives very much in the moment Andy, Josh, and even Sarah somewhat know that the someone who loves them and has invested her life in them is coming to see them - and they cannot wait.

Children are only small for a very little bit of time and then they grow. My mom knew that she would only have a small window of time to create the best and strongest ties with each of my children. By putting aside everything else and just being there for them as they have grown from babies, to toddlers, to kids, to adolescents, and now some of them - to teenagers  she has given them the best gift they could ever ask for: herself and her time. I cannot think of a better way to spend one's life.




9 more days! We cannot wait.