Worrying is a sin.
When I worry it tells God that I do not trust Him. It tells Him that I feel that I am best in control of my life and that I cannot allow anyone else to control it. When I worry it means that I think that I can do a better job at managing things than God can and therefore I alone must take care of my own affairs even when most of the things I worry about are out of my control.
In fact, I worry so much and it is such a big problem in my life that it is by far one of my biggest sins. Don't get me wrong I sin in countless other ways too, but worrying take the center stage of my sinful life and it has to stop.
Case in point: Bob received an email yesterday about a job opening. It is a job back in the town we just moved here from, but is not under the umbrella of offices that Bob works in right now and is in a department that he does not have much experience in. None-the-less he and I contemplated what that means for us. Did he receive the email because he supposed to apply for this job? Is he not supposed to apply for this job because his current job trajectory is going to keep him under the current umbrella of offices he is currently working for? Is it our duty to our children to apply solely based on the location of the job? Etc.. I have been worrying about this all day. What does this mean? Can't I stay here longer? If so, how much longer?
And truth be told - none of this is in my control. I cannot force my husband to apply for a job and I cannot force him to not apply for a job. On top of that, I believe that we are meant to live our lives on certain path that God has laid out for us so in that regard if we are meant to get that job we will somehow end up there and if we are not meant to get that job we will not end up there. So, I have been worrying and obsessing about something that I have no control over which has caused me to be a distracted mom today which is no good for my kids and no good for me.
I need to let it go. All of it. The job in question (or not in question). The wanting and worrying about people liking me and/or upsetting/offending people. About not being good enough in others eyes. All of the worry that I carry around with me all of the time makes me feel like an old lady. I am only 36 years young, but sometimes I feel like I am 100 because I let all of that worry weigh me down.
This isn't to say that I shouldn't be concerned about things. Or that I shouldn't take action in my life. What does mean though is that when I become upset or worried about something I should give up to God right there on the spot instead of obsessing about it. Because obsessing about it isn't going to change the outcome and isn't going to make the situation any different. It is just going to drive me crazy (and as a by-product those I love crazy).
God will take care of me. All of the time. It may not be in the way that I want Him to or the way that I think He should. But He will take care of me. He will take all of my problems and burdens and carry them for me...if I will just turn it over to Him. If I truly allow Him to take the reins in my life and give Him complete and utter control of my life worry should no longer be an issue for me.
I am a constant work in progress. I always will be. So, I am going to try really turn my worry over to God. It may mean for a while that it seems like I am constantly stopping my day to say a little prayer asking Him to relieve me of my burden, but do it I will. At the end of the day, worry takes me away from the present and focuses me on either the past or the future.It is inevitable that we will be moving at some point in the future. I cannot spend all of my time worrying about each email Bob receives. Because at some point, he will receive an email about a job that will take us away from here. I need to let God worry about my future and I need to just spend my time enjoying the fact that I am living in this heaven on earth called New Mexico.
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